Newbies Nest

[Turnagain]

Mstall! What an inspiring post! Thank you for taking the time to check in and let everyone know how well it's going for you. You've really put together all the elements that make it possible to successfully heal from addiction. Wowsa. Another courageous warrior is among us!

Isn't it amazing - once you're out of that insidious pit, you look back and wonder WHY you didn't get out of hell a helluva lot sooner? Don't you wish everyone could take the leap up to freedom?

[Byrdlady]

Mstall, what OUTSTANDING news!!! I am so happy for you!!!

Jane showed me how to make the photo file sizes smaller on photobucket, but when I went to post that picture last week, I did it right from my ipad with NO resizing! I hope you get it figured out, we LOVE photos!! Keep up the great work!! Thanks for checking in with us! B

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Thanks for checking in, MSTALL. You sound great. Very good to see a happy success story. Yep, the bad stuff doesn't go away - we can just deal with it better.

I remember when someone here drank when I first started posting - she had been here longer than I had and I thought was the picture of sobriety. It shook me to my core, and I reached out for the first time - to Byrdie and NS. And guess what advice I got? I think you might see a pattern.

I sent one of my kids off for a summer camp today - I'll miss him but am so excited for him that I can't be sad. He'll have a blast.

And oy, the packing drunk. I have flown hungover SO many times. Even that trip/flight anxiety is so much better without alcohol in the picture.

Hope you all have happy sober Saturdays.

Pav

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Well, the 'grand-dogs' have gone home. Son & his family had a nice vacation, the boys looked very happy
It's still raining here & now we're getting flood advisory alerts - swell.

Pav, I'll bet your son has a blast at camp. Those days in a kid's life are special.

Mstall, great to see you & congrats on your AF & SF time. It's awesome to be done with all that!!!

Lil, my stupid chickens better stop their rain dancing soon or they may end up floating away

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Matt M.]

Morning, Nesters!

Glad you cleared that all up Pav! I was getting all the posts mixed up myself! Where is it we are? There's no place like home...

Matt, and all, thanks for sharing about your troubles with the finances. I'm really afraid of the hole I've dug myself into and am just beginning to look upwards to try and figure out how to get myself out. Did you have someone help you figure out a plausible payback plan? I guess my first step would just be getting it all down on paper..

Pepper, thank you for that post. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I've been beating myself up the past couple of days, wondering why I haven't been able to get myself out of this hell once and for all. How after all I've read, how many times I've been in the position of having a few AF weeks under my belt, how much I've seen and heard here on the boards, that f****** voice still has the power to get into my head. How many times I've fallen for it. I have been questioning whether or not it's possible for me to stay quit and change my life or whether or not I should just give up. My longest time sober was 4 months 2 years ago.. so I know I haven't really given myself a fair chance.

Gman, Congrats on the first 8 of 7000! You sound really positive and ready to kick this thing once and for all!

We had some guests come in yesterday to stay with us for 2 weeks.. friends of my partner from a long time back. I'd met the man once and wasn't very fond of him, so was dreading a bit having to entertain him plus wife and kid.. I kept trying to remind myself that 9 times out of 10, when I'm dreading/wanting to avoid something I end up being pleasantly surprised with the reality of the situation. I'm so good at building false pictures/dramas in my mind. Instead of being open for possibility (Life) I'm dreaming up worst case scenarios. I didn't let it get so out of control this time, thank goodness, and they've turned out to be such a nice family. Especially the wife.. we met and it was as if we'd known eachother forever. So, another good lesson..

Jane, I hope you have a great trip!
Welcome to Fairydust!

Wishing everyone a lovely Saturday. An easy, grateful to be alive kind of day..

Hey LifeChange
My first plan was to punt! That didn't work out, the problem is still around, I am just chipping away at it, and using it as fuel to never go back. Get through this and never come back. I'm pretty sure in the past, this type of stress triggered another binge.
Not this time, this has only help solidify my quit.
It has help me to try and react to these issues and turn them into positives as for reasons to never go back. .

My darkest days have become my strongest ally!

[little beagle]

Well said Matt. My darkest days have become my strongest allies. I use those days to keep others from repeated mistakes.
Self care is so important to us. Watching my hubby not take care of hinself has really brought that point home to me this weekend. Giving ourselves what we need to remain sober. Friends to talk to in times of sadness, to laugh with and share in our joys. To be there when we think we can't go on another minute without tgat drink. Sleep when we need it. Taking that extra day off because we are stressed. Exercise to get our natural high. All of these things are tools I use to stay sober.
I just wish he could understand how important these things are.
We are looking into getting him into therapy. I think he's really ready to take that step.

[Matt M.]

Beagle- Your a strong woman, and I admire and respect you. I sincerely hope your husband gets the help he needs. Has to be hard watch the ones we love self destruct, being I was one of those that was self destructing

Stay Hard dear friend and keep on keeping on!

[idefineme]

(Lavande) i have not been back here since my first post, hence no response from me. I really appreciate your welcome and advice. I didn't start antabuse because i did research on it and didn't find it very user-friendly (the stuff can kill you!). so, I am here. i know the best thing is to get rid of all the alcohol and vow to never get more, but i struggle with that whole idea. Does anybody else struggle with that? I think i could stand to hear from those folks. I know i should stop, but i really don't want to. there's a huge internal struggle. If all you can provide is self-righteous advice then save it. But if you have actual constructive advice I am all ears! Please help!

[available]

Hi define, i am not sure what you mean by "self righteous" advice. At the end of the day when i gave up drinking 19 months ago i was ready for the tough love approach to help me stop. I was over the hell i lived daily by drinking, i was over lying to myself that "i was not that bad", i was over the shame and guilt, i was over the health issues and i was just over drinking completely and justifying myself daily. Like you i didnt not want to stop completely, i thought i was going to be able to be a moderate drinker but i am an "all or nothing" person with al. I came on here an alcoholic and with the advice and wisdom of here as my support i am now sober.

Only you can make the decision to stop drinking, only you can realise what it is doing to you and if you are as bad as what you think or not. Now i have time away from al i know how bad i was and i am grateful everyday for putting in the hard yards to become sober. The internal struggles go if you give up al. Try for 30 days af and see how you feel, you may want to stay af but at least its a start.

Self righteous advice or home truths, i will let you be the judge of that!

[idefineme]

available, i appreciate your input, truly! so far what i have gleaned from this site is that absintence is the be-all-end-all. not "mywayout" at all. I realize I am currently using and therefore not so clear in my thinking, but already I sense an AA/12-step mentality. I appreciate that, really i do ... but i'm just wondering if this really is my way out, or the pre-concieved notion of others?
and, if i may be so bold ... calling alcohol 'al' seems a bit like calling valdemort 'the unspeakable'. my take, and sorry if i've offended anybody.

[Guitarista]

available, i appreciate your input, truly! so far what i have gleaned from this site is that absintence is the be-all-end-all. not "mywayout" at all. I realize I am currently using and therefore not so clear in my thinking, but already I sense an AA/12-step mentality. I appreciate that, really i do ... but i'm just wondering if this really is my way out, or the pre-concieved notion of others?
and, if i may be so bold ... calling alcohol 'al' seems a bit like calling valdemort 'the unspeakable'. my take, and sorry if i've offended anybody.

Welcome IDM. I don't know many on this site or thread who use AA or 12 step. There are a few, but that would be a minority. It's a diverse bunch of folks using diverse ways out such as meds, exercise, God, Bhudda, cakes and biscuits and more. No one method, and we all need to find what works for us. It is natural that on this site with folks of such different backgrounds that people bring and share different ways they've gotten sober to the table. Which is one of this joint's strengths. Have a look around the site and you will find many different viewpoints. Why not start a thread and share what you find? I have struggled with the thought of not drinking again. You are not alone there friend. Only through trial and error can i know where I'm at with booze. Moderation, abstinence, moderation, abstinence. I have asked myself....'what do I want out of my life?' Through trial and error, I have come to a decision. My conclusion is that for me, I am happier without booze in my system 24/7. I would love to be able to moderate, but time and time again, I have not been able to do so. So I have failed. Failed at moderating my booze intake. I'm afraid I cannot control it. Am I weak? undisciplined? Maybe, but I am less stressed and more productive without being on the booze merry go round and I am fine with that.

Check out the moderation thread for the moderation style way out.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/forumdisplay.php?48-Monthly-Moderation

Constructive advice?

1. Read the toolbox thread from page 1. That's a good place to start to get you thinking. (link below)

2.See a doc and work out some sort of health plan to move forward as safely as possible.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/showthread.php?24253-Tool-box

Good to see you here. Stick around and find your own way out off the booze merry go round. G

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Looking forward to a rain free day, yay!

idefineme, I'm not totally sure what you are looking for?
If it is your wish to learn to drink moderately, that is entirely your choice. The program designed by Roberta Jewell was intended to help people do just that. If you look back at her old posts you will see that that dream just did not work out for her but that's not to say it won't work for others. You would need a doctor to prescribe something for you to help reduce your desire to drink. Going 30 days with no alcohol in the beginning was recommended as a start.
That is the reason why here in the Newbies Nest we try to help people attain those first 30 days AL free - it's a starting point!

I fully intended to learn to drink moderately when I first joined MWO. I couldn't imagine a life without a bottle of wine near by. I was totally surprised at how my thinking changed during those first 30 days. My thinking became much clearer & I realized just how much I was bullshitting myself - to be completely honest. By the time I reached 30 days I just knew that I needed to remain AF & I have never regretted my decision. The choice is entirely ours to make!

LB, I wish you the best in steering your husband to getting the help he needs. That's the best we can do for our loved ones.

Wishing everyone a great AF Sunday!

Lav

[abcowboy]

Howdy everyone! Some great discussion in the Nest, just what this site is all about..

idefineme, G-man had some great advice, as did all the rest. Look through all the threads, Kensho has started a great one on her attempt to moderate. I would also suggest chatting with scottish lass. But I also agree with Lav, go 30 days alcohol free and then re-evaluate your thinking. Whatever you choose after that, it will be your decision, and yours alone.

Also here for another reason, a celebration of sorts for our quitriplets...

To Soft Focus, mywayin, and enzo'smom on reaching their 6 month milestone!

[Guitarista]

Congratulations Soft focus, My way in, and Enzo's mom! Wow!

This has motivated me no end! :thumbsup: :dancin:

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters,
always great to come here and read the wisdom!!
I know that my only way out is to keep the alcohol 100% out of my life.. like you, G and Ava and so many others, I have tried a million times to moderate my intake of alcohol and have failed exactly that many times. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired!!! Love that line.
It's STILL hard, though, and I'm trying to spend time steering my mind towards being grateful instead of feeling like I'm missing out on something.. I've had terrible cravings today and have been in a bad mood as a result. Not so patient with the girls. But I KNOW that if I just continue the fight and don't drink I will be loving myself come this evening (at the latest). At this point it's still a daily struggle. Each day around this time (3pm) I feel like drinking.. and sometimes more so because I know I "can't". I DON'T want!! But the crazy part of my brain that tries to convince me that I do. My sane brain hates alcohol and the damage it's caused me and my family/relationships/work/.etc.etc... I'm way past the point of no return and will not let myself be fooled again.. but still, the struggle/fight is there. And I'm going on the word of those who have been at this much longer than I, that it gets easier with time. I've said this before, I know.. and have fallen back into the trap.. but not again!

Off for a little nap and then time for the kids.
Wishing you all a relaxing Sunday..