Newbies Nest

[Hanna]

Hi all-

I haven't posted recently, since I feel like I have nothing to add, and my overwhelming issue is marital, which doesn't belong here. However, I am still not drinking, and on here all the time reading the posts.

Lil-

I just want to give you my support. While I did not have breast cancer, I had the ugly gene that put me at obvious risk for the disease ( BRACA), and had the double mastectomy and reconstruction surgery about 3 years ago. I also have had several friends who have gone through the diagnosis of breast cancer. While it is really, really, scary, it is the most "fixable" cancer diagnosis out there. Please, please, pm me if I can give you support. You will be fine!!! It just is a sucky thing. Lil- I am only posting right now because of you. Please let me know if I can be helpful

Beth

[available]

Afternoon nest.

Lil we are here for you. We had a lovely nester here not long back DD and she had breast cancer and shared her experience on here. I do hope that DD where ever you are, that you know you are still in my thoughts. its amazing the strength that someone with cancer can give and share with others. I find that my friend Robert inspires me each and everyday with is battle.

TMH, i figured with sleeping in my early days that i put the shite into my body for years so i had to go with the flow. i napped when i was tired and if i was awake at 1am then i was on mwo reading. I was bone weary tired but i still went to work and functioned and probably better than when i was hungover. I also had excruciating headaches for 5 weeks. The thought of what i put my body through for years by drinking al made me more determined in my quit.

Kairos a wonderful achievement on 7 days. Every damn day ending in a Y, you be very proud of your accomplishment.

Pie, 300 wonderful af days and i bet you would not trade any of those 300 days for al. Congratulations to you.

Hanna, all of us on here have good ears, if it saves you from picking up a drink. I was not called "lunatic linda" for nothing when i quit drinking and it got me through to over a year and a half. I left my ego at the door and put my heart and feelings on mwo. You guys are my family who "get it".

Well the dinner went well with mum and the man and i cooked which is a miracle in itself. I said to him last night that my life could not get any better now i dont drink. I am so in control of my life, i dont need a couple of drinks, i have no shame and above all i am happy. i dont have to lie and hide and i can be honest in my life each and every day from the time i wake up until i go to sleep.

Take care

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Sorry I was MIA, especially with so much going on.

LIL!!! I am so sorry for your diagnosis and so pumped by your attitude and response. Please use us whenever you need - you certainly won't feel up all of the time, and we can be your support. I would be envious of your perky girls - mine are, in Byrdie's words, 38 longs.

Hanna - I agree with Ava - post away. I couldn't keep up with lunatic Linda, but I posted often and everywhere. Marital problems are a part of your recovery, because life is a part of your recovery. Let us help.

Ava - I think about DD, too. Hi, DD!

Ava and Jane - I had the best MiL in the world, but we lost her young about 9 years ago. We realized what a buffer she had been because FiL has been the pain in the a$$ ever since. I've never known a more self-centered person - he really doesn't believe that he has to consider others at all. He is kind and lovely at his heart, but dang is he a pain in the neck along the way.

Kensho - glad you're through the pain. You, too, Overit - enjoy your break.

Welcome back FF!

I said it on another thread, but CONGRATULATIONS, Ginger! So glad you've found your way out.

NS - I love when you go all science on us. Your science is what helped my rational brain take control of the situation I was in. Keep it coming!

I know I owe more responses, but this cold has me cut low. I remember when a cold was just an excuse for a shot of whiskey - to help me sleep (hah). I am off to bed.

Take care of yourselves and don't drink no matter what!

Pav

[ToMyHealth]

Day 7 - and I slept quite well. Only up once and not for long. I think part of this week's success was starting on a Friday rather than mindset of waiting til after weekend. I was serious.

Hanna, thanks for sharing about your surgery choice. I just visited MN to help for a week at stepdaughter's who just had same. She has a 2 yo & 4 yo. Reconstructive surgery in the fall. Certainly a brave decision.

Available, I remember reading about your looking at how you abused your body so yes, it will take time to heal. If I keep active & avoid naps, I think it will turn around. Today is 18 holes of golf & plan to walk after to visit friend who built a house & wants me to see it b4 they head north. Congrats on successful dinner! First time Mum & man met?

Kairos - love seeing you just 1 day ahead of me! Congrats on your full week!

TMH

[Lavande]

Good Thursday morning Nesters

Not actually sunny yet so I'll just pretend!

Pav, hope you feel better very soon!

TMH, Congrats on your 7 AF days - great work!!! Just keep moving forward, no looking back now

Wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Firstly, I want to drop my britches for TMH! :butt: To YOUR health! 7 Days is awesome! Keep up the great work....we will stand beside you, cheek to cheek! Keep it going! We are so proud of you!

Which reminds me of the importance of CONSECUTIVE days. I remember when I was on and off that hamster wheel, I'd get several days and then fall back. At the end of a period of time, I'd rationalize to myself that I was so much better than I WAS. I call this the Alcoholic's Loophole. It's one of the biggest traps we can fall in. I'd say, 'I'm not where I want to be, but I'm a darn site better than I was'. Progress, not perfection. Well that's nice when you are decorating a cake, but in addiction, not so much. This is flawed thinking for an addict, because all I was doing was justifying the relapses. After we cross the line into addictive drinking, there are really two choices: Arrest the disease, or perpetuate it. That's it. Two. I know I didn't want to hear this....after all, this is ME, we are talking about! I had control in every other aspect of my life, I KNEW I had this, too.....until I didn't. IT had ME. No amount of trying changed that, in fact, every relapse took me further into addiction.
There is science behind this, and the Tool Box is loaded with info about that (NoSugar, too!). The importance of consecutive days is that we starve this beast in our heads. NEW pathways and coping mechanisms form as a result. As long as we know AL is an option, we'll take it. If you get AL OFF the table once and for all, your struggles will be over. Poof! Gone. After a while, you can look at it without feeling....and that is THE BEST FEELING EVER! I am floored by what I was willing to throw away for the sake of keeping AL in my life. It is frightening to me how close I came to losing it all.....just so I could keep AL involved. I am living proof, that not only can life be as good without this poison, it is BETTER in every way. The last 4.3 years have been such a gift to me...a second chance and I'm taking it. I wish I had my 40's to live over, I would have stopped this madness long ago. I could cry at what I missed and the relationships I damaged. It takes time to get thru the hard parts, but I can promise you, the rewards are JUST as great on the other side. Stick it out. NO MATTER WHAT. It is worth it.

Hanna and Lil Bit, we are your FRIENDS. Listening is what friends do. When you post, it is for YOU. This is a record of your journey, so post away. If someone doesn't want to read it, they'll skip it! We encourage you to post!! That's how this works best!

Hope everyone has an easy day!! Byrdie

[Mr Vervill]

Just thinking about all the things that don't get done because of AL. Time to forge those NEW pathways.

[LavenderBlue]

Hey Nest, checking in quick! Still tired, but getting better. Had a bit of a situation yesterday, I guess the short version is that some of my friends accidentally ticked off another one of my friends. Stressful anyway, but I was worried about being caught in the middle. They're all talking amongst themselves to resolve it though, AND they all seem to get that I'm in a weird place on this one. Sometimes people surprise me in a GOOD way!

Feel draggy and behind on things, but I know it will pass. The last couple days I was also super fried, just really easy to get under my skin. I'm chalking it up to just being one of those weeks and trying to just push through. I try really hard to be pleasant, but sometimes I think I need to just accept I'm in a bitchy mood - as long as I'm not hurting anyone, it's ok and happens to everyone. I don't do myself much good when I'm thinking I "should" feel more cheerful instead of just trying to do good things for myself and giving me time to balance out. I sometimes think that's something else that drinking took from me - when you always go to a bottle to "fix" your mood, you get out of practice with just having the patience to let things happen in their own time.

Byrd - I know a lot of us don't like hearing it, but I really do think you're right about consecutive days. I know that the times I "mostly kind of cut back" I was still solidly in the same hole I'd started out in. And yes, as long as AL was an option I'd eventually go back to it...which meant I never really learned how to function without. It's taking time to pick up those skills again, but that itself is showing me how much AL was in my way of having other options. It's also helped me to really sit with and find a way to accept that alcoholism is progressive. I'd heard that all my life, but to really take the time to let it fully sink in that once you reach a certain point there isn't a "going back to how it was." I didn't want to believe that was the case for me! But I even more don't want to end up back where I was ever again.

Ok, going to try to get some small things done around the house; maybe if I can do some of those instead of focusing on big things like finances I'll feel more like I actually got something DONE! Love and support to everyone here, newbies and old timers!

[NoSugar]

Byrd - I know a lot of us don't like hearing it, but I really do think you're right about consecutive days. I know that the times I "mostly kind of cut back" I was still solidly in the same hole I'd started out in. And yes, as long as AL was an option I'd eventually go back to it...which meant I never really learned how to function without. It's taking time to pick up those skills again, but that itself is showing me how much AL was in my way of having other options. It's also helped me to really sit with and find a way to accept that alcoholism is progressive. I'd heard that all my life, but to really take the time to let it fully sink in that once you reach a certain point there isn't a "going back to how it was." I didn't want to believe that was the case for me! But I even more don't want to end up back where I was ever again.

This episode of The BubbleHour discusses some of the underlying science of addiction and why it is so important that bouts of sobriety not be interrupted by even an occasional drink if the brain is to heal.

[Matt M.]

Hey Friends, from a rainy,stormy N.Texas.

Lil~ Hang tough, your great attitude will carry you through this, I'm pulling for you.

Byrdlady~ I am floored by what I was willing to throw away for the sake of keeping AL in my life. It is frightening to me how close I came to losing it all.....just so I could keep AL involved.

Me too! , I can remember on multiple occasions I would seriously consider leaving my wife, because "she" had a problem with me drinking. This wasn't my problem, I was a grown ass man, if I wanted another mom griping at me, I would move back home with my own Mom. Looking back on that is unfathomable, Alcohol had taken over my body, the involuntary muscles to breathe.
I will never be able to drink Alcohol again, nor do I want to. When we say Al took over our lives, that statement doesn't do it justice when you actually step back and look at it. It literally becomes the puppet master controlling our every move. Even when the strings tied on to our bodies we still believe we are in control.
Today I am so grateful to have that poison out of my life, and grateful for the friends I have made on this journey. Every day I read something in here that that adds another nail in Alcohols coffin and solidifies my final quit!

Stay Hard my friends and whatever you do do not take that first drink!

[LilBit]

Double-yay to Kairos and Pie for the amazing milestones!! Congrats! Sorry it's a little late.

I'm doing OK on the rollercoaster ride -- intermittently crying and laughing. 'Nearly set the kitchen on fire twice in the last 24 hours.... Who knew that bagel crisps were that flammable? They actually produce big flames like those fireplace pellets do.

I've met with the doc, and been poked and prodded and x-rayed in preparation for the next step, next Friday, which is a lumpectomy. If that goes really well and they "get" everything, then I have 4 weeks of radiation and I'm done! No chemo, no radical surgery, just a sunburned chest for a while. If it doesn't go well or it has spread, then I am facing some very scary scenarios because I lucked into the most aggressive "grade." It's the not knowing and the infinite number of awful possibilities that are messing with me now. You can't think about them but you can't not think about them, either. So, I skate. I work out. I call friends. I become an unintentional pyromaniac. But I do not drink. Not today.

Overit, I hope you enjoy your break, wherever it is you're going. A change in routine can be heavenly.

Dutch, what a nice comment -- really! And thanks for the info. A lot of evidence seems to point to a veggie diet being ideal. 'Looking into it.

Mr. Vervil, if I ever need to cheer myself up I only have to look at your great avatar.

Fat Fella, maybe consider letting yourself enjoy whatever food you like for the rest of week 1? As long as the habits don't stick, I found that a little food indulgence helped with the AL cravings.

Hanna-Beth, how brave you are to have gone through all that. Wow. Thank you for your wonderful post.

Pauly, I will definitely start my own thread soon. I agree that it's therapeutic.

Ava, it's great to see you doing so well and I'm glad your dinner went well. So, you cooked?

Oh Pav, you still have the cold? Arrgh. That sucks. Lots of rest & hot tea for you! 'Still chuckling over "38 longs."

Byrdie, another great post! You really know how to say things that get to the heart of the matter.

Thanks, Matt. 'Glad you weathered the storms. Holy schmoly. And your "puppet master" analogy is a wonderful visual.

Lav, it's good to see that someone found a good use for dandelions. Beauty is in the eye of the Stella.

Hope you all have a great evening.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Boy, we really have some strong characters in the nest right now. Makes the place feel solid & quite positive

OK Lil, so we have a week to help get you ready for your procedure! You just need to tell us what you need besides a lot of :hug: Let's hope for the best outcome of course! By the way, Stella has pretty good nursing skills, I've sent her to help out some folks around here in the past

Wishing everyone a safe & peaceful night in the nest!

Lav

[available]

Afternoon nest

Well what started as a nice shop at the op shop and then a coffee turned into a 2 hour epic bit of crap. The coffee was luke warm, the lid didnt fit and then when i went to leave the battery had died in the car. A battery place right next door so i thought well think positive Ava at least the shop is convenient. Well they didnt have the right battery and i was really low on fuel (red light low) so off we went. Finally found the right battery an hour and a half later. The positive is that it was $20 cheaper. This crap just makes my stress levels go awol, i need to realise that i cant change how things pan out in an hour let alone a day.

TMH, thank god my body has sorted itself out, now its mainly my emotional well being that i am working on. Yes it was the first meeting with mum and the man and it went well which was an added bonus. she must like him as she has not said anything otherwise.

Byrd great post lovely. When i stopped the lying and bullshitting myself that i was moderating and doing fine and i could handle a few drinks and be normal then life changed for me. i also realised that i was on a drinking site for a reason and the reason being i had a massively huge problem with al. I dont see any people on here that can keep their drinking under control but i did find people that understood and helped me get to where i am today with love and support and who did not judge. Sure i would love to be able to drink a couple a day but thats not in my makeup of who i am. I am a better person not drinking, i know that and so do those around me see it.

So totally true Matt, everyone had a problem with me drinking except for me. As long as i could drink i was happy, well i thought i was but i was so truly unhappy, i can see that now that i dont drink. Watching someone slowly kill themselves with any substance is heartbreaking for them.

Lil you sound as shocked as my family that i cooked ha ha. I must say at least i did not try and set the house on fire, well not yet. I hope the lumpectomy goes well for you and your partner is with you 120%.

Last day of holidays for me, damn that 3 weeks went quick. So not looking forward to that daily grind called life.

Take care everyone.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest!

Lil - keep on skating and lighting those pyrotechnics. While the Stella help you nurse, I recommend some humorous podcasts. Have you heard David Sedaris at Carnegie Hall? A good place to start.

Aah, denial. Not just a river in Egypt. I was in denial about what alcohol was doing to me emotionally (I was pretty clear about what it was doing to me physically). I had so many excuses about the type of emotional person I was, how I was hyper sensitive and cared about what others thought because of my deep empathy. I'm anxious. Moody. Blah blah. What a surprise to learn how much of that was due to my deep fears about my drinking, and the fact that alcohol numbed my senses and made me feel bad. Who knew?! I still look back and think, "I wasn't THAT bad." We're called "high bottom" alcoholics (I WISH I had a high bottom, especially in jeans, but that's another story). It can be harder because there is no job loss, DUI, etc. to act as a trigger. Believe me, I was in the low-average range in the high bottom category and falling fast. But I digress. Point being, there I was in denial with Matt and Ava. Thank goodness we're all back. (This paragraph was composed while I was talking with my husband about tomorrow, making tea and fighting with my son over his homework, so really it is a miracle just by existing).

I think I've missed some milestones - CONGRATULATIONS to the entire nest for another sober day. What a glorious achievement.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Had a lovely day going to seminars today within my industry. Nice change. There was alcohol left and right - my field likes to partake!! - but I quietly said no. THOUGH, I almost faked a drink in order to stay at the last seminar because there were firefighters with their shirts off there! They will do ANYthing to get us in their showroom - and good grief, it wasn't ugly (sorry to objectify Matt). But I got a look (or two) and headed home. It didn't feel difficult. I enjoyed the lectures and the inspiration of the sessions. Toward 4:00, there was a colleague who had too much to drink who was making a fool of herself, being loud and talking to the key note speaker. Glad it wasn't me.

I'm feeling pretty tired, but I do like how much I enjoy reading to my kids now. Even when I'm at my most tired, I am 99% more attentive and present when we read books before bed. I will never give that up. I will never look back on my life and wish I had remembered bedtimes and evenings more. I started drinking heavily when my son was born, and he is now nine. No more wasted time. They still have youth - and I still have time to be there for them.

Ava, gorsh - what a bummer of a morning. Better day tomorrow, eh?

Lil, thought about you today! Even when you don't know it, people are thinking about you! Cool, huh?

To the rest - have a happy night and stress-free sleep!