Newbies Nest

[Matt M.]

Byrdie,

THANK YOU....THANK YOU....THANK YOU!!!!

I really do appreciate all of the encouragement.

And yes DENIAL is where I am right now. I convinced myself that if I can go 3 days (actually 2 1/2 days) without alcohol, then I don't have a problem. But in the back of my head, I knew that was wrong.

I am just going to do this one day at a time. I will NOT drink today.

Great to see you back! Yes as hard as it is we must take it one day at a time; however I believe it's equally important to have a plan of Action, for when that day comes and Al starts the convincing process, or the Fuck its set in. If your not already latch on to someone that can be there in a moments notice, I highly recommend it! I like to refer to them as Stalkers.

Matt - I like the Australian version better, and all I can say about Ava is that it takes one to know one. Cheeky sods, the lot of you.*

Linda The Pavster and I are on to your shenanigans...

Hope everyone is having a great one!
Stay hard weirdos!

[LavenderBlue]

kh - Hope you can find something that works for you! It took some looking for me, I know - I prefer flavored sparkling water but sugar substitutes give me headaches. There are more than I thought out there though, that only have natural flavoring and not added sugar or substitute. I want to say that Dasani also does a line, though theirs do have a little bit of sodium if that matters.

Ava - So glad to hear you're having a fun and restful time on your vacation!

mama - So glad you came back here! I wasn't on this site at the time, but I sure know the back-and-forth and "I bet I can moderate if I really try" experiments. And even here, it's funny but I didn't really believe everyone when they said it was going to take time before I really started thinking clearly. I went with it anyway, but I figured they were probably exaggerating...I've got to say I'm eating my (silent) words now, though. I can look back on my first few weeks and months and see how differently I think now, and now I believe the folks ahead of me who say it gets even better with more time.

Anyway, everyone strap in, stick close, and keep reading and posting! Make sure you have a plan, and close up any sneaky loopholes you can find. For me, I was pretty much a hermit for quite a few weeks. I didn't really feel safe going out shopping or anything like that, so I found a partner to go grocery shopping, planned out everything I would need for the week, and got it all while I had someone with me. I avoided gas stations where I knew I might pick up their AL (that was before I quit smoking, so I was still running to those pretty often) and pretty much hunkered down. Eventually I decided I needed to quit drinking soda and smoking since those were both huge triggers for me, but that's just what I needed to do - I wouldn't have if it made the AL quit harder.

When I wasn't in the Nest I was looking up books for my Kindle about quitting drinking, and I turned down quite a few times my friends were hoping to go out with me because I didn't feel safe doing that. Other plans might work better for other people, I just knew I had to do everything I could to stay focused or I was never going to make it stick. If I was a different person I probably would have gone out with my non-drinking friends at least, but sometimes I just need to hunker down and do things that way.

When I wasn't sure if I was sabatoging myself, I came here and asked for support and advice or looked through the Toolbox - and I still do! I'm at a point now where I spend way more time living my life than "not-drinking" but for me at least, I needed that time in the beginning to really get solid about what I was doing. I ate whatever I wanted - that was advice from here that helped - and I slept whenever I was tired and could sleep. Other than that, I just really hung on to the promises from everyone here that it would get better and that my life as a whole would get better if I cut the drinking out for good. And I've got to say they were right about both.

Sending support and good thoughts!

EDIT - My sig is kind of humorous, but it's also true. What it took for me to quit was to take all of the stubbornness I have (and that's a LOT! xD ) and focus it on being able to do this quit thing.

[Overit-still]

Waving as I fly by...................

[available]

Morning nesters

Well what can i say, staying in paradise is hard but someone has to do it.

i did go for a massage the other day and felt a tweak in my back which has now turned into a limp and agony. So i may pay for a resort massage today which means i will be paying out my ass for it but hoping they can do something. A girls gotta do!

Matt you are a cheeky sod and dont forget it! Pav now what do you mean? im sunshine and roses always!

Kher, how are you doing? dont give up giving up Mama, it will stick eventually. I remember thinking "what the hell do the oldies know, it must have been so easy for them as they have gotten this far along". Total and utter crap, they did the hard yards, they went through exactly what we went through as newbies and thank god they stay around to guide us all. The time and effort they put into this site is amazing and i figure now if i can help one person be sober then every day logging on here is worth it. As Lavb said she had to deny herself going out etc and to focus on becoming sober, she prioritised her quit over everything else, as i did also and i still do. There is no end to this journey but it does get better and better each and every day.

Well time for a swim and then breakfast time again and then just after breakfast mum will be asking what i want for lunch.

Take care xxxx

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

We ended up having a nice sunny day after all that rain last night
My grandsons were picked up by 8 pm so I can at least sit & relax for a while. 4 & 6 year old boys are a handful - geez!

Welcome back Mama, please grab a twig & some butt Velcro.
Learning to ignore the mind chatter is all part of the process. It helped me to practice saying out loud 'no thanks, I don't drink'. Sounds weird but it helped a lot!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Having some serious work stress tonight. :egad: Big test for me. It amazes me that after all I know and all I've been through and how far I've come, my brain can still flash on "WINE - It's what's for dinner!" The thought has surfaced more than once. I'm eating well, which helps. I even said screw it to staying up late last night, so I'm rested. But I'm under tremendous stress - just far too much to do. So I'm looking at this situation as an opportunity to understand what I can improve - instead of running to a drink to numb the feelings. I do have too much to do, but I also tend to think I can somehow "get it all done". And that's just not true. There will always be these times when everyone seems to need everything at once - but I need to be better at being realistic with what I can actually do.

Ugh! I am keeping a cool head and helping my son with his homework - would have lost my temper long before now had I been drinking!

Anyway, had a little spat over my "special peppermint water" at dinner. The kids want to have some as soon as they see it - if they only knew how much it helps me to avoid AL drinks, especially on nights like this...

Happy thoughts to every one of you here - and especially the cheeky ones (you make me smile).

[actiongirl46]

Hey Kensho - I'm still up. Work stress is no fun and sounds like you have more than your share. Try some hard candy? Tea? Just going to bed? Hang in there - you rock!

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Your day sounds like mine, Kensho. A lot of stress at work, then home to help my son struggle through his homework. Today my husband brought me my favorite drink - sparkling water with a splash of good cranberry juice and a hefty squeeze of lime. It was actually what I craved - NOT alcohol. Go figure. I was afraid I would never be able to drink that since it used to have vodka in it most of the time, but it turns out it tastes delicious and actually better without.

But even my work stress is much more calm now that I don't drink. I don't obsess over things I have no control over, and more directly confront those things I think I DO have control over.

Welcome back, Mama. I had a similar experience. I joined here and pretended that I was determined to go alcohol free forever, but in the back of my head I knew I was different and would be able to go 90 days without, and then I would quietly disappear and be one of the moderator success stories that you don't hear much about around here. Well, I went three weeks, left for two more, and then slunk back. It seems once I decided to moderate, I went full bore into drinking as much as I could (hmm, kind of the way I "diet" too). Anyway - it was embarassing, but it caused me to finally surrender and admit I HAD to quit. You can do this, I know you can.

Good night, nest. Stick close, and come back if you've slunk away - we don't judge.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Pavati, tonight my husband brought me some flowers he cut from our yard. I can count on one hand the times he's brought me flowers for no reason at all. I am darn sure I would not have deserved them if I were drinking - because I would not have been nice to be around. It made me smile! I will try your cranberry concoction!

The other thing that happened is that my son drew me a special card that said "I love my mama". :heartbeat:

Both of these things tell me that, even though I feel stress, I am not taking it out on them - and I am handling it SO much better than I used to (improved coping skills!!) and WAYYYYY better than if I was drinking (which just made me tired, irritable and irrational!)

Thanks for your support actiongirl! Everyone likes to be told they rock! I just finished my second raid of my son's candy bin - and was considering tea. Like minds... Can't go to bed, but I will focus on how good I will feel once this ordering is complete tonight. A client just emailed to reschedule tomorrow's appt. - I feel like the universe is on my side.

Getting through tough times sober is so rewarding. Getting through them drinking is disappointing and destructive.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Happy Hump day to all
I sure hope for less work stress for you Pav & Kensho!
I'll be dong the same thing as yesterday, picking up the grandsons after school & keeping them until their mother arrives. Busy, busy!

Wishing everyone a great AF Wednesday!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Just checking in today before another busy day at the Nut House. I tell you, what a day yesterday...at 4 o'clock I get a call that we had left off part of an order and I had to jump thru hula-hoops to get it reshipped overnight. But instead of shipping 6,700 of the widgets, we shipped 67,000! UGG! I quietly packed up my papers, closed my computer and went in and took a bubble bath. Stuff like this would have been my ticket to BoozeVille 5 years ago, I would have NEEDED, WANTED, thought I DESERVED to get sheet faced. Learning the coping skills makes all the difference! It takes time, but it's definitely worth it! Hang in there today....no matter what!
Hope everyone has a wonderful Hump Day! Byrdie

[LilBit]

Good for you, BL. Kensho and Pav. The "I deserve ____" after a challenging workday used to be a major trigger for me, too. Well, it still is, only -- like your admirable selves -- I no longer act upon it.

'Wanted to share one of 5,000 valid ways to say "no" to a social drink that worked very well for me last week. I was having dinner with friends I've known for a decade, but only see once a year, and they expected me to be the party animal they've known all this time. When one of them raised her eyebrows at my San Pellegrino water order, I simply said, "Ah well, you reach an age where your body just doesn't process AL the way it used to," and then went on with the conversation. It wasn't mentioned again. I like this statement because it's true and therefore I don't feel uncomfortable saying it.

Kensho -- cut flowers from your yard? How nice!!

Ava, you had me at "massage in Thailand" and "morning swim."

Lav, you must have some kind of stamina to keep up with 4&6 year-old boys. Holy Schmoly!

I'm off to write a 23-page branding guide in only one day. 'Working in bed with a heat pack on my shoulder and grateful to be able to do so. Doc says I have "Acute Torticollis" and banned me from skating for 1-2 weeks. That means 3 days, right?

Here's to all the cheeky sods out there. Onward and upward!

[Dila]

Woke up this morning not feeling well with a virus that has returned but all I kept thinking about was how good I felt because I did not drink last night!

[Overit-still]

Good day! I have to run to get a hair cut but wanted to say howdy!

Work is STILL crazy since right after the 15th I went to be with my mom for 4 days so what I thought I could get caught up on hasn't happened.

See you all later!

Hi to all the newbie newbies!

[Eloise]

Holy crap ... Poking around and there are 3 registered members online and 63 guests!
My goodness.