Newbies Nest

[Overit-still]

Nighty night all, grab that Velcro and do a double knot, I am!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Crappy weather here bringing the temps down again - so much for spring!

Matt, we all have to learn to live with those uncomfortable thoughts & feelings. What I learned is to just acknowledge them then step away, move on to something else. Those thoughts/feelings won't hurt us or kill us. This is where we get to choose not to try to drink them away Hope you get some rest today!

Now I need to get ready for a few insane hours with a 4 year old, ha ha!
Wishing everyone a great AF Wednesday!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Hope this finds everyone feeling perky this morning!

It's a busy time at work! Often, I think that maybe I'll skip a day of checking in and 'let it slide, just for today'. I have been a victim of this type of thinking before and I know myself pretty well by now. I work from home as a salesperson, and there is one thing I DO know....if I don't make myself do stuff, it won't get done. I fall into a trap of the false choice loophole: I can't do this, because I'm too busy doing that. In fact, the two aren't in conflict, I have to shift my thinking to, 'I must make time for this AND that.' It's surprising how often that's possible. It's a habit that must be fostered. If I want to stay sober, I must remain accountable to something or someone, otherwise, well, we all know the rest of that story...we end up out in the weeds. I hate weeds. There have been times that I didn't have internet access, but I was able to text someone from MWO to check in for me or to let them know I'm ok. YES, I am fanatical about this... I do NOT want to start over....it took WAY too long for me to get my legs and I fear I won't get them again. We all led busy lives, but being sober is TOP priority, so it comes first. So far, so good. I have a great role model.
Hope everyone has a peaceful day!! Byrdie

[LilBit]

Dutch, major congrats on your 30 days! You sport the hat very well.

Yesterday was challenging, to say the least. My client gave me a 90-page writing assignment to complete in only one day. Whilst trying to remember where I left my cape and tights necessary to complete the job, I went skating and had a major fall. Was doing a Lutz combo, caught my toepick and my feet went flying up. After hanging in the air for a moment, I landed with full force on my replaced hip (the one that my surgeon told me not to fall upon). 'Sat, or rather, leaned on an ice pack all day. Later, when my fiance came home and shoved a glass of champagne in my face, I literally growled at him like a irate Grizzly. That is, a deep and menacing animal growl just came out before I could help myself. 'Seems to have worked because he backed off and afterward kept his distance. So, if anyone's wondering how to say "no" to AL that's a new and highly effective response for your arsenal.

Today, I am taking my sore double butt cheek to the rink for training. Oh yes, I am. When Life gives you lemons, pad up, grit your teeth and stomp them!

[KENSHO]

Checking in... All good here. In Disney with kids. Very difficult few days prior. Will update later. Proud that I made it through. Hope everyone is hanging in there!

[Guitarista]

Good onya Kensho.

Great work on 30 days Dutch! Bravo friend and keep it going.

Take it easy out there. Here's some fresh new butt Velcro I found in the warehouse. Passing it to the......................left!

[jane27]

Byrdie, thanks for this pearl of wisdom! Xo

Good Morning, Nesters!
Hope this finds everyone feeling perky this morning!

It's a busy time at work! Often, I think that maybe I'll skip a day of checking in and 'let it slide, just for today'. I have been a victim of this type of thinking before and I know myself pretty well by now. I work from home as a salesperson, and there is one thing I DO know....if I don't make myself do stuff, it won't get done. I fall into a trap of the false choice loophole: I can't do this, because I'm too busy doing that. In fact, the two aren't in conflict, I have to shift my thinking to, 'I must make time for this AND that.' It's surprising how often that's possible. It's a habit that must be fostered. If I want to stay sober, I must remain accountable to something or someone, otherwise, well, we all know the rest of that story...we end up out in the weeds. I hate weeds. There have been times that I didn't have internet access, but I was able to text someone from MWO to check in for me or to let them know I'm ok. YES, I am fanatical about this... I do NOT want to start over....it took WAY too long for me to get my legs and I fear I won't get them again. We all led busy lives, but being sober is TOP priority, so it comes first. So far, so good. I have a great role model.
Hope everyone has a peaceful day!! Byrdie

[Dutch1988]

Thanks everyone for the congratulations on 30 days. I was looking forward to it, but after how stressed I am getting I really feel like I am still at day 1. The congrats means a lot to me, I am surprised how much lol. You can't brag to a lot of people about your sober accomplishments, as that bubble hour show has talked about(I listened to two of them yesterday, very helpful). So it's nice getting kudos from people who understand what a big deal it is. My wife yesterday told me it was a big day for me, I looked at her with a surprised face because she hasn't been very acknowledging of how hard this has been(She seems to have this notion that I could always stop my drinking if I really wanted to, I guess she is right though). So when I started to say, "You mean my thirty days," She cut me off and said I received new contacts so I could see again! I laughed. Still very symbolic, I definitely have a new, all but stressed out pair of glasses lately.

Yesterday at my nightly business meeting I was having a little breakdown talking about giving up my business of 8 years because of stress and feeling overwhelmed, as I mentioned yesterday. Right as I am doing a line similar to, "It's over man, game over, I'm out, cash me out I'm done," to my partners, Two parents of kids I teach got up from the table behind us and walked over to say hello, before leaving. Imagine my face, I am over there having a nervous breakdown about finances and that they more than likely overheard to say hi. I was so embarrassed I laughed my butt off when they left. I hope they just took it with a grain of salt, knowing that the financial side of any business is stressful.

Super stressed, literally waking up feeling the tension of not making enough money for my new family. It's also intensified by the notion of going for my new kid's first ultrasound, which is a reminder I need to get it in gear. Or...on the flipside, maybe I am stressing out too much. I have always made it work financially before, and I know this feeling of impending doom is bad for my health and just makes me want to drink at the end of the day, so why can't I shake it? It's like I was waiting for my 30 days to be up thinking okay if I can go 30 days without drinking I'll finally accomplish my financial goals that I always couldn't because I was drinking. Now I feel like I still can't get there despite giving up AL, so what's the point? If I am going to struggle to reach my financial goals, I should at least enjoy a drink now and then right? See it's thoughts like that that keep me checking in here everyday or more, I need to be constantly bombarded with how much better people's lives are without alcohol.

Byrd, if you have some life changing books on selling I would love to know, getting new clients in the front door is 1/3 of my business. I have a hard time with people when they say no, or even approaching them initially, so I would love some advice.

Lilbit I hope you have a good day of training. I know injuries suck and can mess up our routines. i am glad you were able to jump back on the ice today though! Good luck!

PS sorry for a rant, first time typing at a keyboard but I just couldn't type on my phone anymore haha

[Hanna]

Dutch-

30 days is spectacular! Don't let your stress get in the way of feeling great about this accomplishment. And from what I hear, it keeps getting easier, so you don't want to give in now. You are on your way! I am right behind you under a ridiculous amount of life stress, but as someone here said to me "I am truly flexing my sober muscles". I keep telling myself, that if I can do this (not drink, newly sober) under these circumstances, than I can do this....period. That gives me strength. I can and I will, and I can't wait to catch up to you!!! Be there soon!!! So, hang on, give me a corner of the Velcro, and I will share my corner with the brand newbies here!!

Hope all is having a good day!

[Byrdlady]

Dutch, to answer the easy question first....sales is a numbers game. The more pitches I make, the more are bound to be hit...eventually. I am also persistent and I try to make it FUN. I've gotten in many a door with humor. Over the years I have read ALL the books and been to all the classes...If you operate with honesty and integrity, you will go far. I ALWAYS do the right thing by my customers (even tho at least one of them is a blooming idiot). If you have NO experience, it's hard to beat a Zig Ziglar book. I used to have a coffee mug that said "Salesmanship begins when the customer says NO". Don't take it personally, it's just no for right now....once you establish a relationship, a lot falls into place. Things come along that apply to that customer and you can send them over and become a consultant to them. I'm sure you already know all of this. Sales is all about relationships.

Any voice you are hearing that tells you that drinking is a good idea is the voice of addiction. Don't listen to it! Nothing is improved by AL. It is NOT a reward it is a severe punishment for us....don't be fooled, those voices are very compelling...they sing a very sweet song, but they are the devil in disguise. ONE DRINK is the beginning of it all going to s*it. Stay strong and you will make better decisions...you need ALL of your marbles now, there are none to lose! You can do this!!! Just give it one more day...that's how I do it! Hugs and congratulations!! Byrdie

[LavenderBlue]

Lilbit - I love your posts; irate bear sounds like a great plan to me. xD I should be careful reading in the morning though, I saw "cape and tights" and thought you meant you needed them for your skating routine at first! Owie owie OW, in any case. Hope you're in a lot less pain really soon!

Dutch - I know it's been important for me to reframe drinking and realize that it's not a reward for me - and I don't mean I had to lie to myself either. Considering where drinking always lands me (drinking too much, being miserable, being addicted to it) that doesn't sound like a fun reward to me anymore. I guess for me it's about reminding myself that I DON'T drink in a healthy way, therefore no matter what the AL brain says, a drink is always going to be a crappy reward for me. I promise you that my life, financial worries and all, is light years better for me even now than it was when I was drinking. And I'm not even one of the serious old timers here, yet. Good luck with everything, and I hope it gets better for you, soon!

I was reading a memoir written by a lady with an eating disorder the other day, and something she mentioned in the book got me thinking about my own issues. She talked about one of her counselors trying to get her to sit down and figure out what her actual emotions were when she felt like she needed to act on her urges. I realized that for me, anyway, that's not a bad idea for drinking thoughts. When it occurs to me, "Gee, I could use a drink" it's been helping me to pause and ask myself how I'm actually feeling, and name that emotion instead. So it becomes, "Wow, I'm really frustrated right now" or "I am really kind of scared about this thing in my life" or "I'm feeling super lonely right now." From there I can better see how drinking wouldn't actually solve anything, and also it gives me ideas about what I *can* do.

Other than that, full day today! I have some cleaning I want to get done, I have my final interview for that job, I need to do some grocery shopping, and it's Wednesday so I'll be cooking stir fry tonight. I'm nervous about the interview, but not nearly as bad as the first time, so that's nice. Also, I decided to be smart and pick my outfit last night so I'm not scrambling today, and one of my old interview outfits finally fits again! Yay me! Been a little off this week, feeling like no one gets why some of the things I'm doing are such a big deal to me (I know...no parades!) so I want to thank everyone here again for listening and being here. Just having a place where I can talk about how I'm feeling does me a lot of good!

Take care all and hope you have a great AF MAE!

[Overit-still]

Thanks for the V G! I need it.

*****RAMBLE ALERT*****

Dutch, I'm hearing those voices too for some reason. So, I popped a pill. I could tell my AV was secretly counting the days since my last one so now I've confused it. It is just stress. We both recognize it so lets figure out a way to change that. Me? Well, I've got my mom's health issues, broken vehicles, job, husband....every time I feel like I get one step ahead, I get yanked back 9! But, I'm still trying to be thankful in ALL things. I remember that the world does not revolve around me, my life is not hard, my friend who is watching her husband give up to his cancer and die.....that is hard The family with BOTH parents battling stage 4 cancers.....that is hard. My friend battling severe depression....that is hard. All I have to do is not take that first drink. Listen, I learned a long time ago that money does not solve problems or make me happier. Sit back and think, what do you need money for? That car payment? What is the worst if you gave up that car payment and settled for a different model that you could pay cash for or lower the payment or even get better gas mileage? That would ease things a little right? And your mortgage payment? Yes, I loved my house but when I changed things and lowered my payment by half, there went more stress. I could go on and on and I'm preaching but remember, we don't take anything with us when we leave. Sometimes, I sit in a hammock while my next door neighbor is killing himself to support his wants and desires. We both have beds and we both have food and we both have shoes on our feet. I just get to enjoy mine. Anyway, I think I was talking to myself this morning. I needed to be grounded today.

*****RAMBLE OVER*****

I hope everyone goes out and makes this a great day and impacts one person's life in a positive way today. Sometimes, that's all we can hope for.

[Matt M.]

Good Morning family
Seems to be the hot topic as of late, the whole daily or regular check in thing. I shared a week or so ago that I found myself falling in that "I'm just to busy" BS. Then I step back and look, how much time in my busy day did I spend browsing social media, play a few games of Candy crush, etc?
This Jackwagon(me) needs sobriety to live, I have to liken checking in here or with my MWO sponsors/mentors to staying alive, I want it to become as effortless and thoughtless as taking a breathe.

Dutch- 30 days is badass. You got their one day at a time, even if your mind was racing all over the place, nothing changes this fact.
As far as not getting the royal treatment from your wife after achieving this great feat, me neither. But my ACTIONS as a sober husband and father have revealed or presented gratitude beyond my wildest dreams. My behavior as drunk Matt, Dad, husband set the stage for the mood in the house. The consistent turmoil, and drama are slowly but surely be replaced with harmony, balance and a overall sense of well being. As my dear friend/mentor Byrd was saying do not cave in to the voices, the Al voice left unprotected can and has taken many of men and women back to the " I have made it 30 days, I believe moderation is ok" the hell we went through, the path of destruction we left while drinking, will amazingly be forgotten. Alcohol- Cunning, baffling, and powerful.
I know its a cheesy overused statement, but try to live in the now, the day. Things will get better without Al in your life, things will get better because your Actions will reveal clarity, patience and many more, all of which can directly affect our finances. I had our finances so fucked, from just not caring, living in myself, using credit cards to hide Bar tabs etc..
It does get better my friend and you have just cleared a tall hurdle.
I am going to PM you my email address, feel free to contact me, Alcoholics working with other Alcoholics is proven success. As always I cherish my "stalkers"/ mentors,

Stay Hard Freaks

edited to add one thing. Something that helps me is Saying the Serenity Prayer!

[daisy45]

Hi all. Away all day with my mum, niece and daughter. My niece, ( the one with anorexia) had a hospital appointment. She has been doing great...really great. She has put on weight and actually looks a normal size now. She is eating well...I think we caught her just in time. They said she was on the edge. I didn't get involved; just drove them.
My mum got the time wrong. We left at 11 for 12 appointment and then she checked and it was at 2pm. Dragged the day out. Went shopping for garden toys for the kids. They will be happy next week....hula hoops, swimming pools, tent, bats, balls, space-hopper and pop-up tunnel and water pistols. Gonna be some fun!
Also got my eyebrows threaded....got mums done for the first time too! She said it wasn't pleasant! Was funny, but she is happy now.
I am waiting for my girls to leave for a walk so I can do my hypno cd. Need to get to bed earlier to make sure I am up early next week so I can fit them in before the kids come.
My daughter is gonna look for a second-hand i-phone for me so I can have internet access all day. I sat waiting so long today at the hospital...could have been checking in here, or listening to bubble hour.....

[LilBit]

Thanks, LavB. The cape and tights are definitely for my day job in which I routinely vanquish huge mounds of poorly written Konglish with a single keystroke.

Overit, very good "ramble" although I didn't think it was rambling at all. Sage advice there.

With so many nesters just getting started, I feel the need to mention that while some things in our lives definitely do improve when we eliminate the AL, a belief that our new AL-free life will automatically become all rainbow-Skittle-puking unicorns is a disaster waiting to happen. So far, I've been surprised at some things that improved and some that didn't. It's the same life and my thighs are just the same size as they were before (well OK, they're a better shape but still...), my cat still hurls furballs on the carpet -- not on the floor, and the last time I checked, my house thermostat still has two settings: Bubbling Cauldron of Hades and Cold as a Witch's Mammary Gland in a Metallic Support Harness -- brrrr.

The difference is that I'm no longer the Wild Woman of Borneo. I don't have those crazy anxious periods and depressed periods, both of which I can only see in hindsight. I no longer start the day with a "hangover handicap," which means I have to, and am able to put on the big girl panties and deal with what the world throws my way. 'Wouldn't trade this feeling for anything, especially not for a glass of poison.