Newbies Nest

[Mr Vervill]

Hey Mr. V!
If I may offer up 2 points of observation. The first one is the MORAL LICENSING LOOPHOLE. What's this? It's when we give ourselves permission to do something 'BAD' (eat potato chips, buy something extravagant, or drink AL) because we've been 'good.' We reason that we've earned it or deserve it, or that some good behavior has to be offset by something bad. We are Alkies, the LAST thing we need as a reward is AL. It's the ultimate punishment if you think about it. Which brings me to my second point. As a card-carrying Alkie, I can honestly say I never took a drink without thinking about it. I WAS AWARE. VERY. AWARE. I bet you were, too. Addicts know when their fix is coming.

You've been at this a while, I know you know how to quit this madness. Accepting it and LETTING GO to the fantasy of 'just on special occasions or weekends' goes a long way. Please get your support system in place (your wife) and let her know so she doesn't derail you inadvertently. If you are like me, there just comes a time to stop bullshitting yourself and get this monkey off your back once and for all. There is NO better time than right now.
Byrdie.



A late check in today, been hunkered down with Uncle Sam and taxes.
Thanks for calling me out on my bullshit, Byrdie, Moss and Lav B. Yes, I wanted the reward. Yes, when it came I gladly accepted, I did know better. Need to fight that as well.
Byrdie, I have visions of you with that big assed purse! Lol

Ava and Pav,500 Days! you both Rawk! ( apologizes to G-mam)
Lilbit, 50 ! awesome
Jane, 15 Mos!
G-Man 100 !

Peace to Hanna and Daisy
Welcome to Questroo and Jeneeva

[daisy45]

LavBlue, glad you found that. The more reading online, the more links you come across. I check out as much as I can.
This morning the sun is shining, dew on the grass, very still. Absolutely beautiful. So thankful for waking up sober today.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Thursday to everyone!

Daisy, I love taking time each day (even if it's just a few minutes) to observe nature & the weather & be thankful. It's a small thing that helps keep me grounded

Mr V, choose a few non-AL rewards from the Tool box. Nothing wrong with a huge flavored iced tea after a long day

Wishing everyone a great AF day. I am off for some exercise then expecting my daughter & granddaughter for a visit at lunch time.

Lav

[Jeneeva]

Good Morning Nesters,
Thanks to all of you for you encourgagment!!
At least it's a lot better than yesterday (so far). I never dreamed I'd feel so sick, never this bad when I quit before. Think there's a message for me here... at least my doc gave me some Librium when he realized I can't afford to go into a detox center. Drinking tons of water and detox tea. Plan to recheck the toolbox and just surf around and read more. Hoping it gets nice enough out today to get in a walk too. I'm so glad I am between projects at work, and can spend some time on healing.

Be Well All,

Jen

[LilBit]

Pav, congrats on your 500 and thanks for the good wishes.

Ava, yay for you and your upcoming trip. How exciting!

Yesterday was a disaster! I skated a great warmup -- all the jumps and spins were there but when I went out to actually skate my technical program, I missed my second element and then "the wheels came off the bus." 'Ever have one of those nightmares where you're trying and trying to get somewhere and just can't? That was me, not to mention being out there alone in front of people on a big white sheet of ice wearing a glorified swimsuit with rhinestones on it. Arrgh!

I'm also dealing with a chronic shoulder & neck injury that has become so acute in the last three days (pinched nerve?) that it feels like someone is repeatedly jabbing an ice pick into my shoulder. I've had three deep tissue massages and been maxxed out on ibuprofen, acetaminophen and ice packs, none of which relieve the pain for very long. As soon as the adrenaline wore off yesterday, all I could do was lie on the floor of my hotel room.

'Roused myself to go out to dinner last night and I have never wanted a drink so much in my life. Even without the pain, I'd have typically been snarfing down drinks either to celebrate the good or blot out the bad experience. But with my Ouch-o-Meter on 10, the urge was almost overwhelming. 'Managed to resist the temptation out of pure stubbornness. I guess there's something to be said for that.

Today, I hope to find a doctor who can look at this wretched shoulder. Was hoping to wait until returning home next week but I can't stand another day of this pain and I have an artistic event to perform on Saturday.

Here's hoping for better days.

[Guitarista]

Geez Lilbit. Wishing you an effective solution and speedy recovery henceforth and forthwith!

[Byrdlady]

LilBit, your post makes ME hurt!
I'm so sorry about your event. I hope you get your legs back soon and the Dr. can help you get back in the pink. Yes, stubbornness can be an attribute in this war, stick with it, AL isn't going to make a dam thing better. AL improves nothing. Healing thoughts to you.

My job is sucking the life out of me. I am happy to say that at NO time did I want to turn to AL! This is a biggie! I used to blame a lot of my drinking on this job. Yesterday was a real s*hit storm, a convergence of aggravations: customers pecking away at my exposed flesh (apologies to Stella). After the end of it all, I took a bubble bath. I slept on it. Unfortunately, I'm still mad today, but I'm not hungover and I have NO GSR's! (guilt/shame/remorse). Today, I plan to make chicken salad out of chicken ___! And there will be NO AL in sight.

God, grant me the serenity not to choke anybody today. MindPeace! Byrdie

[Elvis]

Good job on 500 days Pavati!

[Overit-still]

HEY HEY HEY!!!! Just rollin' in.

Got throught April 15. Boy was it a rough one. But like Bird said, not even thinking of reaching for AL.

Ready to get back to my regular scheduled life.

I'll have to catch up from being in this bubble for the last few weeks.

Have a great day everyone!

[Hanna]

Hello Nesters-

Pav and Jane CONGRATULATIONS!!! Great milestones for you both. Not much to share here, just checking in. My sister and niece are coming for a visit later today through early next week. They are staying nearby with the parents. I look forward to this visit in a big way. However, Sat. night the whole crew (hubby and I, sis and niece, two sets of parents and my daughter and son in law) are all getting together for dinner. As it is parents anniversary soon, my daughters birthday soon, and my and hubby's 19 year at the end of the month, family wants to celebrate these milestones. I could throw up. We are going to just have to smile and pretend all is ok. Only my sister knows the real story. UGH. Talk about wanting to be numb! (I won't)

Anyway, here at work, and need to get busy. Hope you all have a good day.

[aquamarine]

Hi Everyone. Day 8 for me. Actually counting it up and was pleasantly suprised at that. Just got off a long work stretch and finally have a day off. Reading everyones post and finding so much so helpful and relateable ( not sure if that is actually a word). Thanks for all your honesty.
The whole idea trigger thing is something I really need to focus on. It just feels overwhelming. I don't know why but it just occurred to me of an approach I took many years ago with a very different thing. When I took Physics - many years ago- I felt completely overwhelmed. A very smart friend helped me by telling me to take each problem and label it as a specific type of problem. Then go to the specific formulas for that type of problem and solve it. That advise sounds so ridiculously simple but it helped immensely. Maybe approaching cravings and their triggers that way in a more specific way would be more effective. It would take alot of discipline to actually think it through each time -discipline I have not exercised at all.

[Hanna]

Oh! Meant to say....Lil Bit

I am so sorry you are in physical pain!!! That sucks. I hope you can get some shoulder relief soon!

[Overit-still]

Just got the word that my mother has 24hours to live. I am leaving now on my 8 hour journey to get to her side. I will not be checking in for a few days. Be assured I will be sober, no worries.

Keep my travels and my mothers peace in your prayers.

Thank you.

[LavenderBlue]

Mr. V. - One of the things I love about the support here in the Nest is there's always someone who gets what you're going through. A few folks kindly called my bluff when I was about to get into a cycle of "Well, just one more and then I'll be good to quit." I didn't realize it's what I was doing at the *time* and I thought they were being a little picky about it, asking if I really needed that one more or not...of course I wanted one more, I'd PLANNED for that "reward" before I quit for good, right?....but in the end I was glad they did and glad I listened and called it quits then instead of later. AL brains are tricky beasts, I'm glad if anything I've said was helpful.

Jeneeva - I definitely understand what you mean about how you feel being a message; it was really hard for me to convince myself I didn't have a problem when my body was obviously going through a lot trying to get all the crap out of my system. Hang in there though, it does get better! Glad you can work with your doctor and that you've got time to heal.

Lilbit - Oh, ouch! Good on you for not drinking, and hoping the doctor can help you out asap! Also...stubbornness isn't always a bad thing, mine has gotten me through some rough spots in my quit.

Byrd - Sorry the job is full of suckage, but so glad to hear you didn't want to use AL! happy for you, of course, but it's also heartening for me since sometimes I worry how I'll react when I am back in the workplace. Gotta remember all kinds of people manage work stress without drinking, there's no reason I can't learn how to do the same.

Overit - I am so sorry to hear you got that news, definitely sending support and prayers towards you and your family.

And, I gotta get going now, unfortunately. Time snuck up on me today and I've still got some things I need to get done before an obligation tonight. BUT even days like that are better than they used to be. Used to be a day like that I'd sit here at the comp and have a few drinks to "get me going"...which of course would end up making me slower and more easily distracted and LESS likely to get the things done I wanted to. Sober I can prioritize my list, focus on the important things, and actually be efficient.

On a weird note though, one of the reasons I'm running late is I hit a patch of weird insomnia last night. Spent some of the time listening to old music and watching random Youtube vids. This is going to sound weird, but when I was finally tired enough to sleep, I realized that those were two things I was worried I wouldn't want to do anymore when I was sober. Not exactly big exciting hobbies, but every once in a while it's something I enjoy just to shut my brain off a while. And you know, I can still do them, enjoy them, and they still quiet my mind sober. I just don't get caught up doing it until sunrise anymore, and I don't get stuck on them on nights I *could* be sleeping instead. Just kind of a neat moment for me.

Take care, all!

[Dutch1988]

Damn overit that is tough, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Really not much else to say.

Lilbit I have a shoulder program that has helped me out a bit for shoulder injuries, has a lot of PT in it that might start giving you some relief. I'll shoot you a link if you are interested.

Hanna good luck with the dinner, that sounds like it would be terribly difficult. I don't like hanging out with my wifes family when we are all on good terms, nevermind if things were on the rocks, good luck.

I on the other hand, feel I am at the end of my rope. Been doing a lot of introspection the past couple of days and really thought I had a handle on my system, I was wrong. Yesterday I felt like I had what I thought was a panic attack, but it was very mild and I felt it in a different way than I normally would. Previously my panic attacks made me feel like I was going to die, but instead I felt more like I just couldn't breathe, needed to escape and throw up type feeling. It went on all day, was a bit better at work being distracted but still not great. All I wanted was a drink, but I pounded soda instead knowing full well if it was anxiety it would not help me whatsoever, but I needed to distract myself with some kind of liquid.

Fell asleep early with my wife and slept almost 12 hours, now I feel a rebound depression that makes me not want to do anything so I know it was anxiety related. the only thing I can figure is I have been drinking too much coffee. I think last week it was okay because I would get coffee around 7 and spread it out all day, but this week I have been getting it later in the day and closer together, so I am officially going to try and switch to decaf. By far the closer I have been to drinking again, and what really upsets me is I felt fine, like I had no problems at all, I felt in control of my life and I wasn't stressing out financially or anything. of course, once I started feeling my panic attack everything stressed me out, the neighbor next door telling me my dog is barking too much was like a crisis, sitting here now I am like who the flip cares if she calls animal control or tries to get a city ordinance, she's just some old retired woman who is overreacting and my neighbor on the other side hasn't said anything. See here I go getting upset over something I just said doesn't matter haha. Trying to decide if I need to take a day off from working to figure this crap out. I definitely don't feel 39 days strong like I thought.