Newbies Nest

[Samstone]

Day 1 again here. Without sounding bad, I just want to get my thoughts out on here, as I don't have the mental or physical energy to interact right now.

I'm checking in, because I know I have to keep on this journey. As I've said before, I need to take a learning point from each time I fall off the wagon. What I realised this weekend was, that there are some people in my life I just need to be blunt with, and let them know that I cannot be around them right now.

I say that, because this weekend I met a friend for an active sporting afternoon. Once the sport was done, I was constantly being chipped away at him. Comments like, "go on, just have one", "you know you will", "I can tell you're cracking". Willpower is easily exhausted, especially when social circles (where we want to feel welcome) are putting pressure on you - more so when we are low in capacity for change. I cracked eventually.

I know, I can only be responsible for my actions. But with where he is now, is he really being a true friend - especially when I have made it clear on the journey I am trying to be on. Does a friend in this situation want to be spending time with you, or do they want AL to be a mask for the what the situation really is. Is the AL more important than REAL socialising?

Of course, I have kept up with him because it keeps me in the zone where I have wanted to be in the past - getting wasted.

But now, I really want more from life. I want real experience. And AL does not give me that. Right now, maybe people like this need to be removed from my life. Not because, deep down they are not a good friend, but because right now, their lifestyle choices are not in line with mine.

So, I can either stay comfortable and stay exactly where I am. Or I can expend some energy and effort and start looking for people who are able to support the growth I am looking for.

Yes, I will feel guilty. But we must move on our own paths eventually.

Basically, I am fed up of being low on energy and low in confidence. What do I really want from life? The sources of instant gratification - AL, drugs, caffeine, shopping, TV, internet - are masking our true desires. What are the values I want to really live by?

Hopefully that wasn't a load of regurgitated rubbish.

Londoner, you will feel guilty either way, a friend will make you guilty or you make yourself feel guilty by abusing alcohol. You live with yourself, friends will come and go. I would choose yourself... you're worth it.
Sam

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

The Day Shift spot on as usual.

Byrdie - that cake is too much. I don't have that compulsion to keep myself busy. When I am not working I feel almost like someone unplugged my battery and I just want to be a lump. It takes a lot of effort to overcome the morning inertia for me. I am glad once I do, however...

Well said, Dutch. That's true for me, too. Learning to deal with everything without alcohol has been the challenge AND the reward. Pretty freeing to realize I never "need" a drink to get through something.

Pie - looking forward to celebrating with you soon!

Londoner - Welcome back. Refocus, regroup, and tighten up that plan. You got this!

Good night - I am going to watch a movie with the family...

Pav

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a long but fun day with 3 grandkids SO I am pretty much exhausted, ha ha!!! Two 4 year olds & a 6 year old is a handful & a half

Londoner, do this for yourself. You deserve the best possible life you can put together. Like Sam mentioned, friends will come & go. You only need to be responsible for you. Wishing you the best on your AF journey.

Greetings to all & sending wishes for a safe night in the nest for everyone!

Lav

[little beagle]

Londoner I had a friend try to convince me to drink fairly early in my quit. I threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't shut up. He got the point. I stopped because I was not happy drinking. And I am happy not drinking.
LC I enjoy reading your posts. I'm glad you are strong in your resolve.

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Hello .
I am so grateful to all of you have who replied to my story regarding my son. I will always know that you understand what a parent goes thru as my son is my pride and joy. He is back in jail and brutally been beaten. No lawyer will take his case because of his rep as a AL.
Before he went back in jail the last pic he sent I hardly recognized him he looks so different from the handsome young man I know. AL has changed the way he looks yet I am grateful he is still with us . I know that some day he will find the life he really deserves.

He has a terrible disease that has robbed him of any chance to have the life he craves. Love, family and a job. My heart breaks for him and I know only he can find his way.

I keep up with you all and always want the best for you all . Stay strong your always in my heart and prayers.

SHADES

[Lavande]

Good Tuesday morning Nesters,

Shades,
I'm very sorry to hear your son is still struggling. This must be very heart breaking for you to watch as a parent. I forget, have you looked into Al-Anon as a resource for more local help? I hope you take care of yourself, we will be here :hug:

LB, I don't see anything wrong in threatening a little harm to get someone to shut up about drinking, Ha Ha!!! Honestly, some people are just unable to understand the meaning of the word 'NO' - duh!

Wishing everyone a great AF Tuesday. I plan to get out to get a few things done before this next storm blows through. Last Tuesday we lost power for almost 3 days - hope that doesn't happen again.

Lav

[Hanna]

Oh Shades...I am so sorry about your son. Never give up hope. I have heard countless stories now in AA about people who really ended up in terrible places, and/or doing terrible things, who finally were able to quit their addictions and turn their lives around.

Hi Nesters

Sorry I have not posted recently, but I have not had much time to get to my computer, and it is too hard for me to type on my Ipad. Just wanted to let you know that I am actually doing better. Today is 2 continuous weeks without a drink, and when I look back, in spite of "slips" I have been mostly sober since February or March. Although my head still talks to me often at drink time, the compulsion and obsession to go ahead and drink is MUCH less powerful, and I am able to use the tools (for me mostly, to eat dinner) really are helping. Going through this divorce totally SUCKS, but I am coming to terms with that as well. I feel stronger, and certainly am not the pathetic woman I was in March, in the fetal position, sobbing in my bathroom! I actually can think to myself that if my husband of all these years was unable to stick by me and support me through this awful drinking thing, then maybe he is not the guy for me. Wow, how my perception has changed. I can believe I am saying this, but I am finding going to AA meetings daily is helping me. I am not so sure of the whole God thing, but I realize that left to my own thoughts, I will drink, so I need to turn away from drinking thoughts, and listen to others, and believe in what they say, as they have been there and been able to get through this. So, that is a faith in and of itself and that is enough for me right now.

Husband is still in the house with me, which is soooo hard, especially with my son here. But my son is moving into his own place tomorrow, which will help, my husband is working very long hours, and mostly it is the weekends to deal with. I am going to stay at my mom's this weekend. Next weekend I will be away at a convention, where I will be spending my evenings with a sober nester!!!!!

I don't plan on having another slip. I am present, and remember every conversation I have. Definitely feeling stronger. Don't get me wrong, life is still really, really difficult and uncertain right now, but I have a sense that all will be OK, and that is HUGE!

Hope you all are having a great start to the day.

[abcowboy]

Howdy Nesters! Quick check in to share a few things....

Shades, as Hanna said, and I think you are a great example of this...never give up hope! Your son will find his way out eventually..:hug:

Hanna, nice to see you doing so good with all that's going on. Springstart started a thread as she is going through a divorce right now as well, maybe lean on each other for support?

I read something last night that I would like to share...

Sobriety
Lost
It's
Priority

Time to get our priorities straight I think!

One last thing...

Mr. & Mrs. Lavande!

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Fellow Nesters!

Great to see folks checking in! Dutch, it is amazing how much you have learned during your months here in the nest! It is a delight to see the 'light bulb' come on in folks as they negotiate this path!!

Shades, I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. This disease is a *itch! BUT, it is possible to beat it!! We all are living proof! Strength to you!!

Hanna, it's great to hear that you are coming to terms with everything. I think we get so overwhelmed with LIFE that we just can't process it all, that's really what this is all about; learning to cope! I'm so glad the AA is helping you, sometimes that 3D support is just what the doctor ordered! As you change your thinking, here's something else that may help. If our goal is to get this monkey off our backs, (where we don't obsess over it and crave it) then we are going to have to STARVE it. Killing this beast is impossible, but we CAN keep it at bay and put it in remission. Any time we drink we are going counter to that goal. So thinking in these terms, when we drink, it isn't a little slip, it is a relapse. We are climbing a mountain, and a little slip means what? Yep, down we go! If we minimize those relapses we are going to have a harder time overcoming a trial when it comes up again. This is one of the Alkie Loopholes we must watch for. I used to say (during that last year of ALCO-HELL I put myself thru) that I had been sober more days than I drank. This is ALKIE logic...because on those days I drank, I drank as if they weren't going to make anymore!! I got my sober date and stuck it in my signature line, and THAT WAS IT. Slips are relapses to us, and there's just no sugar coating it (otherwise, I'd have whole nuther YEAR on my signature below!!). Minimizing our drinking only encourages it (you can trust ME on that one). So make it a big deal, because it is!!! There are no little slips in our world. Don't fall for that...it's a trick!

Hope everyone has a peaceful, easy day!!! Byrdie

Edit to add:
Cowboy, you reminded me of this gem:
Stop
Observe
Breathe
Experience
Respond

[kherriot]

Good Morning Nesters, Hubby back to work and things are getting back to normal for me except for all the smoke in the air. I live in Saskatchewan. I am really glad I quit smoking 3 years ago but I feel sorry for those who have breathing problems. It is really bad but the fire is no where near me, just the smoke blowing in on the wind. With the heat and keeping the doors and windows closed it gets a little close in here. They say not to turn on the Air if it draws from the outside but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. Other than that, life is great. Feeling good about myself, had a great time with hubby last week and he just wishes he could retire. It is gym day today so will go and work out. See who shows up! I really don`t care anymore I am doing it for me and I am proud of myself for still going. I think there might be one other person coming today but really doesn't matter I will be there. Even though I haven`t had time to write lately I have been checking in and reading the posts. Looks like I might have put myself into another contract job for bookkeeping but will go in with eyes wide open and speak my mind if things are not right. After all it is my name on the bottom line. I think it will be fine, she is willing to work with my schedule so that helps. Hope everyone has a great day. No Canada Day celebrations around here because of the fires but that is ok because they just seem to party at the lake and make a lot of noise. Absolutely no fire works, but we shall see. There is always some stupid (drunk) people who think they can handle anything. I am sure the fire department will stop them right away. It helps being a director on the fireboard so one call from me and.......(anonymous of course). Time to get with it before the heat gets to strong.

[LilBit]

A case of divine cat-ervention? You decide.

Sunday, we spent a lovely afternoon at the beach, watching the surfers and the tide pool creatures, and sifting through the sand for sea glass. Typically, such a day would have been infused with AL, but this time, without the crazy, heavy AL encumbrance, I truly enjoyed the beach with all my senses.

On the drive home, as I mentioned in an earlier post, my fiance kept prodding me to join him for a drink. Upon arrival, he popped a bottle of my once-favorite champagne and poured himself a glass. (He sometimes downs a bottle alone, now that I've 86'd it from my menu.) Then, he placed the glass right in front of me on the wooden sofa arm and left the room. For about a nanosecond, I looked at the full, bubbly glass glistening in the late afternoon sun and thought, "That looks good."

Just then, my cat who was lying nearby on the sofa stretched his paw out in that lazy, indolent manner that cats have -- and pushed the glass off.

I would have let it shatter, but my fiance had walked back into the room just in time to catch it.

The general wisdom says to avoid any major changes for a year after one's quit but, these days, "Keep the cat, ditch the fiance" is looking like a better plan.

[paulywogg]

Byrdie is right, a relapse is a relapse,a slip is an undergarment worn under a skirt back in the day,you'll ALWAYS end up back where you were in the end no matter how much you think you'll have it under control"this time" its all a lie

[Guitarista]

Yo Nesters near and not so far.

Hi Shades, I hope things work out for the best for you and your son.

Hi Pauly!

Happy anniversary Lav!

Wishing all a safe, sober and magical week. G

[little beagle]

Shades I feel for you. And I understand what you are going through. Maybe your son will get a little sober time in jail and once his head is clear he'll rethink his life's path.I sure hope so.
Lilbit what a great cat. My hubby hated like hell when I quit drinking, but eventually he joined me. He hasn't DRANK in almost 2 years. Just wish he could get the drug thing under control.
Great to see you G.
Byrdie I always hate when people refer to using drugs or drinking as a slip. I agree there is just no such thing for us addicts. Happy anniversary Lav.
Hannah I'm sorry your situation is so complicated, but you are sounding strong. Hang in there. It gets better the longer you are sober. My life was a disaster when i quit. The reason I quit. Dumping al, that stupid anxiety drinking caused seemed to make even difficulties easier to work through.
Kherriot good luck with that bookkeeper job.

[kherriot]

Hmmmm sometimes you speak to early. What a difference a few hours make. All I can say is crap. That's my favorite word right now, doesn't mean anything just a feeling. And things were going so good............