Newbies Nest

[LilBit]

...I have a hard time letting go of anger. It really seems like I need to be mindful and stop myself from full blown rage rather than waiting to get there and trying to relax.

Good for you, Dutch! :thumbsup: That's so much easier said than done, and I admire you for doing it.

I once heard anger described as a pot of simmering water that occasionally boils over. There's a "water level" of unresolved ire that we all carry with us. And, if we work on reducing that simmering vat of unresolved anger, it's less likely to bubble over into rage when new things come along to try us, as they always will.

[abcowboy]

Howdy everyone! I usually only post once a week in the Nest, there’s enough info passing through here at any time to add to your own toolbox to help you with your journey. But Bubba was cleaning out her purse this morning (sure glad I only have a wallet to deal with, and it always seems to be “cleaned out” lol) and she came across a clipping from a Church Bulletin that her dad gave her. I just wanted to share it with everyone as it sure stuck home with me!

REMEMBER THIS

The most destructive habit……….Worry
The greatest joy……….Giving
The greatest loss……….Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work……….Helping others
The ugliest personal trait……….Conceit
Our greatest natural resource……….Our children
The greatest “shot in the arm”……….Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome……….Fear
The most effective sleeping pill……….Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease……….Excuses
The most powerful force in life……….Love
The most dangerous person……….A gossiper
The worst thing to be without……….Hope
The deadliest weapon……….The tongue
The two most power-filled words……….”I Can”
The greatest asset……….Faith
The most worthless emotion……….Self-pity
The most beautiful attire……….SMILE!
The most prized possession……….Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication……….Prayer
The most contagious spirit……….Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life……….God

Keep in mind this came from a Church Bulletin, so take what you need and leave the rest. Have a great Sunday everyone as we prepare for the new week ahead…

[Dutch1988]

Lilbit that is so true about a pot. I can think of days when I let one thing bother me and it's like I just stay ticked all day long. I'll have to keep working on it for sure! Today is 7 weeks for me, tomorrow is 50 days and then I have a birthday on Wednesday. Pretty excited for this week. I have also been listening to these self esteem affirmations for the past two days and I swear it is making a big difference in my thinking. My favorite one is "

it does not matter what people say or do, what matters is how I choose to react and what I choose to believe about myself"

This how been so powerful for me, it's basically my alternative to the serenity prayer but a bit more specific since I used to constantly worry about what other people think and seek others approval. This saying reminds me that I can choose not to give a damn about someone's actions towards me, and just yesterday I did something nice for someone but it took time away from my wife, and she was very upset about it. Instead of getting mad back and going to get a drink, I accepted she was mad and made a plan to do something special in the morning that was going to be tough to do, but thinking highly of myself and having a bit more renewed confidence in my abilities from not drinking, I pulled it off. I am going to continue reading this book on affirmations and try and reprogram my thinking patterns. Hope everyone is having a good weekend, happy Sunday!

[KENSHO]

Checking in here. Drizzling here, and it feels calm and quiet. I got some good exercise yesterday, and curbed the caffeine - slept great! Last night the neighbor ladies had a get together. I brought my own bottle of club soda. I was offered a margarita but just said no thanks, I 'll have this and I did. It was easy. No questions (and frankly I don't care what anyone thinks). I remember waking up at 3am feeling positively ill, and getting up to pop some ibuprofen - then to wake up at 7am and having to peel my eyes open. What torture. So nice to wake up clean and clear!

Byrdie, what talent you display! Loved seeing your masterpieces! Keep them coming!

Hypernova, keep doing what you are doing! The flat spots come and go - but sinking back into drinking would be a terrible mistake. You will have more "up" days to come. And in my opinion, I'd rather be depressed and sober than depressed and drunk or hungover.

Happy Sunday!

[Byrdlady]

Late check in for me!
My hubs' nephew and wife texted last night they were in town and wanted to come over this morning, so had company first thing! Had to do a rush job on hair and makeup!

Lil Bit, I wanted to comment in your question , "Have any if you tried to revisit old haunts without AL?" At 1558 days, the answer is 'YES'. I have revisited virtually EVERY haunt without AL. Here's my 2 cents on it. The first few months of my quit, I DID feel deprived. I really felt like everyone in the free world could do this thing I REALLY loved to do except ME! I resented it for quite a while, and the fact that my hubs could drink made it worse....remember, he issued the ultimatum to me. I quit to save our marriage and now he could drink with impunity and I couldn't! Harboring this type of anger wasnt good for anyone, but I think it is all part of the PROCESS of letting go. These are the stages of grief! Over time, I let go of the anger and finally the depression and moved on to acceptance! This is the place to be! I have attended company conventions, vacations, holidays, weddings, funerals, dinner with friends, all sober now, and I would describe my feeling now as RELIEF. I do not NEED AL. I do not WANT AL. It improves nothing. In fact, I HATE AL. This wonderful and healthy hate didnt happen overnight, it took time. This is about as big a lifestyle change as it gets, so it is normal to feel like you are missing something. AL was a very BIG part of our lives and now we dont have that crutch to use. As i say, this is a process. Everything I thought AL brought out in me before is still there....social ease, fun, laughter....all there, but now I bring them out instead of depending on AL to do it. I bet if you try this again in 6 months, it will be much better! It does take time!
Byrdie

[Hanna]

Hi guys

Sunday night. Just took a bath and got in my Jammie's. Proud of my success not drinking, but still generally really sad about what alcohol, what my drinking, has done to threaten my marriage. We are coming along...trying, and I guess what ever will be, will be. I just need to focus on not drinking.
I went back to AA again today. Still not big on the AA philosophy, but guess it can't hurt. Still find the most helpful thing is eating something when the craving starts to hit, and NOT listen to my own thoughts.

I am also reading Sober For Good, which I read years ago but finding helpful to re read.

Tuesday will be a tough day...our anniversary. Going to the therapist again that day? Nice celebration...

Well, have a good night all

[available]

Morning nest

Well last day before heading to Bangkok to shop. I have been waking up the last few days early and been short tempered. Figured out at 5am that i hate flying so the anxiety is right up there and its only a bloody hour long flight. its amazing what our subconscious thinks. I am looking forward to my own bed i must say.

I have totally enjoyed relaxing and doing nothing, recharged the batteries i must say. Free WIFI is the bomb too but have to pay for it next stop. I still need my daily dose of mwo so it will be money well spent.

Byrd i never thought i would achieve acceptance with not drinking, i always thought i would feel deprived but time has been a great factor in achieving acceptance. last night mum had a wine and i asked how it was. She said it was "so so" and i thought well why bother. In saying that i used to drink $2.50 bottles of wine and thought they tasted wonderful.

Take care

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Lil - one of my sayings used to be "If I could only go through life with a two glass buzz." The problem is, that is impossible, and in trying to chase it, I would always keep drinking. But that delightful buzz never lasted very long, and was replaced by a headache, dry mouth and anxiety. I concur with Ava and Byrdie, those things do become fun again, and I spend most of my time not even thinking about alcohol.

I was listening to Radio Lab (great radio show, also available as a podcast) today - most of it was about pain and the placebo effect. One very interesting part was about the brain chemistry - basically, each drug we take that has an effect in our brain must be made in our brain somehow - that is why we have receptors for those drugs that make us feel so good at first. The question is - how do we get the brain to make those chemicals itself? I know I've talked about exercise - there's meditation, touching a person you love, doing what makes you happy (baking cakes, ice skating, shopping in Thailand, etc.) - now THERE'S a two glass buzz you CAN go through life with.

I just got back from work and am off to see my son's play - very excited as it is his first full-length acting. I am so glad I don't want to have a glass of wine before hand, which I certainly would have done a year and a half ago, and I can just relax and enjoy.

Happy Sober Sunday, Nest.

Pav

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

It turned out to be a pretty decent day outside after all. I invited my DIL & grandsons for dinner since my son is at work. Matt knows about those 24 hr shifts

Going thru life with a 2 glass buzz huh? That's interesting I never thought of that in the past & just not interested now I guess. It takes time to completely settle into this AF life but it will happen if you just wait. Ignore the thoughts, ignore the comments & ignore what everyone else is drinking. The only important thing is what you are drinking/not drinking. Right?

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[peppersnow]

AB, that was an awesome post and exactly the kind of thing I've spent the last few days looking for! All of those hit home with me, but in particular, was this one: "The worst thing to be without -- Hope". Hope is the last thing, I think, that addiction takes away from us after robbing us of everything else. The recovery journey has been the most wonderful gift I've ever given myself, or my family, for that matter. Stay the course, folks. It gets so much better!

[kherriot]

Just to let you all know that the "Jam" session at the bar went extremely well. The staff and owner, who I know well, were all understanding and very considerate. My other new non-drinking friends did not show up but my husband was there and with the support of the other customers/friends, all went well. No AL and did not crave or miss it. Free Diet Pepsi, never has such a small bar tab. They were on the house. Didn't give in so I am proud to say I survived day 10.:sohappy:

[Hypernova]

You will have more "up" days to come. And in my opinion, I'd rather be depressed and sober than depressed and drunk or hungover.

Very good point!! Don't know why I never thought this way. But if I had to guess right now I'd say when depressed/anxious after drinking my mind is only thinking 'how to get relief' & the answer is drink. Now it's as if my mind can think in different directions and levels at the same time b/c I am not just thinking in a nervous agitated way about what's the fastest way to avoid the pain & suffering I am going through. Peace of mind feels good and leads to better decision making. I hate the anxiety and have been trying for years to make it go away. Guess I've just been too warped by booze to see IT was/is the problem. Thanks for the insight KENSHO!

[Springstart]

Hello

Hi, just wanted to say hello, I'm on day 1 AF, I have tried to do this before and have stopped for a while but then try to moderate and it doesn't last long before I'm back to a more and more and every night. I try to only drink on weekends, special occasions, and say never in the house again, but then slip back very easily and am soon waking up each morning feeling crap and guilty, promising myself (and sometimes my children which is worse) that I'm stopping drinking. Then I usually get to mid afternoon and I'm telling myself, well just a couple tonight and it never is, then it all starts again.
I'm hoping to get support and support others on here in the same situation as me.
xx

[available]

Hi Spring and welcome. Sounds just like my story and a lot of others on here. i just got so sick of hitting the repeat button at 5pm daily and my health was being affected and my relationships with my children. Something had to go and that was al. i tried the modding and that worked a treat NOT and i had to realise it was either all or nothing and nothing it has been. Get rid of the al out of your house, be gentle with yourself, eat whatever and whenever you want and log on here like a lunatic if you need. I had to be accountable each and everyday as left to my own devices would have meant drinking. There is always someone around to have a chat to. You can do this and we do all understand how you feel with regards to alcohol. The best day of my life started on the 1/12/2013 and it gets better and better.

Take care

[Springstart]

Thanks available, I'm looking forward to being AF at the moment but know I need all the support I can get because I'll get the craving to drink at some point, so I will eat what I want today and just take an hour at a time till its bed time, I know its a habit and I need to change it. Thank you for your reply x