Newbies Nest

[available]

Mr V, my brother died at 46 from al and i was two years younger than him. I always figured that if i made it past 46 i was "on my way" and could keep drinking. I did make it past that thank god but i also made a very wise decision to live and stopped drinking.

I think G my biggest fear was losing al forever but now that i have time up i know forever is just fine by me. We are like toddlers having to give up something that we really dont want to give up especially without a fight, i know i was this way. Try and tell me i had to give up al forever and i would tell you to go feck yourself. Giving up has to come from within ourselves, acceptance plays a major issue of this is how it has to be, and this is our life now and its a fecking great life without al. Day by day, minute by minute, hour by hour and our life iimproves.

Lil i am glad you are doing well and congratulations on 4 months also. An inspiration for those starting out as our Dutch is also.

Lunch time for me. Have to get a small coffee for Robert and spend a lovely lunch hour with him.

Take care all

[LuckyMe]

Thanks Mr. V. my friends have been eyeballing me in the same way... thinking I was on my way out. Sometimes I agreed with them. I don't feel that way today. Feeling rather tired after a big, big day and happy I dealt with it with out AL. I'm ready to set the "girls" free and get on some jammies. See ya on the roll call. Lucky to be alive. Lucky to have a home. Lucky to have new and old friends. Lucky my future looks bright. Lucky for life. Nite.

[little beagle]

20 percent chance of rain and we get a storm. This is one of the wettest summers in history for us. If i fail to post one day, send out search and rescue. I'm lost in the grass growing out of control in my back yard.
G I too find addiction baffling. Doing something that damages every aspect of our lives. Our relationships. Our finances. Our health. But the good thing is we don't have to keep doing it.
Rahul that was a great post.
Lilbit and Dutch Byrdie got it into words perfectly. That dead spot. I think we all go through it. When I hit 2 years, my family didn't even congratulate me. I was a bit hurt, but I'm not doing this for congratulations. I'm doing this for me. So I am happy with myself. Each day I wake up unhung is a present to myself.
Kailey I agree with you about being able to relate to other people so much better sober. I had a hard time even looking myself in the eye when I was drinking.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Great to see so many checking in with good news today

Keep treating yourselves well & be proud of your quits, always protect them. 3 or 4 AF days turns into 30, then you're counting by months & that's awesome.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[lifechange]

Morning Nesters!

Woke up to this, this morning LB.. Thanks for reminding me of this song..this is a funny version..:happy2:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xm9gy1_matthew-wilder-break-my-stride_music

Luckyme! I wanted to welcome you.. it's been quite a few days now, but welcome. I have enjoyed reading your posts, your plan, your struggles, and as always, I often get exactly what I need to hear in the wisdom/advice/help posted for others. I love that about this place.. each post is important.

Ava, wishing you a lovely break with Robert.. How was your mental health day? Was one day enough? Have you been knitting this winter?

Lav, what did you decide to do about the chicken who pecked your hand? Is she wreaking havoc amongst the other chickens as well?

Pepper, I found your post interesting because I have been fairly strict with exercising (and a little bit less so with nutrition), making sure that I get to the gym or at least a swim each and every day. I'm afraid to have a day off right now (today should be a day off) because it really seems to immediately affect my state of mind. I've started to look at going to the gym as a very mini vacation instead of as a chore. BUT, if I remember right, in the past I think I have done the same and, just as you said, if I strayed from my routine it eventually led to relapse. I wonder if anyone has advice on how I could do it better this time?
and Kherriot, good on you for making it to work out alone! Like you said, you're doing it for yourself, your health and peace of mind. I always go alone.. I don't have any friends who like to work out the same way I do.. but there are other people at the gym who are friendly and happy to help if I need it.

ok. off for breakfast and work..see you all later.

[Dutch1988]

Byrdie thanks for the cheerleader, I definitely needed one. I have been stuck in a rut, probably as lilbit put it going through my first real life crisis without AL has still been troubling me. I am determined to protect my quit, I just don't want to let my business drop so low that I can't provide for my family the way I want to. That was always a main reason to drink, and I think I got the idea from my dad who I also consider an alcoholic(plus addicted to pain pills, but he has a pretty screwed up health situation so I can't blame him). He always drank at the end of the day, and I think the feeling I got from him was he did it because of all the work he endured to keep our family financially secure. I unintentionally learned this coping mechanism and it has served me well the past couple years. I am the only one my age who owns a home, even though my two best friends work for apple and yelp, I am the one who I feel has really made things happen(unfortunately now they are right on my ass since I have been dropping the ball not drinking).

Graphic stuff ahead so if you are eating or something you may want to pass this post up...

Today was pretty depressing, I was driving to grappling and have had a bad "bug bite" on the back of my ankle for a week or so. I decided to swing by urgent care instead just to make sure it wasn't anything serious and bam, I have ring worm. Having a two year old and teaching on the mat myself this is, to me, a horrible pain in the ass. I also have these welts on my hands I thought were spider bites, and the doctor didn't think they were ring worm either, but since urgent care doctors are fit more for diagnosing life/death situations I am not taking any chances and am applying anti-fungal to anything suspect. I have never had any skin problems before and this really makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Anyone on here who has read my posts knows exercise is a big part of my no drinking plan. Not being able to go to grappling 3-4 times a week while I fix this is going to tempt me to drink, it was the one thing i told myself that I was doing, even if I wasn't financially reaching my goals since I quit, at least I was doing my personal goal of exercising more and getting closer to my bjj black belt.

The best part is my wife's ovulation cycle peaks tomorrow, and since the miscarriage, all either of us have wanted was to get her pregnant again. Needless to say we aren't going to let a fungus among us stop us...So I am going to go in there, surgical mask and doctor gloves and all, we are going to give it a go.

Well I have a tub of ice cream waiting for me...

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

I am breezing by with not much time. I read this post from Anne Lamott on Facebook today. I especially like that last couple of paragraphs.

I'm ok, but out of easy Internet access for the next week. I'll try to check in. Strength and happiness to you all!

Pav

Anne Lamott:

On July 7, 1986, 29 years ago, I woke up sick, shamed, hungover, and in deep animal confusion. I woke up this way most mornings. Why couldn't I stop after 6 or 7 drinks? Why didn't I have an "off" switch when I had that first drink every day?

Well, "Why?" is not a useful question.

I thought about having a cool refreshing beer, just to get all the flies going in one direction.
I was 32, with three published books, and the huge local love of my family and life-long friends. I was loved out of all sense of proportion. I gave talks and readings that hundreds of people came to. I had won a Guggenheim Fellowship, although, like many fabulous writers, I was drunk as a skunk every day. I was penniless and bulimic, but adorable, and cherished.

But there was one tiny problem. I was dying. Oh, also, my soul was rotted out from mental illness and physical abuse. My insides felt like Swiss cheese, until I had that first cool, refreshing drink.

So, not ideal. The elevator was going. It ONLY goes down; until you finally get off. As a clean, sober junkie told me weeks later, "At the end, I was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards."
And against all odds, I picked up the 200 pound phone, and called the same sober alkie that my older brother had called two years earlier, when he had hit his coked-out bottom. The man, a Jack Lemmon type, said, "I will come get you at 11:30. Take a shower, and try not to drink till then. The shower is optional."

I didn't; when all else fails, follow Instructions. I couldn't imagine there was a way out of all that sickness and self-will, all those lies and secrets, but God always makes a way out of No Way.

So I showed up. Before I turned on Woody Allen, he said that 80% of life is just showing up. And I did. There were all these other women who had what I had, who'd thought what I'd thought, who'd done what I'd done, who had betrayed their families and deepest values, who sat with me that day, and said "Guess what? Me, too! I have that too. Let me get you a glass of water." Those are the words of salvation: Guess what? Me, too."

Then I blinked, and today is my 29th recovery birthday. I hope someday it will be yours, too, or at least your 1st. Don't give up on yourself. In recovery, we never EVER give up on anyone, no matter what it looks like, no matter how long it takes.

Because Grace bats last. That spiritual WD-40, those water wings, that second wind--it bats last. That is my promise to you.

Happy birthday to me, and maybe to you. As my beloved ee Cummings wrote, "(I who have died am alive again today, and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birthday of life and love and wings.)"
Don't. Give. Up. Because guess what? Me too.

[Lavande]

Good morning Abbers!

Happy Wednesday to all
Another hot, humid & probably stormy day beginning in Lav-land today. oh well.

Pav, I have Anne Lamott on my FB page too. That was an awesome post yesterday. What a way to celebrate 29 AF years!!

Dutch, sorry about the skin issues. If only people would be more aware & choose to stay home when they have infections. Preventing an outbreak in a public place is difficult. Good hygiene & antifungal treatment & covering up any infected areas will help prevent the spread. The mats you use also need to be thoroughly cleaned as well. Sorry you have to deal with all that right now but you can get through this. Good luck on your baby making plans

Wishing everyone a terrific AF day!
I am watching my grandsons again this morning but supposedly just for a few hours, yay.
Not sure yet what I am going to do with my grumpy chicken - she's in big trouble, ha ha!!!

Lav

[LuckyMe]

Pav, thanks for the post from Anne Lamott! Great way to start the day. It is amazing how this Al thing does the same to all of us. But maybe not so amazing. Water hydrates, gas burns, the sun is hot and a soft breeze feels great. I don't know why I argue that this AL substance will do something different to me than it does to others. EARLY start again. Have a great day. I'll have ruminations about all I've been reading here as I'm cleaning out an overgrown garden and cleaning and tending to my overgrown out of control addictive thinking...I want MY garden to be beautiful. Day 5 and feeling great this morning.

[LilBit]

Lav, do you have a rooster in your brood? 'Just sayin'

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Fellow nesters!
Lav, what to do when good chickens go bad? I thought your were going to say the grumpy chicken is in hot water! :egad:

Dutch, I am in sales (as you know) and early in my career, I learned about overcoming objections from a customer. If they mention something once, ignore it. If they mention it twice, move on, but if they mention it three times, you better address it. In your postings, you have mentioned that when you drank your business was better and part of your current problems are related to your business being down. You have mentioned this 3 times now, so may I ask HOW your business is improved when you drink? Let's look at it. Are you more confident and loose? More social when you've had a few? Do you think that getting lubricated gives you a greater ability to sell your product? Here is what I've learned. I used to think that I was more likable and more social and got along more easily when I'd had a few, but the reality of that situation is that this was MY perception only. I was attaching such great importance on AL that I gave away all MY power in the process. AL is the great magnifier. The power to do ALL of these things is INSIDE us, we just have to pull them out of ourselves instead of relying on AL to do it for us (and THEN SOME). You can take this to the bank, AL has done nothing to improve your business in fact, AL is out to ruin it. It's not happy until it has robbed you of every last thing you treasure! The only thing you need is confidence! Like on the Wizard of Oz, you lack 'Da Noive'!!! Those abilities are inside you and WITH TIME, they will surface again as you gain your noive back. You don't need AL to help with that. Please don't give it that power because you OWN that power yourself. I hope that makes sense. It took a while for me to be comfortable in my own skin, but I can go to a party now and people ask me how many I've had! (which is NOT ONE DROP!) It's all a matter of confidence. Don't let AL convince you otherwise.... AL will tell you ANYTHING to get back in your life, but trust me, it's ALL A LIE. I drank to be social, but ended up drinking in my closet. I drank to take the edge off, but ended up passing out. I drank to forget my troubles, only to have them double when I sobered up. I drank to ease the pressures of life, but found that being an alcoholic made those pressures worse. I drank to fit in, but found myself the outcast...no one wants to be around a sloppy drunk, especially your spouse. I got NO promotions due to drinking in fact, I was less productive. Being an Alkie costs money, too. I am 1631 days sober today....at $10 a day, I have SAVED over $16,000!! You know all these things are true. Keep the power within YOU. I can't think of one of us for whom AL has done any favors. Keep up the great work and good luck with your fun-guys! (plural of fungus).
Pav, a powerful post from a 29 year veteran. Thank you for that!
Happy hump day, everyone! Life is precious, don't let AL take another day of it! Byrdie

[Kailey]

Preparing mentally for what will be a test tonight. I'm out of town for the next few days attending a meeting my boss sends me to occasionally in his place. I enjoy these meetings, but I'm really out of my league. I'm always glad that I've attended once they are over, but the meetings themselves are fairly stressful. Often times this group will go to dinner afterwards. My strategy is going to have to be to decline the inevitable invitation. I'm not sure I would be strong enough to pass up that tension easing glass of wine with this group.

[Matt M.]

Checking in from the beautiful, tranquil mountains of New Mexico.
Woke up this morning to Sunny Crisp 49°F
Great retreat from the blast furnace heat at home.
Never have been very good at meditating, the peace and quiet here has given me time to reflect and focus on the many things I'm grateful for.
Why is it so easy to dwell on the negatives or daily issues, yet it takes work to be grateful for the things we have? For me anyway...
I found myself this morning getting pissy because I can't do some things I want to do while on vacation due to finances (that I screwed up btw) then I look out and see my boys out running around riding 4 wheelers, trout fishing etc...They are happy and content, my wife is happy to be away from home and here with us. ..
No one has bitched or complained to me that we can't go do everything we want. Yet I found myself in an internal pity party this morning for a brief moment.

As I keep up the persistence to protect my quit, I vow to make be grateful as easy or easier than it is to be negative or sour. I have to believe that, constantly, subconsciously being ungrateful is a ticket to being stressed, depressed and irritable, all of which is damn sure a ticket to boozeville..
Today I'm grateful for a healthy, loving, forgiving family.....

Stay hard my friends!

[ALpro]

little beagle........Sounds like you must live near me. Arrived home from vacation Sunday to a huge thunder storm. Plus wind damage to trees and shrubs from previous week. Two full days of limb cleanup and grass cutting. WHEW! But I'm sober!

[Overit-still]

Howdy everyone! I'm an alcoholic. Have I ever mentioned that? HA HA!

Hey, I'm here, sober at the moment but really needing to get myself on track. I love seeing everyone here, still successful. Don't feel sorry for me, I'm my worst enemy and I bring it on myself.

I'm starting to lose it though. I've starting to slip back into a depressive episode. I'm fat, bloated, can't sleep, and this morning I couldn't even be bothered to shower or brush my teeth before heading to work. I want to drink at lunch but I don't....usually. I can't wait to get off at 5 so I can start drinking.

I'll get there. I have a few more days of family living at my house for vacation. Of course I was going to quit when they got here, then I was going to quit this 2nd week they were here, then I thought I'll quit the day they leave, but then I think they leave on a Friday and that will be only set me up for a yucky weekend if I'm cranky from not drinking so I'll wait until next week...........and on and on the crazy cycle goes.

Anyway, that's me.....again. HAve a great day!