Newbies Nest

[LavenderBlue]

Welcome Aqua and Mama! Stick close, there's some very wise and very kind folks here in the nest.

Ava - You and your friend are definitely in my thoughts, I'm so sorry you both have to go through this,

Londoner - I hope you're ok and I'm going to throw my voice in with those hoping you can give AL a final kick out of your life, with whatever tools will help you the most.

And sorry I'm a little short with things tonight. I was part of a conversation tonight that was one of those "We aren't naming names, but we really would prefer if you guys didn't do [thing]." I'm horrible with things like that, even if I know it's not about me, I get worried I might have accidentally done/said whatever, or come off that way.

Then I checked my email and I didn't get the job. :/ I had second thoughts about working for them during the second interview, but it still sucks to be told a big fat, "Nope." And I feel like I let down the people who referenced for me even though I know that isn't true.

I know neither of those things are about me as a person, neither is the end of the world, and in the first case it probably literally had nothing to do with me. But I still feel kind of wiped out and I can feel my brain wanting to go into an "I suck at everything" state.

I also know the feeling will pass, given a bit of time, and it's ok to be gentle with myself and my reactions to both. Going to curl up with a snack and a good book in a bit here. I'm not craving a drink just now, but if I do later, now I've checked in and promised I won't.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Ava - so sorry about Robert. I repeat that he is so lucky to have a friend like you, and vice versa. Hugs to you both.

Lil - Freedom is right. Aqua and Mama, you never HAVE to feel that way again - isn't that a relief! Welcome to the nest. Can't really add too much to what has been said. You will see, however, that sober is SO much better than the guilt and shame you are likely feeling. I read and posted so much here my first few months sober - finding and using this community is why I am still here and sober over a year later.

Londoner: I heard about a group called Hello Sunday Morning - a movement of mostly young people who are staying sober for various reasons. Here's an article about it: Experiments in Sobriety.

Daisy - I listened to that episode on my walk today. So interesting to hear others' experiences. Piper, I understand what you're saying, but I found the stories to be pretty varied. It is the similarities that make the experience workable for me. I love hearing something and thinking - "me, too!" It makes me feel less alone, and that there are some smart, funny people who are also alcoholics, and they're not ashamed or bad people.

More work shenanigans today - I really can't believe how some people behave. I can't even imagine drinking, however, as I know I have to be with it to get through all of this. I made myself exercise after work, even though I wanted to wallow on the couch and eat chips. I feel so much better. Must. Remember. Exercise.

Good night, nest.

Pav

[Dutch1988]

LavB sorry to hear you didn't get the job, but now that your back on the market I'm sure you'll find a better fit somewhere else!

London man you need to get some help, we all had to have some kind of plan in the beginning, even if it's going to the gym in the middle of the night, any habit to replace AL right?

I on the other hand am so angry I can't sleep. I hired a contractor in November to remodel my bathroom, after thinking that he has been doing a bad job(yeah he's still doing it) I asked a family member to come look and he made me feel like it was 10x worse than I thought. I checked online and his license was suspended in January, he's not going to redo the work hes finished, so I basically burned 10 grand. That's a hell of a lot of vodka bottles...maybe if I wasn't drinking when I hired him I would have thought more clearly, asked for references, worked out abetter contract, been less anxious and confronted him sooner about his shitty work, etc. don't know if it's true but if I associate this stupid mistake to drinking at least it will help me stay sober, right?

Night all

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Friday to all!

LavBlue, it sounds like maybe it's just as well you didn't get that job. Sometimes the universe does us big favors like that
Hang in there, something else is going to pop up.

Dutch, sorry about the issue with the contractor - lesson learned the hard way, huh?
I bet we all have some sad stories related to AL use/abuse. Makes me so grateful each & every day that I will never have to deal with all that fallout again!

Greetings to everyone & sending wishes for a wonderful AF day for all!
Let's get those AF weekend plans ready!

Lav

[mama]

Hello Newbies Nest,

Did great last night. I truly appreciate ALL of your wisdom & encouragement. I have been consistently coming back every few hours...it's keeeping me focused. Now on to Day 2....

Byrdlady - Cannot tell you how much I appreciate your post about having a PLAN. I already took one piece of your advise yesterday and got rid of the "secret stash" of wine.

Mama

[LilBit]

Good morning, Nesters.

Yay, Mama! Good for you. Day 2 means you're feeling better, and it only gets better from here.

Dutch, I can commiserate on the bad AL decisions. I woke up one day and realized I had married a real knuckle-dragger. Had I been sober, I might have noticed the signs. Bad, bad decision there. At least you noticed it now before it got any more messed up? I hope it can be fixed.

It's Friday - YAY. 'Last training session with my coach before the competition, then a spa session & massage, lunch with the girls and a race to catch up on the work assignment I am temporarily dissing to do all of the above. Totally worth it. Have a great day!

[Byrdlady]

Atta girl, Mama. That one little behavior change made all the difference for me. It signified that I WAS DONE. You notice that the Great Wollenda Tight Rope Walker doesn't use a safety net....because he KNOWS he is not going to fall. When I finally got serious about getting sober, I cleaned house (literally).

Interesting episode of 'Mom' last night, do any of you watch that show? Mother and daughter are Alkies and the mother fell off the wagon last night after 18 months. I tell you, the show really depicted just how it goes....the irrational behavior, the justification, all the excuses!!! It really is sad to see how a substance can have such devastating effects on us (humans), and we do it by choice! I HATE AL. I hope you do, too!

Hope everyone has a strong plan in place for the weekend! It's just Friday, another day in the week. Reward yourself (like Pav) with an ice cream! Alcohol is not a reward it is punishment. Visualize success and you will have it! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[daisy45]

Hi all. Late check-in.
Got nyself up and showered today and my eldest daughter told me I looked back to the way I was before all the drama began. She said my eyes are blue again. Loved that.
Within minutes I got a call from my very distresses sister telling me my othe (nutso) sister was in mums house fighting and screaming with her and my mum and refused to leave. Then heard mum telling her to get off the phone,
I started shaking like a leaf. For the first time in a week had to get a stress pill. I decided I didn't need it and did not get involved any further. My sister is causing chaos in our family. My mum is suffering but is also her enabler. My other suster then rang me...she was bringing kids to the cinema and is now sitting outside crying with a nosebleed brought on through the stress. So sad that one person can do this.
I am now not in the form for doing my paperwork and do not want my mad sister coming here with her version (which is always nuts!) so I will have to leave my own house for a few hours to escape her.
I am keeping my sobriety and health first and foremost. If I have to tell her to get out I will.
I told my sister to try to back away as I know what happens next. Mad sister will come home from work tonight and cry tears to mum who will then support her 200 per cent. The only one who can stop it is mum. She is 75. Hard to watch.

[Overit-still]

So much going on and new chicks too!

I'm extremely busy:checkin:

Hello to everyone, gotta run

[Dutch1988]

Taking the time to post at work this morning, for the first time. I really know over the past few days stress from work was the main reason I turned to drinking. I wish I could say I had a better handle on my stress but I really don't yet. Pretty much been in a state of anger for the past 3-4 days, anything sets me off. it's funny because some AA guy, my contractor actually, was talking about how much calmer he became after not drinking(I didn't bring up my drinking, but since he's been around 5 months I don't doubt he noticed my vodka bottles lying around now and then). How do you guys let go of your stress? I know I asked this when I first stopped, but what do you do when you really are head over heels about to snap. I knew this week was going to be tough, having to do all my normal work and run a camp an extra 4 hours a day for kids, but this is more than I was expecting. I know I am not going to drink, but the last time I was this stressed/angry, I was driving trying to find a building and lost for 30 minutes, and I finally ended up just having a panic attack, probably because my heart skipped a beat or something from the veins popping out of my neck. Even just posting how I feel is helpful, maybe I'll head to the gratitude forum and start with that to see if it helps.

Congrats Daisy and Mama on 2 days! Daisy this bubble hour is pretty good, I have just kept an earbud in running this camp since I have had a strong desire to discipline some kids old school.

[Matt M.]

Dutch~ Doing what you are doing now, is the most important part, and that's sharing your feelings, you are to be commended for that.
And everything you just said about stress Me Too! The main thing I have to remember and live by, is by choosing not to drink to"fix" my stress, I am winning! If I have to kick a brick wall and break a toe to deal with stress, then so be it. If I look at the stress or problem like " if only I could just drink to deal with this" like we are being punished, or I am withholding something valuable for my body. If I start thinking that way, my Al brain it's taking over. Truth of the matter being that Alcohol is a poison, a mental and physical wellness destroyer. Why the fuck did I or do I want to put that in my body?
Brother I am a Walking stress machine, I am having success in dealing with it by sharing in here, sharing on a more person level with people from here. I take time outs, if you will, and take some deep breathes, go for a walk and I say the Serenity Prayer and hold on to every word while I say it.

Stay Hard and whatever you do don't take the first drink! Cause that's the one that does us in!

[LavenderBlue]

Hey all, and thanks for the kind words and encouragement! I shoved my face full of peanuts, Goldfish crackers, and chocolate last night and have NO regrets, lol. Coming here reminded me that the important thing is not drinking, it's just not that big a deal if I want to treat myself with snacks when I've had a bad day. I'm not exactly at a rainbows and puppies mood yet, but things are looking better and I feel like I dealt with last night well, so that's good.

I've been on a Stephen King kick lately too, which in a weird way helps my focus. He writes a lot of alcoholic and recovering-alcoholic characters in his books, I don't always see myself in them but sometimes it hits my brain as a sideways reminder, I'd never guessed before I quit that was one of the reasons I love his books, I'll tell you that.

I may have gotten another reminder this morning, too. A guy I used to know had messaged me in the middle of the night asking me to call him. Didn't get it since I was asleep, but when I messaged back this morning he said he was ok, but he'd been arrested last night and had needed a ride. I'm pretty sure he was out drinking last night; not going to pry if he doesn't want to tell me about it but I'm guessing it was a bad night one way or another. I don't say that to mock him, just the knowledge that it could have been me. I'm pretty sure he's been back and forth on quitting over the years, come to think of it.

Dutch - Hope things can be fixed and sorted soon, that's so frustrating! Good for you catching it, though, and I can see what you mean about it being good incentive not to drink. I can think of quite a few situations I wouldn't have been in or wouldn't have let go on for so long if I hadn't been so busy drinking. :/

For stress and anger; I'm honestly still working on it myself. I have the bad habit of bottling things up, and then just snapping. Usually not snapping in dangerous ways, but that doesn't mean it'll never happen. I've been working on trying to be more honest about my feelings for one, "I'm really pissed off right now" instead of "No, I'm fine, don't worry about me." Exercise helps me even though I have to push myself to do it when I'm mad - it's like I forget how much it helps until I'm actually up and moving. And I try to remember that processing and letting go of anger isn't something I'm doing for the other person, it's something I'm doing for ME because I'm miserable when I'm seething. I also rely on my dog sometimes, it is REALLY hard to stay pissed off when there's a pet looking at you all doofy.

Mama - Good going on Day 2, woo-hoo! \o/ I was definitely on threads here every couple of hours, I'm so glad it's helping you.

Byrd - Belated, but I love your PLAN post, too.

daisy - I am SO happy to hear that you're putting yourself first and getting out of some of the crazy situations! Seriously, just reading that made me happy and I'm glad you're seeing good changes, too.

'K, I'd better get off my butt and try to do some laundry or something here. Hope everyone has a great AF MAE and thanks again for listening last night. I'm still disappointed about things last night (there, being honest!) but I know it's going to be ok, just maybe taking more time than I wanted. As long as I keep not-drinking, things will work out in their own time.

[Hypernova]

Sitting here reading some posts on the topic of anger. Realizing my anger that I'm stuffing is I think a big problem. My family has been and is a major stress. I've been lied to misled and over the years & I drank to bury it all a.k.a. make everything appear rosy. Sh!+ happens as they say. Death of siblings when I was still a kid polarized the whole family. It's hard to express how painful and destructive this was. Ruminating over the past which is history now never to be changed seems to be a futile act. But a little reflection of where you've been sometimes sheds some light on where you are. Drinking 'helped' me make many destructive decisions that I am fully responsible for. I've never been one to hurt others just myself. Drinking is not the solution but I keep trying, insane!! Putting these thoughts in front of me in words is a positive act as I carry too much pain and think it's time to set it down. This is not going to be a single act but a process of discovery, forgiveness & letting go. My mood is very low right now & I've been here before. I know how to suffer. I just want to learn how to live relatively happy without alcohol. If you think of all the really gut wrenching suffering going on in the world today by people who have no choice it puts things in perspective and is embarrassing to say the least that we do have a choice. ~~ Sorry for the somber mood which I generally just stuff but it feels good to let some of it out.

[Byrdlady]

Dutch, you have laser beam focus on this thing! Stress is a major trigger for most of us! Here are a couple of things I've learned....during those first 30 days, emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE....so this is normal! One minute fine, the next chewing your own arm off! It's nuts! Hang in there, things will even out. This COULD be a good bit of the issue at present.

Learning to cope with stress is a skill. I take what I learned about getting sober and apply it to stress, also....I take it in smaller steps and deal with it that way. If I take it ALL on, it's too overwhelming. I take what I call 'smoke breaks'....I walk outside for a few minutes while the smoke boils out of my ears! Just taking a 'time out' as Matt mentioned helps me a lot. Step away from the problem for a minute.

Here comes a biggie....learn to say NO. A goodly bit of my stress is self-inflicted. If you don't want to do a project or can delegate it to someone else, do it.

I prioritize my worry....I worry 'in order' of importance. I can't worry about tomorrow's worries today, I'm busy!!!! A good many of the things I do worry about never happen, either. I just do the best I can....the rest will wait.

Learning these coping skills is what's it's all about! My tried and true coping skill (get drunk) didn't serve me very well, it was all sitting there waiting for me when I came to!!! Plus, I got a nice visit from the GSR Brothers (Guilt, Shame and Remorse). If all else fails, I say to myself....".In 10 years, is THIS ______ really gonna matter?' Probably not. The presentation I am frantically putting together this afternoon will be long forgotten by NEXT WEEK this time!! You must get thru it to get over it....just wade on thru the mess, slowly but surely, you WILL get to the other side.

Hang in there! The weekend is in sight! Byrdie

[Overit-still]

It funny the subject of stress and anger is our topic for today. I am in the EXTREMELY BUSY season of my work, about to be over on 4/15. Yesterday, a coworker was a little snappy, I snapped back then went for a walk. I was so angry I was seething. I popped a pill only because I didn't want drinking to be another thing to think about. This morning before I could move on with my day, I had to address the situation. I apologized to my coworker for my snappiness at their version of events that caused the issue. In turn that coworker apologized and we hugged it out. We are by no means best friends but there is no reason to have discord that takes up my precious energy thinking or worrying about. In my world, most times, if something like this happens it bothers me until it can be addressed and dealt with and then move along. Now that it's over, we are both working and focusing our efforts elsewhere rather than trying to avoid each other.

Dutch-what exactly is causing your anger? We know about the stress. You said in the beginning you were trying to fill your time with activity so you wouldn't sit around and think about drinking.

On another non preaching note....I got to flex my non drinking muscles this week. It surprised me that I was so good at it. I needed to give an explanation as to why I didn't drink and instinctively I said "you know, it just wasn't adding anything positive to my life so I stopped." I couldn't believe that came out. I didn't have to say how destructive it was.....just that it wasn't a positive. Why waste time on it? I sounded confident and the person dropped it and moved to another subject. YA ME!