Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Sorting through our emotions is new to us, Dutch. Take your time with it, there is no right or wrong way to process things. I am so glad you are still on board, you may not realize it, but you are doing GREAT.
Hope you have a good weekend...I'll be keeping you close in my thoughts. Byrdie

[available]

Morning nest

Well a busy week for me, my first full week back at work and i am tired, super tired but have my one and only niece visiting with her fiance who i have never met so i have to make it look like my house is pristine and i am the most organised one and only aunt in the world. Oh this will work! My 4 beasts will be over with partners so it will be loud, it will be noisy and it will be fun. The memories still pop in of al as when i was with the family drinking went hand in hand for me but i know there will be no pressure for me to drink, they all know i am an alcoholic. My brother who died from alcoholism is my nieces father and she can see the signs in herself that she has no "off" button when drinking and we have talked about this, her mother says she keeps an eye on her but as i said "you can keep an eye on her as much as you want but if she wants to drink she will find a way". Its a disease, its progressive and it can be a slow ride to hell without us realising or anyone else. I can only speak openly and honestly and hope with all my heart that she is one of the strong ones.

TJ what a great post and i so totally agree, the more time away from al and just letting ourselves heal is an amazing journey, sometimes good and sometimes not so good but i never want to return to the hell of an existence i had for 20+ years. I refuse to drink AT anyone or anything. I want to enjoy the life i have left.

Dutch, losing someone at whatever age is never easy and grief affects us all differently, one day at a time is all you can do. I loved your family story, its amazing the consequences of al in our lives when we see it clearly. I know my day tomorrow will be such fun and i am so looking forward to everyone telling me how proud they are of me for not drinking, i deserve those accolades, i certainly do.

Keep smiling Hanna even if it kills you.

Well i had better stop procrastinating and move my butt.

have a great weekend xx

[LavenderBlue]

Checking in. I'm tired and my head hurts but it was a good day, even though one of the dogs peed on me a little. :P

On the topic of pushing through, for me I try to really cling to the idea that crappy days/emotions/situations will pass. It's hard to remember when you're in the middle of it; but when I do come out the other side I'm always thankful that I didn't drink.

Much love and support out to everyone; I'm off to get some tea and ibuprofen!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Thanks for the post, TJAF. I am glad you shared that all with us. Two years is amazing!

Dutch - I agree with Pauly - grief is your own. When my husband was younger he lost his best friend in a car accident. DH fought with the friend's girlfriend (well, she god mad at him and he ignored her) because she didn't think he was grieving appropriately. I learned from that whole thing that we all do it our own way. I am glad you found peace at the in-laws house. Amazing what the clarity of sobriety will bring.

This three day weekend has special significance for me. Two years ago when I was still drinking, I drank all day on the Monday off - in the sun. I wasn't blotto, but plenty juiced up. I woke up at 2am with the WORST case of GSR that I had ever felt - it was a very bad night that I won't forget. That was the beginning of the end for me. I stopped drinking for a couple of weeks (it was still not going to be forever) at that point. I was lurking on MWO and seeing NS's success. I STILL thought I could learn to moderate (denial is a river in Egypt). Things went downhill from there until December when I finally quit for good. I spent many days not drinking, but many days drinking way too much. And it stopped being fun. It was a chore. All I can say is what a relief it is to not have to feel like that again.

Ok - listen to your nest mother Byrdie - no tickets to BoozeVille this holiday weekend. We can remember those who have died in service with clear heads and clear hearts.

Happy Friday,
Pav

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I'm back home from my little trip with my girls, we had fun
I am so grateful to have this time to spend with my grandkids, things could have been much different if I hadn't changed my ways! You never regret kicking AL out of your life, believe me

TJ, great to see you!

Dutch, hang in there & try to remain positive. Things will improve for you little by little.

Pav, drinking our way through long holiday weekends, yuck. So glad that's over with!!!

Wishing everyone a peaceful & safe night in the nest!

Lav

[LilBit]

Lav, I'd love to hear about your near miss. It really does put things in perspective. BTW, you may come home to find Stella in your dressing gown, eating your ice cream with her feet up...just sayin' She looks like she knows how to have a good time.

Pav, still thinking of you and your husband. I had an awful appointment today with a new oncologist who based her treatment suggestions on outdated data. 'So glad your husband has you to help him make his way through this situation. BTW, I had exactly the same progression in my quit, and it got to be a chore eventually, too. Gosh, who needs all that?

Hanna, I love shawerma/shawarma!! 'Glad you mentioned it because I forgot to respond to someone's question about it. For those who haven't tried it, the one I like is a Middle Eastern dish that involves some tasty marinated chicken in a wrap or salad. Yum! And yes, Hanna -- I laughed with you on the suggestions, especially "no major changes." Good advice if you can swing it, but Life doesn't always let you.

TJAF, fab post! I abhor the wasted moments, too but am determined to make the most of my Plan B life, so that it far exceeds what Plan A might have been. Anything is possible.

Funny how so many of us have awful Thanksgiving memories. For what's supposed to be an idyllic day of family and fun, Turkey Day has a historically high suck factor.

Dutch, you're bearing up like a champ under the circumstances. Keep on, and no worries about when things "are supposed to" happen. Take whatever time you need. I knew an old lady who used to say, "I'll get dere when I get dere!"

Have a great weekend, all. Curling up now with my big dog who butt-pushes me across the bed every night.

[Lavande]

Good Saturday morning Nesters,

We've got a sunny 52 degrees here at the moment - what? I'd rather have coolish weather though than the usual hot & humid stuff we usually get around here.

Lil, Stella apparently did some partying while I was away, ha ha! My chicken sitter kept them fed & watered but did not do any cleanup while I was away, ha ha! Guess what I'll be doing today?
Are you going to look for another oncologist? Geez, why don't they all keep up with current treatment trends?

Wishing everyone a stellar AF Saturday!
I have my work cut out for me today but that's OK - keeps me out of trouble

Lav

[abcowboy]

Howdy everyone, another quick check in from the cowboy. Dutch, kher, and Hanna, keep doing what you're doing...getting through tough times without drinking shows you have the "muster" to git'er done! Lilbit, you are also a role model, going through what you are AF is fantastic as well!

One more thing, a good friend is celebrating an important milestone today, I see from her profile that she pokes her head in from time to time and posts occasionally. Hope you're around today and see this...

Mstall on 1/2 year (6 months) of sobriety!

[Byrdlady]

Lav, I halfway expected Stella to be in your bed smoking a cigarette when you returned!

You know, a little healthy competition is a great thing, especially when it come to Prize Patrol! Cowboy and Jane put my graphics to shame! Good thing I can rhyme, or I'd have a tough time! :haha: We have had some huge milestones on Roll Call! When you consider that each DAY is a feat, (especially that D1) there is a lot to celebrate.

Pav, you remind me of something I should over in the 'You know you're an alcoholic when...." Thread. When you pray in the morning that you will be able to keep a steady and consistant buzz that day without getting sloppy and passing out. UGG! Odd what we consider 'fun' when we are drinking. Well, not odd, SAD!

If this is like holidays past, we will be slow this weekend but then next week, we will be busy! Traffic around here picks up after long weekends (see scenario above).
Hope all of us have a safe and sober Memorial Day! Byrdie

[Dutch1988]

Hanging in there..last day of work before I get my two day weekend...yay...

I feel like I dropped the ball last night. My wife and I were watching tv and I just wanted to go to sleep. This situation has totally robbed me of my energy, my typical coffee addiction that usually makes me gung-ho is doing squat. She has the exact opposite response to this situation, having trouble sleeping. So instead of being moral support I fall asleep with the excuse I have work this morning. I was hoping my urge to drink would start to wain here a little bit, but to be honest I am in a constantly coming out of this heart crushing feeling that makes me want to just grab a drink. I told my mom yesterday I had not drank yet after she asked me and she was impressed. Funny how that meant so much more before now. Again, do not get why I am so hung up, the pregnancy ended, yes it was far along but it could have been worse like a still born or something(now that sounds heart wrenching!). Just floating around now really make it out of those first stages of grief really wishing I was at acceptance. After work I am going to play with my kid and hopefully not pass out.

[LilBit]

Lav, as long as you didn't find Stella's bra dangling from the chandelier, the cleanup hopefully won't be too bad.

Mstall, major congrats! Yay for 6 months of a new life!

Byrdie, I'm ashamed to say that I used to share that "constant and steady buzz without passing out" goal for most holidays. What a lot of work, not to mention utter BS that was. As you can guess, most times I fell far short of "the goal" and ended up passing out with raccoon mascara somewhere around the 40-yard line.

Dear Dutch, whatever stage the pregnancy was in, you had a new baby that lived and had a place in your heart and soul. The loss is a true loss in every sense of the word, and you're entitled to grieve as long as you need. Maybe it's also the fact that you're not numbing with AL that makes you feel the pain so intensely. It doesn't mean it's inappropriate -- quite the contrary. May I just say what a caring and loving father you are? Your family is lucky, indeed, to have you.

So, I'm working today -- blecch. 'Happy to have a great job which lets me work from home in my PJs, but wishing that it was Memorial Day for my clients in Korea, as well as here. 'Time to crank up a mild coffee buzz and power through it. 'Reminding myself that I'm not retrieving chicken bras...

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Happy UN Hung Saturday. What a great feeling. Although I have found that I go to sleep at night with an excited anticipation of my Saturday cup of coffee... What a great way to wake up.

Lil - I think that's a good analysis - that feeling without the booze can be very vibrant and strong compared with what we're used to after numbing with al for so long.

Dutch - One piece of advice I've taken from NoSugar - instead of focusing on what bad things alcohol has done to you, focus on what is better in your life without alcohol. Starting with relationships with my family, I have a LONG list of improvements. It wasn't over night, but gradually and fully. That can focus your mind on the positive AND help you stay away from booze. I am someone who gets sleepy with stress, too. It can be awkward, because it can appear that we don't care. Maybe if you explain to your wife what is happening?

Lav - Once my parents went away when we were teenagers and somehow (not from innocent me), the entire town found out about a party at our house. We had to call the police on our own party! When my parents returned all six of our neighbors called them with a report. It was not a good time in Pav land. You can send the Stella to me for discipline if you need...

I am off to exercise and then off to a baseball game with my son. SO happy I am sober and ready to rumble.

Happy Saturday, folks. Take care of yourselves, and don't drink, no matter what!

Pav

[okoren1]

Byrdie, I want to return to your comment "Pav, you remind me of something I should over in the 'You know you're an alcoholic when...." Thread."

I could not immediately locate this thread, but this is a topic I have been mulling over lately.

I know I am an alcoholic because: one, single drink of AL would simply not be enough. I drank enough to get drunk- period. It is just inconceivable to me why someone would have "a single drink", or in the case of my wife, a half a glass of wine, maybe once every two or three weeks.

This puzzles me, because, for me this is really odd; I don't think I have any other apparent "over-use/abuse" weaknesses (ask my wife and you may get a very different answer). I eat food very moderately, don't drink more than one cup of coffee (cappuccino)/ day, no sweets craving, never used tobacco, and I relish hours of hard aerobic exercise daily.

But it is AL use, for which I loose ALL self- control. It is this conviction that a single drink would not be the end, but just the beginning, that has kept me AF for almost 10 mos.

I'm curious whether others here have observed this in themselves? Thanks!

[Byrdlady]

OkOren, I will bump up that thread for you! It is an eye opener, we are really NOT alone with this thing! Byrdie

[Hanna]

Okoren

You are NOT alone. I eat very healthfully, work out, dental floss, etc. in all other areas of my life I am quite controlled. Just not this one.

Feeling very blue right now. Husband is off to the movies with mo son, and I am alone on this holiday weekend evening. The drink desire is right there big time right now, so...I just got a cup,of coffee from Duncan donuts, and am waiting to go to a 5:30 AA meeting. Although I had lunch at 1 may have to eat dinner before the meeting to kill this craving. It would be SO easy to use the current state of things in my life as an excuse to cave ...but I will NOT.
Dutch, feeling overwhelming emotions after losing a pregnancy is NORMAL. Stop beating yourself up for it, or for dealing with it differently than your wife. Tell her how you are struggling too. You could go through this together rather than alone. And don't drink! The short feeling of relief would NOT be worth how you would feel tomorrow (or your wife for that matter). Hugs to you.