Newbies Nest

[LavenderBlue]

Hi all, love the posts today on that, "Can I mod?" question. What always get me is, "But what if I try and I can't?" This quit was so hard for me, the idea of having to do it again scares me. And then I tell my brain, "Well, if you didn't have a problem, it should be easy not to drink to be safe, right? That's what normal drinkers would do if they had to quit for their health, right?" And I trap my own brain that way, because obviously if I want to do something that's probably risky for me, looks like I have a problem with it, huh?"

Had a random gratitude thought today. The tooth is slowly getting better, but trying to get back to just a *little* bit of coffee this morning did not agree with all the meds I have to take. Very sore belly the first few hours at work, but it randomly occurred to me, "Thank god I haven't been drinking for a while, at least my stomach has had time to recover from that!"

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Ah, there is peace in my house once again. My grandsons have gone home! It was quite a 5 day/4 night adventure & one that I would never have been able to handle if I hadn't taken back control of my life when I did. I remain one grateful granny

Matt, thanks for the link, that was interesting.
I certainly did have a spiritual awakening of sorts & am grateful for that as well.

LavB, your one year is just around the corner - yay!!!
I'm glad you are feeling better.

Marylou, glad you enjoyed the retreat.

Hi there Dutch, Addy & everyone!
Byrdie, your AF time is quite impressive. I am so happy you jumped in the driver's seat of you life as well!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

Great, thoughtful posts, as usual here in the nest.

I guess we've said it. We're not moderating - we're quitting.

All of that AND, if you do relapse, don't hesitate to come back. We'll be here while you struggle to get it right. You might get a question about how you're going to do it differently, but you'll also get more support...

Dutch - Byrdie has a great lecture for that sentiment as well. It is depressing to see all of the people who go back to drinking, but as she told me when a quit buddy started drinking again (don't worry, NOT Ava), just because someone does doesn't mean YOU have to. Learn all you can about not drinking and work hard on staying sober - you don't have to be a statistic. Byrdie's words were more eloquent, but I got the picture. A while ago I posted the signs of relapse - there are predictable patterns of behavior that happen before the actual drink. Understanding those is key, because then you can reach out for support when you see it coming, BEFORE it actually happens.

Ava - Enjoy your balloon ride and your time with Robert.

Good night, nest.

[Matt M.]

Hi Nesters,

Enjoyed reading people’s thoughts on toying with the idea of a drink. Having played out & failed at countless attempts to drink in a controlled manner – the option doesn’t even occur to me. I’ve touched the stove enough times to know that every time I touch it I’m going to get burned.

What worries me is the AL voice I sometimes hear that says ‘Fuck It, I’ll just go back to drinking. Ive had enough of this.’ What I don’t have under my belt is the experience of what would happen if I did. NS, the post by TiredofHidingIt hit a nerve for me. Logically, I know I would wind up exactly where I left off. If I am going to stick this quit, I need to hold that fact in the palm of my hand & and never let it out of my sight. My life depends on it, and that means I need to work to keep it in accurate perspective every day. Simply put by a smart fellow, I need to stay hard. That is my challenge at 19 months sober. I don’t have to go out and do it to prove to myself what a mess it will be- and I mean that literally- there is no obligation for me to make this mistake.



Love and strength to all my Nestmates. xo

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[jane27]

ink:

Wishing all my Nestmates a goodnight (or cheerful morning). Turns out today was the SEAPLANE ride, not sailing. It was really nice (and I didn't get nauseous or feel like the plane was going to crash).
Love to all

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Looks like monsoon central here. Lots of rain, wind, flood watches & all that, geez!
Despite all that I am going to visit my granddaughter for a few hours today, ha ha.

Jane, a seaplane ride - never done that, interesting. Glad you enjoyed the ride
Have a good day today too.

Greetings Pav, Matt & everyone.
Have a great AF Tuesday one & all!

Lav

[LilBit]

Morning, Nest-Buddies. I've really enjoyed everyone's thoughtful posts, recently. Marylou's "It's not about the nail" video was hysterical, and probably applies to anyone who used to drink. Here's the link again if you missed it before: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O11...ature=youtu.be

The list of warning signs preceding relapse is interesting and helpful, but one of the items concerns me: "Believing 'I'll never drink again.'" Dang -- that's what I believe! Or rather, it's more like, "I must never drink again." Does that indicate I'm headed for a relapse? Or does the author mean more of a false belief like, "This can never happen to me because I'm past all that?"

Last night, a friend dropped by. 'Sounds trivial until she left and I realized how someone randomly dropping by at night would have horrified me six months ago. I'd have been well into a bottle, house a mess, unshowered and probably marble-mouthed but thinking I was so articulate. I might have even hidden from her, peeking out through the curtains and refusing to answer the doorbell, which she probably would have seen. Gosh, what an _ss I was!

Thankful for an AF life and that I still have my friends.

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Matt, that link you posted has stuck with me since I read it last night. Very interesting, indeed. It is reassuring to know that there's some real science behind the 'WHYS' of it all. My hubs and I live in the same house, and had virtually the same habits early on with AL, why did mine get out of control and his didn't? It does make me feel better to know that this really IS something beyond will-power or self control. All I have to do is not take that first drink and I am right as rain. So far, so good.

I may have mentioned that my neighbor had a stroke about 3 weeks ago and was taken to the hospital. We visited him three times and he got worse after each visit :egads: We lost him on Saturday. I can't believe it, he was so vibrant and larger than life. He was 69. This makes me so reflective about how I WASTED 20 years by being wasted. Especially those last 10. He lay there in the hospital bed and all he wanted to do was get back enough function to go home. He had accepted that he couldn't drive anymore, and that he would have to get a stair lift and all that....but that was ok, he could cope with that. His problem was way beyond his control. Our problem is very much IN OUR control. Just don't take that first drink. Every day of life is so precious and tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. I will not let AL take one more day of MY life.
If you are struggling with the decision of whether or not to kick AL out of your life or wondering how you are going to keep it in control....take a page from my playbook. QUIT and don't look back. AL was not fun, relaxing or cool anymore, it was required to get thru the day. When it gets to that point, or if you can't see yourself being AF forever, then this is Clue #1 you should do it. Normal drinkers don't think that way. We are not normal drinkers and we never will be. Once I grew a backbone rather than a wishbone, I got the job done. I have no regrets at all about that decision. Get it out, you will be a much happier person for it. I know I am....it's an inner peace that I can't describe. I feel lighter and more authentic and aware. It's a great place to be, and you can get there, too. One day at a time. Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Hi Nesters,
Quick check in. The marriage retreat was great! DH did go and of course the timing couldn't have been better. It was just what we needed. There was a two minute opening video that was very funny - both men and women will enjoy - about communication differences. Link below - if I did it right. Otherwise, look up "It's Not About The Nail" on You Tube. Off to catch up on happenings in the Nest and will reply later. Hugs to all.
http://youtu.be/5O11_Ma20Rk

:haha: :haha: :haha:

[All done drinking]

We are not normal drinkers and we never will be. Once I grew a backbone rather than a wishbone, I got the job done. I have no regrets at all about that decision. Byrdie

Profound words Byrdie. You couldn't have said it better.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!) :love:

[NoSugar]

The mod section, strictly for me, is like walking by a juicy steak in the window every time I feel like i am starving....Pavati I am with you, the more I think about modding as a possibility I feel like I am fighting myself, better to just say no.

I certainly felt the same for the first several months also, Dutch, which is why I stayed out of that section. That is why it concerns me when people who have the stated goal of being AF "hang out" in the moderation section of MWO. To change our thinking, biological responses, and attitudes, we need to be getting a clear consistent message NOT TO DRINK. We are bombarded with messages to drink all the time in our real lives. This can be a place to reaffirm your commitment to not drinking, to associate with others who have the same goal, to witness the consequences of giving in, and to receive the support we all seem to need to gain and maintain an AF life. This is hard enough anyway without exposing ourselves to conflicting messages, even when they come from people we like and care about. Our subconscious is taking all of this in and giving it meaning, even when we try to tell ourselves it's not.

The list of warning signs preceding relapse is interesting and helpful, but one of the items concerns me: "Believing 'I'll never drink again.'" Dang -- that's what I believe! Or rather, it's more like, "I must never drink again." Does that indicate I'm headed for a relapse? Or does the author mean more of a false belief like, "This can never happen to me because I'm past all that?"

I hope the author means the latter, LilBit, because I think it is essential that we believe in ourselves. In fact, we need to know (as much as it is possible to know anything for sure) that we will not drink again. And because we are in full control of this, we can know we won't drink more surely than we can know some other things that we want for ourselves but that are not entirely up to us. This is.

This doesn't mean we should be arrogant or complacent - it takes work to keep any commitment we make to ourselves or others. I truly believe I won't drink again but I know I need to do some things to keep my head where it needs to be to make that belief be true.

[Mr Vervill]

Back in Vegas, waiting for a flight, it has been delayed 2 1/2 hrs. This normally would have been the ticket to Boozeville, even though it's morning. What's wrong with a few Bloody Mary's before getting on the plane. Followed by more on the plane, landing fully loaded. A lot, that's what.

Not going to happen today!
Interesting link posted by Matt, never really saw the breakdown of AL in the system explained like this. It's no wonder we can't Mod. Not trying that either.
Now, to get that nail outta my head.
Stay strong all!
-V

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a nice visit with my girls today which was much needed
Now I find out I'm watching my grandsons again tomorrow, ha ha!

Hi there Lil, Byrdie, Addy, Mr V, NS & everyone!
I promised myself a better future back in March of 2009 by making a solemn vow to never buy or drink another drop of AL. I have no regrets & a ton of gratitude, for sure. I know everyone can do this if you truly want a better life

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[available]

Evening nesters

LC belated congratulations on 60 days a great achievement and shows your dedication to the cause.

pretty quiet my way, over the gloom of winter and the no sunshine gets really depressing after a few months. Are you hibernating mr G?

Byrd i am sorry to hear about your neighbour, 69 is so not old the older i get!

lil loved the nail, a classic clip that one.

Good to see everyone doing well. I am off to sleep. Gym, work, Robert, work, Robert then rinse and repeat, so much better than drowning my sorrows.

Take care x

[lifechange]

Hi mighty Nesters,
I also really appreciated all the conversation regarding modding.. thinking I could possibly moderate my drinking is what lured/pushed me into relapse each and every time. I still don't have the idea of "forever" branded in my brain like some of you. I still struggle with keeping the reality of my life under the influence fresh.. as it's already fading after a short few weeks. I think, like someone mentioned here, that for me, the drama created around deciding to drink again has a lot to do with it. The getting bored and not knowing what to do with myself. And I realise that though I've not been drinking, I haven't necessarily been changing other things in my life.. for instance, I still haven't found a therapist, which is very important for me to help deal with relationship issues/living issues that have contributed to my need to escape.. I also haven't yet been really active in finding different people to hang out with. I still go out to dinner with and hang out with people who drink.. and I haven't yet told people that I've quit..partly because I've said it so many times before and haven't stuck to it and partly because it would make it easier for me to make the decision to drink again. I haven't even told my partner, who though has noticed, hasn't said anything.. I have been exercising regularly, eating well, trying to meditate daily.. but today I have the feeling that I've been going through the motions more than actually taking it all into my heart and mind and soul. I still don't REALLY feel the no matter what and no matter who.. sometimes I do. And I am grateful on a daily basis to be sober, especially in the mornings. I guess I feel like a big contradiction at the moment. I haven't been posting as often as I would/should "because of" summer vacation.. which is an excuse, as I see Lav posting twice a day while watching crazy young grandsons!!
So my goal is to post at least once, if not twice a day.. we're leaving on Sunday for a week at the seaside with the kids, where I won't have internet access, but where I know I won't drink.. I'll continue to make exercise and nutrition a priority. I'm thinking that the break of routine is also throwing me for a loop. I LOVE the time off work, but the lack of schedule/feeling like I should be enjoying all of my time with the girls, brings some conflict with doing what I know is necessary for my sanity. And as soon as September comes, I WILL find myself a therapist and try to figure some things out, things that have me at a standstill..

Now off to read the links posted plus MaryLou's you tube.. I can just imagine!
Wishing you all a good one!

X-Post, Ava.. thanks for the congrats.. I like your rinse and repeat.. :hug: