Newbies Nest

[little beagle]

Hang in there Mama. Read the toolbox. That really helped me a lot during the first days of mt quit.

[TJAF]

I define me...that's an interesting choice of a handle,particularly for a site by, and for alcoholics.For many of us alcohol defined(s) us! We wake up thinking about it. We go about our day thinking about it and we close our eyes at night thinking about it. At least that was the way I was when I was using. Not much in the way of freedom. With that as the backdrop I can tell you that moderation never worked for me. 30 plus years of heavy drinking taught me that my brain likes alcohol way too much to moderate. I've been sober for two years and finally after 30 years I am starting to believe that alcohol doesn't define me. Your choice for sure.

[lifechange]

Good morning, Nesters!

Welcome back Mama.. great job on getting back into the Nest and through the first day!

such great posts yesterday. I love it when the Nest is hopping with everyone sharing their experiences. For me, it's been a godsend to have this place to come to.. where folks are trying, with everything they have to get through at least 30 days without alcohol.. to see if the perspective changes, to see if life has begun to change. This morning, day 19, is starting off easier. It's only 8am but I'm feeling positive and am going to go to the gym first thing. I so look forward to the simplicity of a life without daily thoughts of alcohol. I know it will come, if I do the work to keep it out of my life. I also know that if I decide to give in and drink, I'll be caught back up in the hell of my life as an active addict. I HATE myself when I'm drinking. Maybe not the first day, but surely shortly thereafter. At this point I have to avoid any posts that include thoughts about the possibilities of moderation.. or "successful" moderation stories (though even when I've read them in the past, they've just sounded like a lot of hard work) because I don't trust the sneaky part of brain that tries to turn my plan upside down and convince me that someday I might be able to do the same.
It has taken me 4 years! since joining this site to get to this place. I finally understand what it means for me to drink. That I'm way too far gone to ever again be able to drink like a "normal" drinker. What's that saying about the cucumber and the pickle? And now it's time to do whatever I have to do not to drink when the urge comes.. and when I'm having easy days, take advantage of them, make the changes necessary to ensure I can handle the stresses hiding around the corner.

I owe you all so much. I hope that I'll be able to give back soon..

[Lavande]

Good Monday morning Nesters

It's sunny & Monday at the same time ~ go figure!

Ava, you already are giving back & helping the newbies with your honest 'from the heart' posts, thank you!

TJ, feels pretty darn good to be in charge after years of struggling with AL - I completely agree

I have a busy day ahead watching grandkids & more. This is just one reason why I remain grateful & protect my quit.
Wishing everyone a great AF Monday!

Lav

[lifechange]

Morning, Lav!
Cracked me up yesterday thinking about your chickens living in Byrdie's castle cake! I hope you have a wonderful day with the grandkids..

So our guests who are visiting for 2 weeks just left for a week to explore other countries. It was so much fun having them here and it wasn't a problem for me not to drink. My partner said from the get go that they shouldn't bring AL as a gift because we don't drink at home. Almost the first thing the man asked about upon arrival is our "No drinking at home" policy. Which made me feel bad so I said that of course he could drink here, that it was a rule more for myself (implying that I drink outside our home..?). Later that evening we went out for a walk and on the way back stopped by a shop for some drinks.. he got some local beer and the rest of us NA drinks and he asked my partner (and me) why he wasn't having a beer.. he replied that he didn't feel like it, and knowing he was doing it for my sake, I chimed in to say, "he gets headaches if he drinks", which is true, but doesn't really matter this way or that. I guess that because I could sense that our guest was keen on drinking, I was afraid of being the reason he couldn't. Turns out he was the only one wanting to drink and he did A LOT even without us. My partner mentioned that he bought small bottles of vodka when they were out and about and didn't seem to have a problem drinking warm white wine out of the bottle..? I have to work on not feeling the need to make excuses for my choice not to drink. Nobody cared whether or not I did anyway. As many of you have also stated to be your experience.
I'm a blabber mouth today!:happy2:

[Londoner]

Day 1 again here. Without sounding bad, I just want to get my thoughts out on here, as I don't have the mental or physical energy to interact right now.

I'm checking in, because I know I have to keep on this journey. As I've said before, I need to take a learning point from each time I fall off the wagon. What I realised this weekend was, that there are some people in my life I just need to be blunt with, and let them know that I cannot be around them right now.

I say that, because this weekend I met a friend for an active sporting afternoon. Once the sport was done, I was constantly being chipped away at him. Comments like, "go on, just have one", "you know you will", "I can tell you're cracking". Willpower is easily exhausted, especially when social circles (where we want to feel welcome) are putting pressure on you - more so when we are low in capacity for change. I cracked eventually.

I know, I can only be responsible for my actions. But with where he is now, is he really being a true friend - especially when I have made it clear on the journey I am trying to be on. Does a friend in this situation want to be spending time with you, or do they want AL to be a mask for the what the situation really is. Is the AL more important than REAL socialising?

Of course, I have kept up with him because it keeps me in the zone where I have wanted to be in the past - getting wasted.

But now, I really want more from life. I want real experience. And AL does not give me that. Right now, maybe people like this need to be removed from my life. Not because, deep down they are not a good friend, but because right now, their lifestyle choices are not in line with mine.

So, I can either stay comfortable and stay exactly where I am. Or I can expend some energy and effort and start looking for people who are able to support the growth I am looking for.

Yes, I will feel guilty. But we must move on our own paths eventually.

Basically, I am fed up of being low on energy and low in confidence. What do I really want from life? The sources of instant gratification - AL, drugs, caffeine, shopping, TV, internet - are masking our true desires. What are the values I want to really live by?

Hopefully that wasn't a load of regurgitated rubbish.

[abcowboy]

lifechange (lc), you give back every time you come here! 19 days is fantastic! You never know when one of your posts will spur one of the "guests" to join and begin their own sobriety journey!

[mama]

Good Morning all.

Day 2. WooHoo

My first Day 2 in over a month!!!!

Thanks for all of the support yesterday. I definitely could not have gotten past that 5pm craving yesterday without all of you.

[Guitarista]

But with where he is now, is he really being a true friend - especially when I have made it clear on the journey I am trying to be on?

No. Good to see you here.

Good Morning all.

Day 2. WooHoo

My first Day 2 in over a month!!!!

Thanks for all of the support yesterday. I definitely could not have gotten past that 5pm craving yesterday without all of you.

Congratulations Mama! Good job. But don't forget....it was you who did the work and made it happen. :welldone:

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, fellow nesters!
Hope everyone is looking forward to a prosperous and clear headed week! I have Friday off for the 4th of July and I'm almost giddy!

The cake I made is a big city, like Gotham! Maybe I should have put a Bat Man signal in the middle?
Apparently, part of my drinking must have come from boredom. Now, when I sit on the couch with nothing to do, my mind wanders "over there". So I keep busy doing a little something all the time. Keeping myself busy has worked wonders for me.

Londoner, I had to distance myself from the people and places that threatened my quit. It's not forever, just until you get good, strong legs. Interestingly, AFTER you get that distance, you will find that maybe AL is all you had in common with that person. They made it easier for you to justify caving in. Do NOT feel guilty about taking this time out for YOU. We are in the fight of our lives and those people come second to OUR survival. Do what you have to do to get yourself healthy. If this person is a TRUE friend, he will not GUILT you or pressure you to drink or break your quit. You've heard the saying 'Misery loves company'? Well, in this case, Misery loves miserable company, maybe your friend has a bit of a problem, too. That's exactly what I found. Normal drinkers don't care what YOU have....problem drinkers do. Anyway, I'm glad you're back. So what is your PLAN?

Mama, congrats on Day 2!!! They just don't get any rougher than D1, right? Great job in fighting Monkey Mind! So proud of you! :yay:

Lifechange, I am THRILLED to hear that your whole attitude is different this time. This is all a mindset! 19 days is AWESOME!! Keep up the great work and keep posting! It helps us all!

Happy Monday, everyone! Byrdie

[LilBit]

Londoner, I just wanted to send you support and understanding. My fiance still prods me to "just have one" after almost 4 months sober. Yesterday, I simply told him, "Quit asking." He started arguing about how he "has every right to ask" and I told him he had "every right to get on down the road, too." That's how serious this is.

Apologies to Idefineme and any others to who might have been put off by any zealous "modding doesn't work" type statements I have made. I was once a determined modder, too. 'Came to MWO ~5 years ago, did the initial 30 AF days and then went on a roller coaster wino nightmare ride that was very costly in many ways and nearly killed me. If I speak of abstinence as my way out, it's just that -- my way out. I respect that others may have a different path. In fact, the decision to mod may very well be a necessary step in chipping away at the fortress that AL has built in one's life. I also want you to know that I only say the things I do out of compassion and love for fellow humans who are going through the nightmare-posing-as-a-daydream to try & save you/them some suffering -- not from any sense of self-righteousness. In biblical terms, I am only "one beggar showing another beggar where he found bread."

Much love to everyone who's out there fighting the good fight, no matter what weapon you're using.

[Byrdlady]

[NoSugar]

O good grief, we are doomed! Who taught Byrdie to use graphics ??? I must admit that that's a good one, though :wink:!

[Pie]

So, I can either stay comfortable and stay exactly where I am. Or I can expend some energy and effort and start looking for people who are able to support the growth I am looking for.

Hardly rubbish, Londoner. Brilliant, I'd say. Thanks for posting!

[Dutch1988]

I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the whole moderation thing. It totally depends on why you are drinking. I drank because of stress and to not feel things as much as I do, from death's in the family, mental illness, work stress, relationship problems, heartbreak, you name it. I found my emotions crippling and when I found alcohol, drugs in general really, I found a way to "act" normal like how I thought everyone else expected me to. I would never moderate at this point because I know I am drinking for the buzz of not feeling these things. Until I know I don't have to drink to cope with life, I will not drink.

It's a trick statement though, because I am damn sure once I become all that I am, and learn to deal with life, I wont really want to drink anyway.