Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

So glad you're finally getting that balloon ride with Robert, Ava. Can't wait to hear about it.

Jane - HILARIOUS. Just stop and look at the comedy of your situation. You write about it with such deadpan humor - I am not kidding that there is a MiL sitcom in there somewhere, you with your matching jackets. Seattle is beautiful - you'll have a fabulous time.

NS - You timed that one perfectly! I was sitting around last night thinking of "everyone" "enjoying" a cold beer on a summer evening, and found myself strongly wondering about going back to drinking "moderately." I have encountered a couple of times this summer where my not drinking has been awkward, at least for a moment or two. I get that feeling of wanting to be "normal" and just having a beer. Of course, I know, that one beer is not what I want - I would want all six. And I most definitely DO NOT want all six, if that makes sense. Reading that post is how I strongly suspect my drinking would be. So NO, I don't want to drink. I really don't, but that post was a good reminder of why.

Mr. V - glad you're leaving Las Vegas with your head held high.

Lav - Hope you're surviving those boys.

Happy SOBER Saturday, All...

xo
Pav

[NoSugar]

I'm glad that post was a timely one, Pav :hug:. I felt a clutch in my heart and gut when I read this line:

The escalation. The need. The buying a bottle to hide and have one here and there.

That was the nightmare for me.

[jane27]

Jane - HILARIOUS. Just stop and look at the comedy of your situation. You write about it with such deadpan humor - I am not kidding that there is a MiL sitcom in there somewhere, you with your matching jackets. Seattle is beautiful - you'll have a fabulous time.

Oh Pav, I have sooooooooooooooooo thought about that. xoxoxox

[Byrdlady]

Checking in. All good here. Out of town helping stepdaughter move. So glad I'm sober.

[available]

morning nesters

Well no balloon ride yet, the weather being winter is not ideal to go up in a balloon so maybe next Friday. i told robert i wont do this by myself, that is unimaginable, so he has promised he will stay alive if it kills him! Thats my man! We just take life day by day at the moment.

hope you have a great holiday jane, not sure about the jackets though!

lav, you will need a holiday after looking after your boys. i can imagine its not as easy as when we had our own, energy wise that is. Wish it was me though!

MrV so glad your vegas trip went well, i would not mind one day going there for a look see but i am sure there are many more places that i would prefer to see over in the US. Thank god my partying days are over!

pav, i found last summer i had those modding thoughts, must be the weather! Winter time all i want is something warm. i know i cant have the one and be a moderate drinker although maybe i could but i wont take that chance. Robert says now he is dying he may as well start drinking and i said i would join him then if he is going to do that, he said 'no way'. i dont think al will help him at all, just make him sicker, like it did us.

Today is a ME day, slept 12 much needed hours last night, house looks like someone from 'hoarders' has moved in. Funny but my boys just do the basics and cant see the dust and grime. if it happens though it happens. i've started watching Blacklist and i think that may take up a fair bit of my day.

Where are you LC? Hanna i hope you are hanging in there.

Take care everyone x

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Oh yeah Ava, I am one tired granny but I'm not giving up, ha ha!!
I think the biggest problem is that a few hours of half-assed sleep does nothing to restore my spent energy. Totally different story with the kids though. They wake up ready to go, go, go!!!
I hope you get to enjoy your balloon ride soon. Robert seems willing to wait :hug:

Hi Byrdie!

Jane, are you wearing your jacket?

Pav, just keep letting those drinking thoughts pass right through. Don't hang on to them, they're annoying!! We don't really want to go there again, do we?

Wishing everyone a safe & restful night!

Lav

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters!
I've been reading every day but have had a case of the blah's and haven't felt like writing/complaining, because when I think about it, I don't have ANYTHING to really complain about. Isn't it weird how that happens? From the outside looking in, I'd say my life looks great! And it actually is... but it has been that time of the month (TMI, sorry) which always throws me for a loop.. so the girls are with me now and we have the next 3 weeks to hang out, go to lakes, the seaside, play badminton and ping-pong, eat sushi and watch funny, non-sense films..

Jane, I really had to crack up with the thought of you all in your jackets.. I can't believe people actually do that!! I love Seattle and am envious of your journey.. I lived there for 6 years and would love to go back sometime to visit..

Lav!! I'm glad to hear you're still alive! My goodness, have you got your hands full.. what do you do the whole day long? How old are the kids.. I can't remember.. Is it still so hot where you are or has it cooled down for you?

Ava, thanks for the shout-out.. I've been thinking of you, as always, and hope you and Robert will be up in that balloon soon.. What a wonderful mini-adventure for you to share..:hug:

I hope everyone will have/has had/is having a lovely Sunday..
big fat hugs from Berlin..

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters!

Good to see you LC
Blah days are normal, regardless of the cause. I just don't worry about them knowing they will pass.
My grandsons are ages 4 & 6 - that's why they are SO energetic, ha ha!! The last couple of days have been somewhat cooler so keeping them outside has been helpful. They ride their bikes in my driveway, jump in & out of the kiddie pool, help me out with the chickens, that kind of stuff. The 6 yr old knows he can earn a dollar or two by helping me pull weeds in the gardens, collecting eggs, etc.
Enjoy your time with your girls, they do grow fast

Greetings to everyone, wishing a fabulous AF day for all!

Lav

[Dutch1988]

Jane I told my wife about your jackets and she thought it was the coolest idea. I'll never forgive you for this if it escalates XD

LC I am glad to see you, anytime someone disappears on here you never know what could happen. I haven't seen overit for awhile and know she was struggling with getting back on the wagon, fingers crossed she still scrolling every now and then.

I have been reading through a lot of moderation stuff, as well as the Alan Carr book easyway to quit AL, and have decided if I ever went back to drinking I would more than likely start off pretty much where I left off. I don't know what to think about AL anymore in terms of what is normal, you read so many experiences on here about what is normal and what is problematic. Carr makes it sound like we are all on this downward spiral with addiction, some just start closer to the bottom where it is noticeable than others. I think BL has it right with if you have been thinking you drink too much and are looking for a place like this for help, you probably have a problem. Going back to drinking at this point would be like throwing myself into the ocean with a weighted vest on, it's only a matter of time before my head gets pulled under water to the next level of addiction.

I am going to use a bit of profanity here but I think it might be a humorous way to drive home a point the next time temptation gets you. I think this is the best comparison I can make in a new way to remind myself that will make me laugh and remember what I am about, and it may help someone else on here considering moderation. I apologize if this concept is not novel in regards to drinking.

Drinking is like this nice pool on a hot day, not too deep but deep enough you can enjoy the relaxing, calming effect. Outside of that water is life, whatever in your life makes drinking seem like a good idea. Sometimes it's nothing big at all, sometimes it feels so hot in the sun you can't imagine another second without at least taking a dip in the water. Imagine going AL FREE is like getting out of the water and deciding to never go back. You want to get into the water but know it's a bad idea. The reason is because the water is awesome while you are in it to some extent sure, but every time you drink to excess it's your like pissing in the pool. At some point it becomes so blatant and the addiction has you so bad, it's like your constantly swimming in your own piss. Eventually your like man I can't take it anymore, everyone can see I am doing it, I don't feel good about myself, I have to stop. So you get out of the water.

So the water clears up and you start thinking about getting back in. Now people who are normal get in and out no problem, they know not to piss in the pool =P, those of us with a problem get in but it's like we went swimming with our regular clothes on or something, or the weather outside is just freezing cold, or maybe the ground is hot when we get out, I don't know what it is. Whatever makes anyone decide pissing in the pool is better than getting out and taking a quick leak, darn near any excuse works when you really have to go, but you don't want to get out. So modding is like this constant battle, where a normal person is like up if I have one more drink I am going to piss in the pool and they get out. The rest of us are having this huge mental debate about whether or not to piss in the pool, when if you were not that person you are like please for the love of all that is holy, for yourself and everyone around you in the pool don't piss in the pool!

Now if that makes no sense to you and you think you can get in and out of the water like the rest of them then go for it. But if that makes any sense to you, and you feel what I am saying and are thinking about modding, don't piss in the pool. The next time I think about drinking I am just going to tell myself not to piss in the pool, end of story. You don;t have to debate yourself on something like that, there is no other side to why it's a good idea to piss in the pool.

Happy Sunday, don't piss in the pool!

[Pavati]

Welcome to our Ool. Notice there is no P in it. We'd like to keep it that way.

[Pavati]

And all this talk and examination of moderation is what makes me crazy (not you all - me). I go through these (albeit short and less frequent) bouts of COMPLETE DENIAL! Hmmm. Maybe I AM one of the lucky ones who can go back to drinking. Maybe I should listen to all of that moderation management stuff and just know that I can handle it. It makes me anxious and it makes me think about drinking WAY more than I do otherwise. All of which is to say, there is no f'ing way I am going to drink again. I can just imagine - even if I could keep it to the "moderate" amount of one per day - how much I would be thinking, bargaining, wishing, etc., about booze. And I NEVER wanted just one a day.

Taking and keeping that decision off the table has served me well. I am tucking it away back off the table now. There you go - keep moving. Nothing to see here.

LC - Lav speaks the truth. Even a meh day will end. A lot sooner without a hangover.

Happy SOBER Sunday. I am so glad I get to stay sober today.

Pav

[NoSugar]

Sometimes the boring/scary facts can help quiet the wayward mind :wink::

There is no such thing as a safe level of alcohol consumption
The idea that drinking small amounts of alcohol will do you no harm is a myth, claims Professor David Nutt
Last week I attended a discussion group chaired by the Observer's health correspondent Denis Campbell where one of the other experts, a public health doctor, asserted that alcohol should be treated differently from tobacco (and by inference other drugs) because there is no safe dose of tobacco whereas alcohol is safe until a person's drinking gets to "unsafe" levels. Its health benefits for the cardiovascular system are also often used to support the claim that in low doses alcohol is safe, for how else could it be health-promoting?The myth of a safe level of drinking is a powerful claim. It is one that many health professionals appear to believe in and that the alcohol industry uses to defend its strategy of making the drug readily available at low prices. However, the claim is wrong and the supporting evidence flawed.
There is no safe dose of alcohol for these reasons:
• Alcohol is a toxin that kills cells such as microorganisms, which is why we use it to preserve food and sterilise skin, needles etc. Alcohol kills humans too. A dose only four times as high as the amount that would make blood levels exceed drink-driving limits in the UK can kill. The toxicity of alcohol is worsened because in order for it to be cleared from the body it has to be metabolised to acetaldehyde, an even more toxic substance. Any food or drink contaminated with the amount of acetaldehyde that a unit of alcohol produces would be immediately banned as having an unacceptable health risk.
• Although most people do not become addicted to alcohol on their first drink, a small proportion do. As a clinical psychiatrist who has worked with alcoholics for more than 30 years, I have seen many people who have experienced a strong liking of alcohol from their very first exposure and then gone on to become addicted to it. We cannot at present predict who these people will be, so any exposure to alcohol runs the risk of producing addiction in some users.
• The supposed cardiovascular benefits of a low level of alcohol intake in some middle-aged men cannot be taken as proof that alcohol is beneficial. To do that one would need a randomised trial where part of this group drink no alcohol, others drink in small amounts and others more heavily. Until this experiment has been done we don't have proof that alcohol has health benefits. A recent example of where an epidemiological association was found not to be true when tested properly was hormone replacement therapy. Population observations suggested that HRT was beneficial for post-menopausal women, but when controlled trials were conducted it was found to cause more harm than good.
• For all other diseases associated with alcohol there is no evidence of any benefit of low alcohol intake – the risks of accidents, cancer, ulcers etc rise inexorably with intake.
Hopefully these observations will help bring some honesty to the debate about alcohol, which kills up to 40,000 people a year in the UK and over 2.25 million worldwide in the latest 2011 WHO report.
We must not allow apologists for this toxic industry to pull the wool over our eyes with their myth of a safe alcohol dose, however appealing it might be to all us so-called "safe" drinkers. Remember these words of a man whose great family wealth and influence was built on illegal alcohol:

"The great enemy of the truth, is very often not the lie – deliberate, contrived and dishonest – but the myth – persistent, persuasive and unrealistic. Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." John F Kennedy

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2...ol-consumption

Another take on the topic: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uyHb4XsqABQ

[Byrdlady]

Hey Nesters!
So glad to be home! An eventful weekend of moving. Jane, I will gladly take your Team Jane jackets over moving a hoarder in 95* heat! Holy crap! I need to come up with a checklist of things to do BEFORE agreeing to helping someone move. The pros are coming tomorrow, so we were there to move the smaller things that wouldn't break an over- 40 crowd's back.
Rule #1. Get boxes. LOTS of them. Get 4 times more than you think you will need and then double it. Running out of boxes and having to go find more OR help UNPACK them on the other side sucks
Rule #2. Have the stuff boxed up so that full advantage can be taken of the vehicles on hand. This has now burned me three times, so I must take full rsponsibility. I can understand not having the immedite-use stuff not packed up, like toothpaste and a clean undies, but your dam Christmas wrapping paper should have been packed up by T minus 2 days.
Rule #3. Don't ever volunteer to help move in July or August, even if its your mother.
Rule #4. If you are moving to a house half the size of the one you are in, all that *hit is NOT going to fit. Throw said *hit away BEFORE asking your family to move it. I came close to choking my step daughter when she said ' I'll go thru all of this when I get to the new house and throw it away". I was speechless.
Rule #5. Never be involved in a move where there are 3 flights steps.
Rule #6. If you even SUSPECT someone is a hoarder, change the subject whenever the topic of moving comes up. Or better yet, come down with something, like a broken leg. You do NOT want to be part of this move.

Everything I have hurts. To make matters worse, my favorite hair clip broke. We went out for pizza last night and I looked like a homeless person. I forgot to mention I tore my favorite shirt in front on a box full of metal yard ornaments and the potted plants peed on me from a downpour that afternoon, so it looked like I had messed my pants.

There were four of us. As usual I was the only nondrinker. They would start having beer around around 3. My step daughter and the other guy got kamikaze shots last night. Sure, it would have been nice to unwind with a drink or 10, but thats just not how I roll now.
I may as well drink gasoline as I had AL because both are out to kill me.

Dutch, I was concerned the other day when you mentioned you were reading the mods section during your vacation. We can ALWAYS find something to justify what we are thinking. If you learn how to interpret ModSpeak you will quickly see it isn't working for them either. Most begin by telling us how well they are doing with it and how happy they are to be controlling it. THEN, some of the details come out and you learn that instead of being AF all week as they intended, they drank every day....but don't worry, they didn't get drunk except twice (that they can remember). I was a moderator once, too. I REALLY wanted it to work. I wanted to write about my successes, and I did...unfortunately a LOT was left out of my failures. You see, when you drink when you don't intend to, and you drink more than the limit you set, you really arent moderating....you are simply not getting as much as you wanted so you think this is a win. I did this, so I know how our minds work. When you hear anyone say I ONLY had X amount, they are comparing it to what they wanted but didnt get. ONLY=Deprivation. I wanted Rolls Royce, but I only had money for a chevy. When ONLY is used in association with AL, look out, a justification is coming. As ALKIES we should have ZERO. If you think you feel deprived as an Abber , wait til you get cut off after just one or two! This is a tough thing to accept, I understand totally. If I hadn't seen it for myself I wouldn't have believed it. The power of this addiction is mind-boggling. I have never, EVER seen anyone moderate AL successfully longterm. (And I have REALLY looked). Even on this site, moderation is achieved using those high powered (unproven) drugs to develop the INDIFFERENCE to Al that we all want. Even with that, once you are off the drugs (which one assumes you would have to do at some point) you are right back to square one. Its like having to quit again. Those drugs have MAJOR side effects too and have resulted in a couple deaths, that I can think of. The jury is out on how successful they are. Maybe they are useful in getting folks started, I don't know, I haven't seen a lot of success stories over there. And thats WITH drugs, what are the chances of being successful without them? If you look at the science of all this, you will find that will power CANNOT outsmart addiction. The best bet? Get Al out of your life and keep it out. No GOOD has ever come from someone drinking AL, especially one of us.

So thats my take on this whole thing. I can assure you that I am 1000 times happier with Al out of my life than I ever was with it in it. I NEVER thought I'd be the one saying that!
Hope everyone has a peaceful evening. I am going to go take a soak! Byrdie

[Matt M.]

Just incase I missed anyone, just wanted to say Thanks for all the comments and support from my One year speech thread. (Under just starting out)

It is very rewarding to hear people that were inspired or got something out of what I wrote. I don't look at myself as a person that could share something that speak to people, but it happens. The way I speak or share may connect with certain people's personality. Just never know

My point is, if your in these rooms and find yourself shy or don't feel as if you can't add anything. Posting our trials and tribulations or suggestions on what worked for you, is what keeps this great thing we have going and rocking along.
They're will always be someone out there that can relate to our current struggles, and benefit from advice.

Service to others help's them , but more importantly it is a crucial component in keeping the ones offering up and or giving advice on our toes and keeps us in the game working a program!

Stay hard freaks!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

This is the last night here for the boys but I will still have them all day tomorrow. I can only hope that their parents enjoyed their free time because I am in need of some serious rest now, ha ha. It was fun but non-stop busy for me!

Dutch, your take on AL is a bit different but perfectly OK with me! Whatever it takes, right?
Glad you have thought the whole thing thru & have come to the same conclusion as the majority here.

Pav, I really do try to speak the truth here in hopes to help others take the leap into freedom from AL, thanks!

NS, have I ever mentioned that my parents bought me a bottle of wine for my 16th birthday? Why did they do that? Neither one of them ever drank wine. I've often wondered if it was that bottle that gave me my start.

Byrdie, I am so sorry you were overworked like that :hug:
I officially announced (years ago) that I am too old to lift boxes. When my kids move these days, they ask friends for help, ha ha!!

Matt, you just never know when your words may actually help someone

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav