Newbies Nest

[daisy45]

Byrdie, thanks. I knew what you meant. Just not ready to come out on paper.....could affect other things in my life. I know I have been cutting it very fine and am scared......I have to give it another go here.
Obviously I need to really accept that it is over.....I believe the choice has been taken from me. I am not drinking right now...I always, even when drinking, know it is poison.
I have had scares before....this is the worst. I needed to be physically and mentally well and fell apart.
This situation came from outside sources.....my mistake was adding alcohol.
Why did I? I cared more about the other peoples problems and what was happening to them than I did about myself. I lost all reason somewhere along the line. If there is help to be got in staying stronger mentally and saying no to others in order that I get sober and healthy and happy, then I will take it.
For now, I need to be here and work harder than before. I have never had a bigger eye-opener in my life.

[KENSHO]

Daisy, sorry to hear about the hard things you are facing. Byrdie is saying some pretty strong stuff to you. It seems like a pretty important time to do what it takes to choose life over the alternative. Alcohol is the problem. Sending hugs and support.

Overit, so sorry for the news about your mom. Alcohol will only make things worse - stay strong, and ((hugs)) to you.

I'm turning in early for the night, as I'm so much happier when I get sleep.

[available]

Overit, happy 30 days, a great day for you and one you should be very proud of. I am so sorry about your mum, the pain must be great for you but stay strong, al will not solve anything at the end of the day.

Pav so happy you are back, waiting for the update.

Oh Byrd, when my dr asked me how much i drank i said "6 a week", i did not mention if that was glasses or bottles but it was a lie as 6 bottles covered 3 days of drinking.

Daisy we all have our bottom and i hope this is yours. i know my bottom was constant blackouts, hearing voices and horrendous anxiety just to name a few. Only you can stop drinking and be serious about it, we can only be your support to offer help when needed. i always wished someone would stop drinking for me as i didnt want to put in the hard yards and effort but i realised in a moment of clarity that it was only me that could stop the madness that was my life and ask for help and take it.

Matt, Matt, Matt, so glad you posted. The emotions when we give up drinking can hit us in the face somedays. Dealing with them sober is a pain in the arse but its doable if we dont overwhelm ourselves. Take one day at a time as you are my friend and it will be okay. If you drink it wont be okay and it is so good that you realise this. you are solid in your determination Matt.

My mental health day turned into me actually being sick. Throat infection, damn wanting a sicky and actually being unwell. I had a small dinner party last night for a man i am seeing and my children. I hate cooking but managed to pull it off with aplomb i must say, well the man is still around. its actually nice after 7 years of being drunk and single to finding someone who i like and tolerate, not sure if he can tolerate me though. They all drank and i had iced tea in a wine glass, i had no inclination or desire to drink and everyone said how proud they were of me. Even after 15 months its wonderful to be praised of my achievement in keeping sober. Today is a sober happy day in Linda land.

[Pavati]

Hiya Nest:

WHOOT to you, Overit. Amazing achievement. I am so sorry about your mom - that must be hard. The best thing will be to see her through her struggles with a clear head...

Daisy - Like I said, I am glad you're back. As the Bubble Hour hosts are fond of saying - you will lose anything you put before your quit. The quit has to be number one in order to save yourself and those you are trying to help. Stick close with us.

Matt - Happy to see you posting here. I understand about the keeping busy, too. I have been working hard this year to slow down, say no, and take some time for myself. I think it is absolutely necessary for long term sobriety. I feel like you have such a great perspective on yourself and know when to call BS on yourself. I think that will go a long way.

Kensho - I can relate to your post! I can't believe the things I did at work with gigantic hangovers. It is unbelievable how much compensating I was doing to hide it all. I have much more confidence now, too, now that it feels authentic.

Ava - Glad your dinner went well. I am about to meet my FiL's new girlfriend. The whole meet the family thing is a little weird. I hope your kids treated you (and him) right...

Lil - good luck in that competition!

I checked in this morning because I had a drinking dream last night. I had a glass of wine (not my usual drink of choice) without even thinking about it, and then someone poured me another. I poured some of it into my friends' glasses and then realized that I really shouldn't be drinking. The thing that scared me the most about the dream was my apparent lack of concern about it all. That was my first drinking dream where it seemed OK to drink. That scared me much more than the drinking dreams in which I was terrified. I am taking it as a sign that I left my group for too long! I was away and very busy in situations with A LOT of drinking, and staying where we had no wifi, so I didn't read or post here. I will remember that dream and make sure I take time when possible to check in.

OK - I'm off to bed. Happy to be back among my peeps.

[BeachGirly]

Over- It - What an emotional day for you. The high of celebrating your 30 days and the low of your Moms news. Hugs for both!!!

Daisy - Day 2 is great -- stick with it - sounds like Byrdie has some good advice.

Ava has a boyfriend, Ava has a boyfriend... sorry, just had to sing that. I am happy you had a wonderful evening with your friend and the kids!!!

Welcome back Pav. That is interesting about your dream and very good insight you had. Thanks for sharing that. Good to know for all of us BUSY people that miss a day or two here...

Hi to all the gang. Great to read your posts.

BG

[LavenderBlue]

Checking in quick and for much shorter than normal. Pushed it a little too far shoveling yesterday, seemed ok at the time but this morning other than normal aches my left wrist is twinging anytime I twist it. I'm ok - I have cranky wrists in general and can tell I didn't injure it seriously - but it means I have to be good and not type novels.

Love and support at everyone though, even if I can't type much I'm reading everything and hoping for the best for everyone here!

[frances]

Morning everyone! Tooth extraction went fine and the pain isn't too bad today - I can't complain. Funny how with so many things the psychological aspect of just thinking about what it will be like is way worse than the thing itself. Just like quitting drinking - the negative thoughts and fear about doing it are always much worse than actually quitting is (which, of course, is a wonderful thing that not one person ever has regrets about doing!).

Wishing all a great and sober day.

[Guitarista]

Hi Overit.

I have just read back and saw your post about your mum. I am sorry to hear this sad news. I'm sure she will be proud to know you are 30 days sober. We all are, as this is a huge achievement friend.

Hey Daisy. Sounds like a rough time for you too my friend. Good to see you staying connected here. Take care and hope you feel better real soon.

Take care everyone. G

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Hump day!

Welcome back Pav! Those drinking dreams are freaky little reminders & I think of them as gifts from the universe

frances, I'm glad to hear the extraction went well!

LavBlue, I seriously hope the snow shoveling season is over now - enough!!!

I have a busy day ahead. I will be watching a grandson for a few hours this morning then meeting some old friends for lunch. After all that I need to bake a huge virtual cake to share with MWO to celebrate my 6 year AF anniversary tomorrow!!!! :yay:

Stay on plan everyone - you can do this!!!

Lav

[daisy45]

Day 3 and feeling better. Can actually feel the toxins leaving.
I try to stay positive no matter what. Once I get past these few days I will see how things really are physically. I am going to stay on the meds which should help as I start out AF again.
I do feel I have hit my rock bottom.....last night I prayed so hard and felt like I was heard....today is the best since all this started. I am doing everything I can to eliminate any stress trigggers.
I have obviously a build-up of damage over the years of drinking.....
It is so true that you need to be selfish in your commitment to being and staying sober.
This is my time and I know my family support it. I have become a lot more vocal in the wider family and friends that I need and want to be sober. I am finding I care less and less about people knowing.

[Mstall]

Hi there nest! Just checking in, i've just passed the 4 month mark and for the last couple of weeks been feeling weak in sobriety and smoke quit. I haven't drank or smoked but just seem to be going through a rough patch.

Going to Dallas for my nephews wedding on Saturday until Wednesday. I'm hoping that will lift me out of this funk i'm in.

Stay strong everyone and make good choices.

Congrats over it on 30 days!! Daisy - 3 days is excellent! you sound like you are in a good place, happy to hear it!

[LilBit]

Day 3 and feeling better. Can actually feel the toxins leaving.
It is so true that you need to be selfish in your commitment to being and staying sober.
This is my time and I know my family support it. I have become a lot more vocal in the wider family and friends that I need and want to be sober. I am finding I care less and less about people knowing.

Daisy, good for you. I think it's more "self-prioritized" than selfish. Your quitting is not hurting anyone in the long run. It's good for you and all those around you. This analogy always helps me: on an airplane in the event of cabin pressure loss, they tell you to first put on your oxygen mask and then place the mask on the child next to you. It's a matter of survival, and you can't help your loved ones if you're passed out.

Keep it up, and keep praying. You don't have to pray hard to be heard. He hears every little whisper, even (especially) the ones you barely dare to utter.

[Dutch1988]

Congrats Daisy, hang in there and stay positive. I know working on my positive mental attitude has helped a lot with quitting, it's also easier now that I don't drink and get a case of the f it's.

OverIt I am really sorry to hear about your mom. Please hang in there.

IMy backs been really bothering me in the mornings. I know it's got to be a bulging disc because it makes me cringe whenever I cough. I've been taking somw leftover Vicodin but think I'm going to have to stop because I feel that same dependence I had with alcohol. I don't want to trade one addiction for another, and I know I don't have enough to get addicted but I just don't like that feeling of dependence. Anybody know what I mean?

[KENSHO]

Good morning! We have snowflakes the size of half dollars falling here! Lovely, and makes me feel warm and calm. Glad I have a work at home day - I can cozy up and relax a bit.

I just walked the dog and was thinking about alcohol. My relationship with it has changed so much in the past year. I was walking and remembering how I used to feel in the mornings - like I had ONCE AGAIN cheated on my wish to stop drinking - once again failed. But what the heck, today was a new day - but I ended up drinking that day too. Every morning I would fight back the nausea and brain fog - but I got good at it because it was my normal. In fact, I got really good at "tolerating" the harmful effects of drinking because I had forgotten what it felt like not to drink. What a useless expense of energy!

As I walked I realized how free I now feel - free of the feeling of failure, free of the physical sickness, free of the near-constant thinking about alcohol. I have replaced those things with a greater closeness with my children and husband, better performance at work, a much higher self-esteem, and a variety of enjoyable hobbies that I didn't have the time or sobriety to undertake.

The thing is that now, sobriety now is my new normal - a habit. Just like drinking was a habit, now NOT drinking is the way it is - the path of least resistance. It is easier NOT to drink than to drink. (isn't that awesome?!)

To anyone struggling out there, you can arrive at this place too. Your brain has been tricked into believing that alcohol is necessary for your survival. You have to develop distractions and other coping mechanisms to beat back the desire to drink for long enough until it becomes your new habit. Then it is much, much easier. It won't always be as hard as it is in the first few weeks.

With that said, I did have drinking thoughts last night. I was tired, burned out with my schedule, and wanting some dopamine surges of some kind. I said to myself, you don't want to go back to that dark place, and you know how to NOT partake... find something else to do. Then I made myself a non-AL drink, focused on my kids conversation really intently (what they were saying, how they were feeling - even how they formed their words). These distractions, along with the confidence that I had successfully done this so many times before - and POOF, the thoughts were gone.

THIS CAN BE DONE!!! I promise! And when you arrive on the other side, you will have so much more of a fulfilling life and feel so good about yourself, and be so much more able to help others. Keep at it, and decide to never drink again - then distract and take deep breaths and don't drink for THAT day - repeat. You will get there!

[Overit-still]

Good morning nesters.:checkin:

Thanks for all the well wishes on my 30 days and my mom yesterday. Nope, no drinking thoughts here. None whatsoever. 1) it's just not even an option 2) I have so much to get done 3) the thought just really repulses me. We keep saying "play the scenario out in your mind" but truly I can't even visualize me with a bottle in my hand. It's just disgusting. I hope that train of thought continues.

Regarding my mother, I'm confident in her faith and her salvation that through my tears, I can smile knowing what is awaiting her shortly.

Anyway, so much to do. I hope everyone has a great day because I am going to. :02.47-tranquillity: