Newbies Nest

[Overit-still]

Good morning nesters! Got to bed sober, woke up GSR free, got my workout in, ate, off to work! Happy Holidays. Gotta run!

[LilBit]

Thanks, Pav and G!

'Got up at 5 this morning to see the blood moon and do an early skate. It felt SO great not to be thinking, "I'll feel better after I sweat out all the AL from my system." Had an epic training session right from the start, instead.

Lav, YES to the rain. Boy, do we need it out here.

BL, I so admire your cake-making talent. Mine come out looking like oversized psychotic Twinkies. I would steer clear of the Bridezillas, for sure, but making a mega-cake sounds like fun.

Today is house cleaning day. No matter how much I clean, I still manage to find "tumbleweeds" behind the sofa or in the bedroom corner because my dog sheds more than any three dogs I've ever had. When he walks in the sunshine, Joe looks like Pigpen in the Peanuts comics, with a cloud swirling around him.

Tomorrow is challenging -- Easter brunch out with my fiance's mom. She's one of those negative people who loves a captive audience for a hearty gripe session. I'm pretty adept at steering conversations but she somehow manages to refocus everything on her perceived problems, no matter how far the subject strays from them. I used to deal with it "guess how" but now I may just have to go somewhere else in my head. Reminding myself that bottomless mimosas = bottomless pit.

Happy Saturday, Nesters! Hope you're all enjoying the day.

[Hypernova]

Phew, day 18 & I am hanging in. I surely am a wee bit depressed. Low energy, negative outlook & sleeping w/o feeling refreshed. Classic I suppose. Drinking would lift my spirits instantly but I don't want to drink. It would just end me back here on Day 1 again somewhere down the road wondering why. The problem is that drinking is so pervasive and eventually I always seem to give in. I want change and drinking stifles everything life offers. I have read several posts lately that make checking in here daily imperative if you want to make your quit stick. So I will hang in & do just that. No room for complacency and sitting in the comfort of my own space (IMHO) sure beats sitting in front of strangers drinking coffee and berating myself. I prize my freedom. With alcohol in my life my freedom is marginal at best. I can feel some anxiety lifting as I sit here typing. Hangin ODAT! Thanks to everyone for their intelligent and helpful posts.

[LilBit]

OK, Overit. 18 years with IBM turned me into an acronym hack, but I am stumped. You woke up "GSR" free = ???

Gyrating Spinning Room
Guinness Stout Runoff
Got Some Rings (under my eyes)
God-awful Serious Runs... No, no. Not the doggy trots stories again!

What's GSR?

[abcowboy]

Hello nesters near and far! It’s great to be alive, be sober, and on this Easter weekend, be thankful for everything we have. A relaxing weekend for Bubba and I, and a weekend for me to look back on the changes that I have made in my life. I read the AA Daily Reflection this morning and then did some reading in the Big Book. When I read this passage, A good description of the definition of an alcoholic is, ‘An egomaniac with an inferiority complex', it really struck home with me and how I used to think of myself.

On reflection of this, I realize that much of my time, spent in my alcoholic, delusional drinking days, I lived in a fantasyland of imagined, self-serving, patronising superiority. Which in reality serves no one, least of all myself. In recovery now, taking it one day at a time, I find once I stop massaging my ego and start massaging my recovery, both the egomania and inferiority complex disappear with the appearance of an element, not always perfect, of a degree of clarity of mind. Enabling me to seek credibility in all people, including myself and things.

In the belief that recovery, in itself is a 'selfish program', if I'm not sober how can I help anyone else? Now I have stopped fighting everyone, including myself and everything around me, I find I have a whole new way of looking at things. Regrettably, albeit rarely, I come across people who wander around in life living in the same fantasyland of imagined, self-serving, patronising superiority, that I once did. Those who invariably can’t 'walk the walk' but can 'talk the talk' as I realise in my delusional, alcoholic state, I once did. To them and those like them, I can only suggest first looking at themselves, and their honesty, and learn to live the old saying, ‘to thine own self be true’ which, from my experience, also gets rid of the egomania and an inferiority complex. After all, especially in both recovery and in life itself, ridding yourself of ego to be replaced by humility is the first step towards leading a safe, sane, sober existence.
On Easter weekend, a time of deep reflection for me, I know that my ego is nothing more than a projection of what AL wants me to believe about myself, that by leaving my ego behind, I’m leaving AL behind, and I open myself up to humility and gratitude. Living in your ego, like alcoholism itself, simply means you're living in the problem not the solution. At the same time, failing others and more importantly, failing yourself... Maybe it’s time to stop failing, and take the steps necessary to become a winner.

Have a Happy Easter everyone, may we all learn to leave our ego's behind us....

[Overit-still]

GUILT SHAME REMORSE brothers

no I did not make that up, it's all over here, don't know who to credit, but you did make me laugh, thanks

[Matt M.]

Checking in on the fly, in between multiple kids baseball games. Not looking forward to having to work Tomorrow and Monday( which is 48 hours in my profession) my regular shift tomorrow and then filling in for someone Monday. Oh well it could be worse. Not sure how?

Hypernova~ if someone could bottle and sale the early quit, symptoms and side affects, and take a dose before going back out, there wouldn't be many "another day one" thread starting. My how we forget that Hell on earth party.

Cowboy~ You sound well, glad to see you around.

Stay Hard freaks!

[MossRose]

Hi everyone. Just grateful that all is calm. Tomorrow, being a family holiday, that could change the dynamic, so I'm thankful for today. LOL. Hypernova - I am not a Pollyyanna. I'm a realist. And I promise you that things will get better. The early days suck. Period. But then one day, it all starts to make sense. You realize that the discomfort was worth it. Hang in there. You've got a good amount of time, and it's a short jump to happiness. Let it happen. xx

[available]

morning nesters and happy easter. Daylight savings finished in Aus today so i was awake early and sooooo grateful to have not experienced the GSR's for ages.

I agree with MR there on what she said Hyper, and also you stating to check in here daily. When i stopped i could not stand myself. All my brain wanted to do was talk me into drinking and damn it was persuasive. It was like a toddler pulling every trick in the book out to try and make me drink. I never want those days again.

i so appreciate the advice on my poppy dog lavb and NP. i started her on pumpkin again and i also started her on Losec which the vet recommended as the high dose of steroids she is on could cause stomach issues. i am not sure if the products you mentioned are here in Aus but i will go to the chemist today and get some probiotiocs. One POO last night woo hoo, we are winning the war and she ate up a storm this morning. Both my dogs only eat rice and chicken as my elder dog has pancreatitis. Looks like no more poo stories from me! This is what i love about mwo, not only do i get advice about not drinking it get a wealth of other information also.

I managed some quiet time yesterday and watched "Still Alice". A beautiful movie about a woman diagnosed with early onset alzheimers. Worth a watch and have a bunch of tissues handy.

2 weeks till Thailand, may do some packing today, i was thinking of cleaning the house but no point when i am leaving 2 boys in it.

Hope you are all enjoying your sober weekends and Matt stop working so much and smell the roses!

[Dutch1988]

Just checking in real fast, good business presentation and events today and looking forward to an Easter at my parents if it's cool with the wife. Really enjoyed reading everyone's days and i stand but everyone in checking in here is so important. I never leave the forum after reading how everyone's lives have improved or are improving or still working on improving because from alcohol. It's such a good reminder. Next week I do an all day camp and my regular job so it'll be tricky not gettin overly stressed. Also have a performance the following Sunday and entered myself in a grappling tournament the week after that so I guess I've decided that without AL I'm superman. Have a good Easter everyone!

[NewLife!]

I'm 34 years old and have 3 DUI's, now I have to have the interlock device installed in my vehicle...SOOO EMBARRASSING! I'm single, and can now imagine I will be for the next 3 years...who wants to date someone with the interlock in their car?! I do not even want to admit it! My father is an alcoholic, it runs in my family. My mom's brother is also an alcoholic, so I get it from both sides! :-( I am so jealous of my older sister who does not suffer...I should be so grateful, I have the most loving and supportive family, who has never turned their backs or judged me, in fact, they all have helped me through my DUI's and all the problems they have caused me with compassion and love. I am a functioning alcoholic, with great career accomplishments. Alcohol is what I turn to in times of stress, loneliness, boredom, etc. I do not drink at work or miss work, although I often work with horrible hangovers. Something HAS to change now, because I can not drink at night and expect to start my car in the morning...I will fail the interlock test, not be able to drive, get kicked of the program and that cancels my license...UGGGH!!!! I recently moved out of state and know very few people, all of my family still lives back home. I also recently decided to go back to school, which is going great...I'm loving it! Alcoholism is so frustrating! I have great times that I don't drink and am fine with it, but I always seam to circle back. I have, I'm sure like all of us, ruined relationships and friendship, which is so disappointing...but for some reason, not enough to make me completely walk away from drinking. I do not want to be an alcoholic, I want to be able to be a social drinker...sometimes I rock it....sometimes I fail miserably :-( I'm not sure what I am looking for, but I am happy to have found this site to connect with others that struggle as I do. I absolutely HATE AA...attending those meetings only makes me want to drink more! I appreciate everyone's support, and will always be available to anyone seeking support!

[LilBit]

Welcome NewLife. Pull up a twig, it's cozy here in the nest. All of us have had struggles of one kind or another, and you are welcome here.

[Matt M.]

I'm 34 years old and have 3 DUI's, now I have to have the interlock device installed in my vehicle...SOOO EMBARRASSING! I'm single, and can now imagine I will be for the next 3 years...who wants to date someone with the interlock in their car?! I do not even want to admit it! My father is an alcoholic, it runs in my family. My mom's brother is also an alcoholic, so I get it from both sides! :-( I am so jealous of my older sister who does not suffer...I should be so grateful, I have the most loving and supportive family, who has never turned their backs or judged me, in fact, they all have helped me through my DUI's and all the problems they have caused me with compassion and love. I am a functioning alcoholic, with great career accomplishments. Alcohol is what I turn to in times of stress, loneliness, boredom, etc. I do not drink at work or miss work, although I often work with horrible hangovers. Something HAS to change now, because I can not drink at night and expect to start my car in the morning...I will fail the interlock test, not be able to drive, get kicked of the program and that cancels my license...UGGGH!!!! I recently moved out of state and know very few people, all of my family still lives back home. I also recently decided to go back to school, which is going great...I'm loving it! Alcoholism is so frustrating! I have great times that I don't drink and am fine with it, but I always seam to circle back. I have, I'm sure like all of us, ruined relationships and friendship, which is so disappointing...but for some reason, not enough to make me completely walk away from drinking. I do not want to be an alcoholic, I want to be able to be a social drinker...sometimes I rock it....sometimes I fail miserably :-( I'm not sure what I am looking for, but I am happy to have found this site to connect with others that struggle as I do. I absolutely HATE AA...attending those meetings only makes me want to drink more! I appreciate everyone's support, and will always be available to anyone seeking support!

[/QUOTE]


NewLife- Welcome and I'm glad you found us. I would like to point out a few things in your post that stuck out to me and confused me a little as well. My goal here is to not belittle you or come across as condescending, When I stumbled in these rooms, I was fortunate enough to have people do the same for me.

I am a functioning alcoholic, with great career accomplishments

I'm 34 years old and have 3 DUI's, now I have to have the interlock device installed

My father is an alcoholic, it runs in my family

I do not want to be an alcoholic, I want to be able to be a social drinker...sometimes I rock it....sometimes I fail miserably

I have great times that I don't drink and am fine with it, but I always seam to circle back. I have, I'm sure like all of us, ruined relationships and friendship, which is so disappointing...but for some reason, not enough to make me completely walk away from drinking.

I was lucky enough to not get a DUI, but I said, stated or done everything you stated above. I am not a mental health professional or can I or will I diagnose someone as an Alcoholic. From what I selected above there is definitely an issue with your ability to control your drinking. I am confused with "functioning alcoholic" " I want to be able to be a social drinker...sometimes I rock it" followed with "3 DUI's and a interlock device on my vehicle" Personally I would not consider that functioning or successful "social drinking" my opinion only.

None of us want to be alcoholics and ALL of us have longed to moderate and "drink socially or normally" I may very well hold the record for ways to moderate.
Do you think your an alcoholic? At some points in your post it sounds like you are claiming defeat to alcohol, then other parts sounds like you believe there may be a way to control this. You stated you are not sure what you are looking for? Im not totally sure what you are looking for either. You did make the effort to find this site and reach out. My question for you is this: Which direction do you want to take? Do you want to continue the life of insanity - repeating the same steps over and over again, and expecting different results?

Again I am not trying to embarrass you or steer you away, I would love to help in anyway I can.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Bed time but just wanted to check in & wish everyone a safe night in the nest. Sounds like everyone is doing great on this holiday weekend

Hello & welcome NewLife!
Glad you found us & decided to join in the fun. Alcoholism is no fun & learning to live a healthy & sober life on your own is difficult. You'll find people in all stages of their quits here. Read through the thread & see for yourself. Make sure to look through the Tool box to get some great ideas to put a plan together. A solid commitment & a good working plan will help you reach your goals. Wishing you could be a 'normal drinker' at this stage probably should not be part of your plan but that's up to you to decide. Why not make an initial goal of going 30 days without AL then see how you feel?

Wishing everyone a peaceful night!

Lav

[MossRose]

Hi NewLife and welcome. You have to make a choice now. What do you want your future to look like? Based on your story, I would say that moderating is off the table. It is for most everyone here. It's a brutal truth. If we could control our AL intake, we wouldn't be posting on MWO. Social drinkers don't think in those terms. If you have to count, it's probably not a good idea.

I have a problem with the phrase..."functioning alcoholic." I used that label as an excuse for decades myself. But truthfully - it's an oxymoron. There's no such thing. Three DUI's are very telling. Try looking at the interlock as a good thing. Now you are assured that you can't drive while intoxicated. My friend's husband has had one on his vehicle for almost 10 years. He could have had it removed many years ago, but he leaves it there (and pays the fee) to insure that he won't do anything stupid. It's like an insurance policy for him. You don't want to experience jail. I used to work in the courts and I saw it all the time. Good people who were "functioning alcoholics" who had jobs, families, etc...but had driven drunk one too many times and it caught up with them. Please be careful.

I am not trying to be harsh. Just honest. It sound like you are dealing with some loneliness issues. That's what we are here for, friend. Check in often. Stay with us. I promise you, life is better on the other side. We're not AA - just a group of people who are rooting for you. All you have to do is have a desire to get there. We'll stand by you every step of the way.

Take good care of yourself and hope to get to know you better.