Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Evening all! Londoner, I found a test I took there at the end that said I had a reason to be concerned, but I wasnt an alcoholic. What a crock of poop. We can find research on anything you want to prove. I Am a stage three Alkie and that test didnt say that. Please be careful with those tests, they get us off course by thinking we are the special one. Or thinking we dont have a serious problem. They enable us to think we dont have a problem. I know you , Londoner, I can tell you with no hesitation that you are one of us. Anything else that takes you off of a course to fixing the problem is a distraction. Dont fall for it. I can tell you how all that will end....so this new test has said you can drink this weekend and it tellls you how much. Heres the part we dont want to hear....when we start cheating the test. Save your self some time and another fail....accept the fact you are an alcoholic and move on! Im telling you, accepting it helps, a lot! Good luck to you! Byrdie

[Hanna]

Hi all-

Day 16 down. Heading out to spend a week with my sister in PA starting on Saturday. When I come back I will be a couple days shy of a month. ONE thing I can feel good about. Going to an attorney in the morning. UGH. He e-mailed me a packet to fill out, which required me to spend this afternoon going through files to figure out all sorts of our expenses and income information. I did it, but the whole process made me really ill, and really sad. So much more I could say but I will leave it at that.

So, tomorrow shapes up like this: Lawyer in the AM, therapist (the one that used to be our "couples" therapist for about 3 sessions) in the afternoon, with an AA meeting in between at lunch time. Sounds like a great day off, huh?? Well, at least I made it through today without a breakdown of tears. I guess that is progress?

Off to bed shortly. Hope you are all in a good place.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Still damp here, oh well.

Hanna, you are making progress in all areas. I hope the visit with your sister is comforting.

Thanks for the links posted today - great resources for all

Byrdie, sorry your vacay is damp, have fun anyway!

I am sick of the reckless & obviously clueless people hosting TV shows on ABC. They think they're being funny I guess. I think their careless attitudes on AL use does not serve any good purpose. I should send Stella for a visit - she'll change their attitudes!!!!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Elvis]

I took one of those online tests once where you enter how much you drank and how many hours it took you to drink it and it was supposed to calculate your BAC or something like that. I conservatively entered what I drank the night before, and it basically told me what I drank was impossible as I would have went in a coma long before that, if not death.

Yeah. I wish I was joking.

[Stevo]

I took one of those online tests once where you enter how much you drank and how many hours it took you to drink it and it was supposed to calculate your BAC or something like that. I conservatively entered what I drank the night before, and it basically told me what I drank was impossible as I would have went in a coma long before that, if not death.

Yeah. I wish I was joking.

I could not walk away without writing something here,this was so funny to read.I am dying.

The things us alkies do.

Thanks for sharing Elvis LOL.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Hump day & all that

Elvis, aren't we happy those days are behind us, in the history books & not on our current plan?
The important thing is we've learned our lesson, right?

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Wednesday!

Lav

[frances]

Morning all! Still reading daily but I haven't been posting very often.

Every once in awhile my mind plays tricks on me and when I wake up in the morning I have this feeling like I drank too much the night before and I'm saying to myself 'oh crap today is going to suck' and then I realize, hey, I didn't drink last night and I haven't done that in more than a year and WOW what a relief! That happens maybe once a month or once every two months and it is always such a huge relief when reality kicks in...like waking up from a bad dream. I'm so glad to be out of that bad dream!!

Hope everyone has a great hump day!

[jane27]

Frances, I know EXACTLY what you mean! Its so strange to wake up feeling that way, and such a nice surprise when the fog clears and I realize I didn't. :-)

[Dutch1988]

Big congrats to Lilbit on 3 months! I am right behind you!

I too have experienced this strange dream like hangover feeling. I have been less optimistic than you all though, I'll wake up with a headache like i drank and think wow, so I have to feel like I drank without the hangover, that sucks...but it does go away haha

Definitely been staggering through the past couple weeks. I still feel bad about feeling bad, which I don't think helps my situation. A part of me is saying your the father, your not dealing with the hormone changes/having the D/C, or having to worry about it happening to you again. I know my wife is struggling too, she has taken a few days off work(which is okay since she was pink slipped earlier this year anyway)but she was out of sick days after her tailbone injury and the D/C, so she is just taking the pay cut and saying she would rather be with our daughter. I can't complain, I would rather have her company than the 125 she brings in a day. Thankfully we are not financially struggling, so she can do things like that.

My business is in the summer slump, in a team call today with my business mentor I hear people getting 20/30 new members in May, i scraped in 7. I lost more than I brought in and I have 30+ people leaving for vacation during the summer, which basically means I am yelling at myself I need to be doing things to grow my business, but because I feel so bummed I can barely get in right before its time to teach. With my brother dealing with his own mental problems and myself dealing with this mild depression(i prefer the term bumsies, it sounds less serious), we are in for a financial winter. I just signed a new lease for our landlord and a building JUST popped up, and all I have wanted is to buy a building for our company this year as a big goal. Five more years and I am the personal guarantor...woot...

Been listening to the bubble hour and dealing with emotions podcast, picked up Buddha's Brain trying to use it to help my situation. Been exercising but not as much, probably the closest I have been to saying %^$ it. I just keep thinking yes i could drink, I will feel better for a few hours tops. but then I would be right back where I started, I just keep thinking it's not that big a deal. I go down this worst case scenario road and it's like I would rather not make more money and move into a smaller house than drink to deal with the stress and get out there and make more money. I am not going to really grow as a person until I can deal with my emotions and still function without alcohol, I am not going to go around being a slave to it my whole life. At least that's how i feel right now.

[LilBit]

Yay, Dutch, my quit twin! Your 90-day mark is fast approaching. 'So proud of both of us for sticking with our quits through some undeniably tough times. I also want to address your comment about making less money and maybe living in a smaller house versus being stressed out and maintaining a certain lifestyle. I actually lived both sides of that scenario.

I owned a 4,000 sq. foot house in a swim/tennis community and was absolutely miserable. Then, I moved to a 1,000 sq. ft condo in the city. My reasons for downsizing were not really to save money (I divorced and moved to San Fran where a house of that size would cost a fortune) but more to simplify my life. In the process of moving, I had several garage sales and gave away tons of things to charity. It absolutely amazed me how little value most of those things held for me or for other people. I was also pleasantly surprised at how much happier I've been in the past 8 years with fewer material possessions. I even sold my cars and now I take trains or walk everywhere I go, except for the occasional City Car Share rental. It's blissful. No lawn to mow. No tires to replace. You get the idea.

Seems like, many times, we get on a "track" where we think we have to do/acquire/achieve certain things for our lives to be of value. We nearly kill ourselves getting "there" and for what? Is it to please other people? Ourselves? Note that this is different from setting goals because we want to achieve them and their pursuit makes us happy.

The saying, "In the end, he who has the most toys wins" is a destructive concept. As you know, I recently walked up and lifted the Grim Reaper's hoodie to see what he looked like under there. I can tell you unequivocally that, facing the possible end of my life, the only things that mattered were God and the people I loved.

One more morsel of food for thought...if you're thinking that you want to give your wife and family a nice, big house, that's noble. BUT, I'll bet you anything they'd rather have a happy husband and father than a showy house.

And, regarding the other situation, don't feel bad about feeling bad. I think it shows how loving and sensitive you are.

Rock on, Dutch!

[Byrdlady]

A quick check in! All good here, the weather has cleared at last, but still chilly. I am so glad I am sober....NOT wanting a drink has been liberating! Didnt happen overnight, but it finally did happen and I am so thankful! Hang in everyone! It IS worth it! Byrdie

[crockettaa]

Good evening all! The sun finally came out today so I got some nice long walks in with the dogs. Glad to have energy & a clear head to enjoy this beautiful day!

Dutch good luck with your situation! My husband and I are married 26 years & we were so happy when we first started out and had nothing but each other & the kids! The more money he made and the less he was here, the more we would fight. I think most people would rather be together than alone, but it's true the pressures on men are different. I liked the feeling of when it was us against the world. He says he's motivated mostly by fear, not sure if he's joking or not! Good luck to you-- And have a good night everyone.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

It's still cloudy & chilly here Byrdie but the rain has stopped - so don't lose hope

Dutch, Lil brought some real good points. Your health (and that of your family) come first, the rest of the stuff (house, money) will follow. Keep treating yourself well, hang in there!!

I met my friend for lunch, had a great time. It's nice connecting with old coworkers - we never had time to talk at work!!! I guess you can say we like retirement much better, ha ha!
Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest.
Frances, I have weird dreams from time to time too. Ask Lil about my dream last week featuring a 75 dollar bill, LOL

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Checking in briefly in between events. Too much going on here these days...

CONGRATULATIONS, Lil. I remember 90 days was a HUGE milestone for me - it represents a quarter of a year sober. Way to go, and thanks for contributing all you do around here.

I am off to another event - I am sure there will be plenty of wine. I'll be driving and drinking club soda, and hanging out with my 80 year old dad. I'll need patience for that last part - love him, but he is forgetful these days, so I spend a lot of my time translating and reminding. I don't mind after all he has done for me, though...

Hope you all stay warm and dry, or cool and wet, whichever you want. Cool and dry? Warm and wet?

Pav

[LavenderBlue]

Checking in quickly; it's been a crazy week for me. Realized before work on Monday that one of my tires was going flat, so there was a scramble to figure out vehicles since mom was going to be out of town this week. Luckily she was ok taking the truck - I'm super uncomfortable driving unfamiliar vehicles anyway but trucks are hardest for me since my car is tiny. It also ended up a week where lots of little things went wrong, of course - and now that my tire is fixed my brakes feel like they're going! Just a one-thing-after-another week all the way through.

HOWEVER...I'm incredibly grateful to at least be juggling all of this sober. Even just the swapping cars around and getting air in my tire that first day; that would have been such a bigger chore if I'd been hungover - or even still buzzed from the night before. I'm getting more actual relaxation between disasters since I'm sober, and the sleep I'm getting is real sleep.

Good thoughts out to everyone, hopefully things settle down here and I can be around more!