Newbies Nest

[LilBit]

Lilbit - am still recovering from the pictures in my head from your dream :eek-new:

As am I, dear SF. As am I.

Upon reflection, maybe "growing a set" in my dream was metaphorical in another way. Let me explain. Jane's excellent article talked about our beginning to enjoy saying "no" to AL and to other things that are unhealthy or undesirable. Sometimes, that takes some balls.

Case in point, I got up this morning @4:30 for a kayaking trip that my fiance and I have been planning all week. Over coffee, he tells me that his dad invited himself along so that the two of them could fish. Understand that his dad once spent 90 minutes describing the spawning habits of the large mouth bass in excruciating detail, while I was trapped with him in a small boat -- which is not the way I want to spend my only day off this week. So, I told my fiance that I've decided to stay home and work on our deck garden instead. Now, he's downstairs throwing a man-tantrum, saying that I "bailed" on him and throwing things about. I'm sitting here, calmly planning a great day ahead -- visiting the farmer's market, cooking Croque Monsieur for brunch, planting Dahlias...

In the past, on AL, this would have been a very different experience. First, it's Sunday so I would have woken up hungover or still drunk. I'd have been trying to coax my body and brain into moving, packing AL on ice for the trip, etc. I'd have said, "yes" and then hid being miserable in a sea of wine. What a waste!

Oswald Chambers says that it's seldom a choice between a good thing and a bad thing; rather, it's a choice between "what is good" and what is "not good enough." I'm beginning to see how AL handicaps us into choosing the lesser thing.

[Kairos]

Kairos -
"Here I am again taking action again and that's what matters"....YES! That's the truth. AL does have a sneaky way of creeping back in, I have been there oh so many times. To stop that, it seems that you really do have to take it off of the table as hard as that is to accept.

As for your question, no, I have not been AL free since you left. I had a completely unexpected situation come up at Thanksgiving time and had what I term a 'slip' - nothing serious just a couple of drinks on a couple of occasions, but nonetheless I broke my quit. I wrote about it in the relapse in retrospect thread. I am back on track but I am not counting days on a regular basis any longer. But I do know my days, including where I would have been, but it is on my other computer at work. I'll send it to you when I get it.

Thanks Frances,
Don't worry about getting back to me with the days. It was just a passing thought to know where I'd have been but it doesn't matter. I'll have a look at your thread though! We can all learn so much from each others experiences. I love the sharing on MWO.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Sunday to all

Welcome back G2G - the nest is the place to be!!!
Quitting is not for sissies, that's for sure. It takes commitment & a good plan, you'll have lots of company here.

Lil, I'm glad we have a better understanding now of your 'growing a set', ha ha!!!
Again, changing habits & your life is not for sissies.
I'm sure I would have made the choice to skip the kayaking trip too. Protecting your sanity & quit is way more important

I have another day ahead to deal with these big stinky dogs - don't be jealous! My son should be here by dinner time to take them back, I hope!
Wishing everyone a great AF Sunday!

Lav

[LilBit]

I was also in that “Do I really mean this ?” mode and it was just what I needed to hear, at the exact moment I needed to hear it -thanks.

Yay, Kairos! You're doing so well. I'm glad that you made it over the 3-day hump.

I've had the same experience here, where someone's words were exactly what I needed at the just the right moment. I would say "you're welcome" but I credit the Nest itself for this. 'Very powerful little set of twigs we have here.

Lav -- big stinky dogs -- God bless 'em. There's one looking at me right now.

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
A beautiful Sunday here today. It should be perfect weather for my niece and her BF to enjoy the beach. I went over with them yesterday and got a sun burn! I thought I knew better than that! I had sunscreen on my face, but the rest got fried. They seem to be having a great time. If this had been 4.3 years ago, I would be trying to figure out how to sneak gulps of booze so they wouldnt notice. Im sure I would already be getting a head start at this hour (just to loosen up). Boy, those werent the days. There at the end of my drinking career, I wasnt driving on the weekends because I started drinking so early. I could usually hold out til 10:30 am, but on special occasions like this, I would have started early. It is unimaginable now. What a self-imposed prison I was in. To steal the words of Denzel Washington in FLIGHT, I'd rather be in an actual prison than the one I was in while drinking. It is hell on earth.
I tell you, do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. Some days ARE hard, but soldier thru them. Going back to AL is NOT an option.

I had a bad day at work on Friday. My hoss reminds me of a prosecuting attorney and Judge Judy all rolled into one. He reamed me a new one on Friday. The OLD BL would have spent the weekend drinking AT him. I'll show HIM! The NEW BL took a bubble bath and baked a batch of cookies. Getting and staying sober is a skill that is learned! Turning to other coping skills takes practice, but those muscles get stronger. It was so bad on Friday, for a fleeting instant, I thought of AL. Then I said to myself those 3 little words that have saved me more than once. NO, HELL NO! AL will not take another day of my life. The thought was gone as quickly as it entered. AL is not an option.

Looking forward to peaceful day today....an authentic day, not one altered by AL. Wishing everyone a peaceful day! Byrdie

[jane27]

Morning Nesters,

So many great posts this morning

Ava, I'm worried about your Mom. Legs feeling funny...could that be stroke or heart attack symptoms? Also wonder is there any way it is food allergy or mosquito bite related? With your background in neurology I know she's in good hands. Did you guys return to your home or hers? I recall you live a distance from each other. I hope you can remain together until she gets better. How are you holding up?

Kairos, How nice that your guests canceled and you are here with day 3 tucked in behind you. Can you tell your husband not to do that again? I would have been PISSED. For the first 3 months I literally did nothing. Maybe left the house 1x per week. I was lucky in that I had recently quit my job, which I now realize was a major part of the problem.

Lil, Loved your post. I remember that at 30 days it occurred to me that I needed to sharpen up with regard to agreeing to do things that I didn't want to do. It had become a habit, and a source of immense anxiety. There is a Katherine Hepburn quote, "If you always do what interests you, at least one person is happy." Your plan B sounds like a nice day

Byrdie, Your post hit me square in my core. I'm grateful that you have such a good memory and articulate so well. It reminded me of countless times I did the same thing. Pre loading /tanking up before everything no matter what the hour. Everything was a special occasion.

Lav, I thought those big, beautiful, sweet dogs were yours! I miss having dogs so much but am taking my time before getting another. You are an amazing grand ma! What do the boys like to do? Today we are going to visit my niece and nephew. My niece is 3 and likes to be carried. Sore arms and neck here I come!

Wishing everyone a bewdie! Anyone heard from G man?

[peppersnow]

Welcome, G2G. I think most people here tried quitting multiple times, like you, so you're not alone! I had several "stints" as well. My problem is that the longer I was able to maintain a quit, the worse my drinking became when I started again. It would begin with "just 1" beer on a weekend, graduate to a few more plus wine the following weekend, a glass or 2 after work on Th and Friday, etc., until I was going through a gallon of ginf/vodka a a week plus a box of wine. Every time time I started up again, within about 6 weeks I was drinking far more than before I last quit. There's some medical science behind that phenomenon of escalation and worsening of the addiction for people who start again after a quit, which I know others have posted about and is in the tool box somewhere. If I hadn't quit forever this last time, I honestly think I'd be dead soon if not by now. But forever can be a really intimidating word, and I tried to keep that out of my head as well early on and just focus on today. Today, I'm not drinking! When people who didn't know I had a problem and thought this was a health kck (which is what I told them) asked me how long I was going to stay on the wagon, I'd just say I didn't know -- as long as it takes to feel like I've reached my health goals! By the way, that works. I found that most people respected that and left me alone.

Kairos, way to go getting through Day 3, and onto Day 4! I try to remind myself every morning to be grateful that I woke up, versus coming to. Just waking up unhung is huge in the early days!

I read something that hit home for me: "An addict is someone who wants to be held while isolating. Addicts seem to be in a continual state of emotional conflict. We want that which is impossible. We want to be loved, but we don't want anyone to bother us." That was me. It's mind-blowing no how incredibly lonely we can feel even while with the people we love the most when we are drinking and hiding it. I wanted them, and I wanted my booze. But I didn't want them to interfere with my booze.

I know this is hard to believe when you're early in your quit, because I didn't believe it although I hoped it was true - - but the happiness and joy we can feel when we are sober and free is a million times greater than any fake, temporary contentment we get from a glass of alcohol.

:love:

[abcowboy]

Morning NN’s! Bubba and I are out on the west coast visiting with our 2 daughters who make their home here. It has been a great visit so far! We attended a dinner party last night as one of our daughters group of friends wanted to meet us. There were 10 of us in total, and I was a bit worried about going, not because I thought I would want to drink along with all of them, but because I was worried I would embarrass our daughter because “her dad is an alcoholic” The evening turned out great, great food and conversation, lots of laughs shared by all and it was wonderful to meet her friends!

When we got back to her place and I crawled into bed, I thought about how we as alcoholics can gain acceptance with those who do not understand, or will not make time to understand the illness of alcoholism. I am sure I am not alone with the burden of the big “A” on our back as regardless of the many wonderful traits we have as people. It’s hard not to fault them. Before the drink, I had the same view as them due to my lack of understanding and ignorance. I viewed it as a fault of character and overlooked the gifts the person had to offer the world and labeled them as flawed. The saying “ignorance is bliss” is not the case here, and it can be hurtful at times not only towards the person battling this illness, but also to the one who is quick to pass judgment. On this path of sobriety and recovery, one of my hopes is to be accepted as human and flawed, yet someone who is determined to make the change for the better in all areas.

So I have been asking myself, how can I be accepted and treated again as I once was before? So far from what I have learned is that I must continue on and let my actions shine as well as the rest of my gifts as a person. We cannot change the thoughts and opinions of others and while it hurts for them to label us, we have to look at it from a sympathetic view of their lacking in knowledge and understanding. I believe not one person wants to be addicted to anything, but in reality, everyone is addicted to something, legal or illegal, accepted or not accepted in society. But how we can stand out is for us to continue on correcting to the best of our ability our actions acknowledge this weakness and do everything in our power to keep it in check. Addiction or abuse cannot be cured (yet), but we have the ability to keep it in check, much like high blood pressure or allergies. If we can stay strong and not let the judgments of others affect us, we can shine as bright as the sun and perhaps show others how strong and special we are like other people. Life is too short to pass judgment and concern ourselves about the opinions of others. It is our life and up to each of us to make the best of it. So ladies and gents, do not allow the view and judgment of others lead us off this path. It may be a bit rough at times, but it will only make us stronger in other aspects of life.

[LavenderBlue]

Hi, all. Ooooof, I'm tired but yesterday was a really good day. The zoo was in fact plenty fun without drinking - much more, really, since I wasn't distracted by trying to get AL. It's amazing how many things you miss when you're plotting and rationalizing and trying to sneak off alone to get your "fix." I caught a heavy whiff of another patron's drink at one point - I definitely noticed and idnetified the smell but I didn't feel like I needed to go find some, so that was good. I also noticed that my crowd-anxiety is much better than it used to be. Being in a large crowd (especially if they're loud) has always really bothered me, I just can't handle it for long. That's still true, but I was able to manage it much better and it didn't get as bad as it used to. I think there was only one or two exhibits that I skipped because they were so crowded, and those were ones my mother wasn't interested in forcing her way into either, so they were definitely THAT crowded.

I also got very positive feedback from the website on the article I wrote for them, so that made me feel *very* good and stopped a lot of my worry that I wasn't going to do a good enough job. If I had any lingering worries that I needed drinking to help my writing (and I don't by now), that would kill them right there. I wasn't even writing for anyone else while I was drinking, much less getting great feedback! For one, I was too self conscious to put my writing out where anyone would see it, and for two I double never would have joined the website for the podcasts we do since that would have cut into my drinking time.

Ava - That is way more excitement than anyone wants, I'm so glad things seem like they're better now and I hope your mom is 100% soon!

Kairos - Glad you got out of dinner plans. I definitely made a point of not going out anywhere where I'd be tempted for...well, really I'm just starting to now. I doubt everyone needs to wait as long as I have, but definitely in the early days that would be making it super hard on yourself. Can you talk to your other half so they know now might not be the best time to make plans like that?

G2G - Welcome back and nice to meet you! For me I know it's taken a combination of some days I just focus on that day, but having an overall "I need to not drink again, ever." I think for me if I left myself the idea of drinking later I wouldn't have made it so far, I'd always be thinking about when I could go back. My other quits definitely never lasted. I know things are still slowly getting better for me now at close to 9 months; I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't kept at it. Hope you can find the plan that works for you! You're definitely not the only one here that's been through multiple tries to get to where they want to be!

LilBit - Good for you knowing when to say no! I had a tough time last winter - I was supposed to be at my sister-in-laws folks' place for Christmas, and I knew my brother had been annoyed that I don't spend more time with that side of the family. BUT I also knew it would be very stressful for me and that they are all huge wine drinkers. It was hard for me to say, "No, I really can't do that right now," but I was glad I did.

Well, it's off to run the errands and whatnot that I didn't do yesterday! Hope everyone has a great AF MAE

[kherriot]

Off to the GYM for Yoga and Meditation. Hope everyone is have a great day. Great posts today, things are really looking up.:happy2:

[Rahulthesweet]

Hello Nesters,

Great Posts .. Good to see ol timers doing well.

For me life's been so great and different. Small and tiny things which I am doing is something which I could never imagine myself if I would have been drinking.

Playing with kids on Sunday afternoon for example ! That day was reserved for beers. I would go out grab beers drive around (not proud of it) and crash by evening.

AAcowboy becoming sober has it own set of challenges. For me I never realized I was so lonely. I made AL everything ... My BEST friend Who needed some to talk to. I had my tablet with movies and the bar and would drinks and "party" . If I would have been traveling then party would become "better" on my own. I have so many memories of places I have been during my younger years drinking ...
Now being sober I feel I am so alone ! Those few friends I had were drink buddies . I cant relate to them !!

OK another note I will be watching U2 in west coast next month. For those who r going with me they are busy planning staying close to bars so that there is no need for drive ... I used to think that way .. It was so much important !!

But then. ... "Its U2 I am counting u in for drinks, you can make an excepion" was my friends point ...

"Yeah ! It's U2...I love their music ... all the more reason for me NOT to drink ... I dont need a drink to enjoy them ..."

My point was so clear to me .. I don't need to get "high" to enjoy great music ... I enjoy it anyways ... So much ..

But they would not understand ...

I have been cycling now a days for like 30 to 45 minutes. . I love it knees getting better.

I have a long 2 weeks business cum vacation coming up in west coast plus NYC. Also hitting Canada to Banff and Toronto ...

[ToMyHealth]

Well kind of a hard test to go to Kentucky Derby party on Day 2. Passed by the free drinks offered. Sat at dinner table. Everyone had their drinks & have come to conclusion dh is not taking me seriously. He looked at me with such surprise when I said no, asked if I was biding my time. Then guy next to me insisted on buying me a drink as he lost to dh in golf & consequently was buying. Refused. Only hard time I had was when group decided to meet in bar after dinner. Definitely a trigger. I did fine, but it was a test.

Church this a.m. & finally I was not apologizing to God for being hungover again. Tis a great feeling. Reward was I shot my 2nd best golf score this afternoon.

Sleep first night didn't happen til 3:00a. Last night fell asleep but woke up itching (bites) took a Benadryl and that helped.

Sorry it's all about me right now. Sure that will change. Looking forward to a great workout tomorrow. Have a nice Sunday eve.

TMH

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to see everyone doing so well - you'll never regret quitting, I promise

Full moon tonight in case anyone keeps track of those things. It always seems to disrupt my sleep, oh well.
My weekend guests have gone home, yay!!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Rahul - I LOVE seeing live music, and never imagined I could see and enjoy a concert sober - I figured it was just one of those things I'd have to accept with sobriety. But was I ever wrong!? I enjoy concerts even more now - I feel present and in a good state of mind to enjoy the art and performance, I remember the songs, don't have to miss songs by being in line for beer or the bathroom, and I can see live music without having to factor in a hungover day the next day. I had a crazy and stressful week last week (see previous post), and I also have a bad cold, but we had tickets to see a favorite band last night so I went. It was cathartic for me - I left my stress on the floor, the dopamine filled my head, and I got home and to bed at a decent hour as well. SO GREAT! You'll have a blast at U2. So terrible that non-drinkers can't understand what they're missing!

Lil - good decision. Saying no is such a great superpower to have, another on the "plus" column for not drinking. I am jealous of all you gardeners around here, though...

Kairos - Keep rocking it!

G2G - Welcome back. I agree with Pepper - the returns to drinking just kept getting worse. Plus, giving up for good helps take that endless decision making loop out of your head and makes room for a lot of other mental pursuits.

I'm off for hot tea and another round of cough syrup (well, ok, maybe I should have stayed home last night, but dang it, I had fun!).

Happy SOBER Sunday,
Pav

[LilBit]

Lav, I hope you enjoy your peaceful, stinky-dog-free evening. Will try to enjoy the full moon rise when I walk my own stinkmeister in a little while.

Pav, sorry to hear you have a cold. Good for you for going out last night and enjoying yourself anyway. Sounds like a blast. I don't think missing the fun would have made any difference. The kachoos just have to run their course, and you might as well be happy in the meantime.