Newbies Nest

[available]

Morning nesters,

Sitting outside on the verandah and enjoying the serenity. The flight wiped it out of me and i have a bug that the boys had but that will pass. I feel like i have had a night on the drink, lethargic, dry mouth, headachy, budgy slept in my mouth but i know its not from drinking. Give me the gross coffee anytime over the al on the plane!

Today we will go and have some breaky and check out the shops, we have not stayed at this resort before so its all new!

I never ever thought i could give up drinking for any amount of time but it does become a way of life, like going to work, cooking, cleaning etc but i do know i have to work on my sobriety each and every day. I do know how easy it would be to have that "one" and that is why 5 minutes out of my life checking in here is nothing compared to the hell i could take myself back to if i chose to. The choice to drink is always mine alone but i will never become complacent with my addiction, it is part of me and it will never win and take what i have now off me.

Off for a swim, take care.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Looks like everyone is having a good weekend so far.
I'm happily exhausted after a fun-filled family day
Life is good without AL - trust me!!!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Aquamarine and Hypernova,

It isn't surprising if you don't feel confident in yourselves yet, especially if like most of us, you've made promises and let yourselves down many times before. With more time AF, your belief in yourselves will grow. Your brains will heal the longer they aren't exposed to toxic alcohol, and you'll be able to think and plan more clearly. This is a great time to work on "rewiring" your brain - to look at things differently. I learned all I could about addiction, the toxic effects of alcohol, and the methods for reversing the damage (nutrition, exercise, meditation, etc.).

A key element for me was to constantly notice (and contemplate) what was better in my life now that alcohol was no longer part of it. When something was good, I would think about how it would have been diminished by drinking. When something was tough, I'd consider how much worse if would have been. I still do this and am ever grateful for the changes.

At first it seemed like a sacrifice not to drink. I was always thinking I can't drink. Over time and as my confidence grew, that became I won't drink. As my life changed more and more for the better, I realized (with enormous relief and gratitude!) that I didn't need to drink ever again.So now, I don't drink :smile: and am confident that as long as I don't take what I've gained for granted and continue to appreciate the changes, that will remain true.

I hope you give yourselves the time we all need but that you use that time to do the work to become the non-drinkers you want to be. Abstaining from alcohol is necessary but not sufficient to get the job done - we've got to change those well-worn pathways in our brains!

All the best, NS

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

I'm back after some great camping with the family. I just read back a page or two - I am pretty exhausted after sleeping on a giant tree root and doing a lot of hiking.

Aqua and Ava - sometimes when I wake up with a headache now, I am actually grateful. Sounds weird, but it is a reminder of what I'm NOT doing to myself day after day. I hope you both feel better soon. Ava - have a great time in Thailand - jealous!

We had dinner with some friends one of the nights - the husband went to 28 day rehab and is not drinking now. I feel like he's a time bomb waiting to drink again - he is the classic dry drunk where he is not drinking but seems to have all of the same issues. We'll see. In praising how great he looks and seems his wife even said "who knows if he'll quit forever," essentially opening the door for him to try drinking again. Danger Will Robinson! Anyway - it made me feel grateful to have you all. I know that I can't judge someone else's experience, only talk about mine, but in my experience that acceptance is key. NoSugar has some good advice above. For me the acceptance had to come before I quit, or else I would never have stuck with it. For others, acceptance comes later. I hope it does for him...

I'm off to collapse in my bed. Can't wait for a soft mattress and cotton sheets!

Happy Sober Saturday.

Pav

[Matt M.]

Late evening here in stormy N. Texas. Wind, rain lighting etc really intensifies my line of work. So been busier than our normal busy.
Can't really add much to what has been said, Cowboys post was badass, followed by the byrd lady from Alcatraz...
Had a bit of a rough week, was fortunate to get some great advice in here, I'm learning how to cope with issues on my own, without Alcohol and for the record I suck at it.
Trying to focus on being grateful for what I have, and go to my knees often for help and remember Thy will be done, not mine.
Stay hard my friends

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Reporting in from pollen city here - allergies are out of control
Funny that all you want to do is spend time outside now after a long cold winter but being outside means even more sneezing & sniffling, ha ha!

NS, Pav & Matt, you all mentioned the same concept that I've been promoting for the past six years around here ~ gratitude
Developing an attitude of gratitude for being AF has kept me going all this time! Keeping my thoughts in the present keeps me feeling balanced & not worrying about future 'what if' events that just may never happen.

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Sunday!

Lav

[NoSugar]

You're the one who got me to give gratitude a go, Lav (THANK YOU!). It sounded too new-agey, hocus-pocus to logical, linear, rational me to thank my way out of an addiction - but it really does help change the brain. Because a practical, successfully sober person such as yourself was advocating it, I decided to give it a try. Taking my brain and ego out of the picture as much as possible and following the advice of those of you I admired ahead of me made the whole process of quitting so much easier than when I was trying to think, negotiate, and force my way through. You are a key person in my gratitude list :hug:!

[Dila]

It has been months since I have been here. Was trying to quit on my own but have been failing. The last month my drinking has gotten worse. I went to an all women's AA meeting and really liked it, but didn't go back. Tried to tell my husband and brothers and sisters about being an alcoholic but everyone kept saying I wasn't. They all see me suffering from depression which has gotten worse since I lost my job 5 months ago and they all keep saying that's all it is and everything will get better once I find a job. People don't see me drink. If I am out will only have 2 drinks and lots of water as I never want to drive drunk but I drink every night at home.
I finally accepted medication for the depression which my doctor has been trying to give me for a year but I didn't want to take anything. It has only been a week so I am not feeling any relief yet. I signed up for Pilates classes which begins this week. And I am here. I need to stop drinking today.

[Byrdlady]

Dila, welcome back! I remember you, glad you are here!
ALCOHOL is the problem!
I would have never believed it, but once I got AL out once and for all, my depression cleared up! I have found the fewer pills I take the better I feel! I know its hard to get started, but once underway, you will feel 1000 times better!
Pav and NS, great perspective. Since Im no longer negotiating with AL (always a losing proposition) I am much happier. Once you get some distance away from it you will see that you certainly dont need AL to he happy. If you think about it, when we all came here, how SAD we were that we had to give up this thing!! Now look at the ones with distance behind them and now they realize you dont need AL in your life AT ALL! Amazing the GRIP it has on us. (And I was pretty hardcore). Get some distance between you and AL and you will accept that it has no place in the human body! EVERY drink does damage.

Hope everyone has an easy day!

[LilBit]

Hello Nesters. Hope everyone is having a great Sunday. I've been crazy-busy at the competition, both participating and supporting my friends, but still checking in often to see how you're all doing. Ended the event on a high note with a gold in my "artistic" skating event yesterday. My shoulder is still killing me and I'm looking forward to getting some help for it upon returning home. (And yes, Dutch -- please -- I'd appreciate any info that might help. I am so desperate to relieve the pain.)

This week was incredibly challenging. I realized how much of my past has been centered around AL and how very different it is now. Do I miss the 45 minutes of euphoria after pounding down the first few drinks before the inner beast begins nagging at me to drink another one NOW? Well, of course. I'd be lying if I said it didn't. It's frickin' euphoria. But -- and (not unlike mine) -- this is a big BUT, those 45 minutes are absolutely positively not worth all the junk that goes with them. I'm talking about the cravings, the dissatisfaction, the inevitable stupid acts and things said, the cost, the GSR, etc. Watching my fiance become marble-mouthed over sushi and sake one night this week, and then seeing him rant to my friends about politics was quite revealing.

Overit, I have been and continue to send prayers and good thoughts for you. Stay strong.

Dutch, how did it go after your grappling match? Did you find it as hard as I did to turn down that celebratory "sip?" Believe me, I pictured a flock of muddy-footed Stellas coming after me a few times to get through it.

Pav, I enjoyed your last post as I always do. Your camping trip sounded fun.

Dila, welcome! Do this for yourself and try to take other peoples' opinions out of the equation. Unless they're sitting in your seat, experiencing what you're experiencing, they're not going to get it.

Love to all, and have a great sober Sunday!

[Dutch1988]

Dila I know what you mean about depression. I had bouts of depression for years and often times never felt like doing anything, let alone going to work or taking care of myself. I don't think your family is wrong about getting a job again helping, but stopping the drinking is probably your first step to really feeling better. Start here checking in every day, I had tried to quit and moderate numerous times to no avail but the support i have received here really made the difference. Make today your day one and check back here often. As we have all spoken of for the past day or so a support network is key. I prefer this medium to a group because I really like the anonymity, feeling like I can write whatever is on my mind, especially here in the best and not get talked down is great for helping not hold in emotions that would make me drink. I will check back later and hopefully we can stay on top of each other!

I lost yesterday at my tournament. It was double elimination and I lost first round, one second and third went to decision. I do have a complaint about a red decision in the first round but it's all good. The main thing that surprises me is I don't feel bad about losing. I actually feel like I gave it my all. I don't feel like I can have done any better and that is very rewarding. Not drinking makes me feel like even if I am not reaching my goals like I want I am giving it my all so if I come up a bit short at least I know I tried my best. Enjoying some decaf coffee, which really seems to have helped with my stress. I drink coffee black so I think I am actually hudrating now with this stuff, any negative effects from decaf I should know of? Haha. Have a great Sunday everyone!

[kherriot]

Sorry just trying this

new to this and still trying to figure things out

[NoSugar]

You're doing it just right, kh. You can either respond to the posts ahead of you or start an entirely new topic - either is fine. Glad you found the Newbies Nest! It is a great place to give and get support from people who understand what you're saying and what you're going through. Welcome!

[available]

Morning nest from sunny Thailand though its raining atm.

Dil, no one wants an alcoholic in the family so i found out. I had a problem yes but god forbid i mentioned the word alcoholic. I just drank too much. I am an alcoholic they know that now and they will tell others but they tell others how proud they are of me for being sober. A day at a time not drinking is all we can do.

Welcome Kherr, i read your other post and your husband will learn to trust you again if you prove to him you can be sober. I let so many people down with my drinking, giving false promises only to keep hitting the repeat button. I didnt hit my rock bottom but i just knew in my heart i could not keep doing what i was doing without dire consequences. Be gentle with yourself.

Today is my 2nd sober birthday! Woo hoo to me i say. never in my wildest dreams did i think i could string two consecutive sober birthdays together and thats even if they were in two consecutive days!

Off to the markets today, life cant get better. xx

[LavenderBlue]

Hey all, checking in quick here so advance apologies if I miss anyone. I'm ridiculously tired, but I think it's just that it's been raining plus I've been trying to step up my excercise.

Got a nice reminder of the importance of being patient today. I got some good news (basically, a website wants me to start writing a couple articles for them monthly. It's not a paying job, but I trust the folks doing it and it's the first time in a LONG time I got feedback like that about my writing.) and when I told my mom, she reacted in kind of a "Yeah, and?" way. I knew she's been tired, but it was still disappointing and frustrating for me. I didn't exactly crave a drink, but I was very aware that's how I used to handle things like that. Killed time for a few hours not really sure what to do, but trying to stay busy; and she came back after running errands to say some very nice, supportive things. I was ok during the time between even though it affected my mood, and everything worked out fine in the end. Lesson to my, "OMG this is the worst thing, ever!" knee-jerk reactions.

Dila - So glad you're here in the Nest now! What you write sounds a lot like where I was at when I first came into the Nest, I heard a lot of, "You just need to find another job" advice from family, too. But last time I'd listened to that...getting a new job didn't do much to stop my drinking so I still had a whole mess of issues. I'm job hunting at the moment, and I can tell you I feel 500% more capable sober than I ever did while trying to juggle my secret drinking. It's not easy, but I'm handling it so much better. My depression and anxiety issues have also gotten a whole lot better. Support your way!

kherriot - Welcome to the Nest, and you're doing fine. There's not really a rule about posting here, as has been mentioned. Sometimes we answer other posts and sometimes we just write on our own topics. We're all here to support each other in our quits, that's the important part!

And that's about all the brain I have for tonight. I'm moving forward in a lot of ways, but it is also tiring. Going to try to get on the bike for a bit tonight and maybe even get to bed early. I just realized while typing that I think part of being tired is that even with good news, part of me is probably scared to be moving forward - scared that I'm going to mess things up. I may not THINK I feel that way, but I bet money I do. I'm probably trying to be perfect again, and I know that doesn't end well.

Thanks to everyone in the Nest; I'm catching thoughts like that so much faster than I ever did on my own. Hope everyone has a great and AF MAE!