Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Seeing the sun shine makes everything better! Spring has sprung.

Pav, I tried to post some pictures of my cakes but I can't seem to figure it out...We even have an icon above to make it easy, but alas. Maybe my files are too big?

Welcome back, all. Make this your last and final quit, and you will be so glad you did.

Hope everyone has a wonderful and peaceful week! Byrdie

[A new page]

And now there are five of you all sharing the same Day 1, I can't think of a better situation to have all the support you need to make this your last quit. Lean on each other when you need it, make a commitment to each other to get through this together, and be there for each other.. Start your own thread, go there everyday, without excuse, and check in with each other! I'm sure that the rest of us will leave your thread just to you five, but share with the rest of us your struggles and triumphs on the normal threads, we will be here to help and support as well!

That is a really great idea! If you 5 can band together and support each other, it will improve your chance of success immensely!
I WISH I had a group of "quit partners" !! There is such strength in numbers.......:thumbsup:

[LilBit]

Happy Monday, All.

Yes, it seems to have been a tough weekend but good for everyone for winding up here. First Easter sober for me in a long time. I remember going to a drunken Easter picnic a few years back. My fiance took photos of me lying on the blanket in what I thought were sexy poses. When I saw the images the next day, it was a shocker -- I was flabby & pasty-white from living indoors with the curtains drawn, with puffy eyes that had raccoon mascara rings under them. My 'sexy' poses looked like George Castanza on a red velvet sofa. 'In short, I was not something you'd take home to mother, LOL.

Take heart, "Quituplets" and other quitter/beginners. Easter is a very cool day to have as a quit day, even if it's not your religious persuasion. It's all about rebirth and starting again with a pristine clean slate. Relish this chance. As the G Man wisely said, "Living sober is bad ass!"

[Fin]

Maybe you could think about (and even share):

What went wrong?

Complacency. Apathy set in. Then, the trip where it was an effort to log in here. Booze everywhere and free. I was on "vacation" and had a few beers. I didn't go totally nuts, but I broke the vow. Even though I feel my drinking was in control, it was still too much of a struggle, or on my mind too much. That's what I loath the most...the wasted mental cycles spent fighting the compulsion, or feeling guilty, etc, etc.

How can I avoid that trap in the future?

I don't really know. Available made herself log in here EVERY day from Thailand. I know that when I do log in, there's that sense of accountability. That's why I created Roll Call in the first place. I suspect that the #1 thing I need to do differently it to make 100% sure I stay connected with you guys and I mean every single day. I will make that commitment to you.

Which tools worked for me and which didn't?

Roll Call works. Reaching out to you guys works. I've tested both. What doesn't work is putting one's guard down, ever. It was amazing how quickly my mind let the AL back in during a single moment of weakness where I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

What am I going to add to my plan so I can succeed?

I am going to commit to MWO every single day, but I can already see a problem with that. Specifically, I have another major river trip coming up at the end of May where there's no internet, but I'll take a log with me. In fact, I log all my mandolin practice in one of those old school composition books. I think I'll start a quit journal / log as well that can go anywhere, especially the backcountry. I will fill it with inspiring quotes and wisdom shared here. Yes. That's what I will do differently. I will write down the phone numbers of people who have offered them to me. It will become my new, long term project.

[daisy45]

Hi folks,

Daisy, one thing struck me in your post so I hope you don't mind me throwing my tuppence worth in. I know from some of your earlier posts that you're going through an unimaginably difficult time right now. Your recent post sounds like quitting alcohol is another unpleasant thing that you have to do, another chore for what looks like a really tough list. Maybe think of sobriety as the single act of kindness to yourself which is under your control? Each night on the way to bed a lot of things will happen that are not in your control, that you have to deal with. Giving yourself just 1 thing that allows a feeling of success might help restore a feeling of control or self-determination?

All my best wishes to you
SFx

Thanks so much for this SF. You hit the nail on the head. Another problem on top of too many already.
You have helped me so much with this post....change the thinking! I feel grateful today that I never have to feel as bad as I did yesterday.
I was feeling good in the last quit, but looking back now, there were thoughts creeping in where I should have upped my game even though I wasn't drinking, because I would then have been stronger for when the shit hit the fan for me. I couldn't care less about whether I drank or not when I did because right then everything else was falling apart.....I didn't care about myself.
When things are going well I don't check in as much and left myself unprepared.
I have had my last drink. It was not worth it!

[Hypernova]

I find the same thing to be true Fin. Complacency and just drifting & thinking things will work out if you ask me lead to finding myself at day 1 again. Personally if don't put in the effort and then take it on the chin I am the one who must suffer. Disease is suffering. Tired of suffering. Like everyone around here says put in enough time/effort and it becomes much more manageable. I quit smoking 25 or so years ago and if I ask myself why did I ever smoke I haven't the faintest idea. Initially it took many Day 1's and now I just don't smoke and find the idea wasteful of my resources including most importantly my health. Cigarettes used to be so 'acceptable' and everybody it seemed smoked. Now everywhere I look people are drinking, some to the point of oblivion, and it is seen in by many as part of life. Perception is everything. I want to truly enjoy the best health I can and drinking is the enemy. ~~ I find the same as you that isolation away form like minded people to be trouble. Vacations are my downfall. I have a family reunion/vacation coming in June and know a lot of drinking will be going on. I have 2 mos. to prepare my plan. ~ Anyway Fin on to Day 2 & don't let complacency stand in the way. Put in the effort you are worth it.

[NoSugar]

If an online forum is going to be your main tool, you've got to use it in the ways it can be used - by actively reading and posting regularly.

A key for me has been becoming close friends with some people here who I would truly miss if I or they were to leave. I'm in touch with some of them in other ways, which is fine, but this is our home base. Then, there are other people who I really care about and only know here. I want to sign in and talk to them, see how they're doing, and let them know how I'm doing.

Another thing is that if you really mean it that you want to quit, you might want to find a friend and arrange for them to contact you outside of MWO if you "go missing". Decide now, while you're thinking clearly and not being driven by the biochemistry and power of an addiction, to ask for this help. Choose someone who will be able to take it if you are defensive, hurt, and angry. Most of us are when we let ourselves down yet again. It is too easy to take the easy way out and not sign on here so that no one hassles you about what you're doing or about to do.

The fact is, if we could do this on our own, we wouldn't have made it here. There's no reason to think that "next time will be different" so we need to put things in place that will allow us to succeed when the acute pain of the early days wanes, which it will.

[LavenderBlue]

Some very wise thoughts here today! I tended to try modding more than quitting with my drinking in the past (spoilers: didn't work) but a lot of what you guys are writing is reminding me of times I quit smoking, when it worked and when it didn't. It's never stuck for me when it was something I "had" to do. In theory, my best time to quit would have been when I was still young and had been in Army training - they didn't allow smoking and they sure kept you distracted enough! But as soon as I hit secondary training, I'd sneak smokes with other recruits, as soon as I was offbase I'd buy a pack. Why? The physical withdrawal was over, sure, but I hadn't really made up my mind to make the quit stick.

Quitting has also never worked for me when I was doing it for someone else (because my family or friends wanted me to) or in reaction to someone else (I'm breaking up with this guy, and I'm going to quit smoking to show I'm starting over!). Invariably, I'd go back to the smoking because I still saw smoking as a part of myself; it was great trying to do better for others, but it's my life...the thinking was something like that, anyway. But quitting for *myself*? That's different. That takes all the stubbornness I put into bad habits, and flips it over into being stubborn about creating new ones. I *want* to succeed instead of feeling like I only "have to." I mean, yeah, I definitely have to, also - but I've got to pick apart my brain and keep working at it so I stay onboard for real.

And as for staying close here, I know my brain was playing with bad ideas during my time away. Nothing immediate, but "you know, if I ever do go meet so-and-so in his hometown, I know he always wanted to take me out to his local bars...he knows I've quit so if I wanted to just have one I'm sure he'd make sure I only had the one...." I'm quite sure if I'd let those thoughts stick around, sooner or later it would have turned into something immediate; because those thoughts were already setting up that path.

It occurs to me that I've got to remember I've considered myself a drinker (and a smoker) for most of my life at this point; I may want to set that aside NOW, but it's not as ingrained in my head as all the bad habits are.

[Byrdlady]

In addition to our support, I know lots of folks have had great success with the hypno CD's available here. Most folks' first objection is ,WHOA, $120! But honestly, that's about 2 week's worth of booze! If you can get your subconscious brain to cooperate with THE PLAN, then you are miles ahead. I wish I had purchased them instead of white knuckling it. In less than a month, they will pay for themselves, and you will have an easier time of quitting, and hopefully, STAYING quit. Tools are all around us here!
Byrdie

[Rahulthesweet]

Hi all,

Good to see everyone quite active on the forum.

For me life just flying like a roller coaster. At full speed. Still travelling quite a bit for work. From tomorrow onwards again travelling for next 4 days.

Today had a visitor from South Korea. They finished half a bottle of single malt while I was on missing Diet beer which my wife forgot to stock !! they were world travelers like me I guess but much older than me and I am sure by end of the day they too carve booze like I once used to.

Life has been good except for its ups and downs.

Hope everyone is doing well ..

[Hanna]

Hi all-

4 pm here. I am home. I basically took most of the week off, and it was nice to sleep until 9 this morning. I have basically been sleeping terribly and up at 5 so it was nice to be able to get some extra sleep. Very quiet day. I am eating a VERY early dinner, since I am feeling that nagging craving. My head is in the right place, for sure, but I feel that discomfort, so I am going to have an early dinner which is sure to kill it. Then I am off to the gym for 2 back to back classes.

Let me tell you, in some ways it is much tougher to do this when under so much strain from the marital issues, but it is a motivator as well.

Glad the holidays are behind us. Nothing else planned anytime soon.

Well, newbies, I hope you are staying strong (I am a newbie too, I suppose). I try to post at least once a day, but must get on here and read posts at least 10 times a day. I wish I could fast forward about a year from now, to be honest, but as they say in AA (I hated AA but liked a lot of their sayings) "time takes time". Wish that weren't the case, but...

Hope you are all having a good day

[available]

Morning nesters

Why is it so hard to get enthused to go to work after 4 days offf! A second sober easter done and dusted and its such a good feeling.

Fin that sounds like the plan i started with, we all need to have something in place and i made my plan small as to not overload myself. If you cant log on here while awayl then when you feel that urge to drink, walk away and take 5 mins to yourself and think of us! That used to scare me enough not to drink, thinking i had to come back and tell byrd and lav. I remember when i was in thailand and mum was having a wine i wanted to eat chili so i could grab her wine and guzzle it! How the al brain works! What a dumb plan but that was how it was, i didnt and i am grateful now but i felt so deprived. Why could they have a drink and i couldnt, why did all those people sit outside and enjoy a drink when i couldnt, why did i have to sit with my damn non alcoholic drink? Because i am an alcoholic, maybe some of those people were too, who knows but i spent most of that holiday feeling so damn deprived. Deprived that i would never ever enjoy life again but as time has gone on i proved myself wrong. Everyday i wake up grateful that i am sober. Sure i would still like the "one" on special occasions but i know that is an impossible dream.

Have a great day and stay close to the nest. Keep your quit buddies close. I know that Pav and I kept each other going and went through exactly the same shite a times but we are doing it and she is one special lady that i am proud to walk with and stay sober.

[Fin]

In addition to our support, I know lots of folks have had great success with the hypno CD's available here. Most folks' first objection is ,WHOA, $120! But honestly, that's about 2 week's worth of booze! If you can get your subconscious brain to cooperate with THE PLAN, then you are miles ahead. I wish I had purchased them instead of white knuckling it. In less than a month, they will pay for themselves, and you will have an easier time of quitting, and hopefully, STAYING quit. Tools are all around us here!
Byrdie

Is this the one? http://shop.capalo.com/My-Way-Out-Ab...-CDs-p/301.htm

OR

http://shop.capalo.com/My-Way-Out-Original-CD-Set-p/300.htm

??

[daisy45]

Had a better day today; still not able to do much but just getting the alcohol out is an improvement.
Hoping to get a day alone tomorrow; I find I can get a lot more done.
I bought the cds when I first came here...I will look for them and commit to using them again. Commitment has to be my biggest change here.
Tomorrow I will actually write out my plan/timetable and keep it visible in my room.
I don't know if any of you believe in vision boards but that is another thing I am doing. Place photos and words to goals that can only come about for me when I am sober. Looking forward to getting everything set up.

[Byrdlady]

Is this the one? http://shop.capalo.com/My-Way-Out-Ab...-CDs-p/301.htm

OR

http://shop.capalo.com/My-Way-Out-Original-CD-Set-p/300.htm

??

Lav, I'm not sure which ones you used....
I would think the first link would be the one for us. Some of the other ones get into sleep issues, which (knock on wood) went away shortly after I quit. Lav may be able to add more, but I even went so far as to ask a guy what used to be here and isn't now if he would sell his set and he declined, saying that he knew he needed to quit again and would need them. B