Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Well, I'm back - good morning Nesters & happy Saturday to all

What's on everyone's plan today?
I think my daughter & her family are talking about a visit today. I am also watching my son's crazy Goldens this weekend so I'll be busy & safe!

Have a great AF day one & all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good morning!
Checking in this morning. Beautiful day here, and I plan to make the most of it. Hope everyone has an easy day! B

[Mstall]

Morning Nesters!! Hot and steamy day here. Going to run errands and get my hair cut. I finally downloaded Rosetta Stone Italian that i bought 2 years ago. I'm so excited to start learning, i never would have had any sober time before to take the time to learn or remember!

I've been making my own pizza lately. I cheat and buy the pizza dough from my CSA. I never liked pizza until i started making my own. OMG! it's fantastic!

Wishing everyone a safe sober weekend! make good choices!

Amazing cake Brydie!! You've really got talent!

[Matt M.]

Good afternoon All!

Africa Hot here as well.
Yesterday was my first shift back at work after vacation, which is always rough....
Not much going on for me this weekend, maybe a little yard work, in waves as to not have a heat stroke...

Stay Hard weirdos!

[Byrdlady]

Hey, Mstall! Great to see you.
The power of suggestion is something else, now I want some pizza!
Thank you for the kind words abiut the cake, I have been in the kitchen this morning and made some cookies. It is FUN! Like you, I would have never done stuff like this when I was drinking because I had NO ambition to do it.
Good luck with those weeds, Matt, Ive got a hot date with mine, too!

[jane27]

Oh Byrdie, those dresses! What becomes of these amazing fondant creations? Are they tasty? I remember eating marzipan pumpkins, frogs & whatever as long as it was marzipan. I LOVED THEM, but they wound me up something fierce. I wonder if there was booze in them? (This was circa 1975). xo

[available]

Morning nest

A beautiful sunny cold winter day today but it is so nice to see the sun instead of overcast and dreary.

I did not manage to see my daughter yesterday as she has a cold and i dont need one of those so i spent a day at home relaxing and catching up on a few things. Tomorrow is my sons dogs eye operation so an early start but i have the day off. Drop the dog off and go and see my other daughter.

I really appreciate being sober now, as time has gone on the feeling deprived has gone and now i live my days as a so called "normal" person and damn it feels great.

Where are you LC, Hanna, Overit and others who have not checked in? Bit quiet on the nest.

Congratulations Mr G on 30 days, the sun is shining through for your achievement today.

Take care everyone x

[Byrdlady]

Congrats to Mr G on 30 days!! Here is your hat! :guy: We are so proud of you!
Ava, it does feel good to be normal, doesnt it!
Jane, the cookies are like a shortbread, I think they are very tasty. Fondant on top ( which amounts to 2 pounds of confectioners sugar and a big bag of marshmallows! ) Hope you are feeling better!
Nighty all! B

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a great visit with my seriously busy granddaughter. Not quite 4 1/2 but she's a real go-getter

Mstall - great to see you & glad you are doing well! Don't be a stranger!

Byrdie, great looking cookies!
Jane, I imagine it was the sugar in the fondant that wound you up . I couldn't even imagine one of my grandkids getting ahold of one of those cookies - they would be bouncing off the ceiling, ha ha

Mr G, great on your 30 AF days - keep going

Matt, returning to work after vacay is rough...I remember. Take it easy.

Ava, send some of your cool weather - please! I hope the doggie does OK.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi,

I LOVE the new normal - sober.

I didn't always feel so great - stick with it, nesters. You'll get there. One day at a time - but it is WORTH IT!

Very busy weekend with lots going on. I am not sure how I ever fit in drinking.

Good night!
Pav

AND WAY TO GO, G!

[lifechange]

Good Morning. Nesters!
It only seems like I've been MIA.. I have been reading and staying caught up, but haven't had the energy to write. I say that, but I could at least say BOO, as I know how important it is for me to post each and every day.

G-Man!!!! Congratulations on 30 days! Very well done, mister. I hope you've been celebrating/have done something nice for yourself today..

Matt, reading the account of your vacation with the family without the terrible weight of AL touched me as well. The ability to be fully present physically and mentally, to be able to do all the little extras, like you said, the things that are important to the kids.. I know when I was drinking I didn't want to go for a swim, go on the swings, roller blade, etc, etc.-- I might have sat and watched from the sidelines or I might have convinced them not to go. At home as well. I was missing out on LIFE! It's such a great feeling to know that we never have to be in that place again.. I'm still learning patience when my ear is being talked off (i have 10 and 13 yr old girls who are competitive talkers) and I have to remind myself that I "want" to go out and play ping-pong, because once I'm there I love every minute, and again, like you said, the look in their eyes and the bonds we create are so precious..

Cowboy, I really loved your post yesterday, too.. A good and well needed reminder for me to be gentle with myself. I've definitely been beating myself up the past couple days and I was getting sick of it, sick of myself and my pity party. I read yours last night and it helped to pull me out. I still find it amazing that we can be so forgiving and understanding with others but not with ourselves.

Ava, I've been thinking of you and your friendship with Robert a lot.. I'm so glad you've been able to be there for him/spend so much time with him. It sounds like you're holding up well and I send you continued strength and lots of love.. and have a wonderful time with your daughter today..

Jane, your post about expectations got me thinking about mine..I actually try to never have them when I'm going on vacation.. just try to look forward to the time off and the possibilities of what might happen (after many "failed" vacays due to too many expectations!).. but at home it's a different story, especially with my partner and his son. I think my expectations of them are directly related to the expectations I have for myself and whether or not I'm making good on them. It seems that if I'm being hard on myself for not doing ....., then I'm also unsatisfied with what everyone else is doing or not doing. When I'm easier on myself and accepting of my mistakes/shortcomings then those of others don't seem as bad, either. I'm struggling a bit now with having enough time and space for myself and with accepting (and living together with!) the fact that others (partner and son) have different opinions/ways of life than I do. Expectations!

Today we have plans to go to the flea market, lunch and then I'm hitting the gym.. then coming back here to read a bit. A perfect Sunday!

Big hello to everyone checking in and sharing today.. I read each and every post and so appreciate every single person here.. thank you all!!

[lifechange]

This is a reprint of Work in Progress from the Toolbox.. so important and exactly what I needed this morning!

I Can't Stand It!!! Distress Tolerance and Recovery

One of my mother's favorite expressions was: "I can't STAND it!" She used it a lot, in fact she was in the habit of saying it, in a tone of voice that sounded just a bit panic-stricken, anytime she didn't like something that someone else was doing... and it was a signal for the rest of the family to jump in and do whatever she wanted done, so that she would calm down, and life could go on...

I think that many of us are in the habit of believing that we cannot tolerate (or that we just can't stand!) some things that really we are quite capable of not only tolerating, but overcoming!

So: I've been thinking lately about the topic of "Distress Tolerance" as it relates to recovery for substance abuse/dependence. I decided to write something up, because it's a central issue, and someone might find this helpful.


DISTRESS TOLERANCE


It’s well-known that some people have a higher tolerance for pain than others. These differences have been consistently demonstrated and measured in laboratory settings. Little is known about the reasons that such differences exist, but they are quite real.

Tolerance for physical pain is akin to a tolerance (or lack thereof) for emotional distress. Just as with pain tolerance, some people have especially good capacities for tolerating emotional distress, and others are (or feel) not nearly as capable in this area of functioning.

The capacity for tolerating distress is a major aspect of recovering from alcohol (or other drug) dependence. The central tasks for a person in recovery are to (a) tolerate the emotional pain involved in refraining from doing something (drinking) that s/he very badly wants to do; and (b) tolerate all the other pains and stresses of life, without turning to alcohol; and (c) tolerating the fears generated by her/his own mind, such as the anxiety s/he feels when s/he allows herself to worry that s/he might not be able to live a life without the “assistance” or “comfort” of alcohol.

Some of us are naturally lacking in distress tolerance skills (possibly because of difficult or traumatic childhoods); and many of us have failed to build strong skills in distress tolerance because we are in the habit of turning to alcohol as a primary method for dealing with stressful events, anxiety, etc. Regardless, anyone who embarks on a program to give up a life dependent on alcohol will need to strengthen her/his capacity for tolerating discomfort.

The good news is that distress tolerance is a skill (or a set of skills) that can be cultivated and learned. One of the major pioneers in clinical psychology, Dr. Marsha Linehan, developed a program that includes components in which individuals learn to develop their capacities to tolerate distress. Here is an outline of the commonly used methods used in contemporary psychotherapy to enhance distress tolerance:

1. Distraction: this method is very simple (not always easy, but simple). As soon as I notice that I have begun to feel overwhelmed with worry, sadness, fear, anger, a craving for alcohol, or some other very uncomfortable emotional state, I gently shift my thinking (and my behavior) to something else. It can be a very simple shift: for example, I can begin to deliberately count the tiles in a nearby floor, or ceiling; or, speaking silently to myself, I can describe all the books on a nearby bookshelf, including their titles, their authors, the colors of the jackets, etc. One of my own favorites, when I am outside, is just to look at the sky. Gradually, the emotional discomfort will begin to fade. Remember to be patient! None of these methods are “quick fixes.” It takes time for our minds to relax, for our brains to lower the levels of stress-induced hormones and neurotransmitters.

2. Acceptance: Sometimes our biggest struggles are internally generated. Often, it is not so much the situation itself that is so painful, but our fruitless attempts to change the un-changeable, or mental arguments about how things SHOULD be different, our endless efforts to figure out WHY things are the way they are… all of these are unnecessary add-ons to the difficulties that life presents us with. One of the major differences between people who live happy, meaningful lives and those who are bitter and unhappy is the capacity to accept setbacks and to make the best of difficult circumstances, instead of struggling against the things that cannot be changed.

One excellent role model in this area is the guy in the YouTube video, with no arms or legs… but with a fabulous outlook and love of life! [Here's the link: YouTube - How to get back up...Nick Vujicic (life without limbs):http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AkOJaWVvmE[/video]]YouTube - How to get back up...Nick Vujicic (life without limbs) ]

An example of someone who is NOT a good role model, because s/he is self-handicapping her/his own life, would be the person with a serious alcohol problem who continues to tell her- or himself that s/he SHOULD be able to “drink like a normal person”!

The “Serenity Prayer” is a great tool for enhancing acceptance. When we find ourselves in some kind of mental turmoil, we can begin sorting it out by quietly repeating: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Often, upon reflection, we will then realize that the turmoil arises out of trying to change something we cannot change.

3. Mindfulness: Both as a formal meditation practice, and as a way to approach daily life (awareness of the moment, and careful attention placed on whatever is going on right now), mindfulness is a skill par excellence. Much of our emotional distress arises out of a focus on the past (regrets that contribute to depression) and the future (anticipating disasters that contribute to anxiety disorders and panic). When we realize we have allowed our minds to dwell on the past or the future, shifting into the present can be calming, comforting, and effective in helping us to deal with life as it is (not as it was, or as it might be in case something awful happens). Re-focus on physical sensations: deliberately feel the sensations of your breath as it goes in and out, for example. Notice what your thoughts have been telling you (often it may be that your mind has tricked you into a dialog about drinking!). Notice the stress-related sensations you might be feeling in your chest, or belly, or shoulders.

It’s a good idea to practice these skills on a daily basis, so that they will become part of your repertoire, and readily available to call on when you really need them. You can, with practice, become a person who has a good capacity for tolerating emotional distress; and this will make a huge difference in the likelihood that you will be able to meet your goals for long-term (permanent!) freedom from alcohol abuse and dependence! So: if you find yourself saying to yourself (or to others!): "I can't STAND this!" then... think about it. Maybe you can...

[Lavande]

Good Sunday morning Nesters

A seriously hot & humid day is in the works today. I am grateful for a cool house & a clear head, believe me!

LC, thanks for finding WIP's post on Distress Tolerance. I remember reading that & really taking it all in years ago.
A big thing for me was learning to detach myself from expectations where others are concerned. People are just not going to behave in a fashion that you expect them to behave.
I love your reference to your daughters & their 'competitive talking competition', ha ha! My 4 1/2 year old granddaughter has her very own competition going on - crazy!!

Checking in here daily has been an important tool for me for nearly 6 1/2 years. It only takes a few minutes to help yourself

Wishing everyone a great AF Sunday!

Lav

[NoSugar]

And as a bonus, you help others at the same time, Lav! Your emphasis on gratitude made a huge difference for me. Thank you.

Checking in here daily has been an important tool for me for nearly 6 1/2 years. It only takes a few minutes to help yourself

[Mstall]

Ciao! Happy Sunday Nest! Another steamy day out there. Running out now for groceries, then i'll be hanging inside. Even my dog doesn't want to go out!

Buona giornata! (have a nice day!) My Italian is coming along nicely

Make good choices. life is much too precious to waste in a drunken stupor. I know, i've wasted years and now i'm busy catching up. gotta run!