Newbies Nest

[TJAF]

Kailey I know how you feel. I had been down that path of on again, off again, quitting for so long before the magic finally kicked in. I heard myself talking when you related how you give yourself a few extra days before the big quit... I used to also make the promise that as soon as I finished the bottle I'd quit, only to find myself in the liquor store the next day. It's easy to relate to those failed quits as if they are some future indicator of failures to come. The best thing you can do is forget. Take it a day at a time. Stick to a plan and if possible don't go at it alone. Ask for help and make your sobriety as public as you feel comfortable. For me it was my immediate family. I came clean after 6 months when I felt that I was on shakey ground. Being public took away my excuses. I'm two years sober this month. Two years ago I would have thought that impossible.

[LuckyMe]

Hi. Checking in one more time today this day three. I had a good day. It was really productive and I'm liking it. This afternoon when I was tired and hungry and vulnerable to the monster...a drink sounded good. For me the monster was guilt, like I needed to run and fix and apologize and grovel or whatever. I swear to god, beer sounded better than that. So....

I added to my list this: For now and hopefully forever guilt will not be tolerated in my thinking. It, too, is not an option.

I cannot rewrite the past and I am NOT responsible for everything that occurred that I deem shitty. When my head is fully clear and my sanity fully blossomed and with council from knowing wise peeps, I may return to make amends or at least get better perspective so I can move on. There you have it. My plan to keep my freedom intact is already expanding. I'm smiling as I'm thinking about it...have sweet dreams or an awesome clear awakening. Lucky

[available]

Afternoon nest

Dutch keep up the good work and keep plodding along. i found in the early months that everyday is different, we are trying to be where we want to be and we arent. There is no finish line in sobriety. I have found in my second year sober that I am much more settled and even keeled than my first year. After 100 days i wanted a damn parade and dancing girls to show that i was doing the hard yards and believe it or not I got nothing. Even my kids werent congratulating me anymore on my sobriety, i also felt that some days it would be easier if i had those one or two drinks but in my heart i knew i could not have that one drink. I tried to believe the oldies on here that it got better, i kept on here and i kept reading. I took it one day at a time and tried to deal with my emotions as best i could. It seems to have worked for me now, i cant let people down that have helped me be where i am and most of all i cant let myself down anymore.

lucky great work on day 3 keep up the good work and keep on here. Kailey keep on here also, be accountable and you will do it. Something for me just clicked thank god.

TJ i had to be accountable to so i told my children I was not going to drink. of course they laughed and said "sure mum" and my daughter bought a bottle of wine around when i told her the previous night i was not going to drink the next day. of course they had no faith in me, heard it all before but i reached out to them when i so wanted a drink and they were always there. Now we joke on a weekend about buying beer, wine and spirits, knowing full well that it is just a joke as i dont drink and i wont drink. Now they believe in me. A wonderful achievement on nearly two years TJ.

A busy day at work and had a lovely visit with Robert, he had a good day which is always nice and i managed to get to the gym. If only i could stop procrastinating about it!

Take care everyone

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Hot, humid & cloudy in my portion of the nest - such is summer

Ava, glad you had a good day!

TJ, when is your 2 year anniversary? We'll bake a cake!
Maybe we can dig up the dancing girls too

Lucky, getting thru 3 days AF is wonderful, congrats to you.

LB, let's do everything we can to keep that forward motion going. There is no such thing as looking back for us

Wishing everyone a great AF Tuesday!

Lav

[LuckyMe]

TJ, thanks for your encouragement. I'm praying to god this is My "magic" moment to finish for good the crazy life of drinking. Thanks for all your wisdom, AVA! My daughter and friends wouldn't believe me either! I'm not saying much for now, it feels safer that way, but sometime and with some I have and will.

Did any one mention sleeping could be rough at first? Smile. I'm up, groggy and happy to be AF. Have a great day everyone. Lucky

[Kailey]

A quick check in this morning. As I always do once I put drinking behind me for a few days I feel happy, energized and like all is right with the world. I think a really hopeful sign is that I got ready to post on the Newbie's nest roll call this morning and was going to put Day 3 when I realized it was Day 4! Sounds like a little thing, but I take it as an indication that I am not sweating over these early days and looking far, far, far into the distance. I can easily visualize myself posting there for a year. That's a start, at least being able to visualize and even expect a good outcome.

I'm looking forward to a great day today. It's one that involves a lot of interaction with other people in a work setting. So excited to be heading there today feeling great and ready to participate. The list of why I am going to stop drinking is long, but somewhere near the top is how much it affects my ability to engage and interact with other people at work.

Thank you for those of you who reached out and have given me some support. I appreciate the feeling of community here.

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Dutch, congratulations on 4 months!!! :rara: Now, you can't say you didn't get cheerleaders when you hit a milestone! I can identify with your post about the 4 month mark. When I was there, the nest was very different, we were really just trying to hit 30 days back then, so there weren't many folks with 4 months to help me thru the very FLAT SPOT I was in. I KNEW I couldn't go back to drinking, but if things weren't any better than this...what was the use?? I'm telling you, I was FLAT. I believe I was reading a post from over on the Army when one of them said, Just Fake it til you Make it. I didn't know what they meant then, but I sure do now. You just can't imagine how many things are changing in us when we go from an ethanol burning engine to a food burning one...not only the physical changes but the emotional ones, too. My friend, Kuya, theorized that at whatever age we cross the line in to addictive drinking, our emotional growth and maturity stops developing. I believe that, why SHOULD it grow if we have a fail-safe way to deal with circumstances? It's as simple as 'stimulus-reward'. As I mentioned, my addictive drinking began when I was around 28. So here I was in a 51 year old body with the emotional maturity of 28 year old. I had a LOT of catching up to do, and this is uncomfortable (to say the least). I felt like I was in someone else's life, it's hard to explain....I didn't fit in my old life and I didn't fit in the new one. I had to learn something I didn't do very well: COPE WITH LIFE. But I can tell you, this is a skill that can be learned! When life has handed me a plate of SH*T, I sort thru it and figure out how to get to the other side instead of just saying FECKIT! I take it a day at a time, sometimes an HOUR at a time. It really works! That flat spot I had from months 4-7 was not fun....I think this is a period that separates the sober folks from the 'well-they-tried's'. I saw people with less time than I had and they seemed to be sailing along NO PROBLEM! It was discouraging, but we all grow at different rates. All I can say is this...fake it til you make it. You will be so glad you stuck it out, because on the other side of this flat spot is MINDPEACE! What you are experiencing now is GROWTH, and as we all know, that's not always fun and games, it comes with a price...but the rewards are GREAT, so hang in with us, talk about what you are thinking and feeling and you will come out the other side stronger for it!
Remember the stages of grief? Anger, Denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance? I think you may be in the 4th area of the process...but LOOK AT WHAT'S NEXT!

Lucky and Kailey, great jobs on your 3 and 4 days! You are operating under your own power now! We can't wait to give you a Full Moon at 7 days!
Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Late night check in from downunder. All good here. Into day 19 and I feel my thinking has changed and I'm actually getting a grasp on reality!! A couple of things have contributed to current thought in the head of the G man.

e.g. 1. Why have I been fighting to hold on to something that is wasting my life away and killing me surely and slowly in every way? Why G man why? Make sense fella? NO!

2. I know I would lay down my life for certain people/family without hesitation as many of us would for those closest to us, so........G man, if this is true, why don't you lay down your addiction, your boozing for the ones you care about, for yourself, and for the flippin world/humanity?! Why not man?! These have been 2 key thoughts I'm ruminating on happily at the moment. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Have a bewdy out there and take care. G

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters!!

G-man, I've been wondering myself about those questions, especially the second. Why haven't I been doing for myself what I would do for others in a second? Addiction really is mind boggling.. with a bit of distance it seems impossible that I would have let myself be fooled into it.. great job on 19 days!

Congrats, Dutch on 4 months! I look forward to being there in a short 3+ months..

Kailey, welcome back!!

So I have been having a problem with time the past few days.. I have been coming to read, but only for 10 minutes or so each day. I made a commitment to myself to go to the gym or do some sort of sporty activity each and every day because it really helps me with the cravings for both alcohol and sugar. I'm happy to say I've been successful with that.. then work, guests!! (I've been finding empty small vodka bottles in random places throughout the house!) who are leaving tomorrow, the warmest day(s) ever recorded (100+ with no AC) so we spent our days under a tree at the lake.. bliss!
Tomorrow will be back to closer to normal weather, guests will be gone, girls are at papa's so I'm looking very much forward to catching up with all of you here.

I must say that even the 10 minutes a day gave me a lot of insight and support..It isn't enough for me at this point, though. I have to make the effort, even if I'm dead tired, to at least write a sentence. It's too easy to become disconnected, to feel like I don't belong here anymore.. it's happened to me too many times before and I won't let it happen again-

ok. now I get to read back for half an hour before dinner.

big hugs and strength to you all..

[lifechange]

Kailey, I really hear you with regards to work! I was just thinking today about how enjoyable my job is when I'm clear in my mind, have the energy to deal with the people, problems and tasks that arise.. a couple short weeks ago I could hardly manage the bare minimum, if I even made into work. People who count on me were surely asking themselves whether or not they still could. I also find I don't mind staying a bit late to finish up or start new projects or just have a chat with someone, because I'm not pining to get home to drink. Everything! is so much easier..

[Rahulthesweet]

Hello All,

I have not being checking in daily but have been staying strong and sober.

I saw Dutch post and it took me to those Grim times when I too was in that stage. I wanted to exactly what byrdlady posted. I felt as if I have come out of a cocoon where time moved slowly. Now out I see life , it's ups and downs and also realize I have become older and somehow missed out on life. I felt younger but was not. I was still listening to rock while world moved on to R&B or what were kids listen to now a days. Still wearing the comfort fit jeans while world moved to slim fits.

I felt myself staring at life and also kept going in past, introspecting and wondering where life has brought me. Drinking made me careless and they gave me a false sense of "carefree feeling". It had also made me daring, not caring about consequences ...

For so long the sole purpose of life was to drink and rest all was "not important" now being sober and adjusted to fact the biggest thing that hit me was ... What is the purpose in life ... Why and what am I doing, is it worth it , who do I care about, why am I not spending time with people I care about. All these questions started hitting me one by one. While they were meaningful they did leave me as if I was in middle of road of a new city with no maps.

I felt empty, felt sad as to what am I doing and what I have been doing. Finding purpose and reason for doing what I am doing was hard. This compounded by feeling of numbness, flatness, emotionless ness whihc I felt during that time didn't help.

Some people call this state as PAWS

But believe me you will see end of the light in this dark tunnel and it will bring u to a state of mind when u will start appreciating life ....

[LilBit]

Dutch, since I'm also at the 4-month mark in our continuum, I'm in this stage with you. I seem to be always striving to hit a sweet spot of guarding my precious, hard-won quit to avoid relapsing and -- at the same time -- relaxing into a long-term stance of being a non-drinker, with my AL-soaked days decidedly in the past.

I've now conquered many "firsts," i.e., first night out with friends, first AF vacation, first major life trauma, etc. so my brain knows that I can handle those things without AL. It's the day-to-day grind when nothing much happens and there's no fanfare that often proves challenging. The goals used to be: "Make it to Day 7" or "Get through that first wedding reception." Now, the goal is more like: "Be _____" (fill in the blank). Deciding what goes in that blank is what separates the victors from the vanquished.

AL left a big, gaping vacuum in our lives and now, we must bravely decide how to fill it. This is important. We can't be passive, here; otherwise, either a return to AL or something even worse could easily rush in to fill the gap.

[LuckyMe]

You all blow me away. Thank you so much. I was with a new client today who had the worst, unkempt property ever. He was walking me around telling me what was a weed, what to do and how to do it. I'm a professional landscape gardener of 16 plus years. I just shut up, he wouldn't stop talking anyway, and followed his directions. When he wasn't hovering, I did what I do which is pretty darn great. I got hired back. While working though I got to think about all the great insights I receive from you folks. And while I've been paying attention and have become aware of many, many things these past 53 years... I like it best when I lay down what I think I know and open to something even greater. Thank you all for paving the way and being who you are to share your expertise and vulnerability.

25,000 pounds got lifted off my back today the minute I left work. A 40 ft Steel Hull Sailboat I owned and have been trying unsuccesfully to sell for months sold today. I get the check this afternoon which immediatly goes to those I borrowed from to get my smaller, more nimble sailboat. I'm am so grateful and so filled with leaking out tears I'm laughing at myself. Nobody needs two boats and two moorages! Anyway, my AL brain translated the joy into lets grab some beer! Curiously, I laughed at that too and wondered if I would always want to crap on myself the second something went right. I'm having a coffee now, still leaking tears and happy I found this safe haven. Lucky

[NoSugar]

Congratulations on selling your boat, Lucky. What a relief!

You must be one of the fastest learners ever; this is so critical:

I like it best when I lay down what I think I know and open to something even greater.

The quicker a person can ditch the ego, the simpler all of this becomes. I'd tried to think my way out of addiction and rationalized that I wasn't "that bad" for ages. I was convinced I was different from 'these other people who really have problems". For awhile, I told myself that advice I read here (but didn't want to do) didn't really apply to me. After reading enough posts, though, I realized that in this, we're more alike than different. What works for one person really can work for someone else. So, I decided to just do what the people I admired ahead of me were doing. I asked them a lot of questions and dutifully did what they told me to do. This was a new approach I hadn't even considered for the years I tried to quit on my own - I finally got out of my own way.

Dutch - what you're feeling is normal for a person getting off an addictive substance. It wrecked havoc on our brains for a long, long time. Healing takes awhile - and different amounts of time for different people. The thing is, if you cash in now all you've gained, you'll just have to go through all of this again. Protect your quit, no matter what, ok?

[Mr Vervill]

[QUOTE=Guitarista;1620606]Late night check in from downunder. All good here. Into day 19 and I feel my thinking has changed and I'm actually getting a grasp on reality!! A couple of things have contributed to current thought in the head of the G man.

e.g. 1. Why have I been fighting to hold on to something that is wasting my life away and killing me surely and slowly in every way? Why G man why? Make sense fella? NO!


2. I know I would lay down my life for certain people/family without hesitation as many of us would for those closest to us, so........G man, if this is true, why don't you lay down your addiction, your boozing for the ones you care about, for yourself, and for the flippin world/humanity?! Why not man?! These have been 2 key thoughts I'm ruminating on happily at the moment. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Wow, This really hit home today G-man. Puts it into perspective.
Just over the weekend my wife and I were talking. Life finances, etc., then she let it go. " I'm preparing for your death"
WTF!
" You're just 13 years younger than your dad when he died" ( also an alcoholic, died of cancer, but we all know that's part of the whole AL world)
Why indeed am I fighting it.
Thank you.