Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Hi, Karen.

Sorry you're down. I am too sometimes. But those feelings don't last forever and certainly don't kill us. Like a craving, they pass. It's not like a drink would fix things anyway. Or even cheer you up. It's a temporary escape with things looking worse tomorrow than they do right now. Play both scenes out to waking up tomorrow - sad that you got pulled back down, doubting yourself, and wondering if you can do it vs relieved you didn't drink, proud of yourself for keeping your promise to yourself, and confident that you can do this. Even if you're still a little down, you'll feel so much better than if you choose to drink. Good choice to post before drinking! xx

[LavenderBlue]

Checking in so I don't wander too far.

Nothing too terrible happening, just takes me a bit to adjust to new schedules; and then this week wound up busier than I expected. On the other hand, busy and stressful is exactly when I should make sure to keep my quit strong!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Just Wanted to jump in with a quick hello & wish everyone a safe night in the nest.
We had a rainy day at the beach but still managed to have fun

LavB, busy is a good thing! Increasing our acceptance & decreasing our resistance to new situations helps us grow.

Hanna, glad you are OK! Keep working hour plan, you'll have nothing to regret.

Lil, someday I'll have to tell you how I nearly met my maker almost 15 years ago in a freak accident! Certainly changes your attitude & outlook, don't you think? So glad you are OK too.

KHerriot, stick close to the nest for support, OK?

Londoner, football sounds like a good plan.

We will be heading home tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure Stella is wondering what's going on, ha ha!!!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi All

Here and ok. No computer and phone stinks.

Lil. Love your post. All about life.

Hanna good to see you here and dealing.

Hasta.

Pav

[kherriot]

Hi Newbies, what a difference a day makes. Went to bed early so of course I am up early. I quit feeling sorry for myself and am looking forward to today. Going to get through the funeral and then off to work in the garden before going to a "going away" party tonight. AF for most of us but not worried about it. 5 minutes from my house so as soon as it is over home to bed and then another day. Feeling up and refreshed.

Thanks All

[Hanna]

Good morning nesters

Just checking in. Still on the same journey, but not feeling like the feral cat stuck in a corner today...ahhh progress lol. Actually was able to sit with hubby and sit peacefully last night and watch some TV. Talking later with him, although it will be about divorce planning...UGH.
Anyway, Lilbit, how do you know what Schwarma is??? I thought only I did?

Able to go back and catch up on posts. Dutch, I am so sorry about the miscarriage, that is very, very, hard.

Pav, sending all positive thoughts to your husbands health.

Working today, then to another AA meeting, then the "talk", and if we can be ok (I.e, nothing is said that throw a me back into feral cat mode, out for dinner with husband and probably my son, if he has no other plans.

Nothing planned for the long weekend. Actually, other than my work schedule, oh, and divorce plans, nothing at all scheduled for the rest of my life right now, other than not drinking.

I was given a book at a meeting called Living Sober, with tools...suggestions for early sobriety. They included:

No major changes in the first year
Avoid anger, loneliness
Get good sleep
Eat well

I just laughed. Really hard,

Have a great day all

[jane27]

Morning Nesters, I'm happy to see everyone going thru challenging times handling it thoughtfully and sober. What a difference a day makes is an understatement. Its not difficult to get thrown off by a down mood, but getting through it with sobriety in tact is the most important thing in the world. I know that sounds silly, because from a literal persepective getting through a rough mood sober doesn't seem like it should be the most important thing in the world- it's too small a time frame to be worthy of such title. What I loved most about the posts I read this morning is that everyone seems to recognize the power of the hour, or even a few minutes- when looking away from the wheel while driving could end up costing everything. Keep on keeping on Nesters. Post, talk it out, get IT out of your head and onto the page. Proud of you all - Dutch, Hanna, LilBit, LavB, Pav. You guys are performing like champs. Thanks for your courage and strength. Wishing everyone a great weekend. Headed to Florida for a few days, but will be checking in. xoxo

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Long weekend over here and I am looking forward to it! It's just a holiday weekend, NOT a ticket to BoozeVille!
I used to pray for strength to control the AL...so I wouldn't pass out at 5 PM on a holiday weekend. I still remember getting ready to go to a neighborhood BBQ, having my appetizer ready on the counter and passing out on the couch. I woke up AFTER the party was over, my hubs GLARING at me in disgust. THOSE WEREN'T THE DAYS!

Stay strong this weekend, nesters! It isn't always easy, but it is always WORTH IT! Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. Byrdie

[TJAF]

Folks

I wanted to share a few thoughts. I don't often post but I do check in from time to time. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes I just want to pretend that I didn't waste all those years chasing the bottle and so I retreat from this site from time to time.

The other day I was reflecting on how my life has changed in the last two years. I thought this might be helpful to those folks that are just starting out. As some may know, I am approaching my two year anniversary and as all of you know it isn't always an easy process. I had suffered from PAWs, something a few of us encounter as we sober up from our drinking days. You'll notice I used the past tense. Thankfully those symptoms are now few and far between and oh so mild when they do occur. For those of you that also have this problem I can tell you first hand that things get better over time and really outside of the first few months PAWS was never a serious hindrance.

Some thoughts:

I notice now that when I get up and go about my day life is so much clearer, things I notice are far more crisp and my experiences are far more real than those struggling days of hangovers and the fog of drunkenness. I don't say these words with any sense of bravado, I was pretending that I was alive during the majority of my drinking days and oh how I hate those wasted moments. Looking back as many of us do as we approach our senior days I realize that life is so very quick and so very precious that to have wasted so much time self absorbed in my own addiction is my life's great regret. I can't change what my life has been but boy can I hold on to my sobriety for what I hope to be life's great joys going forward.

I was a heavy drinker during much of my adult life and so my brain has been cluttered really since my early 20's. So, if you think about it for the first time in 35 years I am thinking, feeling and seeing things through new eyes. It can be scary sometimes but oh so rewarding

I am not solely focused on getting drunk or getting through the day after having been drunk the night before. My days are instead focused on new things, exciting things, and yes sometimes mundane things but I am alive!

I've rediscovered hobbies, my work life is more rewarding and my family life is so much better ( I'm not as grouchy, testy, dull, and/or self absorbed)

I was working in the yard the other day and wow green, yellow, red and purple are real colors! I had forgotten. Kind of hard to notice these things when your brain is so fogged with a hangover or more likely booze.

I am constantly reminded how invasive the alcohol culture is in the world. I am not preachy, and most people in my life are not aware that I am in recovery, but boy is it everywhere. I cant go to any social function and I mean every social function, without being bombarded with booze. Every well meaning friend or associates seems to want to not only offer me a drink but seem to be truly bothered when I don't join in. My very good friend even said that he was looking forward to a day when I could, "fall off the wagon" for a night and we could share a particularly good brand of Irish whisky. To be fair, all he knows is that I don't drink anymore, but it really points to how much our culture values alcohol as necessary to life's special moments. It never occurred to him that we could still have a great night out without also having to share a drink or that it was important that I not fall off the wagon.

Lastly it occurred to me last night when I was hugging my 18 year old daughter that I wasted so much of our precious time as a drunk ( the same can be said of my two sons who are in their 20's). For my friends here that still have young children please don't have this moment! Don't repeat the mistake that so many of us make. Time doesn't stand still, it races by us in a blur, and to waste life's greatest moments in a fog, and in doing so, denying ourselves the opportunity to truly experience life in all its joy and/or sorrow is a tragedy.

[paulywogg]

Hi everyone, Byrdie,I pulled that mess on a Thanksgiving once we didn't even eat together, it was awful, Hanna,you are doing really good, I think you're going through everything on that list to avoid right now, but you're still keeping your head on straight, Dutch,Pav,Lilbit, lots of stressful times but you guys aren't pulling the"poor me,pour me a drink" card,I love it you guys are standing strong during tough times,very inspiring,hopeeeveryone has a great day

[paulywogg]

X- post TJAF,that was a wonderful post yes no more wasted time!even sober,time flies by in a flash,I ccan't focus too much on my wasted drinkin years with the kids though, too damn depressing, I'm trying to just make our future better, thanks for the post

[LostAndFound]

Thank you TJAF... what a wonderful 500th post!

LostAndFound

[Dutch1988]

Thanks TJAF, that was a nice read.

Pav I was listening to a podcast by my favorite comedian, Christopher Titus, and they were doing it on his mother in law's battle with cancer. She had stage 4 pancreatic, and it is in remission, all but barely. Their journey might give you a bit of hope for you and your husband, which I don't think is a bad thing, we could all use a bit more hope right now.

Hanna best of luck to you, at least it sounds like you have a solid agreement between you and your husband. It's good to read that your getting the support from somewhere. I really just use on here for support lately, if I tell my wife something about my drinking, I feel like she doesn't care as much or is trying to make it seem like she doesn't. When I came home on Wednesday and made some green tea before I saw her, and came out she thought I was drinking long island, and was like the classic "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" So obviously she care more than I thought, guess I can't use that excuse to drink haha.

Yesterday went to my wife's family house to celebrate her birthday. I laugh, because as a drinker I used to hate going there on any occasion. I basically put on what I like to call my "try pants" and faked it till I made it through the day. We had to spend an extra hour and a half there due to car trouble. My wife has been using my brother in law's car while he was at college, so her car has been sitting there for the past 6 months. I had forgotten that my father in law was driving every now and then, and because I trusted him to drive it instead of just detaching the battery, I will now spend today changing a battery, possibly in the rain. Still on a positive note like I said, I hated going to the inlaws, I actually snuck a flask over on Christmas to keep the party going after I left my parents house. (Also a big clue that your approaching problem, I am drinking early on Christmas and taking a flask over to the inlaws at 2pm, when my family is already big on drinking, can't imagine why Christmas night is a blur). Now I noticed my inlaws is actually a very calm, happy environment my daughter can run around and play in without the craziness of my family. Take away me wanting alcohol, and it actually isn't all that bad, good food, no highly emotional conversations(aside from FIL prying too much into our financial and security situation, but that's Chinese culture for you).

I am going to half ass my way through another day. I figure I can get away with it till it starts affecting my income. I feel like I am watching myself slowly spiraling into just being depressed, I keep telling myself to focus on other things and what not, but my mind just keeps shifting back. It's been four days since we found out, how long am I supposed to feel bad about this? I guess when I stop getting people asking me how the bun in the oven is. Is it weird I am worried about what other people think about my grieving? I mean why should I have to justify it in my own mind in an imaginary conversation to someone that I still feel bad about it because (fill in the blank). I should have a right to feel sad as long as I want. If I am going to not drink, I am going to feel the way I do until I decide it's time to move on, it's trying to repress my emotions and not feel that caused me to turn to drinking in the first place.

[Overit-still]

Very well said Dutch!

[paulywogg]

Dutch, you take as long as you need to feel sad about you and your wife's loss,some people think its no big deal to miscarry because its not too far along but its still a loss of what might have been, I dunno,my daughter had a miscarriage at about 2 1/2 months along and it broke our hearts, still wonder about it but I'd rather she lost it early than have more problems down the road ya know?