Newbies Nest

[abcowboy]

Hello nesters! Just popping in quick today to acknowledge someone's calendar milestone. I haven't seen her post recently, but I'm sure she's still going strong in her quit, so...

Mstall on reaching 4 months of sobriety!

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Last week we were 84* with sun and today we are 42* and RAIN. Ok, who is messing with the Weather Machine again?

ADP, I must ask if you had all the AL out of your space? I really resisted this rule...saying that it was just there as a SAFETY NET. However, as long as it was there, I NEEDED it, or justified needing it. If your spouse still drinks, ask them to keep it out of YOUR space at least. We're glad you are back with us. Turn a switch in your mind that AL is NO longer an option. It helped me, at least.

Hope everyone is doing well, a little sparse in the nest lately! Check in with us and let us know you are ok!
Byrdie

[Overit-still]

Overit, aren't you coming up on a big milestone? I won't jinx it by saying it, but it rhymes with snerty snays.

Ha Ha! Yes, get ready to party! But since February was a short month, we have to wait.....

[Overit-still]

Not motivated for another long 6 days at work this week, wanna stay bundled up on the couch with my coffee, pout pout

[daisy45]

Day 1 for me again. Have not recovered from everything that has happened. Anxiety attacks are leaving me unable to function. I am not drinking a lot but anything is too much right now.
Really need to get my life and health back on track. Hard to believe that only 5 weeks ago everything was so good. I am shocked how much of a tolll mental stress can have on your body.
I am exhausted after the simplest of tasks, eating, speaking.....determined to help myself.

[Overit-still]

Daisy45-climb on up babe. I believe that G has the Velcro, LAV has some warm tea and I see birdie coming with a blanket. Say cozy, we'll keep you safe.

[KENSHO]

Hiya Nesters!

Frances, isn't it wonderful to feel GOOD about being a non-drinker? I find it something I am very proud to say - not ashamed. There will be other opportunities. It is funny how the early times I told people that I wasn't drinking feel different now. A few of them have spoken to me since then, and told me how much they admired what I was doing, yet at the time I was scared as hell to say it. The "what others think" issue is mostly in OUR heads.

Daisy, sorry you are feeling so anxious. Would it help to take one thing at a time? Keep it simple - feel good about what you DO accomplish - like not drinking. Feel FABULOUS if you don't drink that day, and then get through one thing at a time. Helps me when I feel that way.

Kudos Dutch!! I find that I don't laugh quite as much as I did when drinking, but I sure don't cry as much either - or wake up feeling horrible at 3am or fight with my husband or fall asleep reading to my kids... It is coming back a little at a time for me and the trade off is so worth it!

Keep up the good work everyone. This CAN be done! Get through the rough patches, and a much more manageable, even, rich and enjoyable life is waiting on the other side!

[LavenderBlue]

Dutch - I mean to tell you one of the crappy things I've missed out on because of drinking. A friend of mine got tickets to a comedian we both love. I drank before the show and during...but forgot to eat a real meal. By the end of the show I was in "I have to go find something to eat before I faint" mode...and we found out that he was signing autographs behind the building. Wound up missing a chance to meet him because of that and I barely remember the show at all. I'm glad you got through yours, and definitely after more time it should be much easier for you to go. Plus, now you've done it once so you KNOW you can do it again, yay you!

Lav - Thank you so much, we wound up getting about 7 inches here. And it's not been warm enough for that much snow to melt; as soon as I post here I've got to go finish shoveling the deck and sidewalks. Guess I don't have to worry about getting my exercise today, but the dog is sure going to be disappointed! (He's got a bad hind leg, if it's too cold or he's in the snow too long he limps so I don't really walk him then.) It will pass, but I sure could have done without. Hope it warms up soon where you're at!

ADP - Others already gave some great advice, there. I really didn't want to get my AL out of my space either, but I found that as long at it was still *there*, my brain would still toy with the option. Even if I didn't take the option, it was still one more thing to remind me and have to work past - and my brain didn't need any extra stress! Can you make a plan for what you'll do instead of drinking next time you feel that way? Might also help if you already know what you're planning on doing. So glad you're here in the Nest!

daisy - So sorry things are so hard. Anxiety is rough. What Kensho said was something that really helped me; for the first few months I tried not to even think about the other stress in my life, just focus on not drinking. I know that can be easier said than done, but you'll be able to handle the other things in your life so much better with a clear head. Stick close and so glad you're here in the Nest!

Good luck with the dentist, frances!

Here's hoping for NICE weather and great AF days for everyone! And now I better eat something and go finish that shoveling. *pouts*

[LilBit]

Hi Daisy and welcome to the soft, downy-filled nest. 'Nothing but coziness and encouragement, here. Deep breathing is a big help with the anxiety. Even 30 seconds can begin to help you unwind. Slowly inhale so that your chest and stomach expand, hold for a few seconds and then slowly exhale, contracting your stomach and chest. Think about Brad Pitt or whatever makes you happy. :happy2: Repeat.

[banana44]

Hi Nesters...I've been gone for a few weeks because I've been back out there again. Not a pleasant place to be. Please send me well-wishes or whatever. I'm hanging on by my fingernails in the meantime. AF one day today!

[Overit-still]

Banana44-get a good grip! We've got you! Hang on and just hang in there.

[jane27]

We attended a religious ceremony at the local Indian Temple for my hubs grandmother this morning. In my drinking days, having to go to the temple would result in rebellion "I-don't-wanna! (POUT, STOMP) -drinking". In today's case where the ceremony was at 10am, I probably would have started at 8. In my bag, Id carry a Poland spring bottle filled with vodka - or nips from the liquor store. No one would notice and there would be nothing remarkable about my behavior.

With a bit of distance from it, its hard to say which came first - habitual drinking or chronic anxiety, but ultimately I felt like I was swinging from & between socially uncomfortable situations or things I didn't want to do. Time spent not drinking was confined to the time between whenever I woke up and whenever I started again. For the last year of it, I started whenever I felt like it- no matter the day, the hour, or place.

The physical hook for AL was (IS) so strong, it reminds me of a giant rare earth magnet. Within a certain broad proximity, I will get sucked in, every time. The only way to ensure my safety is making recovery a daily part of my life.

When I did quit last January, it was a project "one day at a time" which is a very zen way of saying it was really hard. Sometimes I felt like I was starring in a one man vaudeville show (hey, look! Now we're gonna juggle!)- anything to get through the minute, the hour (another day gone by! Time to post on roll call!)...but somewhere around the 6 month mark, brain receptor reparation/renovation started to take place, and as of today, I can't remember a time when I felt as calm or stable.

I never expected that sobriety would make me calmer and more tolerant. When I got uncomfortable at the ceremony I just closed my eyes and dozed wakefully. My MIL (who's Mom passed away) knows that I quit drinking last January and she's quietly very proud and supportive of me for doing it. More than before, I think she understands that I was using alcohol to do a lot of things I didn't want to do before- to be 'on'. The majority of the time my level of buzz & drinking went totally unnoticed. I was warm & enthusiastic- I didn't slur or get caught behaving badly. I'm grateful that she seems to understand the price I was paying for that. Sometimes I have to do stuff I-don't-wanna! to do in order to support her. I do the best that I can, and I do it for her. There is a lot of room for improvement, but what I am doing, I am doing sober- and the more I do it, the less of a struggle it is.

6 months to 12 months is a challenging time; the physical cravings have chilled out, but you now have to deal with accruing life experience sober (while emotions you've long since forgotten or maybe never even knew) introduce themselves to you (like weird cousins), often with little warning. It feels clumsy, uncoordinated and out of tune, because it is; your brain isn't used to operating without alcohol, and you are not used to operating in a natural state. Alcohol made you able to micro-manage/ manufacture 3-4 moods which got you through most situations. At around the time I hit the 1 year mark, I noticed that the "weird cousins" (moods) weren't throwing me for a loop any more. Spending the time getting to know them was painful at times, but well worth it. I learned that even the crummiest mood of all doesn't last forever.

Sometimes Ill catch myself daydreaming about the 'good old days'....heightened senses, feeling wild & unbridled, passionate, energized, M O R E everything. Knowing that this feeling is just 3 shots of tequila away. The old me would get sucked in by the lure of how good it would feel. The wiser me shakes my head from side to side, no. I spent so many years descending into that dark pit; when I try to recall how it felt to be trapped down there, I cant tell if I'm screaming for help, or if I only think I'm screaming. Its such a far away place that its logical to assume no one would hear; With no one to talk to and only one solitary frame of reference, what would be the point of living to repeat the same day over and over again. Talk about a one way ticket to madness. 3 words, No Thank You.

Getting sober took all my focus. It was my subtle obsession. It has given me something I never had and badly needed, a core. I wouldn't have understood what that meant 15 months ago.

[LilBit]

Banana, pull up a twig. There's plenty of room, and you're in a good place. Try to drink some water or hot tea. There isn't a person here who hasn't been on Day 1 at least once. It's all about moving forward now.

[available]

Morning nesters.

I have the day off today, woo hoo and i am feeling the need for a mental health day for myself tomorrow as well. its nice to have sober days off instead of waking with a hangover and calling in sick.

Banana welcome back. whats your plan? Why did you drink last time? What was the setback? I found each time i drank, i avoided my support network like the plague (mwo) so i could justify myself to drink and i did not have to be accountable to a single soul. This made me feel less guilty when i did drink and i could justify it easier in my alky brain. I also did not get my children on board for support so even really before i began i set myself up to fail. I always had a "way out" if life became too much. Funny enough, life always became too much after a time.

Daisy, welcome back, what is different this time for you. You do so well then fall. Take the drink away and the anxiety lessens, believe me, i suffered horrendously at the end of my drinking career, hearing voices did it for me when i had an attack. I needed to drink to get rid of the anxiety to only wake up with it three times as bad the next day. As i said above we justify why we drink - stress, kids, work, family, animals, bills, relationships but al gives us no coping skills whatsover. Time away from al gives us coping skills. i could have quite happily (not really) poured al down my throat last week due to some distressing news with regards to Robert and my dog but i pulled out all my willpower, strength, determination and support. Exactly the same things i used when i first gave up drinking. I wanted to numb how i felt, i wanted to forget. But i could not let the ones that have given so much time in getting me to where i am, i could not let my children down, i could not let robert down, i could not let my dog down just to have a goddamn drink. Thankfully after 5 days my alkie brain left the building and life it now good.

Beachy also a happy 100 days girl, albiet belated, so proud of your achievement and love your posts. A wonderful achievement reaching triple digits! xx

[Byrdlady]

Great post, available. It's hard to BS us, because we did all this ,too! The saying goes, 'You can't BS a BS'er'.

Daisy, I want more than anything, for you to get better. It really hurts me to see you struggling...getting back into the ring, then getting knocked down. I know that no one walks in your shoes, but you've been at this a while, and from what I see, you are repeating the same mistakes...I did this, too! It was maddening. Have you considered getting additional help? Maybe an online forum isn't enough and you need some 3D help in person? I just hate to see you like this, you must be getting sick of it, too. Have you considered some professional help and get this monkey off your back once and for all? There is NO shame in seeking and getting help. I wish you the best.

Welcome back banana! Lil Bit is so right, none of us got this the first time, but hopefully this will be your last Day 1. Settle in! Don't get off that perch no matter what!
Byrdie