Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Byrdie - great post. Pema Chodron, Anne Lamott and Byrdie - all good at pointing out the fact that life brings suffering and sadness - it is how we get through it that counts. We can struggle pointlessly against it, not changing the outcome and making ourselves crazy, or we can look forward and deal.

When my son argues with my husband about not wanting to do a chore, my husband says "there are two outcomes - you agree with me and go clean your room, or you argue with me and I get angry at you, and you still have to go clean your room. Which one seems easier??" That is the shorthand for acceptance - I can argue, cry, keep drinking, feel sorry for myself, etc., but any way I slice it, I still am an alcoholic. Might as well accept that and move on with my life.

I am making little sense right now - very tired. LC - I will use you as motivation to get to exercise tomorrow. I have fallen out of practice this week as I am exhausted still from traveling and some big stuff at work.

Good night, all.
Pav

[Lavande]

Way past my bedtime but wanted to jump in & wish everyone a safe night in the nest!

LavB, have you tried warm soaks on the affected side of your face? Maybe a warm salt water rinse (swish & spit). Hope you get relief soon.

Peace to all tonight!

Lav

[jane27]

Pav, you made a lot of sense! Thank you xx

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Thursday to all!

I am gearing up for an extremely long weekend watching my grandsons. They will be arriving mid-morning & staying here until sometime Monday evening, oh boy! I will be busy & tired but at the same time extremely grateful for this opportunity. If I hadn't made major changes in my life all those years ago I would surely be missing these fun times
Keep that in mind as you distance yourselves from AL - anything is possible!

Wishing everyone a great AF Thursday!

Lav

[available]

evening nesters

Finally some time to say hello.

LavB hope you get that tooth pulled soon, nothing worse than a toothache. I have an eversion to dentists big time, i think it goes back to childhood when the dentist told me i looked good without freckles!

Looks like the balloon ride is on Saturday, i'm excited and petrified but i can do this now as i dont drink. In my hungover days there is no way i would have contemplated doing something like this when i have a fear of heights and flying and throw in some anxiety also which was so much worse back in the day. Fingers crossed the weather is half decent, we have not had much sun this winter just lots of rain and wind and cold.

A much needed day off tomorrow so i am going to spend it with my eldest daughter who has the flu. i did have second thoughts due to me visiting Robert but a lovely nurse gave me a supply of face masks. My daughter just laughed but she wants mummy cuddles so she is going to get them.

London please be accountable and check in here. Your comment about your family not knowing you were drinking is bullshit. I thought i was hiding it from my family but oh they knew, more than i ever thought they did and they were so worried about me but not game to say anything. We only lie to ourselves until we have to face the truth and work on doing something about it. You can do this. The ones checking in are the big number people who's days keep wracking up. This is my accountability, this keeps me sober and sane.

Lav enjoy your boys for the weekend, i am still waiting patiently. One would think with 4 kids that i could get just one grandchild lol. I do have lots of animals that i am nana too though and that is fun.

Take care everyone xx

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Lav, when I read about you with a house-full of grandchildren it really makes me smile. If you hadn't made the choice to get sober, you'd be sitting there with a bunch of chickens! As much as your children love you, NO PARENT in his/her right mind would leave their precious children with someone who was actively drinking. I cringe at the thought of some of the things I did...careless and stupid!!! Who would trust leaving their children in the hands of this time bomb? Can you imagine the guilt/shame/remorse you'd have if something happened on your watch even sober? Magnify that by 1000 if you were drinking. I am so happy that you made a decision and stuck with it. The rewards are on the faces of those babies!!

Ava, we are all thinking of you as you help Robert prepare for his futurel. What a good soul you are.

I hope everyone has an easy day. Byrdie

[LilBit]

Ava, I hope the weather is perfect for your balloon ride, Saturday. The experience doesn't feel at all like flying or being up high on a mountain or building -- it's more like floating in a safe, quiet bubble -- so hopefully it will be blissful for both of you.

Lav, those grand youngun's are so lucky to have you. There's no love like grandma-love.

Happy Thursday, everyone. :love:

[Mr Vervill]

Just a quick check in.
Congrats Matt, and Lil bit! Glad you're both here to help the rest of us out.
Welcome back, Pav! Have not had time to read back.
I am leaving Las Vegas, but not like in the movie. I am not going out that way. Hell no!
I did not do a Nicholas Cage dance down the liquor aisle. I did not drink a drop there. Lot's of driving to do today.
Stay strong everyone.

[LilBit]

Yay for you, Mr. V. I always felt unsettled and uncomfortable in Vegas. Is it because everything there is just a show? I know people who love, love, love it and I don't knock them for their different opinions. The city has just always emitted a weird vibe for me. 'Glad it's in your rear-view mirror and please drive safely.

[Rahulthesweet]

Can there be a pain bigger than child loss ?

We all go about our lives cribbing and complaining about our problems and issues. Issues due to money, love, addiction, career etc. I too was doing the same today... just living life with a bit of my share of cribbing. My thoughts stopped when i saw a text from my kids school saying the school will be off tomorrow , mourning the sad demise of a child who died in an accident. I was stunned, I called my wife: my kids were safe and then came to know a 10 year old boy was crushed to death just out side his house by the same school bus which dropped him. He came out of bus just fine but slipped the moment bus started to move and his head fell just below the wheel of bus crushing him instantly .... The parents were known to my wife and too so many people in our city. The child who died today was made a prefect in school by the principal and was coming home all happy and proud.... The parent could not see the face of the child last time ... nothing remained ...

We hear news of accidents, floods, plane crash, death are all around everyday. One look at news paper its there everywhere. But when I hear about this happen so close to us and then also imagine that it could have happened to my kids it just makes my spine shiver !! Can there be a bigger pain than losing young child. How will the parents react to this news ?

I see my daily routine and all the things in life I complain about in life but then when imagine how the life of that child's parents has taken such a sad sad sad turn in such a tragic manner : all my worries just vanish and I dismiss them as nothing compare to this pain.

God has its own ways, why he does only he knows it. all the troubles in my life including trouble with AL are nothing compared to ....

In the above incident which was an accident where the driver could not do much except he rushed the kid to the hospital trying to save him ... but what if he would have been in drunken state ? just like how I used to be not so long ago ....

This also reminds me on how I have acted so carelessly in past on one subject that when I think about it I just makes feel utterly ashamed and shameful at the same time : Drink Driving !! I have done that for so long putting not only myself and my family at risk but also everyone else on road. What happened today with that kid, I could have killed 100s of them with what I was doing in past for so long.

All these life incidences come with such timings that sometimes it makes me wonder if there is a bigger hand at play. Does GOD has his cosmic tricks for me ? 4 years back I went to a conference in Delhi. Back then I had just bought a new car, was all exited about it. I left from office early alone, planning on how and where to drink. Going to conference in evening was another excuse to get free booze and party late. I was so exited that day I grabbed some bottles of beer, then went to a sports shop to buy some new some stuff, drink half bottle wine at the bar. Then more beers. Drove to the conference total intoxicated saw some top customers there. Drank a lot with them (I was working after all !!). By midnight left in an almost blackout state on my new car and next thing i remember air bags popping. I met with a big accident hit on a 90 degree pavement with car totaled but fortunately no one was hurt on that crowded road. Not even me !!

So was it a coincidence that today I heard about this child dying on street and I again had to a conference at the same hotel ,at the same hall where I went 4 years ago. I could not stop thinking. Did God in its cosmic way bought the child death and brought this conference to coincide it with my life to make a realize and also make me utterly guilty too all the drunk driving I have done in past putting everyone at risk ?

The conference finished and they announced the opening of bar. People grabbing their glass while I announcing to those who offering me a drink : "I dont drink !". I see people grabbing glasses. I feel sad very sad .. My thoughts went back to that fateful night 4 years back of the accident which could have been much much worse and the idea of the death of this child today make me sick to the core.

We addicts do such crazy and dangerous things. If I would have hurt someone 4 years back could i have forgiven myself ? But God was with me that day but with that child or with his family whose kid died today. Should I judge God's actions ? Maybe not ! But I can sure judge mine : Even after the accident did I stop drinking ? or stopped occasional drunk driving ? NO !!! ... not for next 3 years.... NOW thats DENIAL ! and it makes me sick today ...

As I am writing this I see my young child enter into my room saying "I am so scared" and climbing into my bed. The news even affected them just the way it makes my gut feel sick ...

God has its ways .... but today I pray for the family who lost that child ...

[paulywogg]

So sad Rahul give your kids extra hugs today

[Eloise]

Very sorry to read this story Rahul.
I have experienced the deaths of too many young people in my tenure as teacher in the Caribbean. I know that pain too well, sorry that you know it now too.

[Dutch1988]

Rahul that's a very insightful read into a tragic event. I can tell you one thing if I lost my child I don't know how I would handle it, and I definitely don't think I appreciate her enough as she is growing up.

Ava good luck, I don't care for heights either, it would take a lot of man power to get me up in the sky like that.

Mr V. Your a super hero going to Vegas, I made it through my vacation with the inlaws and three weddings but Vegas was not a challenge I was up for. Hoping to not out that quit first someday!

This is kind of my 5 month mental check in. Emotionally I feel much better abot my life and can't see myself going back to drinking. The reason being my tolerance is just too damn high having a family history of alcoholics, I would never be able to have 2 drinks and be happy, and that's if I drank today! I spent a lot of time on the moderation forum during my vacation looking for success stories but what I really wanted was to read about binge drinkers who could binge and still function well, not a lot of success out there. I did find moderators but I don't want to drink like they do, I want my 2-3 days of drinking 3-6, which leads to the 7 days every now and then. Right now, with my feelings getting better I am finally feeling more confident about myself. Which is good because it's prime time for my business and I need the boost.

I remember telling folks about my emotional roller coaster and then saying that it can be from not drinking. My twin is bipolar and I have been very skeptical that I may be as well. I feel good today, I am hoping it's because I am motivated from accomplishing some goals, not because I am up and a down is coming. Still now I know if it is that it's me, not the drinking that is causing it and I can get help. I have not been eating processed sugar for 4 days and that may be contributing as well. I am the epitomy of eating to live at this point, instead of vice versa. Not drinking has led to so many healthy choices, along with better family life. Still stress is there.

I hate worrying about the how of life and how it distracts us from the now. How am I going to pay insurance, how can I afford a car with one on its last legs, how can I keep my wife part time. Just today while I am stressing trying to get work done contemplating my day my wife tells me something that almost broke my heart. She said when my daughte woke up she asked where I was, and she said at work, and she responded, "why did daddy have to leave me." My wife has always been her favorite but after reading your post and hearing that today I really need to enjoy every day and live every moment. I refuse to wake up and find out something horrible happened to a love one only to realize I had barely really been present with them all this time.

This really goes back to why I wanted to quit drinking. I wanted to stop drinking because it was unhealthy, but I knew that I could be a better husband and father. I was waking up tired still from the foggy drinking sleep and turning on the tv for the tot about 20-40 minutes just to make it out of bed. Now I wake up and I can match the little monster, not quite as happy as she is but I am getting there. I am finally getting out of this emotional rut, it's taking me about two and a half months to really get over the miscarriage thing and I only say that because I haven't felt that horrible heaviness for awhile. To me that is a really long time, but that is coming from a guy who drank every bad feeling away and a few hours to feel bad without relief was a nightmare.

[Marylou123]

Rahul - such a very sad story. Tragedies such as that do put things in perspective. I know the pain of losing loved ones, but I can't imagine losing a child. Life isn't "supposed to" happen like that. I was a very young child when my 13 year old brother was tragically killed. My mother, who is and always has been very spiritual, clung to her faith at that time. She's told me she questioned God every which way, but never stopped believing. I think that's what got her through it.

Ava - LilB is spot on describing the balloon ride. I had the good fortune of a trip once and I was scared. But it is incredibly quiet and peaceful. I hope you and Robert enjoy it.

Dutch - I think it's normal for little girls to be closer to their moms - or it just seems like it. That being said, I never doubted for a minute I was Dad's "Princess" and I hold that in my heart to this day. It's so wonderful you can "catch the little monster" with your full being now. She will cherish the memories.

Mr V - good job on leaving Las Vegas. I actually like it - for a few days about once every five years.

Lav - busy weekend for you! Maybe Brydie will send you a virtual cake and cookies to keep the little ones energized. :-)

Well..hubs and I are supposed to go to a marriage retreat this weekend, leaving tomorrow, but it's been a really pissy week and I don't know if he'll go or not. Either way, I am going as it's already paid for, at what looks like a lovely resort only 40 minutes away, and includes three free meals. I suspect he will go - could end up being very good timing but for different reasons than I would have thought a week ago. I just want to say that disagreements/arguments are so much better (is that possible) sober vs bombed. I am much more present, probably a lot more considerate (I can still throw a zinger - workin' on that) and remember everything. Although last night he did dig into the past and said I was a "passed out drunk" too many times. Yep - true. I accept that completely and as such, it doesn't hold much power during an argument. Guess he's going to have to find some sober insults now. :-) Ah, sober bliss.

Have a great evening/morning all.

[LavenderBlue]

Checking in, and thanks so much for the good thoughts my way! The doctor visit went much better than the dentist, even though I wasn't even seeing my regular doctor. This one raised my antibiotic dosage, prescribed a prescription anti inflammatory, and was just generally much more helpful and listening to what I was saying. I'd been thinking about switching dentists before this, so it might be time to just go ahead and do that. Not so much over him not prescribing, but that he seemed completely disinterested in how much pain I was in. Tooth still hurts and I'm sure I still need it out as soon as I can schedule something, but it's much better than it was.

I forget who mentioned it, but yes I was doing salt water swishes thank you for reminding me! I was also swapping between Orajel and clove oil, cold compresses...all of those are helping more now, they just couldn't seem to do much until the total pain was a bit less. This really is a doozy, even for tooth pain. :/

I work tomorrow, but will try to take it easy as much as I can. My body is worn out, from the pain and infection I'm sure. I feel so bad for my poor body, knowing I used to drink when I was feeling like that. I know I have a much better chance of kicking this sooner now, with my body overall in healthier shape.

Take care all!