Newbies Nest

[MossRose]

Dutch - your anger is normal. We spend so many years numbing our emotions that when we stop drinking and start feeling again, it can be overwhelming. I alternated between anger, sadness, and even happiness for quite a while. If I went back and read my posts from the last couple of years, I'm sure I would be appalled at how emotional they were. But it helped me to cope. I came here. I vented. I felt better. Thank God for the people at MWO. The anger lessens over time. I know - that advice seems useless. The whole "time heals" thing sounds hollow when you are going through it, but there is truth in it.

On a practical note, I turned to some natural cures to help - vitamins, herbs and amino acids, plus meditation. They didn't "cure" me of my emotions, but they helped me gain control of them. Of course, staying sober was the biggest help. There are many threads in the Holistic section that may be helpful. You are doing great. Hang in there.

Londoner, hope we are still friends. I didn't mean to be harsh. I just know that you are suffering. And that makes me sad. I've been there. So have most of us. Stay close, friend. We are rooting for you!!!

I had an "exciting" night last night. We had vicious storms, and I was lounging on the couch watching Netflix so wasn't tuned into network TV. I had no idea how dangerous they were until the sirens went off. Then the fire department came through my complex and over a loud speaker told people to "move to the lowest location and take cover." OK - that caught my attention. I'm on the first floor, and soon I heard a lot of commotion in the hallway. I peeked out and there were tons of people out there - families, kids, dogs, cats - oh my. So we (my first floor neighbors) started bringing everyone into our apartments. Not sure they were any safer, but somehow we all felt better being together. It's the first time most of us have met. I think we'll be friendly from now on, since we shared such an intimate moment. Tonight, I am extremely grateful that the tornado passed over us, and saying prayers for the community south of us that wasn't so lucky.

Off to start dinner. Have a good evening all.

[KENSHO]

Howdy All! Gorsh, I was tracked down by one of you... Never been so far from the nest! All is well. We are getting up too early and going to bed too late and I've never seen the kids so happy. Unfortunately I go right to snoring and do not have free time whatsoever. Having fun though. Yesterday I rode a ride that made me feel very sick. I actually associate that feeling with alcohol now, which is really cool. Not cool that I can't ride rides (stupid vestibular system), but cool that I am very glad I am NOT drinking. Anyhow, hope folks are hanging in there. We have a quiet evening at the hotel tonight, so I hope to read back some. Thank you all for your support and for being here ... It means the world to me!!

[Resolve]

Hola Nesters! Ok, that's enough Spanish after a week in Mexico, and it's good to be back home on my turf. I see lots of new faces and some not so new hitting reboot again. Either way stay put, come at it differently this time and roll up the sleeves. Success will happen if you want it, so grind your teeth into sand if you have to and commit to this with all you've got. Not one sober person will tell you it isn't worth the effort.

After being away on business and vacation for about three weeks, it is no doubt a challenge to be out of your routine and off your mark. Getting food, fluids and working out aren't necessarily as easy or convenient, and even sleep for me tends to be harder in hotel rooms. Repeat or familiar vacations especially bring out the memories and association with alcohol that can be very distracting to the point of caving. When you don't have enough vested time in your quit or have just enough confidence and mental fortitude it may be easier to stumble. The foundation of your quit is in your head, and as long as you travel with your cranium intact, you may have to work harder and trudge through differently, but if what matters most to you is that you don't drink you'll find a way to stay dry. Travel or vacation doesn't always align with when you and your quit are strong, so we need to prep our on switch for some overtime when out of our zone.

I didn't struggle with drinking despite the presence of alcohol everywhere for business and especially at the beach until our last night. I had an experience that pushed me closer to the brink than I've been in some time. On our last day my youngest daughter and I had to be rescued by a guardavida (lifeguard) after getting pulled out by a strong rip current. Going parallel to shore wasn't getting us closer, so I told my athletic 16 year old to swim her ass off while I grabbed my struggling 9 year old. After a few minutes I was making no progress, getting pulled our farther and quickly becoming spent trying to keep us afloat since I couldn't even stand. We were in trouble, and in that moment I saw how easily drowning can happen and feared we would or that I wouldn't be able to get her in. I can't even explain how quickly this went awry and was never more thankful when a lifeguard appeared out of a wave minutes later, tethered her in and then threw me the line. Afterwards my urge to drink was intense and my limbs ached from that full body stress feeling. Even though I was having Holy Jesus thoughts at how quickly life can turn to tragedy, I knew I wouldn't (but damn I wanted to!) and rode out the stress by focusing on gratitude and some serious hugging. If this had been remotely similar to prior vacations I would have been many drinks in before swimming, and I can't even think about how that may have ended.

I'm not sure why we have the life experiences or lessons we do, if even lessons at all, or why life plays out as it does. This ended well and I'm grateful, but I know many have real daily struggles and issues that won't end as well. What I also know is that drinking will not add any meaning to what you face or experience, and instead will hold you back from impacting or helping others in any meaningful way. Life may change in an instant, and who the hell knows what fate may have in store, but how you choose to live now, today, is your call. If you need that lifeline then stay put and grab onto it. Have a safe weekend (and keep out of the water)!

[available]

Morning nesters

Oh the anger, had that on and off for 8 months as i started to emotionally mature again. I just knew i didnt want to drink. I learnt to walk away, i learnt to vent here, i learnt to tell someone who understood i was not drinking and in crisis mode. I also learnt to apologise for my behaviour if i was rude to others. I figured i had bottled up so much anger over the years that now learning to deal with it sober was hard and at times i could not believe i was so angry at everyone and everything but as we all say time makes it easier and as long as keep our quit a priority we will succeed.

I was so angry the other day that Robert is riddled with cancer but i promised him he will never be the reason i drink and that promise is a serious one that i will never break.

Lavb i am sorry you did not get the job,think of the positives you got out of applying for it and learning a bit on how to deal with your anxiety. I find it good to try and find a positive from a negative now, some days are harder than others of course.

I had a lovely night with the new man last night, i have to realise that even though Robert dying i still have a right to happiness. I find that tough to "get". Today will be a sad but happy day celebrating Roberts belated 50th birthday but i am sure there will be so much love and laughter also.

Byrd i love MOM it is the best show on alkies and so relateable. i just downloaded that ep so will watch it today. They show how it really is for us to live our daily lives but sometimes struggle.

Well i am off to enjoy the day.

Oh Daisy walk away from the situation, it is all you can do, deal with it when you feel strong enough and that is months away.

have a good weekend.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, so much going on here!

Resolve, welcome back & so glad you & your daughter are safe - goodness!!!
We truly do have so much to be grateful for each & every day

Dutch, I had a lot of anger, resentment & pretty much had given up on having any quality in my life any more - hence the vats of wine I consumed. Giving up drinking without knowing how to handle all those emotions scared me half to death but I did it anyway. Like MossRose, I have used various tools to help along the way. The MWO Hypno Clearing CD was a huge blessing. It helped me learn to relax without AL. Some carefully researched herbal supplements & learning a bit about meditation were also helpful. Someone suggested reading 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle, I highly recommend that book. Keeping our focus on the present moment is vital to our well being. Keep trying, find what works for you!

Daisy, you cannot fix your crazy sister, don't even try. Keep protecting yourself & your quit! Is there anyone else available to keep an eye on your Mom? Families sometimes suck

Ava, I hope Robert enjoys his birthday celebration. Being there for him will be a huge help, I'm sure.

Greetings to everyone & sending wishes for a peaceful & safe night in the nest for all!!!

Lav

[daisy45]

Just back from picking my mum up from a party. Walked her in home. She had let my niece who lives with her have friends round for a hottub get together. The floors were soaked. Mum a bit tipsy.
Niece running round in a dressing gown. Bedrooms a mess. She had nothing on under her gown, but we found her butt naked boyfriend under her bed. Mum is unaware of this. I cleaned the floors and gave her a warning that we will be talking tomorrow. All drinking. We get home and mum calls me because she thinks I am annoyed about the water. She is sticking up for niece who told her she is upset but obviously not the truth. Wee brat! This is mad sisters daughter with the eating problem.
I try to stay out of it but tonight my mum could have slipped and hurt herself.
What the feck! Can't talk to nutso sister as she overreacts to everything. But her and my niece are taking the piss!
Okay, vent over! They have taken a day from me that I am not prepared to give them again.

[LilBit]

Moss, I'm glad you're OK. Twisters are scary, especially at night. I feel for the people who were hit.

Time won't allow me to respond to every recent post in our busy nest, but please accept my love and hugs, and know that I read and care about every one of my twig-mates' struggles. Sending good ju-ju, thoughts and prayers your way. No matter what's going on, I'm glad we're in this together.

Nighty night and sweet dreams to all.

[aquamarine]

Day 2 and doing good. Wanted to come on but couldn't at work today for 14 hours and can't really get on while I'm there. Don't really feel like drinking now either. I know the hard part comes after a few days though when I start convincing myself its ok. Need to anticipate that and stay focused.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

My two cents on anger and stress -- 1) I try to internalize and REALLY understand the serenity prayer. I am not religious, but the idea of understanding what I can or can't control has been revolutionary. No use stressing over something I can't control, and if I can control it, that I have to just do it. That has allowed me to leave some worrying and stressing over others' reactions on the wayside, while facing or confronting other issues that I can partially control. 2) Exercise. Post her often and you'll hear this again and again from me. Doesn't have to be far, long or uber hard - just get that blood going, get some dopamine to your brain, and work it out. Neither of those things means I don't get angry and stressed - I just have a new way of dealing. I actually WANT to exercise when I get stressed now - I don't even want to drink as I know it will make it worse.

I can't answer you all either. Off to eat with the family. Happy sober Friday - my reward tonight is a delicious takeout dinner and a baseball game on the TV. Aaah.

Good night,
Pav

[Lavande]

Good Saturday morning Nesters,

Gee MossRose, that was truly a frightening experience for you, so glad you are OK! Isn't is amazing how strangers come together at times like that? Makes me think everything really is OK in the end :hug:

Daisy, I know it's difficult to sit back & just allow events to unfold but sometimes we have to do just that! Your niece obviously is pushing the limits. Her behavior was rude to say the least. Maybe a stern lecture from you today is in order & be sure to let her know that you will not allow her to hurt your mother. Tell her she's risking losing her happy home!! Maybe your Mom needs to know what your niece has been up to in her absence. She deserves to hear the truth about what's going on in her home Not drinking through these stressful situations makes you stronger!

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF day! The weather is finally giving us a break so I hope to get some outside work done today - yay!!!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
Daisy, at my sales meeting back in February, I took a photo of myself and two other coworkers that I just love. When I got home and looked at the photo, I was struck at a fact I had just realized: The destructive role Al has played in each of our lives. The other female has been sober for 15 years, she was the first person I called when I was trying to quit. The man in the photo I had dinner with the night before....he ordered 9 martini's during the course of the evening. ($90!!). The snapshot I got from your story of last night gives me the same shudder.....AL is so destructive. Remember to put your oxygen mask on before assisting others. They are all grown adults, right? As Over It said the other day, put your cape and tights in the cleaners and take care if yourself right now! It isnt selfish, it is survival! I try not to get drawn into the drama of my family....they will suck the life out of you IF we let them! THEY will never change, so I have to adjust MY sails sobI dont hit the rocks. Good luck, girl!

Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[daisy45]

I will be Lav....waiting for the right time. Not sure about telling mum...then again, she is believing every word that my niece and nutso sister tell her. No thoughts of drinking but have really been thinking how my stressful family situations have been drowned with alcohol in the past. I never realised that was part of it before.
On a good note, my son and his friend drove 80 mile to cut my hedges, strim and mow the lawn. On a bad note, they broke the lawnmower and my son is grumping. On a good note, they are going home after and my garden will be just fecking lovely!
Had a crowd in for a family fry today....the ones I like! Bad on me!
Oh, and day 7 booze-free!

[Matt M.]

Good Morning,
Busy day ahead with multiple kids baseball games.
Very Grateful to be sober today, and grateful for you all.
Stay Hard freaks!

[aquamarine]

Day 3 for me. I am so grateful for all your posts. I am reading them all and just so appreciate this place and all your honesty. I can relate to so much. Feeling good at the moment. Going to my son's college baseball game. It always makes me happy watching him play. Trying to be just brutally honest with myself and not just plow through each day. It's so true that when you drink you just completely stunt your emotional awareness/intelligence about what you are really feeling. I guess after years it becomes a real wall to try to get through. You don't even realize you made the wall. Don't know if this makes any sense to anyone.

[mama]

GREAT JOB Aquamarine!!!!! So happy for you!

I slipped up last night, but I will not let that stop me!!!! I have a new attitude today that I WILL DO THIS!!!

Day 1.....