Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Over-it, GREAT to hear from you! I'm so sorry that AL is getting the better of you. Why not start RIGHT NOW??? As you know, getting a Day 1 behind you is the very first step, and often, tomorrow never comes for us. Do you have an AB you can take to get you started? Let's get this done once and for all! You will be so glad you did, just get it done! Let us know anything we can do to help! Byrdie

[LuckyMe]

Thanks Byrdie, thanks all. Just home from work and happy to sit for a moment and read great stuff. Dutch, you reminded me of something I did and said years ago when my daughter was just new. I was a struggling real young single mother with little income and a new baby. I decided that if I was going to be any kind of a mother at all that wasn't just depressed and frustrated, that I really needed to party and drink and drug sometimes just to keep my sanity. So whenever I could I handed her off to my Mom and Dad and went on some wild "mental health" play dates. I don't know why I didn't explore other options except I was 20 and then 21 and then... Fast forward 33 years. While I did get her grown, helped her through Graduate school and with her first child and helped secure her a fantastic home... she rarely picks up the phone when I call, she cannot make it through a conversation even that begins fairly kind with out some archival dig up of something I did or said and then some form of chasetisment of me. She rarely ever, ever can see past the wrongness of me. Her frowns and scoldings are so persistent followed by some excuse, that by the time I fled living by her, I was in deep depression. If it wasn't for my grandson who thinks I'm "the best thing ever!" I'd have no relationship with her at all. Asked if alcohol helped out during my time with her, my daughter would just spit!

Thanks for reminding me of how precious this "quit" is.

[LilBit]

Overit, ditto that! It's great to see you. You're special to me because you were one of the first ones who reached out and said hello when I washed up here like a beached whale. Always happy to see your face a.k.a. bag. I believe in you.

[Overit-still]

Me too!

[QUOTE=Pavati;1620740]Hi, Nest:

I am breezing by with not much time. I read this post from Anne Lamott on Facebook today. I especially like that last couple of paragraphs.]

Pav-I saw this yesterday and couldn't find it today. I'm so glad I saw your post. Thanks you.

[jane27]

OMG LuckyMe, that is hurtful and I feel for you. I see versions on this theme a lot - Generation A works to provide things they didn't have -Generation B resents being handed everything. A lot of people (myself included) harbor anger towards their parents for one reason or another. Sometimes I wonder if its just the laws of nature. Im glad that your grandson adores you, and I hope that one day your daughter appreciates the things you did for her. :hug:

[peppersnow]

Kailey - I declined invites all the time when I first quit...also told not just white lies, but big fat lies, and you know what? They are TOTALLY allowed and even encouraged so long as you do whatever you have to do to protect your quit. Because your quit is literally the difference between a chance at life and nearly certain early death. Here are a few of my favorites that were the fatter of the lies:

1. Might have food poisoning
2. Daughter having an emotional breakdown and need to go to my room and skype her
3. My mom's dog died and she is having an emotional breakdown and need to " " " " "
4. My teenaged daughters are fighting and my husband doesn't know how to handle and is freaking it so I need to " " " "

Any version of the above will get you out of a dinner. If you are early in your quit, don't risk the dinner. Later on, when you're feeling a bit stronger and can go to dinner but feel subconscious about not drinking (that will go away), tell them you're on antibiotics and can't drink.

It's actually none of their business, and as time goes by you will figure out that a LOT of people just don't drink even though it seemed like everyone did, and there's nothing weird about ordering an iced tea instead of a martini. But when I first quit, I was convinced that everyone would think I had a problem if I didn't drink, and I was concerned about pressure so I just lied my way out of those dinners. And you know what? I don't feel even a little bit guilty - and in fact am proud - that I was more concerned about my recovery than I was concerned about my moral values about honesty and deceit. You're better off using a little deceit to protect your recovery than being a honest active drunk. (Although what alcoholic is honest, really? What with all the hiding, etc)

Keep up the good work, Lucky - you're doing great!

And Overit, I have to chime in with Byrdie -- why not today? I was listening to a Bubble Hour show this morning and one of the guests spoke about the day before she quit, feeling "emotionally and spiritually bankrupt". That line really resonated with me, because that's what AL did to me and I bet to everyone here. When I wasn't drinking, I was empty and lonely and sick of myself. When I was drinking, I was still empty and lonely and sick of myself, but maybe giggled more. Today is as good a day as any!! You can do this!!

[available]

Morning nesters

Overit, i had a nester make me choose a quit date and i did, 1/12/13. God i didnt want that date, i didnt want any date, i wanted to say i was stopping but i didnt want to stop. I was scared and just plain doubtful that i could do it for 30 days at least. But i didnt want to let NS down without at least giving it a shot and being accountable. Well i am so glad that i gave that date to NS and i am so glad i stopped.

Matt enjoy that holiday money or not. I am still trying to get my finances under control but at least the utilities are never cut off now. Appreciate those boys and the time you spend with them sober. They will appreciate that more than anything money can buy.

Lucky my daughter withdrew from me due to my drinking and behaviour. She totally was a bitch and was so resentful. My children are my world and i was not prepared to lose her so i knew i had to stop. Now our relationship is not perfect and neither are both of us but she is so proud of me being sober. Weill we have the relationship i destroyed by being a drunk again? I dont know but i am walking the walk each and every day and i cant do more than that.

Kailey do what you need to do to protect your quit, the only one you will hurt by drinking is yourself. I avoided life really for 3 months when i stopped drinking. The world did not end in the meantime.

Hanna i hope you are ok, LC you too.

Take care

[LuckyMe]

Spiritually and emotionally bankrupt... so true. I was missing myself!

Just got back from a lovely dinner with one of my neighbors on the dock. She was buying because I'd tended her plants while she was in Africa helping to monitor penguins of all things. She wanted to buy me any thing I wanted to drink. I kept on insisting on Diet Pepsi then off we were enjoying the best steak and goodies ever. No problem. Fun and comfortable. I hope all encounters can be this way! See ya on the roll call! By the way, if I didn't have all of you to come home (MWO) to, it may have been the launching of another year of senseless, deadening drinking. Thanks. LuckyMe

[little beagle]

LuckyMe my relationship with my daughter was rapidly deteriorating before I quit drinking. We were angry with each other all tye time, rarely spoke, and saw each other when necessary. But it has gotten a whole lot better. We are good. She is proud of me.
Dutch I use to have extreme social anxiety. Thought only drinking would make me likable. That's just not true. Allen Carr addresses this issue in Easy Way To Control Alcohol. That book really helped me.
Overit there is no better place and time the NOW.
Wonderful post Pav. Thanks. Have fun.
Matt having lived in the Monzano Mountains of New Mexico for one year with PaPa I am a bit envious. Summertime is so wonderful. Have fun.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Lil - we are rooster-free here. Can't stand the SOBs, ha ha!!

Matt, enjoy that vacation along with the rest of your family. You are making good memories for them so be sure to enjoy yourself too

Over-it, glad you are back & I agree - get yourself back on plans now! Why wait??

Wishing every single nester a safe 7 comfy night in the nest! We are doing this as a team, right?

Lav

[jane27]

Pep, loved your post and I agree so much. Lie like hell if you have to, but protect that quit.

lil, what's new misters name? He is sooooooooooooooo cute.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night. Been downright zany here....have a mountain of laundry to fold from vacation, and boy oh boy did laundry used to be a booze fest. Not anymore, thankfully. Xo

[Dutch1988]

Overit it is good to hear from you, I always looked for your and lilbit's posts since I felt we had close times together we might have similar struggles. Jump back on the bandwagon! I'm still hanging in here, after all!

Lucky thanks for reminding me why I wanted to quit in the first place. I came from a household where my parents always showed me unconditional love, I never had to worry about them not providing for me but I did know money was tight. My on the other hand had two parents who didn't express their love that way. They never wanted for much after she was in middle school, but she definitely get the same experience of unconditional love i received as a kid. She has remarked on occasion how much more important in the long run that is for our kids success than how big a home we have. I don't want to use working harder and anxiety as an excuse to drink, I would much rather stumble along without it at this point.

BL I appreciate the motivational. Your damn right, my confidence is just not there right now. I was kicking ass early in my quit and it seems like the excitement of controlling my drinking faded along with my confidence. I guess I am just suffering from regular old anxiety, I am going to focus on trying to get my confidence back, even if it's just by challenging myself to take little steps to improve it. We enrolled a new student today, that's two for July(nothing to brag about) but at least I made it to work, I did my job, I just have to keep that up.

little beagle i will check out that book, I could use some help with social anxiety.

Well I am still chilling with my fungus with little improvement, I did workout today I just lifted weights instead of bjj and kung fu like I usually do in the morning. Had a good conference call with my business mentor that almost had me motivated to get up and do some stuff around my school to improve the image but I just didn't feel like it with the ringworm thing going on. I still don't know if this is ringworm personally...it doesn't itch and appeared right when I moved some trash for a neighbor from their bin to mine, and I thought it was spider bites. The urgent care doc told me the "bite" on my ankle was ringworm but that she thought the ones on my hands were just infected and gave me antibiotics for them. Well now they all look the same...so are they all bites or all ringworm. It doesn't make sense I would have bites on my hands and a ring worm spot on my ankle. Nonetheless I am going to keep up the regimen, I just wish I knew for sure what was up. Still a better problem than being black out drunk though =D

[Rahulthesweet]

Dutch ,

That book - Allen Carr how to control AL also changed my life. Back in the days I used to wake up late , hungover after last night's session then would read this over breakfast for several days. I did give me new prospective. During night I used to spend an hour or so everyday on MWO and also watching several you tube videos and read a ton of stuff about AL. Seeing myself as only sole sober guy in a dinner meet or being sober with friends was hard but soon I started feeling proud of the fact that I am not falling for it. I used to pay myself everyday.

Posting was a good vent and I believe that is required.

[lifechange]

Good Morning. Nesters,
After the hottest weekend in recorded history, we're having a cold and rainy week.. not sure what to think about it. We never know here if we'll have another warm day!

It was great to read the posts from yesterday.. like has been said often, it's amazing how much we all have in common. I feel really good about having a group of people fighting and living for the same goal of sobriety.
Over-it, I want to chime in and say there's NO better time than the present. Make it now. It won't be easier next Monday than it will this morning. You can tell your guests you have a stomach ache and don't feel like drinking today.. then you're already on your way.

Last night I was talking with a friend who knows all my troubles with alcohol. She had been telling me about how she's been drinking half a bottle of wine each night to relax, shut off her mind. Then she asked me about my last very drunken episode, where I had decided to drink a glass of wine to relax and ended up, after a hideous fight with my partner, drunk as a skunk on the doorstep of another friend.. very shameful experience, needless to say. Then she sad that she felt bad for me, felt she was lucky that she had the option for a glass of wine to escape from life and what a shame that I couldn't anymore. She said what do you do? exercise? meditation? (to name just 2!) those things are so much more difficult than having a glass of wine. In that moment I was so happy to be a part of this gang! Her feeling LUCKY for being able to have a glass of wine was so sad to me. I told her that I felt lucky that I was given the opportunity to learn how to deal with life head on. That my new ways of escaping were actually ways of finding solutions to some of the problems I'm always trying to avoid. That my previous way of drinking to "deal" with problems was only a way to avoid life and that only lasted for a very short time before I was back in the same place, or even worse off.

Anyway, I thank all of you for being here and helping me to find my way out of the hell-hole I was in . I've shown myself the past four years to be a chronic relapser and I'm still a bit afraid that when I'm really put to the test I'll falter. But I'm doing my best to follow in your footsteps, listen to the people who have done this before me, trust in myself as a brave and courageous person, forgive myself for all the crap of the past, look forward to a peaceful future without al, find goodness and gratitude in the moment..

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

LC, learning to trust myself again was difficult but it's an important part of the journey. I know you can do it too
Remembering that what's in other peoples glasses is none of my business was very helpful! The only thing that matters is what's in my glass!

Dutch, maybe you have a contact dermatitis like I do. My arms, hands & lower legs are all sporting goofy looking rashes right now. I spend a good deal of time outdoors working on my gardens. Seems like almost any plant I come into contact with leaves me with a rash - such is summer.

Jane, have fun with your mountain

Hi there Rahul!

Wishing everyone a good AF Thursday!

Lav