Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

LC, I'm sorry about your situation with your dad. The good thing is that you understand and know that it isn't the real him when he's drinking. Be sure to get the support you need when he's visiting you! Visitors can be stressful anyway when they stay quite awhile and it might be tough to have the drinking going on in your space.

I posted this meditation for Mr. G. awhile ago. I hope you enjoy it, too: https://vimeo.com/132790897 :smile:.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Saturday to all

LC, that's a rough situation with your Dad. I've had similar problems with two of my relatives. I resolved it by just not calling them any more. Not an ideal fix but it's better than being yelled at for calling them at 'a bad time'
Since this is your Dad, I hope you can find a better way.

Dutch, I hope you are enjoying your last day in paradise. Maybe after you are home & the pressure is off you can sort through all the feelings & make some sense of it all. Have you ever read 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle? That book did a lot for me

Greetings to all & wishing everyone a wonderful AF day. Thinking of you Ava!

Lav

[lifechange]

hey Nesters!
Very quiet here so far..
How is everyone doing?
I'm getting ready for an early bedtime, I think.. will be surprised if I make it to 10pm!
Hope all are well..

[Byrdlady]

Good afternoon, Nesters!
Kailey, I am so glad you had a happy day yesterday. I really did find I never had 2 bad days in a row. Heck, if it stayed as hard as some days are, NO ONE could ever get sober! I am so happy to see you pushing forward!

LC, I have enjoyed a couple of passions since I quit. One has been beaded jewelery. That got out of hand and I tried selling it, but that was a disaster. I am in sales for a living, so the last thing I want to do is sell in my spare time! Here lately, I have found tremendous joy in decorating cakes and cookies! Its fun, relaxing, requires concentration and its cheap! Im not going to sell then this time, I have been giving them away and seeing the looks on people's faces when they receive them is the best reward! I'll show you todays project. This morning, I couldnt WAIT to get started on them. Thats pretty neat!

Dutch, I had the same feeling coming back from vacation! I dreaded going to work on Monday! During my trip, it was record cold and rained sideways and galeforce winds but I enjoyed it because I wasnt dealing with work! It sounds as if you made the most of your time! Travel safely!

Hope evryone is having an easy day!

[Dutch1988]

LC my dad has always been a "trained professional" which in my family means he drinks to the buzz and maintains it, never getting too drunk for his liking. He has had the occasional day when he's drank too much, yelled at me unjustly or just screaming at me and family to scream. Like you, I've just made it a habit to not contact him at night if I can help it, he is an amazing dad, and always willing to help me out, but one or two bad phone calls make you less inclined to reach out. Thanks for the words about the vacation too, I'll try and count this as a victory.

BL I will keep that in mind and be grateful I have any free time at all! It's taking me years to open a business, take it over completely, and finally start delegating so it isn't a full time job. This trip I didn't even have to check my email, plus my twin has been sober for more than two weeks now, which I am counting as a serious victory!

Heading back to the airport now. I spent the morning at the beach, just my wife and daughter, very relaxing. I bought my wife a very nice camera for her birthday and enjoyed taking pictures of the both of them playing in the water before we left. Perhaps I should take photography up as a hobby, as BL was saying, it's fun, relaxing, requires enough concentration I'm not stressing big still can't think about the things that stress me out. All my activities always have some kind of profit goal towards their completion. Parkour I enjoyed, and now I own part of a gym and run classss at my school. Ground fighting I enjoy and I am working on incorporating it into my program as well. I think that's why I enjoy surfing so much. I know I am just out there to be out there.

I have been listening to a lot of motivational material this week, and working out, surfing, and swimming nonstop! This is the first time I went on a trip I am going to come back stronger from than when I left. That, is definitely, a good feeling, and I will hold onto that.

[jane27]

Dutch, I believe you have the Hawaii blues. It passes quickly, but it's always hard to keep negative feelings in context. I really think it has to do with how far away it is (for most), the expense, the hype and imagery laden with paradise. It's a lot to live up to. I'll bet you'll be glad to be home and best of all the vaca will be behind you putting a big check in multiple boxes: you pulled off a sober vaca under extraordinary stress 2) extended family vaca - check- ( for Gods sake I hope you took a lot of pictures...3) you and your family got to share a unique experience. Waitll you see what the memories look like 5 years from now.
I'm so proud of you. Now wrap it up and bring it on home!
Ps next on the to do list- photo album books from snappish for everyone. We just did it- it's only been1 month and the pain of the experience has faded so much. Photos are powerful!

[available]

morning nest

Dutch find the positive and treasure them. i am learning that with Robert and his illness. I could be asking "why him", "why someone who is such a beautiful soul" but if i dwell on the negative it is not going to be a benefit to him and making his last days happy. I do know that if i was drinking this would be a time where i would feel overwhelmed and depressed and angry. I cant change what is happening but i can deal with it sober and in the now!

LC i used to be like your father when i drank, i would say 99% of us on here were! Maybe you could talk to him and just say "dad i cant talk to you when you are drinking at the moment, its too early in my recovery" or just not answer the phone! Protecting your quit is the most important thing in your life, i know it is mine.

My son just walked in and i am sure he is still drunk, god i am glad i dont look and feel like he does. he is funny though and he always says "mum you are so lucky you dont feel like this anymore". I just tell him "well why do you do it to yourself".

Big seafood lunch today with Robert and his close friends, it will be a lovely day, full of love and laughter and happiness. Thank you all for the caring thoughts. As his sister and i said to each other yesterday, if we start crying we will not stop and that cant happen as yet. For the time he has left it will be happy.

Take care and stay strong.

[paulywogg]

Ava,I think its wonderful that you can be so strong for Robert,in the end you'll have wonderful memories with him,if you were drinking you'd only be half present and as you said crying, angry,depressed, you are an,inspiring and strong woman Dutch,I think once you get home and back to routine, you'll look back fondly on this vacay,you sounded happy posting about your time with your little daughter,LC,I have to avoid my mom's texts during certain hours cuz I know she'll be drunk and posting nonsense, its hard cuz even though she's an alkies,we too have a close bond,Byrdie,what a cute project

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters!

I actually pulled off a grandkid-free day, ha ha!!!
Love the little buggers but need a day on my own once in a while I actually need the quiet time to catch up with some work.

Dutch, hope you are home safe soon! You will indeed have good memories & pictures of your sober vacation.

Ava, keep smiling. You are a wonderful person supporting your good friend the way you do!

Greetings to everyone & sending wishes for a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Sunday to all

Surprised no one has been here......
Check in everyone & let us know what's on your AF plan for today.

Have a great AF day!

Lav

[LilBit]

Hi Lav. LilBit checking in, here. Glad you had some time to recharge on your own. I don't know how you do it sometimes.

Jane, so happy about your test results!

Dutch, good for you on making it through that first AF vacation. You didn't even have to murder any in-laws, so that's a victory in itself.

Ava, so proud of you for being strong, and it sounds like Robert is handling things with grace, love and dignity.

As for me, I am doing Battle. During the last three nights, the quiet sanctity of my bedroom has been invaded by a monster so hideous that I can barely describe it. Imagine lying there sleeping peacefully and suddenly, right next to your ear, you're awakened by a high-pitched, blood-curdling, "Whhhheeeemmmeemeemeemmeewhhheeezzzmmemzzzipp! "


Yes, I have been invaded by the much-dreaded nocturnal mosquito. Of course, my immediate reaction is to slap myself repeatedly in the head, trying to hit the darn thing, a solution that is neither effective nor sleep-conducive. And this little vampire is not just on a Schedule -- she's Nurse Ratchet with wings, doing the hourly blood draw.


After two sleepless nights, I took arms last night, which means I was tromping about the bedroom in my pajamas at 2:30 am, wielding a sponge mop. 'Finally blotched the beast into a smear on my ceiling, rewarded myself with a slice of watermelon and settled in to enjoy some undisturbed rest. Then, at 4 am, the silence was broken by, "Whhhheeeemmmeemeemeemmeewhhheeezzzmmemzzzipp! " Oh Gosh. She has a sister.

[Byrdlady]

Morning, all!
Maybe we have a lot of vacationers, LAv-A. Ava, your name blends in with so many here!
I was listening to the tv this morning and caught something out of the corner of my ear. It talked about the big difference between drinking because you want to and drinking because you have to. Wish Id caught the whole thing, but that little nugget was very powerful to me. There during those last years, I drank even when I really didn't want to. I drank long past the point of it being pleasurable, it was a necessity. Denial is so powerful. What a shame I kept going with it. But, its never too late.

As I read around the boards and particularly as I read back several years, I see folks saying they just cant see themselves going AF forever. This was like, 8 years ago and AL is still causing them misery! Like Matt said the other day, there comes a point when the misery isnt worth the high cost anymore. I hope the folks that have been actively fighting this disease will try something they've not tried before....letting go. It is amazing what a difference it makes.

Just a couple of thoughts on this peaceful Sunday morning. Hope all is well. Byrdie

Edit to add: Hey LilBit!!!! So sorry you got Skeeters! They are our state bird! Good luck!!!

[Dutch1988]

Very true Byrdie, I have been reading through the Alan Carr book on quitting and it does make an awful lot of sense. He has been talking about how alcohol kills energy, doesn't actually make you brave but inhibits your fear response, or that it kills your drive. Most strongly I relate to this notion he points out that society paints us as weak from birth which creates a hole we feel must be filled by alcohol. Can't think of many statements that speak as strongly to me as that.

Happy Sunday all!

[lifechange]

Hi dear Nesters,
I'm late, late, late!!
I managed to jam pack my weekend full, which I usually avoid 'cause I need a lot of time to myself.. but it was fun. And now I'm relaxing at home with two cats at my feet.. looking forward to an early night to bed.

Lilbit, I hate mosquitoes! and they love me! I've found that pure lavender oil works really well as a deterrent.. or I also have a natural mosquito spray from the organic market. If you can stand it.. I just dab it all around my face, ears, neck, wrists and ankles and they leave me alone! No joke, sometimes I hear them coming close and then flying away again. So I also have earplugs.. I never would have believed it with the oil, but it's been a life saver!

Byrdie, I totally hear you with the drinking when you don't even want to.. I also drank regardless of how I felt in the end, knowing full well I was on the road to disaster. I hated the feeling of being completely out of control. So glad to be on the right track.. on my way out!

Speaking of controlling the mind.. I set my alarm for 530 this am so that I could meditate and I actually got up, had a coffee and meditated! I'm going to do everything in my power to keep on top of it so that it becomes a daily practice. The discipline involved with sitting and then keeping the mind focussed on a certain task does me wonders.

Lav, good for you for getting a whole day off to re-tank! Your kids and grandkids are so darn lucky to have you caring for them so much of the time!

Thanks for all the replies regarding my drunk dad.. he called again last night (his morning) 2 hours later than he'd promised so I didn't answer the phone.. then he called again this morning and although I could
hear ice cubes clinking in the glass he was drinking from (whiskey!), I could also tell he'd made an effort not to drink too much.. he was clear in the head and didn't repeat himself at all! I just have to continue to be careful and not put up with the crap..

Off to read a bit here.. Hope you're all having a lovely Sunday..

Edit: Hi Dutch!!!!

[Marylou123]

NOTE : I wrote the following post on Friday morning but thought it was lost when my internet went down. So...a bit late and it's been an eventful weekend.

Love be to you all - I'll catch up on the posts when I can.

P.S. I was up a 6 am and took the dog for a long walk. Then went to church. All helped. I could NEVER have done this withou my sobriety!! Friday's post follows.

-------
GME Nesters,

The weekend is almost here. And with it comes my 2nd sober birthday. I've never been a bikini person (booze belly just doesn't work with one) but I've added something to my bucket list: to wear a bikini on my 60th! That means I have one year from Sunday to get in bikini shape. If Helen Mirren can rock it, why not?? Of course I won't be parading around in public so it's likely I won't be showing up in the tabloids.

Cowboy - seems one can only hit "Like" one time per post. I would have hit Like over and over if possible. I LOVE the idea that we were chosen in order to help others.

Dutch - you DO have this sober vacation thing in the bag. And I had to LOL at sticks on fire! If you had been drinking you wouldn't have been posting (probably) and then all of us would have missed your fabulous and funny vacation stories. Thank you so very much for taking us with you.

Jane - sending you peaceful thoughts for a stress-free stress test for you and hubs. I've never had one, unless life in general can be considered ;-), but I know it's got to be better taking it AF vs. hungover!

LavB - a weekend plan is a very good thing. How about a nice long walk (assuming Mother Nature complies) followed by a bubble bath and a good book. Just saying that brought back a funny memory: Many years ago my parents bought a house that had a Jacuzzi tub in the master bath. Never having a spa-type bathtub, mom thought she'd enjoy a nice bubble bath. So she started the water, added the bubble potion, turned the jets on and walked away to wait while the tub filled. Well, you can imagine what happened next. Five minutes later she came into the bedroom to find a lava-like flow of bubbles leading from the tub into the bedroom and even under the bed! It was like an episode from I Love Lucy.

Well, off to shower and start the day. I love sober mornings (and afternoon and evenings too!).