Newbies Nest

[jane27]

Lil Bit, thinking of you! Get rid of the d bag. If he's being disloyal in ANY capacity during this, one of the biggest challenges you have faced in your life, what's he bringing to the table? Maybe it's a blessing that you caught him red handed & swiftly nailed him in the lie. I'll echo what others have said, you are a special person - thoughtful, smart, funny, an amazing writer, and oh yea, basically a professional athlete. Make space for the goodness you deserve. Much love & hugs

[Dutch1988]

Congrats Lucky, Kailey, LifeChange, and Pie! Keep the miletstones coming, I really look forward to making it a year. Big congrats to you Pie!

Lilbit that is one crappy situation. I don't know much about your relationship, pretty sure I recall him not being the most supportive guy during your quit. Good luck with that decision, I know I rely on my wife quite a bit for emotional support, but if hes causing more problems than screw him. Of course I have never dumped anyone before, so I can't tell you to do that.

Went to Comic con today with the wife, took the day off work and everything. Had a pretty good time, and I really think I care too damn much about what other people think. I think I have for as long as I can remember. I don't think I would have a problem making less money, or having less financial freedom, as much as I care what other people think of that lifestyle shift. Drinking made it easier because it numbed that feeling away. So...if anyone has any advice on how to give less of a shit about other people's opinions, I am all ears.

[lifechange]

Hello Nesters!!

Congratulations to Pie for 1 year of freedom! 365 days is an amazing accomplishment and I'm so happy for you!

And Kailey and Lucky, super well done on 7 days..!!

And Over-it, it was great to see you post day 1 yesterday!! Good for you for beginning now.. no better time than the present! How are you feeling today? It will be interesting to hear how your blood tests turn out.. You might need to get them done again, though, for an accurate reading, don't you think? Anyway, I'm so glad you're back..

Thanks you all for the congrats yesterday.. it feels very good have reached this point. This morning I was thinking that it seems to be getting easier, more of a routine, a way of life not to drink. I don't want to count my chicks before they hatch.. but it's nice.

Lilbit, I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles.. I would echo what the others have said. I just think that if he can't be honest and a source of support for you now, will he ever be someone you can count on? From your posts, I can tell that you are an intelligent, empathetic woman with a great sense of humour.. you deserve more. I hope you have someone close to you, that knows you with your fiancé who you can talk to.. sending you lots of strength and hugs!

Ava, lovely day with your daughter! Makes me sick to think of how just a short time ago I was planning my life around drinking. I'm still getting used to having so much time.. I notice at work that I begin to get nervous toward the end, feeling like I have to leave, to get somewhere. Then I realise that I don't have to rush home to drink!! Never, ever again.

Dutch, I really hope you're able to find some solutions.. I feel like there is so much freedom in not being part of the rat race. I can't give advice because I've never been a position where I'm (able to be) involved with people who care about how much money I earn or how big my house is or what kind of car I drive.. but I can imagine how stressful it would be. What is financial freedom for you? What things would you have to cut back on to enable you to earn less money? I guess I feel that lifestyle changes we have to make to have less financial stress are often changes that benefit us (and sometimes others/the earth) in the long run...Maybe making a more concrete financial plan based on less income plus thinking about what you would be gaining would help you to be more sure/secure in your decision.. which would lead to you caring less about what others think.? I don't know. Maybe I live in la-la land.:happy2:

ok. to market, to market..

Wishing you all a lovely Saturday..

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Saturday to all!

Looks like a nice sunny day ahead so I will get to work outside, yay!

Lil, just as I mentioned last night, your support group is rallying around you!
We all want what's best for you :hug:

Dutch, I have to admit that age takes care of a lot of the angst!
I honestly can't even remember the last time I worried about what someone else thought about me. I know that sounds a bit obnoxious but it's true. I think asking yourself what you truly want, what you truly need in life to make you happy is a start. Make a list of goals then ask yourself if you are willing to do the work. In my case it turned out that assuring the health & happiness of my two kids, helping them grow into fully functioning adults was what mattered most to me. I was able to negotiate deals with them that I would pay their college tuitions IF they stayed out of trouble & worked part time to pay for books & incidentals. I never did give a rats ass about fancy houses or cars, ha ha!!!
Just sit down a bit & think about what matters most to you

Hello to everyone & wishing for a great AF day for all!

Lav

[LuckyMe]

Congratulations LifeChange, Pie and Me! Wow. Yesterday was actually day 6 for me! I thought it was 7, but that's how it goes when you're climbing out of the fog of al, waking at 4:30am to post and just so excited about getting one week away from the shite!

Now that all my boat deals are complete and I own my home (boat) completely, and now that it's cooled a bit and I'm feeling good and ambitious again, and now that my days are twice as long now with out the AL thieving my hours... I finally have begun organizing, moving in and rearranging the boat. I love it! I'm deep cleaning too, which is a shocker.

Going to work this morning, which I'm THANKFUL for. I'm picking up the pieces of the last 6 months of sloppy.

Have a really swell day and keep on being proud of yourselves! We all deserve that. Lucky

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, all!
LilBit, you have sure been on my mind. I see a real similarity in your relationship with AL and your Fiancé. You know they are not good for you, but they are familiar and they are the devil you know. If you know in your heart of hearts that it isnt a good relationship, do like you did with AL, kick it out for 30 days and see where you stand. You are seeing his best side now so if you dont like what you see, the guy behind the curtain is going to be a real eye opener. All of my thoughts are with you. Sending you strength.

Dutch, I have to agree with Lav, not keeping up with the Jones comes with age. Back in my 20-30-40's, I was very competitive with my peers. It always seemed like THEY had more things. Nicer things. Weren't struggling! Here's what I have learned. Things arent always as they seem. People I thought were loaded were actually in debt up to their a..... um, eyeballs. All the cars, the big houses, it was all an illusion. I have always lived within my means and it has paid off. There will always be people who have more than you and people who have less. Thats just the way it is. Be grateful what what you DO have, others would give anything to be in your shoes!
This was really brought to light about two years ago when one of my neighbors was being treated for ovarian cancer. She was a very active woman, worked at a local clothing store here on the island. She was an avid walker, you would ALWAYS see her out and about. One day my walking partner and I were going by her house and she was sitting at the edge of her garage....almost hiding. We walked over to see how she was doing. As it turns out, she was so self conscience of her wig that she was too embarrassed to leave the house. As we resumed our walk, I thought, how sad is that? Here is a woman with limited time on this Earth and she was hiding from the world because of her hair. The sad part, nobody cared what her hair looked like. She was in a self imposed prison because of what she thought others would think. She spent the last if her days inside her house. The moral of the story that I took away from that: I don't care what other people think, they aren't walking in my shoes. This was a giant weight lifted off my shoulders. So dance and sing like no one is looking! To hell with what others think! This isnt a competition and there is no finish line. To thine own self be true! Corny, but true.
If it means anything, Dutch, I think you are doing a hell of a job! You have a new and thriving business, a wife and child that adore you and you are overcoming addiction, 4 months free. Keep up the great work, it will pay off!
Have a great day, all! Byrdie

[Hanna]

Hello Nesters!!!

Writing from central florida where I am attending a conference and had a WONDERFUL evening with our Marylou. She is amazing, and I don't think I could have had a sober night at a conference, at a hotel, in a crappy divorce situation, and NOT drink if it hadn't been for the opportunity to hang with her last night!!

Sorry I have been a little MIA here. It is hard for me to have access to a computer and it is too hard to type on my I pad. However, my new laptop should help with this problem.

Reading back posts. Lilbit, I am so sorry you are going through this in your relationship. You deserve better! I certainly know the emotional pain that goes with relationship crap!!

Overit- I hope you are keeping to day 2 of your quit. PM me anytime.

I have been mostly sober since Feb. but had a handful of f++k it moments, so still cannot say I have made it to 30 days, but not giving up. Still going through horrible emotional crap with hubby/divorce. Stuck in the same house is so hard, and I have been trying to find other places to stay when I can, such as with family/friends. UGH. I feel like a gypsy. While not the emotional basket case I was when first realizing I was facing divorce, I still get sucker punched at least of couple of times a day when I realize this is real. A big part of me is very angry at my husband. While I DO take responsibility for how my drinking has caused him to want out, I still think that is not the whole story. He sees me trying so hard, and sober now, but does not waver in his decision at all. He shows me no emotion,, no sadness over this and I don't understand that. OK enough. I am putting my energy into staying sober and trying not to be so preoccupied with our relationship. Not so easy.

Anyway, TODAY I will try to make a good day. Looking forward to seeing Marylou again tonight!!!

Congrats on all the milestones!!

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

I'm BAACK. I did read back - so much going on here.

Pie - congratulations on your ONE YEAR!! What an amazing milestone.

LC (Elsie) - WHOOT on your 30 days. I have a special attachment to you because you were one of the first to extend a hand to me when I stumbled here a year and a half ago. You said some kind words when I came back (after a great 3 week moderation experiment). You sound great. Don't worry about the whole picture if it seems to create doubt in yourself - just stay sober one day at a time.

LuckyMe and Kailey - Way to go on one week. That is HUGE. Now you've been sober every day of the week.

Hanna and Mary Lou - go glad you could hook up and support each other. I know you're working on it, Hanna, but it really is those consecutive alcohol free days that let the fog clear. For me, the other part of it was that I gained confidence in every part of my life. Keep it up - you can do it!

Overit - Another reason I am here and sober! I loved following you that year I was lurking. Remember how great you felt? You can get back there - we're here for you.

Lil - We only know your story (not that guy's), but from what I know of your story that guy needs to be kicked to the curb. I know that is easy for me to say as I don't know the nuances of your relationship, but I echo the sentiment here, especially if he is texting like that during this hard time in YOUR life. My good friend found a text conversation and after a few weeks it revealed itself to be a lot more than that. I am sorry you feel so awful. My only advice from going through it with a friend is to let go and allow yourself to be tired. Don't try to fight it - take care of yourself and sleep if you need. Your body needs all the energy it can muster to get through this! Wishing you great strength.

I had a GREAT conference, although it was a lot of work, and required a lot of intellectual and emotional energy. After a long, hard day I went to an exercise class instead of the bar. We sweated and worked the day out in a healthy way, and felt so much better afterwards. The great thing is that I didn't even think to go to a bar - I craved a good workout to help me process the day. What a wonderful feeling.

Hope you all have happy SOBER Saturdays.

Pav

[LilBit]

First, I am overwhelmed and humbled by all the great support from all of you. There's no way I can express how much it means to me. Byrdie, Ava, Lav, G Man, Lucky, Jane, Dutch, Life, Hanna & Pav, especially. You are my heroes! I may be strong in some other areas, but I've been incredibly weak in this one. As Byrdie so insightfully said, it mirrors my AL addiction in many ways. An Achilles heel. You guys have given me strength when I needed it the most.

This morning, I told my fiance that I wanted him to move out, at least for a few weeks until I finish my treatment. He turned it into a big dramatic scene as I dreaded he might, with slamming doors and accusations, etc. etc. 'Told me that I didn't have the guts to call it what it is -- a break up. Maybe he's right? So what if he is? I calmly took my house key from him and let him go on his way without a reply.

To be fair, Pav's right. I only presented my side of things. There are always two people dancing that tango and for my part, I didn't live up to the bargain. Eight years ago, he hooked up with a party girl that only wanted good times. As my alcoholism progressed, I was giving everything to the AL-beast and neglecting relationships, activities, and Life itself. I became a crappy relationship partner to anyone except my bottle. Now, I'm a better, healing person, but I'm no longer the fun drinking buddy I once was. In his eyes, I'm probably boring, with all the gardening and skating and novel-writing. He's evidently mourning the loss of my former self and scared of what it means for him, while he's still in the throes of AL addiction. I don't think there's much that I can do about that, though. Right now, it's simple survival.

[LilBit]

Overit, how are you? If for any reason you didn't get around to it yesterday, "7-11" would be an awesome quit day. Such a nice ring to it.

[LilBit]

Yo Lilbit,
I'm not a great guy by any means...

Well, I just beg to differ with you there, G Man. I think you're an amazing guy. Plus, you have the kahonies to be honest with the women that you date, so you evidently shop in the Men's Department. That's a rarity these days.

[LuckyMe]

Hi. I've been gently informed that I did not space a day until I thought I had, and that actually I am finishing day 8. I'll catch up on reading tomorrow I am physically exhausted from a most awesome, productive week. Take care. LM

[Guitarista]

Well, I just beg to differ with you there, G Man. I think you're an amazing guy. Plus, you have the kahonies to be honest with the women that you date, so you evidently shop in the Men's Department. That's a rarity these days.

'Machete don't text' 'G man don't shop'. :happy2:

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Lil, I am relieved to hear your news!
Maybe Mr Not-so-wonderful will do some serious thinking while out on his own. Don't feel bad for him, you need to protect yourself in every way possible right now. We are all 100% with you :hug:

Hey there Pav, Hanna, Byrdie & everyone!
I'm enjoying a quiet, kid-free moment, nice

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest.

Lav

[available]

Morning nest

Well woke up with my daughter asleep next to me, makes me feel i did something right since she is 23. Have taken my son and his dog to the vets and home by midday and all on a Sunday. Horrible day outside here but everything is done that needs to be.

Lil, things will work out, try not to feel guilty about the past, we did what we did and now we are making amends to ourselves and others. By us growing we may have to leave a few behind that dont agree with what we want to become and thats okay. We all make our own choices in life and this is the best gift you can give yourself. Protect your quit with your life as ultimately at the end of the day it is your life. Did you keep the dog?

Hanna great to see you checking in. With all you have on your plate at the moment be proud of your sober days.

Lav i am with you, the older i get the less i care what others think. Like me or not, the care factor can be zero. I know who really matters in my life.

Dutch, we can choose to follow the pack with our drinking or we can choose not to, i choose not to worry what others think now but when i first quit i did internally fight with myself thinking others judged me on not drinking. God they judged me more on my behaviour when i was a blind stumbling mess though which people forget quite quickly. Non drinkers are a rarity in society so be proud of being the minority, i am.

have a great day/night xx