Newbies Nest

[LilBit]

Congrats, Mstall and Overit! Woot! Woot! :sohappy:

Lav, I love it when you get mother-hennish. It makes me feel loved. I'm using other means to relax the muscles, like an in-home TENS unit (the shocky thing with the pads), ice and a moist heat compress. I always save the drugs for a last resort because I'm highly sensitive to them. That's funny coming from an Alkie, isn't it? I can drink the hind leg off a horse but don't give me any Flonase. Anyway, thank you for caring. :love:

Kherriot, if you look back through the pages of this thread you'll find that several, perhaps many of us have similar spousal issues. AL is more destructive than a giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man walking through Manhattan when it comes to relationships. I think the old timers would tell you that it takes some time and patience to undo the damage and rebuild trust. Please don't forget that you're doing this for YOU, not for anyone else or their opinion. Stay strong no matter what anyone says or does, friend!

Pav, thanks and that's a great point about being a "shape shifter." Many of us have done that [raises hand]. I spent so many years trying to be what I thought people wanted me to be, then woke up one day and realized that I didn't know myself at all. Of course, I first turned around and blamed everyone in my general vicinity for it (LOL) but when I owned up and began working on it, it made a huge difference.

Wishing you all a happy AF Thursday.

[Hypernova]

kherriot, this is in reply to your post on Roll Call and thinking 6 days is a pittance which relatively it may seem so but day 1 is extremely hard to arrive at let alone get through. Day 6 is not a pittance. One more day and it's a full week for which you deserve a huge congratulatory pat on the back!!!! When I go on a century bike ride and am on mile 6 I am just getting warmed up. If I think of mile 90 when I am on mile 6 I get to thinking all kinds of crazy stuff ~ will I make it, is my bike o.k., will it rain, will I crash, did I train enough, did I eat properly/hydrate...etc.etc..... so I deal w/each mile or a smaller chunk of say make it through 10 more and see how I am doing and adjust. I feel the same as you but know many people who never even consider they drink too much and could never commit to one AF day let alone 6. Our bodies are amazing if we just give them what they need. So keep on rolling and the days will add up. You are doing fine, very fine!!!

[Byrdlady]

Mstall, Over-It AND LilBit! Congratulation on these huge milestones! I hope Mstall will fly in and let us know how things are going! I don't get out of the nest much, so I may have missed something.
Over-it, 2 months (60 days!!) is awesome!!! :balloons: You are doing an amazing job! As you know, ONE STIFF drink isn't what we are all about...don't fall for it! You've got this in the bag! I didn't catch your mom's status, I hope for the very best outcome with her.
LilBit, 50 days is just amazing!! :horse: Thanks for your sunny notes every day! Keep riding hard, it's all worth it!
KH, I understand your situation all too well. Time will be your best ally here...this is truly a day by day situation. I tried to be sympathetic to my hubs' fear but at the same time, I was fighting my own battles internally....it was a tough time for the first couple weeks, but it smoothed out over time, I'm happy to say. It just takes time. Hang in!!

Hugs to all and keep up the great work! I have never regretted one day of being sober! Byrdie

[Hanna]

Hi all-

Been absent from here for a few days. Still not drinking, and getting a little of a handle on the marital issues, but still very difficult. I have had the busiest work week I can remember for a long time. I also recently went back to AA, and hubby and I are seeing a therapist, plus, my sister was in to visit, so it really has been over the top. Still feel much the same about AA as I have in the past (LOTS I don't like), but taking from it what I can and leaving the rest. I figure it can't hurt, and I want to put into place what ever I can. Haven't had a chance to even read previous posts, and quickly writing this before they lock me in at work in 10 minutes!!!!

I hope you are all doing well. I will get on here later when I have space to breathe, and spend some real time reading and posting some more!

[available]

Morning nesters

Lil and Over congratulations on your achievements, you guys are walking the walk and doing everything in your power to kick al out of your lives. i love waking up to read about your days. Very proud of both of you.

Hanna, the more sober time you have the better you and life will be. So much falls into place when we are sober but time is what proves to others that we can get and stay sober.

kher congratulations on 7 days sober. I was so proud of myself when i had achieved a week, never did i think it was doable. I used to look at the numbers in roll call and think i would never ever get to any of those but 500+ days later here i am. You will succeed if you give it your all plus some more! i pulled out grit and determination from god knows where somedays just to make it through not drinking and i am so glad i did.

Well what can i say about today, mmm free breaky, swim, relaxing and a drive to look around Khao lak. They were hit very hard by the tsunami and lost a lot of lives so we will find some of the memorials they have built in rememberance. Mum is driving me nuts but i suppose you get that when you are with someone day in and day out. If i go anywhere its 'where are you going", "i will come". I'm pulling out all my patience and appreciation that i am here with her and thats pretty special.

Oh "perving", now that is looking at the men around the place. Nothing like a good "perv" if there is anything around to perv at!

Take care
xx

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Ha Ha Ava ~ you old perv!!!
I hope you are enjoying yourself immensely

CONGRATS, MStall, Overit & Lil for hitting your milestones today - yay! Kherriot, 6 days AF is awesome!!

Lil, glad you are finding pain relief non-chemically. I figure just about anything is worth a try, right?

I had a good kid-less day today. Gave me a chance to catch up on a few other things.
Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[available]

SF glad you posted, nothing worse than a case of the feck its and running away to hide in a bottle or 100. I figure now that al will solve nothing in my life but it will give me pain and misery and take me back to where i have dug myself out of. As you know it takes a daily commitment to stay sober and some days are easier than others. You will be fine at the wedding, its always the unknowns that make us shaky and the sometimes we feel pressured to drink which pisses me off no end now. You have made the best decision of your life to stop drinking and no one or anything should take that away from you.

I now say it as it is, i wont take crap from too many people and my village idiot boss included. For too many years i was a "yes" person as i felt ashamed of who i was when i drank. Now i am proud of the person i have become and i am a force to be reckoned with if i am pushed in a negative way. For too long i was a pussycat, not anymore but it has taken me awhile to figure out the real me that was hidden with al. Give yourself time to heal emotionally SF and it can only get better.

A big woo hoo on your personal best, you can double that, triple that and be sober forever. Scary as it sounds, i now totally accept that i can never ever drink again, as much as i would like that "one" to me it may as well be 10000000000000000000 as i wont stop.

Oh god lurve interests, now they are interesting to pursue sober i must say. i enjoy having morals now and if the man is not into me then that is his loss, we are good people and the right one will come along. I have found a nice one at the moment but time will tell how it goes. There is no rush with our sober life, take each day and appreciate it SF. To me its like being young and seeing the world clearly again and appreciating the good that there is and learning, how to behave mainly lol.

Enjoy that wedding and who knows there may be Mr Right waiting for this sexy mama!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Friday to all!

SF, you are doing so well. Keeping this quit going is a gift to yourself, remember that
It really is easier to stay on top of the minor problems when you have a clear head.

Ava, the temps dropped to near freezing here last night - it's supposed to be spring. I know you are enjoying nicer weather!

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Friday!

Lav

[kherriot]

Up date from Yesterday's post. Things got better in the afternoon. Helped Hubby with bringing in some wood, just use it for comfort and mood. I love fires and he knows it. We live on an acreage in the lake district just north of Prince Albert, SK. He knows how much I love fires so he cuts down trees, splits them and builds me fires whenever I ask. I went out and helped like I said because it was going to rain soon. We got it all done just before the rain and he thanked me for helping or he wouldn't have been able to get it done. We actually had several conversations, and even laughed together. I think things are going to be ok as long as I keep my end of the bargain, I know this because I booked our holidays for the end of July, (family reunion). Going to be a good time doing it sober this year. Thanks for being there everyone, don't think I could do this without your support. Feeling better about myself everyday.:yay:

[Byrdlady]

Kherri, I'm so happy to hear the progress! Every day builds a little bit stronger foundation. Keep at it, you will never regret getting and STAYING sober. I know I haven't! Congratulations on 7 big days!!!! WOOO HOOO! Here is our 2 cheeked salute to you! :butt: You've conquered every day that the week can throw at you! The worst is behind you now! GREAT JOB!!!

Soft Focus, you are smart to recognize the red flags. GLUE yourself in to this site and stay connected. The nest here is the best place I know to see how ONE drink can affect us...we are all just that one drink away from the DISPAIR PIT. In fact, up at the top of this page to the right, in the search box, put in "One Glass Relapse" and hit the magnifying glass to the right of it....you will see hundreds of threads and posts that come up with what the result will be. "I thought I could handle one glass of ____ at the wedding or baby shower, or at dinner." "It was my birthday" or it was our anniversary or whatever. Turns out, alcoholism doesn't take vacations and is blind to special occasions! If doesn't matter how long you've been without, once that addiction is fed, YOU OWN IT all over again. I know you know this, or you wouldn't have posted, but I like saying it anyway! Bah! Do that search above, you won't have THOSE thoughts any more! Hugs dear lady! If we can help in any way, you know we are right by your side. (My boss is an AssHat also.)


Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday! It's just another day of the week, not a ticket to BoozeVille! Byrdie

[kherriot]

BL - thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I am going to check out "one glass relapse" that will probably help a lot, especially the day Hubby goes back to work. Might be on here a lot. I get into trouble when he is not here. Happy Friday.

[Pavati]

Hi,

Flying in this morning on my way to work as I missed last night.

Overit and Lil!! Congratulations on your milestones. I couldn't possibly say it better than Byrdie.

Glad you checked in, Hanna!

SFx - Good on you for checking in! NO! Of course one glass of champagne isn't the end, and who would want just one anyway?

Off to another crazy day at work. Hope you all have plans for a SOBER Friday night - it is just another night.

Pav

[LilBit]

On suppressed negative emotions and self-sabotage

I learned this principle from a wise therapist many years ago and this seemed like a good time to share it here. It's human nature to suppress negative feelings, particularly anger, but also shame, rejection and fear. It's part of our coping mechanism and also sometimes necessary for living in civilized society.

However, when we keep these feelings squashed inside us and never vent them or deal with them (releasing the negative energy) very often they turn into self-sabotage. The sabotage can take the form of many things: breaking a marvelous 117-day AF winning streak with "just one drink" that leads to many others, muffing an interview for a great job for no apparent reason, neglecting to take care of our health until we end up sick... but the commonality is that most of the time, we internalize the anger that we feel for someone else upon ourselves. And it's disastrous.

Guess the impact that the anger has on the people who actually sparked it? ZERO! As Joyce Meyer said, "It's like pouring gasoline on my own head and setting it on fire because I'm mad at you."

What to do?
- First, find a quiet place alone and get in touch with what you're angry about (or ashamed or fearful). Identify it, just as Soft Focus so aptly did, here. Sometimes, it helps to verbalize it aloud or write it down.

- Then, let yourself experience the emotion fully. It's really OK to feel angry or afraid.

- When you can fully experience the emotion, visualize yourself letting go of it and giving it back to the person who wrought it. Wrap that nasty ol' hunk of pain in a package and hand it back to them!

- Then, visualize yourself taking back whatever the hurt stole from you: maybe your self-esteem, your ability to feel positive about the future, etc.

- Finally, in your mind's eye, cut the cord that connects you to this negative experience and turn to face your bright future, in which, the experience doesn't affect you at all.

- If necessary, rinse and repeat.

I used this technique to rid myself of a lot of deep anger at my neglectful mother, and can tell you unequivocally that it works! 'Hope it helps even one person, even in a small way.

Love,

LB

p.s. I should also mention that, if visualization isn't your thing you can release the negative emotions by talking with a friend, mindfully through physical exercise or writing them right here. The main thing is fully experiencing them and getting them out.

[aquamarine]

Hi Everyone . Day 16 doing good. I'm having a problem posting. I wrote a long post responding to everyone then I try to post it and I get a message that I can't- need to refresh and log in even though I'm already logged in. So I log out and back in go back to saved message and only about 1/3 of it is there. Any suggestions? Not the first time this has happened.This is pretty frustrating.

[LilBit]

Byrdie, thanks so much for your congratulatory posts. They absolutely made my day!

Hanna, always good to see you on a twig.

Kherriot, it sounds like you and hubby had a great exchange. A man who cuts wood and lights fires when you want them is a keeper!

Lav, don't let your feathers freeze. Geez.

Overit, just think -- you will always be 10 days ahead of me. I like that notion. It's like my older sister who always blazes the trail.

Pav, always good to see your sparkly toes. Have a great Friday.

Ava -- Perving!! What can I say? May I please borrow that expression and pastime when I go to the beach with my sister in June? I love it.

Anyone I missed, please forgive me. Love to all the nest-mates. I am in dire need of a shower so off I go. Happy Friday.