Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

I don't even eat, but I always drink wine....carry it with me most everywhere. What else are big purses for? have lots of changes to make for sure. And I know it will take time.

An important first change is to start eating. I used to deliberately not eat for hours before that first drink - made it all the more "rewarding". In fact, if I ate, I didn't really want a drink so much. Somehow I managed to get myself to the point that hunger, thirst, and the desire to drink were so entangled, my brain didn't know what I wanted. This behavior also leads to episodes of severe hypoglycemia and all sorts of other problems can develop from that.

Some other changes may take time but you can start eating well right away (and get a small purse :wink.

take care, NS

[Byrdlady]

Frequently life is so overwhelming, I don't even eat, but I always drink wine....carry it with me most everywhere. What else are big purses for? have lots of changes to make for sure. And I know it will take time. The only AL in the house is a friend's beer & strange as it sounds I can't even think of actually drinking it. Still, guess I'll give it back to her when I see her. She lives 2 hours away. Or maybe I'll dump it and just pay her later.

Jen,
Looks as if you and I can become FAST FRIENDS as we are alumni of the same school of thought! Just CARRY your booze around with you!! I have enormous purses and I used to carry in 3 boxes of one liter wine at a time so my hubs wouldn't see it. Then, I had a hairspray bottle I filled with booze so I'd have it to swig on when I went out! Those WERENT the days!

Your gut instinct is right, get rid of the beer and all booze from your space. This is a statement to your brain (as much as anything else) that you are in an AF Zone. There at the end, I tried to get a buzz on peppermint schnapps because that's all there was! (talk about SICK, I still hate the sight of candy canes). GET ALL THE BOOZE OUT. This is a really big thing....I dismissed it for months but I was never successful until I did it. Pour it out and save someone's liver the trouble of processing it! If your friend wants more they still sell it.

I was watching the news yesterday and that tightrope walker, Nick Wolenda (sp?) is at it again, he is going to walk on a moving Ferris Wheel. How does he do these things? How did he get such control over his mind so that FEAR doesn't take over and cause his demise? He has a couple of things working for him, the way I see it. He PRACTICED and he has confidence. He didn't start out walking a rope 2 miles up, he started 6 inches off the ground. The second thing is that failing is NOT an option. No safety net. In so many ways, this is a lot like our journey here. Getting and STAYING sober is a skill. The more you practice it, the better at it you get. Confidence builds as well. But here is the key take-away....at least for me, I HAD to take the choice of drinking OFF the table. It just isn't an option anymore. Once I did that, things got 1000 times easier. As long as we give ourselves an OUT, guess who's going to take it???!!! Drinking AL is no more a choice for me now than jumping off a bridge (both with equally undesirable outcomes, only AL is less humane). All of this is a MINDSET. Get your head in the game and you will win! We have lots of success here in the nest! There is an easy way to do this and a hard way, we are here to help you take the shortest path to happiness!

MindPeace, Byrdie

[LilBit]

Morning Nesters!

'Woke to a beautiful blanket of snow here in Salt Lake City. That's a treat for me and will hopefully get me in the mood for my freestyle skating event today. Please send me some good ju-ju? I confess that I don't feel ready. 'Also need to stay strong afterward when everyone is drinking and shoving drinks in my face.

Hope you all have a lovely day.

[KENSHO]

Hi Nest Friends! It's been awhile, but I have my keyboard again. I sense positive vibes here - good to see.

Welcome Jeneeva! Sending you support and hugs. This is not an easy thing to tackle, and we are here and have been though much of what you are going through. Amazing things happen when we surround ourselves with successful people who are willing to listen - but the hard work has to be done by you. Many people have great recipes for success. I loved the toolbox when I started and always found something helpful there.

Hanna - glad to hear you are working through your "stuff" with the hubs. Remember that some people feel power in "holding the cards". I don't know the particulars of your relationship, but remember that you have needs too. Best to you!

AVA - Rockin' out 500!! You are such an inspiration! I appreciate your genuine and positive posts - and I'm excited for you for your vacation!

Hi Mr. Vervill - glad to see you back here. That reward thing was hard for me too - until I began to strongly associate alcohol with everything opposite of a reward.

G! Happy 100! Way to go!

I know more is happening, and I look forward to jumping back in. We had a challenging start to our trip with a sick child and sleepless night, but we arrived to moist air and fun plans - it turned out to be a very fun time. We visited friends, who greeted us at the door with wine. It's always a bit awkward to refuse, but I just said, oh - no thanks, I don't drink much any more - and that was that. Not a big deal - and I am the one who has to live with what I ingest - so no biggie. We had free "happy hour" at our hotel, which was another thing to tackle, but I just had fun making juice concoctions with kids. I did imagine partaking as I would have in the past, and felt sorry for myself for about 20 seconds before I remembered how much more I like my life now!! And the ride at Disney that almost brought my lunch to the light of day actually reminded me of a hangover - how DID I operate feeling like that every morning??

A few interesting things... I was surprised at the length that my husband went to to drink (we "have" to get back in time for happy hour, etc.). And I was also noticing how sluggish he feels now. He does not drink like I did, but I can see that it impacts his life. I do hope he sees how much lighter I feel not consuming it and gives it a try. I also got to enjoy hearing my kids sing a new tune about alcohol. They actually told their dad "you don't have to drink every day Dad. It's not that good for you." I really, truly wanted to change my kids' lives by not drinking, and I think I have!

That's it for now - work to catch up on. Glad to be back and see everyone keep fighting the fight. It's SO VERY worth it. Decide to have a better, happier, healthier life, and make those changes. You can do it!!

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

Well, now I guess I am celebrating 500 days if Ava did yesterday. I have to admit that I don't count daily, but I do like those big, round milestones.

Welcome, Jen. The good news is you don't have to feel like that any more. Hang close, read, read, read, and by all means get that alcohol out of the house.

Lil - Juju coming your way.

Jane - not sure how you got that energy in the midst of a cleanse - maybe the Suzanne Sommers high is the way to go...

I went to a big outdoor event yesterday and alcohol was EVERYWHERE. When I am in a situation like that I do still always have that thought - why can't I be normal and just enjoy a beer in the sun? It is fleeting, but it still comes. Then I see the situation from my kids' eyes, and I get angry - why do they have to be socialized to believe that alcohol=fun? Then I just felt pity. At the end of the event I was laughing and walking to the car with my family, passing drunk, sloppy people along the way. SOOOOOO very happy that wasn't me, so grateful that I can walk and have fun with my kids without being drunk. So grateful to wake up clear headed this morning. Thank goodness I don't drink!

Happy sober hump day, Nest.

Pav

[Byrdlady]

Pav,
If you like BIG, ROUND numbers, you should see my butt!
:lucky:

Congratulations on 500 Days, that is just amazing to me! I spotted you as a winner the moment you entered the nest! Well done to you, and thank you for all the support you give here daily! What a happy time for the P-Ava Twins!! GREAT WORK!!!

[Dutch1988]

Happy Wednesday everyone,

Love the big accomplishments on here, very happy for ava and G!

Today I told my best friend about my real drinking situation. He never rally thought I had a serious problem but did say he understood my decision. He has a bachelor party in June and I wanted to know the plan, he joked saying if everyone was drinking I probably would. I waited a few minutes in the conversation and eventually said I called because a few weeks ago I was considering not going since I quit. I feel strong enough now but wanted to make sure he knew I was serious about going to Vegas and not drinking. I can't even imagine having a good time right now but we will see what happens.

I can feel my stress rising as the week goes on. I tried meditating, working out has been better, but still feel tense. I think sitting at my moms with her constantly watching the tv is annoying me. That or I am just not watching my thoughts the at I need to be. Or it's too much sugar and coffee haha, oh well, I'm out.

[TJAF]

Pav,
If you like BIG, ROUND numbers, you should see my butt!
:lucky:

Congratulations on 500 Days, that is just amazing to me! I spotted you as a winner the moment you entered the nest! Well done to you, and thank you for all the support you give here daily! What a happy time for the P-Ava Twins!! GREAT WORK!!!

Pav/Ava Great work! Glad to see you hit 500 Congratulations!

[daisy45]

Congratulations Pav! So happy for you....your strength is helping thise coming up behind you!
Had a busy day....early start and late finish; kids from 7.30 to 6.30. Can be a long day. Went for my walk/bubble hour tonight. Done 4 miles. Listened to Early days in sobriety. Another good one! A lot of reference to PAWS, but aot of hope. I love these talks....people in early sobriety to those with years all sharing.
I have to admit, even listening, that I was thinking 'wine, wine, why not?' Got home and went for a drive to measure the distance of a couple of new walks and realised the thoughts had gone.....perseverance....it takes time, but the desperate thoughts do go and sometimes quickly.
I am also aware now that these thoughts are a request to myself to vigilant and put extra work in.
Feeling happy...tonight was my first toughie and I got through it. Each AF day can only get better.
Dutch, glad you had that talk....hope he understands how much this means to you.

[available]

Morning nesters,

oh it feels good to sleep in till 7am and not have to worry about work for 3 glorious weeks. i spent some time with Robert yesterday and he promised he wont die on me, i cant ask for more than that. Picked up mum from the airport and now she is busy making me cups of tea in bed. I love my mum spoiling me!

Dutch that is so good that you told your friend how you felt. yes his bachelor party will be hard but you have already started your plan so you dont drink. Be firm in your decision and you wont fail and once you get there the worry will go and you will have the best time. If you feel like a drink then take some time out to go for a walk away from the situation. Its a shame that people find it necessary to put pressure on us to drink, if they only could live the living hell we used to live in when we drank, they would support us more.

Pav, happy 500th and isnt life just the best now. i get where you still feel like 'why cant i have just one" but we know the answer to that question and life is definitely better than your massacre and i'm not blacking out on furniture. Tonight i am cooking (yes cooking) for the man and mum and children. I have not even thought about how much wine i would need to provide as i dont provide any as i dont drink. The internal fighting has long gone and now there is a sense of peace. Like you Pav i am grateful for my life now, no one can take this life away from me except for me.

Welcome home kensho, so glad you had a nice break.

Welcome newbies, listen and learn from the oldies and you can never ever go wrong. Once i pulled my ego filled head out my arse and really listened then i never looked back.

Have a great day, i think i may pack!

[Guitarista]

Hiya Nester's.

Congratulations on 500 days Pavi! Well done my friend.

Jane, 15 months! Congratulations! Raawkin it.

Take it easy out there y'all. You are in the drivers seat. G

[MossRose]

Pav and Jane - congrats on the milestones. You keep me strong and striving.

Lilbit - my son has traveled to every state, and he told me that Salt Lake City was one of the most interesting places he has visited. I'm glad you get to live in such a wonderful place.

G - congrats on 100 days!! You crack me up. Stay strange, my friend. Please!!

Jen - glad you are staying close, It's key to making it happen. Yes, I long for Michigan. I lived in the southeast corner, but have spent most of my life exploring the whole state. I was in the UP a couple of years ago. Magnificent! My best friend is married to a man who grew up in the UP, and he is such a UP snob. LOL. You will get it. The whole...everyone under the bridge is a troll thingy. Too funny. Now, I'm making myself homesick. Anyway, take care yourself and listen to NS. She knows ALOT about nutrition. Please try to keep eating. It's very important.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Yay Pav, CONGRATS on 500 AF days!!!!

Welcome back Kensho, glad it all went well for you.

Lil, we are keeping our fingers crossed for you

Dutch, glad you friend is aware of your quit. Try not to worry ahead, let's just keep going one day at a time - preserves our sanity!!!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[LavenderBlue]

*rushes into Nest, realizing how late it's gotten*

Ava and Pav - 500 days is amazing, you rock!

Jane - And yay for 15 months, that's awesome!

Byrd - You are so spot-on with the talk of moral licensing loopholes! That's always been one of the things I need to watch out for, I am horrible at "I've done so well with not doing *thing* that I totally deserve to do *thing* now!" Wait, what? I have to stop and really think about what I'm saying, realize that that "reward" is actually ruining whatever I'm working towards. It was worst with my drinking, especially in the first month or two, but I've noticed I do that with other things, too.

Janeeva - Welcome, so glad you found your way here! Looks like you've already been given great advice, but I'll throw in extra support from me, too.

daisy - After seeing one of your posts, I went looking for the Unpickled blog. Spent half the night reading it, too! Even though you probably didn't plan on it, thanks for the reccomendation. ^^ I have a lot of issues with trying to be perfect about everything (I know I'm not the only one who can say that) and some of what she wrote really hit home for me. I've been telling people my entire life that I don't mind making mistakes because that's how you learn...but I'm realizing now that I always said that because it's what you're supposed to say. I'm actually not very good about making mistakes at all, I try really hard to control things so I don't because it makes me super uncomfortable and upset with myself. But knowing that means I can do something about it, I can learn healthy ways to be ok with making mistakes instead of feeling like I have to numb everything.

Hanna - I'm so glad you're feeling calmer now, I was so hoping talking to the therapist would be a good thing for you.

Other than that, I'm going to second everyone else saying to make sure to get all the AL out of the house! I HATED that step and really wanted to keep my safety net...but I ended up listening to the folks here and I'm glad I did. (To be fair, my mother still had some of hers in the house, but I'd told her I was quitting. Knowing she wouldn't let me drink it was enough to stop me, but I won't argue that it would have been easier if it was just not there, you know?)

Sorry to everyone I've missed - busy day today, but a good one. I never would have gotten so much done today when I was drinking, and some of the things I'd never have done at all.

Hope everyone has a good one!

[jane27]

Hi Nesters, I came across a surfing enthusiast article titled, Tips For Overcoming Fears of Big Waves. The points are simple and offer strategy that can be applied to AL with regard to managing moods and anxiety.


1. Share your fear with other people in the lineup (preferably your buddies, natch). Let 'em know you're scared and what it is that's spooked you. This might have practical consequences - someone helping you to shore or showing you an easier surf zone, for instance. In any case, it'll break your internal thought circle and get it out in the open where you can look at it, act on it, or just dismiss it.

2. Concentrate on your breathing. Breath in deeply; hold for a split second; breathe out slowly and thoroughly, hold it out for a split second. Focus on what the breathing feels like; on what your throat and lungs are doing, not your brain. Do it ten times. Works a bloody treat.

3. Catch a wave. Serious -- the fastest way to freedom from fear is through the rush of an actual ride. Even a wipeout is a better option to a frozen sitting position.

Once you're out of the fear loop and your surf session is finished, take a bit of time to break it down to the source of the initial fear. What is there to learn? What will or won't you do as a result?

Down the line: there's no avoiding fear; if it comes up, there it is. Most super successful big wave riders have two things on their side:

-- They're highly experienced in large surf situations, and have developed a lot of confidence through that experience. As a result their fear thresholds are very high. Crazy situations can begin to feel quite normal, and easy to handle.

-- They've faced fear enough to understand its place in the scheme of things, and thus don't panic at its presence; they don't fall into the loop. They simply acknowledge it, and get on with things.

Once you realize fear isn't the end of the world, it gives you a shot at rising above it. Best of luck.