Dutch, I was concerned the other day when you mentioned you were reading the mods section during your vacation. We can ALWAYS find something to justify what we are thinking. If you learn how to interpret ModSpeak you will quickly see it isn't working for them either. Most begin by telling us how well they are doing with it and how happy they are to be controlling it. THEN, some of the details come out and you learn that instead of being AF all week as they intended, they drank every day....but don't worry, they didn't get drunk except twice (that they can remember). I was a moderator once, too. I REALLY wanted it to work. I wanted to write about my successes, and I did...unfortunately a LOT was left out of my failures. You see, when you drink when you don't intend to, and you drink more than the limit you set, you really arent moderating....you are simply not getting as much as you wanted so you think this is a win. I did this, so I know how our minds work. When you hear anyone say I ONLY had X amount, they are comparing it to what they wanted but didnt get. ONLY=Deprivation. I wanted Rolls Royce, but I only had money for a chevy. When ONLY is used in association with AL, look out, a justification is coming. As ALKIES we should have ZERO. If you think you feel deprived as an Abber , wait til you get cut off after just one or two! This is a tough thing to accept, I understand totally. If I hadn't seen it for myself I wouldn't have believed it. The power of this addiction is mind-boggling. I have never, EVER seen anyone moderate AL successfully longterm. (And I have REALLY looked).
Byrdie
Dutch,
As a former “modder” who really, really believed I could moderate my drinking with the help of online support here, I have to vouch for Byrdie’s post to you and say that she is pretty “right on” with everything she is telling you. I found an old post of hers where she made the comment that true moderators don’t even know they are moderating. So, for example, my hubby is a “true” moderator. He may have a drink, possibly two. Often times he chooses not to have one when others are drinking. He doesn’t “think” about drinking, he doesn’t “count” his drinks. He doesn’t have conversations or post online how many drinks he has had. Why not? Because he doesn’t have a drinking problem. I, on the other hand found MWO when I started to have problems with my drinking. I didn’t want to quit drinking so when I heard about this book where the lady taught moderation and I came to the site where others were moderating, I thought keeping in check would help me cut down. It truly may have helped me cut down as I tried to be more accountable with how much I drank, etc. but the scary part was it was giving me a false sense of security. Why? Because people with drinking problems lose control of their drinking and my life and others were always at serious risk because I never knew when I could control my drinking once I started, and when I could not.
So, Brydie is right. Like she did, I wrote down my successes. Sometimes I shared my failures and my buddies built me back up, but more and more if I wasn’t moderating well, I found myself not posting. And her line about feeling deprived after being cut off at two. A WHOLE lot worse than never drinking at all. Sure, there would be times where I could have the one (usually two) and feel fine, but then there were the times where it was like “Whoa? Hold on! How did those drinks go down so fast!” “This is an absolute bummer!” Then the anxiety would creep in. The uncomfortableness. Sometimes I would sneak a third or fourth when we got home after we had had our two for dinner. And then suddenly I started to notice a spiral downward. I was sneaking drinks midweek at home (we generally never drank on week-nights), I was having episodes at events where my overdrinking was noticeable. I started to become slightly paranoid wondering if other people knew I had a problem, did I look too drunk, had I slurred my words, etc. Finally the lowest of lows where I not only did not keep to my two drinks but drank the whole bottle and then was sneaking gin and tonic in a coffee cup. Read a line in a book that I totally relate to “I was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards.” It was time to get off of the merry-go-round.
This post is for everyone who feels that lure of "can I moderate, can I drink on special occasions? yada, yada, yada"...Don’t be fooled by the illusion of alcohol making your life better. It isn’t fun to think about drinking, counting drinks, feeling the horrible craving of wanting another, and the guilt and remorse when you do. Giving it up is like a weight being lifted off of your shoulders. I guess I have finally learned that the short term pleasure of al is not worth the long term problems it causes.
Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!) :love:
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