Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Things sure have been hopping in the nest lately - great!

Dutch, you've made a great decision, wishing you the very best on your vacation & always

I am pretty beat so I'm just going to wish everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

I've been a little MIA, but I love reading back and seeing MWO work its magic. Lil - your analysis was spot on. Dutch - glad you've decided not to drink on vacation.

I read Scan's thread. It is clear that he had already decided to drink. I think that Dutch (an Jane) have shown how to use this place for what it has to offer.

Welcome, Nora and Mary. Settle in and stay sober.

Dear Ava, I am so sorry for you and Robert. As I have said before, I am grateful for him that he has you.

xo
Pav

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters,
Just popping in to say hello on my way to work.. looking forward to Saturday when I have more time to post properly..
I got by on Wednesday evening by the skin of my teeth. It was a very nice 4 course meal, in a restaurant belonging to a colleague/friend of mine. I went to the gym and the paced the flat until a half hour before having to go, trying to decide if I should cancel. I wished I had the number of someone here.. I need to get some numbers. I tried to call a couple of friends here, but no one was home. In ANY other situation, I wouldn't have gone because I was feeling very unsure of myself. But I had planned this and I'm the "head" of this small (7) group of people and they are friends, not just colleagues. Everyone drank and I felt left out. I couldn't get my head around enjoying the dinner without the wine pairing. The food was delicious, but being around people who CAN drink without any problems and who do so every once in a blue moon and enjoy themselves made me feel sad that I can't. So I had a pity party and decided I will NOT put myself in that situation for a very long time. No more dinner parties or going out to eat with normal drinkers. Instead, I will plan events where alcohol isn't "normally" involved. The people I was with don't drink like I did.. so it's easy to find other things to do.

Dutch, I am sooooo proud of you for coming here and working it out. You are doing EXACTLY what I wished I would have done many times before. 4.5 months is such an accomplishment! You are well on your way to getting around the corner where life becomes easier.. and you're working on yourself, your problems, you're learning how to deal with life without alcohol.. which in the not so distant future will make you very happy. Look at all the people who are at 8+ months.. no one is saying life is perfect, but it's SO much better than it was before. Nobody regrets not drinking and they have gained the strength and tools/wisdom to keep it going and to help all of us. You're doing great!

Byrdie and Jane and TJAF and Gman..Over-it, great responses to Dutch!! I have to thank you as well because they help me, too!!!

Welcome!! to Mary and Nora and Coco! and Welcome back, Kailey! It's so good to see you here again.

ok off to work..see you all later.

[Guitarista]

Well done on the dinner LC. :welldone:

Hope you're feeling better Lav. :dancegirl:

Hope all are well. Don't forget, In the words of James Cagney......The weekend ain't no ticket to boozeville see.

Take care out there. G

[available]

Evening nesters

Well a busy week for me but i have been reading.

Dutch, dutch, dutch, honestly what will al give you that living life sober wont? I went on a holiday with the "dragon lady" (my mother) to alkie paradise (Thailand) when i was around your days. It was when i was still feeling basically deprived and i paid a lot of money for internet so i could log on here. My mother thought i was on a dating site and there was no way in hell i would have told her i was getting support for my drinking as she was like "you wont do it" (understandable). I made it through that holiday and it wasnt the best but it was my first sober holiday in "i cant remember". I then turned 50 the day after i got back and i had planned to have "one or two" drinks as i felt i could now keep it under control. I came down with the flu so i didnt and i am so grateful that i didnt.

Today i am 600 days sober, i have done so much in 600 days, i never thought i could get to 600 days, i never thought my life would change so much in 600 days, i never thought i could love myself in 600 days. I never thought 600 days ago i could live life and be happy without al. 600 days later, i never want to drink again. Al will never take the life i have now. I am healthier than i have ever been, I am emotionally more stable than i have ever been, i am happier than i have ever been and I love this me. Al gave me fucking nothing, it took and it took and it sucked the life out of me.

Believe me, you dont need alcohol to get through anything, you need determination, and pure grit as LC proved last night when she went out. And she realised that she will never put herself in that situation again. I did the same and as long as i did not drink, i was okay. I wasnt happy but i was okay.

To everyone who is thinking of drinking, we can talk to you until we are black and blue in the face but if you have let that al voice whisper sweet nothings then unless you are strong and determined enough to beat this, you will drink. Sad but true. Shut that door and accept that this is your life now, good and bad and that you will survive then you will succeed in whatever you choose to do.

i chose the right path and it wasnt easy, i went through it all but i can honestly say that i never ever want to drink again and i wont. That is my mindset and it will be until the day i die.

Take care x

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters!

Wow Ava, Happy 600 AF days! Great work :welldone:
You are absolutely right - we do not need AL to get through anything!

LC, that must have been a rough dinner but you got through. I would avoid those situations to protect my quit too!
Nothing is more important than protecting our quits

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Friday!

Lav

[Marylou123]

Congratulation Ava on 600 days! Such a lovely, round number. You're rockin' it girl.

[Byrdlady]

Good Friday Morning, all!
LC, going out to dinner like that is tricky, but you got thru your first one. It gets easier. We are just like the peanut allergy people who look longingly at us when we eat a PB&J. Acceptance goes a long way...shifting focus to the food helped me A LOT. When I was active, I barely ate so I wouldn't gain weight...once I wasn't drinking 1000 calories a night, a whole new world opened up to me! FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD! (num, num, num) I took the importance off the booze and on to the meat, the taters, and the inevitable dessert someone orders and passes around. THIS was a all new to me, I ALWAYS passed on that. Focus your attention on what you CAN have and it just works better....remember that song for the Jungle Book? Aaaak-centuate the Positive...(tum, tum) EEEEEE-lim-inate the negative (do-tee-do) and don't go for Mr. InBetween. It works, don' laugh!

Over-it. To this day, when I'm in the grocery store, I don't go down the wine aisle. I really don't want to see the crates and photos of lovers in Italy clinking glasses and sitting on white linen blankets staring at the sunset. I don't want to see the big sale they are having on the 5 liter boxes or the one liters, that I used to buy. I want NO part of seeing that. So I avoid that aisle. The times that I do pass a display of wine at the store I can feel my shields go up...I am in 'DANGER WILL ROBINSON' mode. I can feel that happening and I'm glad it does. If there are only 2 stores in your town that sell liquor and every store on Earth sells Diet Coke, may I ask why you chose that store to make your purchase? I'm not trying to pick on you...I am trying to point out some behaviors that derail us and we don't even realize it. Jane so aptly pointed out, it is a fine line here...when I would come back on Day 1, I didn't want a pass, but I didn't want to be chastised, either. We're all adults here. BUT, I needed to LEARN how to do this. And someone saying, "There, there....it'll be ok" wasn't cutting it with me....it was too easy to get a free pass. I didn't need enabling, I needed TOOLS. Staying sober is a SKILL that can be learned. We just need the tools and learn how to use them. Staying out of temptation really works for me.

Ava, 600 days is unbelievable! I am SO stinking proud of you! You are my S-Hero! (insert Superwoman Icon here)
Happy Sober Friday, everyone!! Byrdie

[Pie]

The times that I do pass a display of wine at the store I can feel my shields go up...I am in 'DANGER WILL ROBINSON' mode. I can feel that happening and I'm glad it does.

GREAT description, Byrdie! Happened to me yesterday. Once past the display, I realized I had dropped my head and was staring at the floor tiles.

[NoSugar]

Seems like we all handle it differently - I had to buy a couple of bottles of wine and some beer yesterday for a weekend hullabalooooo. I looked around, tried to think of what my guests would think was "good enough" (given how low my standards ultimately reached, I figured I shouldn't subject them to that gut-rot). Anyway, my main feeling was one of amazement (and some sadness and regret) that this had held me so captive. Nothing held any appeal and the posters just seemed stupid because I know what a lie they are for many of us. I made myself remember how I used to go through that section trying to look bored and oh-so-casual as if I cared no more about the wine than the broccoli and bananas in my cart. I used to be so worried I would run into someone I knew there and they would "know". I don't care who sees me there now - they (and, most importantly, I) know I don't drink. I'm proud about that and silly as it sounds, really enjoyed strutting down the wine aisle with my head held high.

[Elvis]

Good job on 600 days Ava!

[Coco--Nut]

Good morning everyone! Day 8 here. Feeling very good and strong going in to the weekend I wish I were sleeping better, but being able to remember what I have read in my book while trying to get to sleep is a positive!!

[paulywogg]

Byrdie,what you said about coming back on day 1 again is true,a"there,there" doesn't help but like you said, a chastising won't help either and may send someone off into F-you all mode,I see others who are like me and keep coming back on day 1 and one of my first thoughts is"they don't want to stay sober" I know that's wrong cuz I DO want it,but it seems like I'm dicking around, I need to find a way to get through the hard times,I have a yuck day and it seems to plant a seed for the next few days though,and my thinking gets very negative, I need a way to get through that,not sure what I can do

[mywayin]

The Nest is probably my favorite bar in the world!

Likewise Jane, but without the "probably" !

[NoraC]

Pauly - you are right. It's not that we don't want to stay sober. And, it's not easy coming back on Day 1 again. I am trying to work on tools to keep me AF. One of them is getting on here every morning and posting my Day number in the Newbies Nest Day count. I don't want to let that number go down. Stupid, I guess but it helped me yesterday when I wanted to say screw it.

Coco - great job. I agree with the being able to read and remember!

Thanks to everyone that is here helping this OLD 'Newbie'. :hug: