Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a nearly 12 hr day on kid duty here, I'm worn out but happy.

Ginger, CONGRATS on your 1 YEAR AF :welldone:
It does keep getting better & better, you'll see!

Kensho, glad you are OK despite the hectic schedule.

Lil, I have kid help ~ my feathered friends help keep them entertained. Tonight after dinner I pulled a big bunch of weeds/dandelions & things & tossed them in the chicken yard. The birds jumped on them & snacked away, the kids love watching that!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[jane27]

Took my MIL to drs appointment today. We were together between 12 and 6 and she got irritable midway. I think something I said annoyed her. When she got bitchy it made me feel uncomfortable and anxious and I thought how feeling this way in the past would have included high pitch, audible only to me, bells ringing with almost a desperate urge to air lift out and begin downing wine. I'm not sure how the credit lays out with regard to why I don't feel like this frequently any more. Nearly a year and a half sober is definitely at the top of the list, but I wonder if also being sober has allowed me to conduct myself in a more accountable way that helps with creating boundaries. I love my MIL very much but we have uncomfortable patches where we don't get along at all- and each of us make it worse by how we act. She gets needy and passive aggressive and condescending- I get pissed and withdraw. I didn't like being reminded of the uncomfortable/panicky- get me OUT OF HERE situation. I'm confused by it and feel like I must have a role in it. Either that, or maybe she simply gets pissed when I draw the line at what I can and cant do for her. I cant be her on call IT person. She needs to either pay someone or take a class & make a commitment to learning how to use the darn thing. I wrote her visual aid work instructions detailing everything- I labeled cables, I made a ledger of websites and her passwords, and still there seems to be problem every day with her ipad, iphone, computer, printer. I told hubs jokingly, I want out. As in, I quit in role of computer babysitter.

She really got under my skin today. If felt badly to be doing something nice for her, and for her to go into temper tantrum mode.She has never taken responsibility for anything relating to bills, her house, repairs, doctors appointments. My experience has been totally opposite. I have had to be responsible for everything relating to my own financial & physical well being. I'll never be on board with assuming the role of her care taker. She is capable, but wont do anything for herself.

Sorry for ranting. Today brought back old, bad memories relating to the same issues and my drinking heavily over them. Not going to happen.

Byrdie posted this for me in tool box after I reached 30 days. Its touches directly on the issue Im dealing with after today.

Jane27;1623592 wrote: At 30 days I feel stupid in a good way. I am trying to develop an awareness regarding the way a situation makes me feel. Do I want to do that? Do I want to have dinner with this person?

Waiting for a pull in order to identify things that I actually want to do. Sitting with feelings. Recognizing that wistful memories of a good buzz may crop up & put a lump in my throat. That the most minute attempt to ride that wave might be a one way ticket. That I?m not doing myself any favors by judging myself- in fact that habit has been a spring board to drinking. The most important thing is to not drink & be a good person. That it?s important to show up if I?ve signed up, so stop signing up for shit I don?t want to do & figure out why I do that so much. Everything is going to feel new and it is new. With time I will accrue an inventory of memories made while sober. Looking forward to the day when I have enough of those that I can move the old ones to a different box, tie it up with some string, and maybe one day make peace with it. Every day, I need to be relentless in my commitment to not drinking. This may include things that feel like I?m being selfish. It?s not being selfish. It?s going to keep me alive. I'm OK with feeling blank actually, because it?s not really blank. It feels more like being newly born. I wish that didn?t sound corny or religious, but I don?t know how else to say it.

Thank you all. I can?t do this without you guys. I?m only learning who I am because I finally don?t feel so alone.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night.

[Fat fella]

Hi all
Back for yet another attempt to kick this thing out of my life. Don't know why I failed last time, only know I must keep trying. Day 2 today.

[available]

Good evening nesters

Oh Jane i can so relate to your MIL issues as i have the same with my mum. My sarcasm level reaches a new high some days with mum. Today she was needy and i was not going there. I took her to the drs and she had blood tests to see why she is not really any better. she has a list of things to do here, i told her i would take her (shopping mainly), she said no. My daughter and i are organising mothers day lunch which is the same day as my daughters birthday. We had to pre-pay, mum said she wont be hungry as she is sick, i said its only bloody Tuesday and the list goes on! She is meeting the man tomorrow so asked all the kids what they thought of him, like i wasnt even in the room. My blood pressure was bubbling up a storm and i am thinking to myself, "so if you dont like him do you think i am going to stop seeing him". She told me she is not sure she will be well enough to fly home next week and i'm like, its only Tuesday. So there is my rant! Damn that feels better. At no time did i want to drink AT her either, i just need ME time which i am escaping to do tomorrow.

Ginger happy 1 year, a great achievement girl. I knew you were serious when you came on here new and they were going to upgrade the site and you asked for support in other ways in case you could not get on mwo. I could tell you were one determined woman and that you have been. Congratulations.

FF welcome back. I am sure you know why you failed last time but the positive is you are back. Keep posting and being accountable. Its pretty well a surety if we walk away from our support in the early months we will drink. Every single day sober is a good day.

Well i am off to do some knitting! I am cooking tomorrow, i hate cooking!

Take care everyone

[jane27]

Thanks Ava. I'm glad I'm not alone! The support of my MWO family has conditioned me to be more positive & grateful every day- this little negative bump in the road through me (and confused me). Like, whoa, how did I get here again? All part of life and not living in a vaccum. Hoping for a tantrum free Mother's Day! For you, me and all of us! xo

[Lavande]

Good Tuesday morning Nesters

Jane, I understand your dilemma because I had the MIL from hell. She was so bad that I actually blocked her phone # so she couldn't call anymore. My husband just ignored her but somehow I was left to deal with the fallout ;(
You just can't please some people, their neediness exceeds the ability of normal human beings! My MIL caused a lot of people to drink AT her - believe me. To be honest, it was such a relief when she finally passed away. Hang in there & keep your boundary lines intact!

FF, welcome back! You know what you need to do so stick around for support!

Ava, sounds like you Mum is in an extra needy place as well! Sometimes I think fear gets the best of older people so they resort to kid-like behavior. I hope she regains her strength quickly so life can get back to 'normal' for all of you!

I am expecting a visit from my daughter & granddaughter today. Never a dull moment around here!
Wishing everyone a terrific AF Tuesday!

Lav

[jane27]

Lav, Grandchildren aerobics! Kind of? Its got to be a big calorie burner!!! lol Thanks for your feedback. I'm feeling more positive and less guilty- hearing your and Ava's experiences has been a big help. xo

[LilBit]

'Glad you're feeling better, Jane. Here's one more for the pile and hopefully to give you a laugh. My fiance has driven my future (maybe) MIL nearly everywhere she goes, including a daily work commute, for a year and a half "because she misplaced her driver's license and can't seem to get her birth certificate to get a new one." Bwahahahahaha!

The same MIL house-sat/pet-sat for us last year and, while we were away, took it upon herself to rearrange all my downstairs closets. This included neatly folding her son's T-shirts on some cabinet shelves and making room for them by placing all my stuff on the floor. Bwahahahahaha!

I only see her a few times per year. That is by choice. Also, for our last trip, I hired a professional house & pet sitter.

Lav, your hen feeding frenzy sounds like fun.

Happy Cinco De Mayo, everyone. I must say that I'm thrilled not to be part of the tequila crowd today. Yuk!

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, fellow nesters!

Jane and Ava, I try to only comment on things from which I have gained experience and I aint' neva seen nothin in real life like you two are enduring. My hat is off to both of you, for soldiering thru the child-like behavior of your elders...because that's just what you do. Bless you both for it. It's a hard situation, you are in both roles as mother AND child. Hugs are all I can offer. (and listen to Lav!!!)

Fat Fellow, welcome back. You can take it from me, when you want to be sober BADLY enough, you will find a way to do it. It's a skill and it can be learned. You are in the best class there is! We're glad you are here. Day 2 and counting!!

Wishing everyone an easy Toosday!! Cinco de Mayo....is that where the guy with the flute led snakes out of Mexico? ehehehe.....xo, Byrdie

[LilBit]

FF, want to talk about what led you back here? It's good to see you and welcome.

Dear Byrdie, NO ONE outclasses the Prize Patrol!

[KENSHO]

Mornin'! Hi Fat Fella - happy you are back! Never a time like the present to start feeling better!

Jane, I've also been in those shoes - wondering what I did to upset the MIL. Recently, it is my neighbor who had become suddenly and noticeably unfriendly. This really bothered me - lots of wondering what I did or said. In the end, she is just going through some tough personal stuff. I've found that most of the time, it's on the other person and has nothing to do with me. I'm no saint, but I tend to personalize the problems of others.

Lav, thank you for your wisdom. Always saying just the right thing

Nice, quiet, rainy morning here. I have a bit of a headache, but I'm just glad I don't have the week that I had prior - I can move a little slower and enjoy the quiet. I'm very glad to have this place. Also glad I can feel good about "not drinking today". There's absolutely no need for it - no good thing about it - no place for it in my life.

[Overit-still]

GOOD MORNING NESTERS! IM BACK, well, not back as in I'm back because I've always been here, just not on here.....anyway.....Got through tax season and quarterly deadlines at 4/30. Went and hid in the mountains for a few days scoring all kinds of hammock time and now I'm back and ready to rock-n-roll.

I have missed so much and I won't go back and review so let me know if I need to know something.

I feel like crud today and it just reminds me of how overjoyed I am that I do not wake up everyday hung over, with a headache, tired, achy, grouchy...........YA US!

Gotta run. Have a great day everyone!

[Dutch1988]

Jane that was a great article. I could not emphasize enough to anyone lurking around here how helpful the support on here has been. It really has made all the difference for me, and reading through everyone else's struggles just reinforces my own resolve to continue on the path I am on. There's a line from a video game I loved as a kid that kind of reminds me of this whole no AL experience, it's "there ain't no getting off this train we're on." That resonates with how I am trying to approach quitting, I don't want to even think about trying to stop, just focus on the fact every minute, even the stressful, painful, fatigued, and depressing ones, are bringing me closer to another day of feeling better.

Glad you finished tax season overit, that has to be a load off.

I wish I could relate on MIL issues but honestly my FIL bothers me more. He has definitely helped me out more than he has hurt me, but my wife's self-esteem and image were such crap when I met her, I still hold a grudge. Every kid is different, and I have to remember that in my own line of work and at home since I am expecting two. My wife just did not respond to classic tiger mom/dad parenting, her brother did though(of course if you have a big sister as support that could be what makes a difference). FIL comes from a good place, but since he was born in China and moved to the US, he obsessed with saving and not enjoying himself, rather saving his money makes him happy. To each their own, but I would rather enjoy the journey since in the back of my head I could die any minute, no sense in saving EVERYTHING I have and investing it. I think I was watching of clip of Steve Harvey one day saying he would give his kids like 10% in his will of everything he made and the rest was going to him and his wife. Now that is a plan I can get behind.

Definitely have more energy this week, and for almost a straight week now. Even though I was going to the gym during my blahs the past two weeks I actually went down on my max lifts, which for those who aren't accustomed to weight training, is pretty bad haha. I attribute it to not eating enough because I felt bummed and also not trying as hard when I went, just trying to make it through the day when I was down was hard enough. I started making decaf green tea at night a few days back trying to cut down on sugar. I replaced my DOC with 2-3 sodas a night, which I hated but was like it has to be better than drinking. Now I think I have a good system in place so I am not pounded something bad for me in place of something worse.

I had to bust out my bluetooth keypad because I just can't take typing on my phone anymore, almost three months I have been writing on here via my phone, it's like making an extra obstacle to posting and keeping myself accountable. I also feel like I have a brain with a keybaord, when you are crawling through a post with your fingertips it's hard to keep the brain focused on a sentence, let alone your main idea behind a paragraph. Happy Tuesday everyone!

[Fat fella]

Thanks guys. It's good to be back amongst some familiar names. I've got the toolbox at my disposal and I intend to spend a lot of time on here reading and posting.

[LilBit]

I got the call from my doc today. It's official. I have breast cancer. Damn!

BUT, let this be a testament to how resolved I am about my quit. On today, of all days, I think we can agree that I have the Mother of All Excuses to drink. Yet, it's the very last thing I want to do. If my days on this Earth are numbered (as all of ours are) I don't want to spend them alone in a dark room with a bottle. I still feel the temptation coming in waves, though.

I told my fiance the news over the phone. I'm sure that he was trying to be helpful. He said, "Maybe we should go to the Delta [resort area] more often. You need to relax more and drink a bottle of wine. You were healthier when you were drinking." Honestly, people, I have never wanted to reach through a phone line and pummel another human more than I did at that moment. I responded vehemently, in no uncertain terms that I can't write here because they're far from ladylike. I also told him, "I love you, but -- understand -- if you bring home a bottle of any kind tonight and put it in front of me, I can and will break it over your head." So, if any of you see me in the newspaper crime section tomorrow, you'll know what happened.

Please keep me in your thoughts. I don't want to turn this bad situation into something much worse by falling off the wagon.