Newbies Nest

[Mstall]

Morning Nest! WOW! some great quits we have going on. Congrats MossRose, mywayin, Soft Focus and enzo'smom and jenniech! WTG!!

Hope everyone has a great AF day! Stay strong and make good choices today.

[LilBit]

Animated20Congrats_zps8a91108b.gif

MossRose, Mywayin, SoftFocus and Enzo'smom on your amazing milestones!

Happy Tuesday, Nesters.

[Byrdlady]

Wow, big news on the Milestones! Great going, MR, MWI, SF and EM!!!!! HUGE numbers!
:rara:
We are so proud of you!! We miss seeing you all in the nest, stop in when you get a chance and catch us up on things! GREAT JOB, all!

Hi ho, hi ho....it's off to work I go. Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Hello! I love reading how those who have been AF for awhile view drinking situations. When I first quit and had outings to "old haunts", I found it very difficult. I was consumed by the process of not drinking - how to avoid it, what to order, what to tell friends, are they noticing, what are they drinking, how do I feel... But with some time behind me, and like Rahul says and Byrdie and Ava and others, even with the toughest of peer pressure and in the hardest of situations - we don't want alcohol any more. These situations become much easier to deal with and take much less brain work. A testament to time.

If you are just starting, pleases believe that if you can get through the initial phases of still wanting alcohol, as time passes, it will become a new way of living to just not have it - and not really want it. Sure, occasional thoughts surface as our brains remember we used to drink to alleviate certain feelings, but mostly - watching others drink looks like such a waste of time.

Stop the cycle of addiction, and what remains is a mostly peaceful mindset about alcohol - a new habit and way of living.

Have a great day everyone! I took the day off yesterday for some retail therapy (haven't done that in a LOOOONNGG time) - and I feel refreshed - but still not interested in working so hard. But here I go.

Side Note: WAY TO GO MOSS!

[paulywogg]

Byrdie, that AF Nazi comment over the weekend really pissed me off! For some of us avoiding al is a matter of life or death, I'm not being dramatic when I say that, for me it truly is, I don't understand why anyone joins an alcoholic forum to bash the people trying to help people get/stay sober?go join some other kind of sites if you don't want to quit, right? I dunno, it's weird to me, have a wonderful day everybody and congrats to the milestoners

[Dutch1988]

Congrats Mossrose on 9 months, and congrats Enzo's mom, soft focus, and mywayin on 4 months, you guys are awesome!

Lilbit I like the idea of being quit buddies with you and overit, the only time I ever was a wuit buddy with friends in the past I made sure I knew they would drink again so I would have an excuse lol. I feel a little more confident on here though.

Lying in bed just not wanting to get up today. Been feeling this way for awhile now, I go through periods of high energy and then feeling like doing nothing. Hopefully I will feel more energized tomorrow since I have the day off, it would be nice to actually do something fun since I get to spend it with my family. I used to drink at night justifying doing a lot of things during the day I knew I had to do but didn't really want to. Basically giving myself a reason to eat the frogs of the day because I set aside a few hours at night to feel good. I don't really have that anymore so instead I've been trying to enjoy the day more. Unfortunately I think this has reduced my productivity. For those of you who used alcohol as a reward, what different things doyou do now instead? I feel like after fifty days I should be farther along in feeling good without alcohol, but honestly I still think about modding since this is the longest. I have gone in 5 years without drinking. Thank goodness I read this thread often and constantly read people doing the same thing and coming back later worse off than they started. Anyway, happy Tuesday!

[kherriot]

Feeling great today!!:yay:Hubby and I back in the swing of things in the bedroom, and after words he said just don't ever do that again. I think things are really on the mend. I do believe that the jam session at the bar helped. I could have had alcohol if I wanted but didn't. Going to start the gym again tonight, the ladies have been texting me saying that they miss me and come back. We work out Tue, Thur, & Sun. Working on day 12 and know it is going to AF.

[LavenderBlue]

Lav - You're more right than you know; the plans ended up getting canceled anyway. I think my nerves come from knowing I've let myself get in bad situations before and stayed friends with people who played mind games because I thought it would be mean to walk away. I have a lot of empathy for people who are going through tough times, but I've always been really bad at realizing it's not my job to fix things for other people. (Example being just because a friend is lonely doesn't mean I HAVE to date them if they aren't my type.) That was also while I was still drinking, though; I think I'd be faster to realize things now.

MossRose, mywayin, Soft focus, and enzo'smom - YAY YOU!!!! Congrats on the milestones all, that's awesome stuff!

Kensho - You are so right. I'm planning a trip to the zoo with my mom and I'm honestly excited to be able to do that sober. I always felt really crappy that I couldn't even visit the damn zoo without feeling like I needed to drink, plus it's a weird situation to be out and all "Let's find the liquor!" O_o Think it'll be a much better time than the last bunch of times I went.

Dutch - I have trouble finding good rewards for myself, too; but for small daily stuff I'll get myself a treat of something I like to eat, or set aside time for something I really enjoy doing. I've also picked up a few tshirts, new video games, and books with some of the money I've saved. My finances suck so it's hard for me to get extras, but I think sometimes it's important to have something to celebrate. (And of course, that never stopped me from buying AL; at least I'm only spending a fraction of what I used to!) Early in my quit, I also made a point of doing things that I couldn't do while I was drinking; like driving places spur of the moment. The longer I'm sober, the less I seem to always feel like I "need" a reward, too, so that's helped. Then again, your post reminded me that I haven't been planning treats for myself so maybe I just got lazy about it.

Well, I slept in today when the plans were canceled. I'm not really thrilled since I still have things to do, but I woke up sore from the exercising I did yesterday. I still find I struggle with procrastinating sometimes; I have some phone calls I should make but I think I mentioned yesterday I've been cleaning instead. Maybe I'll schedule an actual time to do some of the things I've been putting off; if I feel like I have a time goal maybe that will help me just get things over with.

[LilBit]

Dutch, there's no way that Overit or I will ruin our great quits so that you can have a guilt-free drink -- LOL! From Overit's picture, she looks really fit, like someone you don't want to mess with and I have toepicks on my skates that would really, really hurt if used judiciously. So, you're stuck with two quit buddies that will make you tow the line. :happy2:

As for rewards, I'm enjoying being able to watch an entire movie or read a book without passing out or forgetting the plot, so I'm revisiting some of the great films & books that I missed during the hazy days. I joined a spa for jacuzzi time, sauna lounging and relaxation massages. There's also star-gazing, planning trips, going on stairway walks in the city, burning fires in the fireplace or chimnea, petting my semi-evil cat into a state of feline oblivion...the rewards go on and on.

I do agree with LavB that we'll eventually get to a state where we think in terms of needing rewards less and less. Could it be another one of AL's lies that we need/deserve a reward more than we actually do? Hmmm...

[Byrdlady]

Lying in bed just not wanting to get up today. Been feeling this way for awhile now, I go through periods of high energy and then feeling like doing nothing. Hopefully I will feel more energized tomorrow since I have the day off, it would be nice to actually do something fun since I get to spend it with my family. I used to drink at night justifying doing a lot of things during the day I knew I had to do but didn't really want to. Basically giving myself a reason to eat the frogs of the day because I set aside a few hours at night to feel good. I don't really have that anymore so instead I've been trying to enjoy the day more. Unfortunately I think this has reduced my productivity. For those of you who used alcohol as a reward, what different things doyou do now instead? I feel like after fifty days I should be farther along in feeling good without alcohol, but honestly I still think about modding since this is the longest. I have gone in 5 years without drinking. Thank goodness I read this thread often and constantly read people doing the same thing and coming back later worse off than they started. Anyway, happy Tuesday!

Dutch, here is my theory on why you are losing steam....it's an interesting phenomenon. I believe it's because you haven't completely shut the door on AL. If there is one inkling that you will be able to begin drinking again...then nothing is going to seem right until you do. AL is funny that way. It makes you think you are miserable without it and the only way to 'have fun' or 'feel good' is to use again. This is the Catch 22 of it all. If you really think about it, you tried moderating every way from Sunday....it didn't work then, and it won't work now. Nothing has changed, your brain knows where you've been. If you consider your AF time as punishment and AL as the reward, you are taking the hard road. (I did that for years!) SLAM the door shut on AL and take the choice off the table. No more decisions. No more guilt, shame, remorse. No more fights with the wife or not remembering what you said. No more excuses.

It sounds as if you are in the bargaining stage of grief (as it relates to this relationship we are breaking off). There's Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We lose an awful lot of nesters in that bargaining stage....'I've gone 50 days without AL, I've proven I can DO it' 'What was all the fuss about?' ' I think I over reacted!' "I'll just drink on weekends or special occasions' 'I don't owe these people anything, I can do what I want'. Any of these sound familiar? You are bargaining with the devil on this one. AL will always win.

Some time back, Mollyka wrote an amazing piece about moderating. I snatched it up and put it in my personal Tool Box...take a read, this is what I mean by MindPeace:

Well - do I dare to venture here -- oh hell,it's 'general discussion' - so here's my tuppence worth.
Most of us (certainly a lot of us, myself included) were able to 'control' ourdrinking for varying periods of time - and that can fool us into thinking 'I'mok, I've cracked this' -- but it's the 'cunning and baffling' ingredient of ourillness -- by 'our' illness I mean problem drinking/alcoholism --- either-or!
When I was in rehab - my counsellor --- a very open minded recovering alcoholichimself told me this was very common - but in his opinion and experience (35yrs in counselling) -- 95% of problem drinkers/alcoholics will inevitablyrevert to their worst drinking and worse again -- I asked him in true addictfashion 'what about the other 5%?' - he just sighed and said 'most of them lie'-- it was a serious wake up call to me - because like you I had a veryprolonged period of 'acceptable' drinking -- and here I go -- moderation (longterm) doesn't work - again - IMO!!! The damage that we may no longer beincurring to our physical health is still being done to our mental emotionalhealth - in spades!

It's wonderful that you are back - and it CAN be wonderful if your recentexperience can be your proof positive that drinking will inevitably only ever everever go in one direction -- that's one of the main components that keeps mesober --- (as well as the fact that I truly love sober living now --genuinely!) --- I KNOW I could drink 1-2 glasses of wine today --- I KNOW thatI may or may not have anymore till next weekend and repeat --- but also KNOW --that somewhere down the road - maybe in a week, a month, a year even - that thebooze will weaken me -- it will break my spirit - I won't even know it'shappening --- and that's the scary part - until it's too bloody late and I'mback in the grip of this horrible horrible illness.

Finally - even when you say about your trip home and worry a bit about thelovely wine and people etc. --- wouldn't it be lovely for that thought to nevereven enter your head --- cos it's irrelevant?? That's how you can be with adecent spell of sobriety -- the 'will I, won't I?' --- it all goes away -- itdoesn't take up my headspace -- it's just GONE ---- as long as I know that Iwill never pick up a drink...... simple as!!!! And not picking up a drinkbecomes a 'nothing' thing -- it's not a punishment --- it's not a 'do without'thing --- it's NOTHING --- it's.........just........Nothing.

[NoSugar]

I feel like after fifty days I should be farther along in feeling good without alcohol, but honestly I still think about modding since this is the longest. I have gone in 5 years without drinking. Thank goodness I read this thread often and constantly read people doing the same thing and coming back later worse off than they started.

Hi, Dutch
The less you judge the progress you're making or compare your experience to that of others, the less stressful this will be. After a month or so of hibernating and coddling myself, doing only what I absolutely had to do or actually wanted to do, I became in such a hurry to be "well" - I wanted to feel physically and mentally great, forgive myself, and leave all my regrets behind. I think I wanted it to be like the whole thing had never happened. Well, "it" happened and things don't change that quickly - they evolve over time (and for some things, lots of time). Furthermore, this evolution is quite a meandering curve. You might find that you're feeling great for several weeks and then, for no apparent reason, you're low on energy and kind of blue. There are many stages you'll go through - the more you can go with them and not resist, the easier it will be. I suffered so much impatience and frustration that probably hindered my progress. When I finally started to relax into it, observe, and in some ways enjoy the process, things became so much easier. And - believe it or not - kind of fun and interesting. I looked forward to new not-drinking challenges and figuring out my plan for handling them. Now I really don't think about it other than being grateful that all my decisions about what to do with my time are no longer dictated by how they will impact my addiction. What freedom!

As for modding, unless you've never tried it before (which I doubt :wink, you might as well let that dream die. If it was going to work for you, it most likely would have on one of your previous attempts and there would have been no reason for you to join this forum. And what's the point of drinking a little bit of poison anyway?

[available]

Morning nest

Oh i have to say Byrd i am one of those AF Nazi's, i celebrate my birthday with Hitler so bring it on! I just have to basically say i am so sick of the hatred and bitterness going around on mwo and i hope we can keep the nest a safe place to come to daily.

Dutch, i used to feel i should be doing more but some days i just didnt feel like it. i did try and set myself 3 chores to do, even if it was as basic as doing the dishes and the washing. Why push myself when i was achieving my greatest gift to myself and that was being sober.

Many a time i say to myself i want to be normal and have an occasional drink like others but i realise that is not what i am made up of. I am a drunk, i am an alcoholic and it is biologically in my family. My brother died a horrendous death from al and to this day i still feel guilty i did not try and help him more but i realise it is only our choice on what we do to our bodies and ourselves. I still smoke and hell i know the risks and dangers and that is on my list of things to get rid of but like al, i will know when i am ready but i can feel it in "my bones"!

Pauly i totally agrees with your post girl and for the majority of us we have to be af and why bullshit ourselves otherwise. i have to be but it doesnt mean sometimes i want to be but its a lot more pleasant than killing myself with regards to al and killing the people around me with grief.

Well i am in Bangkok now and the net costs a fecking fortune. Sure i could possibly not pay for it and be accountable as i feel strong in my quit but why gamble with my sobriety. The $30 for 24 hour net is a present to myself, one of many the way i am shopping.

Believe us who have been here awhile that it does get better, this thing called sobriety and we only get one life and i know i fucked mine up for ten plus years and thats ten years i wont get back! To think of it, i wont get tomorrow back now it is today!

Take care all and i am off shopping in heat that drags the very life out of you in ten minutes but someone has to keep the economy going.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

CONGRATS to the milestone recipients today - yay for all of you
Just remember it keeps getting & better. I guess that's why I'm still hanging around here - living proof so to speak!

Dutch, I have to agree with NS, don't hurry yourself. We all heal at different rates & in different ways.
I personally feel I am rewarded each & every morning I wake up without a hangover. You don't get a better reward than that The mind peace is a huge plus too! You are doing great, just keep going.

KHerriot, glad things are working out for you!

Lil, if you ever see Stella getting off a bus in front of your house please use your skate to kick her right back on the bus, ha ha!!!Those girls love to wander!

LavB, I really, really had to quit my tendency to want to fix everything & everyone. I was driving myself nuts & wasting a lot of energy to boot. I use that time & energy now to focus on fixing me

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Running leap to stop by - if I was a drinker, I would partake tonight! Hard day. Just simply too much on the plate and hours left. Tired of this pace - trying very hard to slow it by getting projects completed and taking on no further work!

But, luckily, I don't drink. So I'm going for my soda water and some deep breaths. This feeling never hurts me for too long - or at least in its unbearable form. So - here's to new coping methods. I'm so glad I get to learn these lessons with a clear head and conscience.

Will check in later to read more.

EDIT: I was thinking about my post and found it funny that I said I would partake "tonight" - because I partaked (partook?) EVERY night. Funny how that AL brain still tries to separate out any reason to drink that can be found.

[Hanna]

Just a auick hello before I hit the sack. Congrats to all that hit milestones!

Patience... and being kind to ourselves. Two things I a working on. Today was a tough one. Wedding anniversary. Both my husband and I are trying our best, but very, very tough. I need to share what I wrote in his card as I think it may be a very good message about the destruction drinking causes, but typing on my phone now so too hard. Tomorrow I will. Still sober, and in spite of being an emotiona wreck, feeling strong in my quit.

Very tired. Not sleeping very well, but off to bed now.

Night all