Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

I guess I don't have to explain to you guys how things can seem true when they really aren't.

Boy doesn't that just say it all, LavBlue. The dishonesty of alcoholism is still becoming clear to me. Not just hiding, etc., but the appearance of truths that aren't. Congratulations on your milestone.

WELCOME BACK, LC!!! So happy to see you here. Of COURSE we'll welcome you here. We're here because it is HARD to get sober and we want to see us all succeed. So very glad you came back. Now hold on tight this time. I don't want to have to send The Stella after you...

BF - Day 3 down and dusted.

NS - I got a thank you gift today - a bottle of wine. I was thinking that IS presumptuous. It was a nice thought, but I turned around and gave it to my secretary when the guy left. Saying NO all of the time does get tiring...

I have been in survival mode, and thus not exercising. Makes for a cranky and blechy Pav. Looking forward to a nice hike in the fresh air tomorrow, after my UN HUNG coffee and a sleep in (which for me is about 7am - another joy of aging).

Happy SOBER weekend, folks.

Pav

[blackflag]

Work on a Saturday, boo. Keeps me out of trouble though. Tonight is a family party, but no one in my family drinks, so should be nice and easy to avoid al tonight. Have a good day everyone. I'll be back to check in later.

BF

[LavenderBlue]

Super quick, big thanks and hugs to Abcowboy (you and your calendar are amazing!), Byrd, Pav, and anyone I missed!

I meant to respond last night, but I was too tired. SUPER busy day at work, so it was tired in a good way at least. Have to zoom now because work again today.

I'll try to write what I was planning tonight, but if I don't it just means we were busy again!

Hang in there everyone; I wouldn't trade my sober life for anything in the world; it does get better and it's 100% worth it.

[Lavande]

Good Saturday morning Nesters,

Looking forward to a slightly cooler day today, at least I hope so

LavB, great work on your 10 AF months! Protect your quit & stay happy

Enjoy your hike in the fresh air Pav!

Hellos to all & wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[abcowboy]

If you are having an urge to drink or you are having a sudden bad feeling, don't react. Never trust your first thought because it usually is wrong. Always test your first thought by thinking of its consequences (good and bad) and always think of possible alternative thoughts before you act. Especially with drinkers, our first thoughts tend to be harmful to ourselves and others. For example, usually our first thought when feeling stressed, angry, helpless or some other negative emotion is to lash out, withdraw, or escape by picking up our first drink. This just causes more conflict, stress, anger and resentment. Our first thought might tell us to use another drink to substitute for our drink of choice but this will just cause more addictive consequences. We consequently regret acting upon our first thoughts. Acting upon our first thought is called a reaction. In recovery, we learn to "act upon", not react, and this makes our lives easier. When our lives are easier, we don't want to act out to avoid life so we stay sober and we make better decisions. Move on to the second thought and seek support from others.

[blackflag]

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/jun/13/my-drinking-years-everyone-has-blackouts-dont-they

This was in the paper this morning. Quite an interesting read.

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters!
Great posts from the overnight shift, as usual!
This whole 'getting sober thing' is all about perspective....which side of the bottle you are on. If you are in active addiction, you cant imagine a life that doesnt include AL. If you have a couple AF years behind you, you cant imagine a life that does! I am not proud of it, but I learned most of what I know about addiction the hard way. Because I thought I was that special ONE I fought this thing with my last ounce of strength. Here's what I've learned.... Addiction is bigger than we are. Addiction is as strong a force as Ive ever seen. I used to think that love was stronger than addiction, but I no longer believe that. I have seen scores of people (including myself) choose AL over all else. We (as AL abusers) cant outsmart addiction. Dont take my word for it, there is solid science behind this. We do not 'get over' being addicted. LavBlue, there are no truer words thans yours, AL can make you see black when you KNOW that its white! To the AL-addicted person, there are no holidays from this. When I was just beginning, I kept asking when the cravings would end....when would the day come (if ever) that I didnt constantly WANT AL? When would I ever feel normal? Would I EVER feel normal? As I sit here at 1606 AF days, I can tell you that things improve so much you wont believe it. Not only will you not want AL, you will begin to loathe it for what it really is. Just look at all the destruction it has caused us all! No, I do not look longingly at AL, I despise it. This is a great place to be. I understand that Im one drink away from starting all over. That price is way too high for me. I do not need AL anymore....I do not want AL anymore. It took a long time to get here, but it does happen with time. Dont ever go back to that pit of hell, it is NOT worth it. One drink every now and then isnt going to do anything but make you test the waters more. One drink leads to another....every time. EVERY. TIME.
Cut it loose and let it go. Take that leap of faith. I promise you will never regret the drink you didnt take.
Or you can struggle with AL for another four years (or unlimited term limits). It is always OUR choice.

Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[Hypernova]

Hey everyone. Had a tough week and not drinking was not easy by any stretch. I was too deep in the hole to even come on here and read and considering my level of anxiety not sure anything would have helped except sitting through it. Rough patch with a lot of stress from several directions w/family being the most difficult. I am slowly learning to give in and let go of some of the negatives where before I would try and change things repeatedly to no avail ~ guess that's acceptance which is new to me. Hard to believe if I couldn't accept something I would drink it away and never learned the skill of acceptance. If I had no prior experience with anxiety for sure I would have ended up in ER thinking I was having a heart problem b/c I could hardly expand my chest enough to breath while I was at work. Anyway some yard work today and things seem o.k. again. Then I come on here and find two very relevant posts by Byrd and Cowboy that give me some hope of which I seem to have very little these days. Thank you both for your well thought out words of wisdom. Without this site I would not be able to get through these rough spots. Off for a quick nap and then a late afternoon stress relieving spin on the bicycle.
l

[LavenderBlue]

So, I'm sitting here absolutely exhausted, but in the best way possible.

When I was drinking, I was sure that it was too late for me to find any sort of job I actually enjoyed, and was concerned that I'd never get past my anxiety enought to work again period. I was also certain that I'd never sort anything out re:student loans, I'd probably never be back in shape ever again, and I'm pretty sure I'd given up on my writing even though I'd take random stabs at it while drunk sometimes. I'm sure I'd given up on other things, too.

And sober for 10 months? I have a job where loving every minute I'm there - I'm not just trying to do well because I'm scared of failing, but because I actually care about what I'm doing. I'm writing regularly on a personal blog, twice a month on a website, and I think if I make time for it I could probably take a stab at writing fiction again. My loan people and I are all on the same page - I still owe a lot but now I have a plan for the next year or so...and actual hope that after that year I'll probably be in an even better place instead of a worse one. And I'm back to being within a healthy weight rage for my height, and getting more in shape every day.

I'm not a stupid person in any way, that's not why I was wrong about things getting better. And really, in a way I was right...the person I was while I was drinking would NOT have made it to where I am now. I absolutely believed that my drinking wasn't the reason I was in such a crappy place - I'd had some really shitty things happen to me that were not my fault, and that part at least was true. What I didn't realize was that even if the catalysts weren't from the drinking itself, that drinking was still holding me back from healing and moving forward from the things that were holding me back. I thought the things that had happened combined with my diagnosed and real anxiety and depression had broken me in a way that I couldn't heal from, when really what I needed was a sober brain and body to start moving forward.

My life isn't perfect at all - I still struggle with the mental health issues I had, I still have a long way to go in recovering from when my life imploded. The difference is I'm starting to be capable of working through all of that in a way that was impossible while I was drinking away the hurt and the fear and the anger and the guilt.

I can't say enough that even if, like me, you're convinced your issues with drinking aren't the reason for other issues in your life...it's probably worth it to try getting sober to see if it helps. And a good chunk of time that way as well - if I'd given up on it a month or two in, there is so much healing that I never would have gotten to.

I know that got long, hopefully it also made sense. I really am exhausted right now. I'm just also so very grateful to be exhausted for good reasons. Stick close and listen to the old timers is all I can say - that's what got me this far and I'm sure that's what will keep me going. I honestly don't even want to be able to drink "like normal" most of the time anymore; I'm honestly that grateful for this sober brain I've finally got back. That's not to say I never have cravings or I expect it to be easy from here on out; I'm just saying that *in general* when I look at my life now and my life even before my drinking got really out of hand...I'm much happier here.

[narilly]

Blackflag, that was a great article, thank you.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I hope everyone had a good day ~ I did!

Wow BF, that was some article - a real eye opener, huh? Thanks for posting that link.

Hypernova, not every day in our lives can be perfect but they sure are a hell of a lot better when we have clear heads, right? Coming here for some reading & support always helped me

LavB, we will be planning your 1 year anniversary soon. I think Stella might break out her dancing shoes for you, ha ha!
Life does get easier, it just takes a while to really understand & believe the concept

Hey there Byrdie & cowboy!

Wishing everyone a peaceful & safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Lavande]

Cross post - Hi narilly

[narilly]

Hi ya Lav!
xo

[lifechange]

Good day, Nesters.
Blackflag, that was a great article to read.. thanks for sharing!
and Lavblue, belated Congratulations on 10 months..that's a great accomplishment and it's good to read about all of the positive changes that have taken place in your life as a result. I'm 100% sure that most of my problems , if not directly caused by my drinking, have at least been amplified by it.
I so look forward to being few more weeks along.
The past 2 days have been quite challenging. I have been in such a bad mood, taking it out on my family. I feel like I just want to be alone and am trapped. Yesterday it began around 3 and lasted a couple of hours. Today, much earlier. I also feel lethargic.. like I can't be bothered to do anything, cooking or cleaning or taking care of anyone. My partner was so mad at me, we got into a huge fight, I blamed everything for my mood and then finally broke down and cried and admitted that my actions were mostly due to stopping the drink. I felt relieved just admitting it, saying it out loud helped to cement my commitment, thus freeing up the part of me that was still fighting TO drink. That part of myself which I have to learn to deal with all over again. I know it will get easier. I just want to do it right this time. Better. I want so badly to learn from all of you.. and my past mistakes.

Hope you're all having a relaxing, stress free Sunday.

[Hanna]

Well, back home from my sisters. Cancelled flight, hours at the airport, an now, lost baggage. At least I can take that all in stride Nd not sweat the small stuff. Hard to be home...lots of changes to deal with now, but the week with my sister helped. While still overwhelmed with anxiety/sadness/anger...you name it, I am better than I was, a little.

Going to go to an AA meeting, then spending the day with one of you special nesters that is nearby!!! How COOL is that?.???

Have a good Sunday