Newbies Nest

[peppersnow]

Good MAE Nesters!

I just wanted to share an experience I had this morning for any lurkers. I've been sober for 15 months. Just now, I was cleaning our our home office and just came found 2 empty gallon size vodka bottles hidden in our office closet. I had a flashback to sitting in our office, long after everyone else had gone to bed, drinking vodka and water out of a coffee cup in case anyone walked in, hoping they might think it was tea. Then waking up the next morning seeing posts on my Facebook page that I didn't remember putting up....emails I didn't remember sending...pretending to recall conversations I had with my kids and husband the night before...and just the overwhelming shame and self-loathing I'd feel almost every single morning of my life over the past several years.

Flash forward to today: I stayed up until midnight reading a great book (not because I was hammered), slept in until 8:00 (not because I was hungover), woke up and went for a walk with my husband (versus hoping he would leave so he wouldn't figure out how hungover I was), ate a breakfast of greek yogurt, blueberries and granola (versus salt and caffeine to chase away the hangover). And I've gotten things done this morning already this morning. I love, love, love this life.

If you're lurking out there and what I described sounds familiar, stop now. Don't waste another minute or hour or day. You can do this --- log in and throw up a post. To those of you who are new, hang in there. It gets so much better with time and you'll love who you really are as a person without alcohol! :love:

[crockettaa]

Pepper that made me laugh! I sometimes find hidden empties in the strangest places....I guess I thought I was being really clever & no one knew! And oh that cringing feeling of re-reading the drunk texts & FB posts. I love to wake up free of those!

Enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon here. Reading on the deck with a sleepy pup nearby. Not too hot or cold, just right! Hope everyone has a great week ahead!

[Matt M.]

Checking in for my accountability.
Glad to report there is no rain forecasted today. The D/FW area broke the all time record for Rain in a single month with approx 15-20 inches.

Byrd hope enjoy your day

Pepper thanks for sharing. I too have been reflecting and realizing how grateful I am for my sober time, ( It's all about Gratitude right Lav?) and that I'm finally seeing the damage of Alcohol and Not feeling like I'm missing out, for the first time in my Adult, drinking life I look at Al as "perfectly packaged" poison and today I have absolute zero desire to drink. In a couple of weeks I will pass a milestone of the most sober time I've ever had and I can see the goaline on my goal of one Year!!!

I appreciate all of you that contribute to this forum.

Stay Hard my friends!

[Byrdlady]

Hi from a wet and soggy Rhode Island! We toured Boston today and it was so interesting, even the rain didnt spoil it. I am so grateful that Im not obsessed with AL thoughts, and watching the clock so I can get to a drink. Do whatever it takes to break free if this hellish addiction, you willl NOT be sorry!
Congrats, Matt, on your 300 days, so proud of you! Resolve, 7 months, is awesome!!!
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Hanna]

Hi everyone

Just checking in. I have made 15 days, and feeling strong, and proud of it. I am trying very hard to focus on that, but unfortunately, I think it is going to be awhile before I re-group emotionally. Really hard. Husband and I are going to be in the same house until the finances get sorted out. I found the lawyer I think I want to use, as a collaborative attorney, but she is away until June 15th, so I think I have to be patient until then. I still cry several times a day, and I mean from the gut sobs, then pull it together a bit. The saddest thought that goes through my mind is that "I just want to go home". That is how I feel. Clearly, my husband had been thinking this through for awhile. He is pleasant (well, in a kinda cold way), but what kills me is he seems determined, and not sad. Ok, enough said. I have to remember this is an alcohol site, not a support group for pathetic women quitting alcohol and losing her life at the same time.

I am glad the weekend is over. It is much harder. I don't know what is in store for me, but I will not drink. I am clear headed, and keep telling myself that if I can get through this time sober, I can get through anything.

Good night all.

[available]

Oh pepper that brings back memories, all of which i dont want to repeat for the rest of my lifetime.

Matt happy 300th, so proud of you fecker! See how easy it is when you really set your mind to it. Yep its hard, very hard sometimes but so worthwhile.

I was reminded today that i am 1 1/2 years sober and not 17 months as i posted yesterday. How good is it that i dont recall how long i have been sober now, that i am not fanatically counting the days wishing them to be over or to be higher or hoping i could get through that minute, second, hour, day, feeling deprived, envious, jealous of others who were doing it and seemingly easier than me. I have learnt no one does this easily, some days are easy , some days finding a cave to crawl into would be better than facing life and what it throws at us but here i am, up with the oldies, enjoying this sober life, enjoying and loving who i am, life is not as hard as it once was, i seem to cope better now. I never thought it could be me.

Pauly, when i first stopped drinking i could not avoid booze, it was everywhere, billboards, tv, magazines, at sporting events, cafe's, supermarkets, in my bloody dreams, all the places food was. I figure that if i kept drinking i could have easily ended up with the medical issues that obese people have. To me it just hit home when the girl said what she did and i thought you are no different to what i am, you are fighting for your life as i was and it was nice to know she was determined to win just like we are. It made me think too.

One day at a time Hanna is all you can do. We can do anything sober.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

My not so busy day turned into a busy one anyway, typical. ha ha!
That happens a lot when there's two little boys fighting over who is going to use my ipad!!! I've taken to setting a timer in the kitchen for 20 minutes then they have to hand it over, Lol

Matt, 300 days AF :welldone:
I think the rain is moving east, I see lots of lightening & hear a bit of thunder starting too. Glad you are out of that mess now!

Hanna, great on your AF time too!
Just keep focusing on your quit because it's one thing you do have complete control over :hug:
Staying present, in the moment helped me thru all the rough times too.

pepper, you are seeing the real benefits now - protect your quit with everything you've got!

Ava, I actually sent email to the American Broadcasting Corp. last week - something I've never done. I happened to have my TV on one morning & was freaked out hearing the host of a morning show mention that she got a huge buzz on drinking a half a glass of wine after a workout the day before & highly recommended it to the audience. It was 9:15 in the morning!!!!! I found that message offensive & just plain stupid Who knows how many hung over people heard that & thought what the hell? Why not?? AL messages are everywhere, all day long!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[LostAndFound]

Hello friends!

Well I made it to day 30 with little to no ado :happy2:

Almost through day 31 and it seems like such an eternity ago that I used to poison myself every night with 2-4 bottles of wine. I haven't even had an urge now in two weeks. I've learned to be proactive about the things I know are triggers -- mostly getting thirsty and hungry. I chug seltzer with lemon & lime all day, and make sure I have a granola bar or a bag of peanuts available.

I figured I've saved around $500 now just on alcohol alone, and much more money in total due to all the extra (and unnecessary) purchases I used to make at the grocery store every night filling the shopping basket to convince myself (and others) that I wasn't just there for the wine -- pathetic, I know!! Thankfully, that silliness is all behind me.

Hope you are all doing great! Hannah - special congrats to you on your 15-day milestone!!.. woo hoo!

LostAndFound

[LostAndFound]

Good MAE Nesters!

I just wanted to share an experience I had this morning for any lurkers. I've been sober for 15 months. Just now, I was cleaning our our home office and just came found 2 empty gallon size vodka bottles hidden in our office closet. I had a flashback to sitting in our office, long after everyone else had gone to bed, drinking vodka and water out of a coffee cup in case anyone walked in, hoping they might think it was tea. Then waking up the next morning seeing posts on my Facebook page that I didn't remember putting up....emails I didn't remember sending...pretending to recall conversations I had with my kids and husband the night before...and just the overwhelming shame and self-loathing I'd feel almost every single morning of my life over the past several years.

Flash forward to today: I stayed up until midnight reading a great book (not because I was hammered), slept in until 8:00 (not because I was hungover), woke up and went for a walk with my husband (versus hoping he would leave so he wouldn't figure out how hungover I was), ate a breakfast of greek yogurt, blueberries and granola (versus salt and caffeine to chase away the hangover). And I've gotten things done this morning already this morning. I love, love, love this life.

If you're lurking out there and what I described sounds familiar, stop now. Don't waste another minute or hour or day. You can do this --- log in and throw up a post. To those of you who are new, hang in there. It gets so much better with time and you'll love who you really are as a person without alcohol! :love:

What an eerily familiar and WONDERFUL post.

Your description of sitting in your office long after everyone else has gone to bed, drinking alcohol out of a vessel designed for less toxic beverages was my trick too!! I still wonder if anyone fell for it.. LOL.

The new you sounds amazing. Congrats!

LostAndFound

[LilBit]

I'm a self-confessed Trekkie. And I'm not talking about the new movies or series, although they're all very well. I'm talking about the original Gene Roddenberry classic series when communicators were exotic, the bridge was full of twinkling lights & things that went "boooiiinnnng," and Will Shatner was hot (yes, HOT! for you young 'uns reading this. There was indeed such a time).

One of my favorite episodes found the crew on the slave planet: Triskelion, where the inhabitants wore a sort of shock collar that made them obedient to do the master race's bidding. Today's kayaking outing reminded me of that episode, not because there were blue women or transporters, but because it evoked memories of mindlessly, desperately searching for restaurants that served AL along the way, being ever-so-sure to pack sufficient coolers & wine & glasses & corkscrews ('cause heaven forbid you'd run out), and even planning the optimal level of drunkenness for the optimal times during the trip (because you'd rather pass out in the lawn chair after the kayaking than halfway through the paddle).

All the while, I was serving a silent, self-serving master and thinking I was doing all those things because I actually enjoyed them.

If you're reading this, perhaps lurking, and still under AL's insistent bidding, ask yourself how much of it is really fun anymore. Forget how great you think it once was or what the commercials tell you. Take a good hard look at the actual cost in terms of time, relationships, money, health and effort that AL is extracting from you. Be brave and honest with yourself, just for a minute.

If you still feel that it's worth it, by all means, ratchet that collar down and continue on. But if you suspect that there's another way of Life, you're probably on to something.

[LilBit]

L&F, YAY on your Day 30. Woot! Woot!

I'm a past member of the AL-in-the-coffee-cup brigade, too. Bwahahaha...like who were we fooling?

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone - I'm baaaaak.

Thanks for the packing list, Lil. I did ok. We had a great time, great hiking, and just perfect to be away. I had a lot of stuff to do here, but guess what - it didn't get done! Oh well, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Good to see you Matt. I figured you must be under water as I was SURE you weren't drinking. What a mess you all have there. CONGRATULATIONS on 300 sober days - here's to a clear head that will allow you to muddle through all that muck. Stay hard!

Way to go, L and F! Congratulations on a hard won month!

Hanna - sorry about your situation. I am so happy that in spite of all you are feeling you are not drinking. Keep it up, and keep coming to vent about whatever you need to vent about.

Good night - have to get ready for the morning!

Pav

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, Monday morning it is

Matt's rain & flooding has now arrived in my area. I'd better dig out the life jackets for my chickens- geez!!!

L&F, Congrats on your 30+ AF days, that's great! Use your savings to buy yourself something nice

Lil, I remember that Star Trek episode, ha ha! We have every right to be thankful & grateful that we are no longer slaves to the AL master!!!!

Pav, sounds like you had a great time hiking, yay!

I am gearing up for a full day with my grandsons. Being cooped up with a 4 & a 6 year old is rough, LOL
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Monday!

Lav

[abcowboy]

ToMyHealth and LostAndFound on your 1 month milestones!

[crockettaa]

Good Monday afternoon everyone! Dragged myself to the gym on this chilly, misty, dreary day & rewarded myself with a cup of coconut coffee at my favorite deli.

The dogs are low energy due to the weather, so looks like I get to catch up on Game of Thrones after lunch. Lav good luck with the boys inside on a rainy day! Trying to remember my tricks, I think building forts was one, or creating huge layouts with lots of cars & trains involved! i think I also remember that cleanup was exhausting...hope I still have energy left when I get some grandkids of my own!