Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Kherri, I see that today is your lucky Day 13! That was a changing day for me.....that is the day something clicked in my head and I knew I could make it! Hope you had a good day, too! Great job! Byrdie

[kherriot]

Spent 4 hours in town by myself trying to get the rest of the "non-perishable" items for my Son's family visit on May Long weekend. Drove by my old "watering holes" and really wanted to stop in, I think because I was by myself and who would know, then I realized I would know. I am so close to 2 weeks I don't want to blow it now. Went to 5 or 6 different places, glad hubby wasn't there he would have hated it. All is well on the home front, finally the weather is cooperating and hubby was able to get a lot of work done outside while I was gone. BBQ steaks, baked potato, mushrooms, and asparagus tonight. Looking forward to it, what a difference having an appetite again. Hope everyone has a good night.

To all the new newbies, I was scared at first on this site but everyone is so helpful and will let you know how to navigate around the site. It has helped me a lot.

BTW eye is getting better, still some evidence but every day is a little bit better. It really helped working out and facing friends and strangers. Work out tomorrow.

[available]

morning nest

Well a day and a half to go and we are on the midnight flight back to Melbourne. Not sure about the excess luggage issue, i hope there isnt one. We are off to some markets today and a jewellery warehouse so that should be interesting.

kherro that must have been some black eye, glad it is healing for you. my local shops bottlo is right where the entrance is to the supermarket, i used to run past the entry and look the other way. My son who works there asked me to go into the al section not that long ago and it was a surreal experience. i thought if i ever walked in there i would want al again but i was fine and my wine of choice had gone up $2 but i was sure glad to get out of there. Everyone there knows me and if i do every buy wine for someone else they always ask if it is for me. They know my story so even the shop assistants are protective of my quit.

Found an article on fb that i thought was interesting.

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-strategies-resilient-people-use-bounce-back-when-life-knocks-them-down.html

hope it works.

the deaf one is calling me to get ready for breakfast. have a great one.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Got thru the day watching my grandsons, repeat it all tomorrow, oh boy.
No way in hell could I do this if I was still hugging the wine bottle. This is a lot more fun

Lil, Stella does know, ha ha!!!
I am so sorry to hear about your son, how painful for you :hug:

Everyone sounds like they are doing well, making progress & living life as we should - free
Wishing e peaceful & safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Great article, Ava. Thanks for sharing.

Hanna - One thing about alcohol, is that it controls your decisions. It is not as simple as having will power to say no to something - it is an addiction that is IMPOSSIBLE to say no to until and unless you get some help in some form or other. I remember talking to my therapist the first week I quit and saying that I didn't want to go to AA because I didn't want to think or say that I was powerless over anything. She said something to the effect that I was right - I DID have the power as long as I didn't drink. Once I chose to put alcohol in my body, i was ceding the power to it. After all, that well-intentioned "just one" and staying 'til two didn't happen to just me. I do think that it is very hard for others to understand - maybe if he could read something or talk to someone in al anon? It was a nice letter - happy anniversary and I hope it all works out to your liking.

I am still on the hamster wheel this week - looking forward to jumping off sometime soon. In the meantime must...go...to...bed...

In the words of Matt, stay hard, my friends.

Pav

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Thursday to all!

I'm gearing up for another day of fun & excitement, ha ha!

Pav, hope the hamster wheel ride is smooth & comes to an end soon

Wishing everyone a great AF Thursday!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Pav, as always, a great and thought-provoking post.

Ahhhh.....'JUST one', we say. In the famous words of 3June, 'If just one, why not none?' Early in my quit, I had a buddy who was 2 weeks ahead of me. She was going shopping with her sisters that weekend (as they always did) and afterwards, they would stop for lunch accompanied by a glass of wine. I gotta tell you, I was struggling there in the beginning, and her words in response to this event stick to me even to this day, 'What's ONE glass of wine going to do for me anyway?'. A simple statement, but let's look at it. All that weekend, I was rationalizing in my mind, "Come ON, JUST one won't hurt!" "BE social for Criminy's Sake!" "Other people have done it and BEEN FINE". (I have NEVER seen this work....ever. NOT ONCE. ) "What HARM can ONE GLASS DO?" "I just want to prove to myself that I can do it, that's all" Well, unfortunately that's NOT all. Why don't we play this out to the end together? I will play the role of the Unlikely Relapser. I've been 4 years and three months without a drop of AL. By ALL accounts, I've got this. Scene opens, Friday night, I'm at a neighbor's house and here comes the wine. Out of the blue, I say....well sure, I'll TRY it. (I wish I could insert special effects here of all the brain synapses REFIRING and getting their juju back). I take that first sip and it's bitter and funny tasting, so I try it again.....ahh, there is OLD FAMILIAR! SEE? I CAN do this. Next thing I know, that little glass is GONE. I'd like more, but I don't....I'm in control now, after all, and the deal was ONE. All that night....I am consumed with "SEE? I'm in CONTROL now" "I KNEW I could do it". All the next day, I am thumbing my nose at MWO'ers who couldn't do this. I did SO well last night, I will try it again! So that night, I have another....just ONE....TWO tops. See? STILL in control. Now it's Sunday. ALL day I'm thinking about how much control I have. NOT drinking tonight, no sireee! All week I'm puffed up at how well I did...still thinking about AL. Just LOOK at this CONTROL! Friday at 5 comes (will it EVER get here?) I promised myself I could have one tonight!!! What a week, I DESERVE it! So let's drink to that! Gosh, it's only 7 o'clock and we're just now going out to eat, everyone else is having wine, I'll join in and then I'll not have ANY tomorrow. Saturday....wake up feeling some guilt, shame, and remorse. I haven't checked in to MWO all week....nothing to tell them, all is going well, so I blew it one night? NO more AL this weekend....until Saturday night comes and I think, well, I've already blown it, I may as well have some tonight, too. I'll start over on Monday.
This, my friend, is how relapse STARTS. Notice that during this whole episode, I am consumed with thinking about AL.....I make NEW RULES. The absolute first sign of ALk'ism, is making rules, the second is breaking them. As our friend, Matt M. says, this is the Ultimate Mind F___. This addiction is just like NS's analogy of a stray dog, you feed it, and it's YOURS to keep. The ONLY way to keep this addiction at bay is to starve it to death...and even then it raises its head from time to time to remind us it's still there. ONE GLASS of AL is NOT worth all the pain and suffering it causes and besides, WHAT DOES IT PROVE? WHAT DOES ONE GLASS PROVE? We all know we are alkies...at least I do. I stopped kidding myself about 4.3 years ago. Take the power away from AL and you will be miles ahead. Don't give it control. Indifference is such a wonderful feeling....but it has to be earned. My mouth does not water when someone else is drinking. I'm just glad it's not me.

Do not be taken in by the ONE GLASS Dream....it doesn't exist for us, and it's just as well! I have not regretted one day of being sober but I can name about 20 years' worth of drinking that I regret. You aren't missing out on a thing, you are now living!!!

Hope everyone has a great day! Byrdie

[ALpro]

GREAT post Byrdie! Why would ANY alcoholic want to drink just ONE? I wouldn't. I want about TWENTY ONE! And would have that many. No, that's not an exaggeration. That's about how many I had when I drank. So I'll just have NONE.

[Byrdlady]

ALPro,
Thank you, same here....one is NOT going to get the job done!
Congratulations on 300 days today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are SO proud of you!!!! Keep up the great work!!
:rara: :balloons:

[Kairos]

Thank you for such a thoughtful post Byrdlady. It's just what I needed today as I commit to sobriety and I intend to keep coming back to it.

Kairos

[LavenderBlue]

Good morning, Nest! Thursdays are my busy nights so thought I'd better pop in now while I have time.

So many thoughtful posts! On the topic of just one, something else you guys have said really stuck with me - asking myself what I actually wanted. When I want "just one" what I really want is to feel the effects. And I likely won't after just one, but even if I do that's only going to make me want more; wanting to prolong it or experience it just "a little more." It starts sounding like a pretty crappy idea when I rephrase it into something more honest.

Besides all that, I honestly don't know what combination of things clicked to make me serious about this quit, but I'm not going to plan on having that opportunity again! Back when I had pancreatitus, even that didn't get me to actually quit. I think if I was normal and rational about my drinking, that would have done it back then. Especially since I always told everyone (and myself) that if drinking ever caused me medical issues, I'd quit immediately... But no, I lied to my doctor that I really wasn't drinking *that* much - though I'm sure he didn't believe me.

NS - Thanks, and I hope so too. I like that way of looking at it, as a gift of examining my life. It's been an odd combination of coming back to myself and learning new things about me. I've been on both extremes in terms of busy; for years I was trying to do EVERYTHING (full time school, excelling at work, going out, dating, family, hobbies, etc.) and then when I crashed and burned I was lucky to shower regularly. I think my real balance will be somewhere in between, and I feel like quitting is going to allow me to finally find that balance. I really value what you posted - my tendency is still to put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve and it's super helpful to have a reminder that BEING is important on its own.

LilBit - That's a lovely way to read that one, I can very much see that! My favorite in the series is probably The Last Battle. When I was little, the scene where Aslan is basically saying if you do good things it always "counts" jumped out and really spoke to me. I'd been more used to the kind of "if I mess up, I'm horrible" way of thinking, and for whatever reason that planted a seed of forgiveness for myself - and also encouraged me to be less judgemental of other people since there's so many things I can't know about anyone else. I'm also sad sometimes reading more current kids books or YA novels; I love that in older books like that one the story was complete just using family (or friendship) dynamics. I'm not "against" a love interest in books, but I feel like there was something really valuable in the books that realized family and friendship bonds are important all on their own. I think it really helped me growing up (especially while I was a teenager!) to be a little less focused on needing to date people and realize that I could have a fulfilling life and relationships whether I was single or not.

[peppersnow]

Hello, Nesters! Great to see you, Kairos, and welcome back! I remember you from my first quit with MWO (although it was about my 500th attempt total). This is my second and I'm up to 13 months, and planning on this being forever. I'm so glad you came back. You can do this. :hug: Welcome to all the first-time MWO'ers as well. This is a wonderful space to feel support and understanding.

Byrdie, I think I use your line of "Why have 1 when you can have none" every week, at least. It's my go-to. Thank you for all that you do and your thousands of tools!

[frances]

Hey there Kairos and welcome back! Last I heard from you, you were embarking on a long trek if I remember right. Was expecting you back here afterward and have wondered how things were going with you. So glad to see you!

[Dutch1988]

Thanks for all the birthday wishes and advice everyone! I spent the whole day hanging out with my wife and daughter and cleaning out my garage. I have moved three times in the past three years and it slowly had become a hoarding den. I also have wanted to do a little diy job and make it more of my own private gym, so yesterday I figured what be hell, if I am going to do something for me, it's going to be something to benefit me in the long run. I also enjoyed a nice bit of steam the whole way, which is in sharp contrast to how I have felt the past few days to a week. Now I plan on staying focused on my fitness goals, continue working on becoming a personal trainer for supplemental income, and ideally celebrating 2 months sober in a week.

Ava-I'm going to just assume it's the alcohol thing then, like today, I pretty much kept moving from 10am to 9pm cleaning out my garage, for the past 6 days I didn't want to do things I enjoy and here I am busting my ass to do something I would normally consider boring, guess my energy is just going to be sporadic for awhile. Hope you don't have a throat infection, I have chronic sinusitis and

[Byrdlady]

Saw this on FB.