Newbies Nest

[LavenderBlue]

Hello, Nest!
Well, I wasn't sleeping in - I was working! We've been juggling around 30 or so kittens for a couple months now, seems like as soon as some get adopted we get more in, or pregnant mama cats. (Spay and neuter your pets, PLEASE!) Anyway, that many kittens sounds like fun until you have to clean up after them on top of the adult cats and the dogs. I'll still take this over working at Big Box Mart any day. And I can promise you I'd never have applied while I was drinking. Even if they hired me, I'd be going crazy trying to balance late nights with early mornings, and feeling guilty I wasn't giving my best.

Speaking of, this has to be short so I can sleep! I'm covering for someone else in the morning - another thing that is FAR less painful when going to bed sober and on time.

Ava - I am so very happy you and Robert got your balloon ride! <3

Take care all, have a great MAE!

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

A quiet Sunday here - I hope everyone is out and enjoying a delightful sober day.

It was scorching here, but I decided to go for a good hard hike followed by a dip in the ocean. Nothing more rejuvenating, and the Pacific isn't as cold as usual right now. There are a lot of fires here in NoCal, so the air was hazy and smoky -eerie, really. I feel great - tired and ready for a good sleep, knowing I won't wake up at 3am wondering why I drank all day.

Glad that post helped, LC. Personally I wonder about god filling the empty hands - I think of myself finding a way to fill them eventually, but I don't really concede to powerlessness either. I think of it as accepting the open hands until I figure out what goes in there.

Have a great week, everyone.

Pav

[jane27]

Byrdie, I'm glad I asked. I saw feet and a state (or a gun ), but the black spot on the footprint + the combination of any or all of those things made me feel like I HAD to ask. That's a lot of cookies! You might have to implement a max lot size! I know those cookies wouldn't be safe with me around. What does Rubi think about all of this? (Btw, She texted me this afternoon. Wants a tiara made up with her name written in, get this - rubies! ) xxx

[Lavande]

Good Monday morning Nesters,

Another super hot day on the way here, oh boy. I am personally looking forward to cooler, less humid weather

Jane, I think Rubi is spoiled enough, ha ha!! A tiara would just make her impossible to live with, LOL

LavB, sounds like you are busy but learning to balance everything & that's great! Hard work & good self care are the best!

Pav, my brother lives out your way so I have heard quite a bit about the air quality due to the fires. What a shame, huh?

Wishing everyone a great AF day! I have lots to do to keep myself out of trouble today.

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good one, Jane! Rubies! :haha:

My hands are sure full right now, Im up to my eyes in FEET! (Cookie Feet) MindPeace to all, B

[Matt M.]

A little something to kick off the week with!

Self-Acceptance and Self-Knowledge

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference.

This well-known prayer expresses some key guidelines to our philosophy of living. I saw were someone explained the serenity prayer like this:

“For me, the things I cannot change are other people, places, and circumstances. The only things I can change are my attitudes, reactions and action toward the people, places and circumstances in my life.

“The wisdom to know the difference, well, that’s a hard one. I don’t always know what I can and cannot change until I try changing it. Wisdom comes by trial and error. The more experience I have, the more understanding, knowledge, and wisdom I have.”

Today I will accept that much of my wisdom can only come through my daily experiences. I need to expect to make some mistakes in my attitudes, actions, and judgment of what I can and cannot change. I will learn to be patient with myself and others as I gain more understanding from my mistakes.

Stay Hard! & Have a great Monday!

[Byrdlady]

This is from Mollyka and it is so good, I've pulled it from my personal Tool Box to share:

Hi Patrice - and welcome back -- was wondering about you a good few times!
Well - do I dare to venture here -- oh hell, it's 'general discussion' - sohere's my tuppence worth.
Most of us (certainly a lot of us, myself included) were able to 'control' our drinking for varying periods of time - and that can fool us into thinking 'I'm ok, I've cracked this' -- but it's the 'cunning and baffling' ingredient of our illness -- by 'our' illness I mean problem drinking/alcoholism --- either-or!
When I was in rehab - my counsellor --- a very open minded recovering alcoholic himself told me this was very common - but in his opinion and experience (35yrs in counselling) -- 95% of problem drinkers/alcoholics will inevitablyrevert to their worst drinking and worse again -- I asked him in true addict fashion 'what about the other 5%?' - he just sighed and said 'most of them lie'-- it was a serious wake up call to me - because like you I had a very prolonged period of 'acceptable' drinking -- and here I go -- moderation (longterm) doesn't work - again - IMO!!! The damage that we may no longer be incurring to our physical health is still being done to our mental emotional health - in spades!

It's wonderful that you are back - and it CAN be wonderful if your recent experience can be your proof positive that drinking will inevitably only everever ever go in one direction -- that's one of the main components that keeps me sober --- (as well as the fact that I truly love sober living now --genuinely!) --- I KNOW I could drink 1-2 glasses of wine today --- I KNOW that I may or may not have anymore till next weekend and repeat --- but also KNOW --that somewhere down the road - maybe in a week, a month, a year even - that thebooze will weaken me -- it will break my spirit - I won't even know it's happening --- and that's the scary part - until it's too bloody late and I'm back in the grip of this horrible horrible illness.

Finally - even when you say about your trip home and worry a bit about the lovely wine and people etc. --- wouldn't it be lovely for that thought to never even enter your head --- cos it's irrelevant?? That's how you can be with adecent spell of sobriety -- the 'will I, won't I?' --- it all goes away -- it doesn't take up my headspace -- it's just GONE ---- as long as I know that Iwill never pick up a drink...... simple as!!!! And not picking up a drink becomes a 'nothing' thing -- it's not a punishment --- it's not a 'do without'thing --- it's NOTHING --- it's.........just........gone

[Starfish1]

Good Morning Friends,

Just checking in quickly. Lots of work to do here.

I am feeling much better, physically.

Today is Day 5. :yay:

[Dutch1988]

Matt and Byrdy, thanks for the posts. Yesterday I was seriously considering getting off the AL free train and trying moderating again. I talked to my wife about it, since she has been very supportive of me not drinking. She reiterated once again that nothing has really changed with me, other than a bit smaller waist, but that if I felt like drinking because of a feeling i was having then that wasn't a good idea. It was true, I am still going through most of the time either blue or bored, the boredom I think comes from missing that feeling of drinking when I do an activity, I don't know why, after 5 months, my brain still thinks some things like socializing with friends and family are fun, but it does.

On Saturday I found out my sister had cheated on her husband about 6 years ago. Somehow, through email, her husband found the guy and contacted him, and although they have been married for over 7 years now and have a toddler, it is going to cause problems. I could not believe it, and if you asked me who I think was the most likely person to cheat in my family her name would never have been close to the top. It's one of those walk a mile in someone else's shoe type deals, but I am surprised how little I think of her now. Her husband was my gym buddy before they moved and taught me a lot about weight training, convincing me I could become a personal trainer, something i am still working on finishing in the next month of so. he has always been more of an older brother to me than my real older brother, so I am very conflicted on how to interact with them, especially sicne my daughter loves their little boy. I hope they work it out.

Her telling me this also brought back a lot of negative feelings I have towards my wife. When I first stopped drinking she told me she purposely stopped taking her birth control when she became pregnant with our first child. I don't know which is worse, at the time we hadn't been married yet so I think her's is, even though we have been together 11 years. For future reference though, if the girlfriend of the guy you cheated with emails you, you should probably not respond, delete the account, and move to Florida or something.

Second two day weekend in a row, I am going to start doing a mindfulness meditation in the garage while the wife sees a friend whose in from out of town. I am trying to get her to do things with me, as when we sit on the couch I just want to scroll on my phone, which is surprisingly bad for someone struggling not to drink. Happy Monday all!

[Starfish1]

Gosh Dutch,

I hate to say it, but I am worried about you!

Unfortunately, I have a LOT of relapse experience under my belt. Certainly not proud of it, but at least, now, I can spot warning signs.

Dutch, I have given up weeks, months and even years of sobriety, (over the past 10 years). And the 10 years before that, I was hardly sober at all. It sucked!

As I mentioned to you a couple days ago...I (and a lot of others around here) know well that flat feeling. It is very painful. Sometimes, it's too painful to even believe you can and WILL get past it. But, you WILL, Dutch! We promise! Please hang in there. Please don't let your family issues get in the way of your sobriety. This will help no one and will hurt a lot of people. Especially you.

I am thinking that one thing that may help you is to shake yourself up a little bit by focusing on another area of your life besides the fact that you are in recovery. Sometimes we get SO tired of thinkin about drinkin or (in our cases- NOT drinkin)...Our brains get so stuck in the same thoughts and we wear ourselves out.

What I'm thinking is that (while you still maintain your sobriety), you need to do something else for yourself. Something that REQUIRES you to stay sober and something that lifts your spirits and your opinion of yourself. You mentioned possibly getting certified to become a personal trainer. GO FOR IT!!! That would be an awesome accomplishment and, of course, you can't do that while you are drinking and it would be a help to you and to the ones you train. That's just an example, Dutch. Maybe you have other ideas, but what I am trying to say is that I think it would serve you well to focus on a brand new goal or hobby (like Byrdie's baking or jewelry making) and show yourself and everyone else what you can do! You're a great guy, Dutch! Take care of YOU!

I really hope I am not out of line here. Just my 2 cents!

[Eloise]

"For future reference though, if the girlfriend of the guy you cheated with emails you, you should probably not respond, delete the account, and move to Florida or something."

Amen to that one Dutch. Geez.
What is the point in bringing it all out now, 7 years later? Misery.

This all takes time Dutch, things are not going to snap to perfect as quickly as we might like. It kind of like reinventing the sober you?
I have had to make a pretty big effort to find my little pleasures and this gives my husband a bit of joy too. When he sees I am happy he feels a lot better and is more relaxed too.
How goes it with the sugar free? I have to tell you this is not something I advertised in the beginning, wasn't it enough I wasn't drinking? I felt I had to get a handle on it because all the ice cream made me realize what I really wanted was WINE. No kidding. When I eat watermelon I don't think of drinking, I just think about how delicious the watermelon is. Somehow the sugar makes me anxious and I start to get all crazy, god knows we don't need that.
Ah... did I mention it is all worth it? :nutso:

[Eloise]

I like what starfish is suggesting Dutch. I started horseback riding.
They had us cantering the first night, I thought I was going to kill myself. I was determined not to fall off that horse and started doing yoga to help with my balance and core strength. Here we are 7 months later and I am picking up his hooves to pick out the doo-doo like a little cowgirl. In the beginning I was like "I can't do that, are you crazy? Sickening!!"

You need a mission. Something to get your mind off the mundane. Something to conquer and accomplish, give you a reason to show off! Look at me, my life is what I want it to be.

[Turnagain]

Greetings Nesters! This place is always hopping and I like to read here whenever I have a chance. Glad to see you back Starfish and Patrice! I think what Byrdie wrote a few posts ago is incredibly encouraging. It really is possible to get to the place where all desire for alcohol is truly gone. What a relief! And, what power!

Dutch - you've got a lot of support coming your way and you're taking a very positive, pro-active approach to dealing with your flat feelings. It sure sounds like anhedonia, which shouldn't surprise any of us since alcohol disrupts and damages so much of our reward system. There have been a lot of studies about anhedonia and alcohol dependence and the prolonged impact that remains once the active damage stops. It is actually typical for many to feel blah and disinterested in just about everything after a period of abstinence.

Interestingly enough, researchers are starting to shift attention to the link between anhedonia and what's going on in our gut. Here's a user-friendly article on the gut/brain relationship:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/28/magazine/can-the-bacteria-in-your-gut-explain-your-mood.html?_r=0

Two of the most effective treatments for anhedonia center on exercise and diet. It sounds like you are very active. Perhaps, it's worth evaluating how your eating and making some changes if needed? Sugar, caffeine, artificial sweeteners and processed foods just keep adding to the gut damage already caused by heavy alcohol intake.

No doubt the drug, alcohol, is a quick, cheap and easy fix for artificially and temporarily pumping up our feel-good neurotransmitters, but this drug ultimately ends up damaging and eventually destroying our body's ability to balance our biochemistry and produce the essential neurotransmitters and hormones that help us feel right with the world.

Last, but not least, Starfish had some awesome suggestions. Now is a great time for finding a new passion or project to pursue - anything that will help rewire and re-fire those dangling dopamine receptors. I took up playing the accordion when I quit drinking. It makes me so happy. And, thanks to all the lessons I've taken now - my accordion makes my family happy, too. LOL

Feeling flat sucks but you can get through it and even get beyond it once your body heals enough.

[Starfish1]

:yay: YOU, Eloise!
That is awesome (horseback riding and yoga)!
And that is exactly what I was trying to say! WE need missions! I am not excluding myself here at all.
During my longest stint of sobriety, I attributed my success to grasping a whole new, healthier lifestyle. I let myself adopt habits that I was passionate about. I need to do that again.
I really like to draw, so I think I will try to start drawing again. I need a cheap hobby right now, and one that I can do from the comfort of my home. In a few months, when I feel more sociable, and the weather is a little more agreeable, I hope to pick up some kind of outdoor hobby. I am getting excited about this now.
Thanks!

[Matt M.]

Dutch thanks for sharing your struggles.

Without trying to come across as insensitive, it seems you are holding on to the illusion that you are missing out, being tortured and imprisoned because you can't drink. I'm not sure of your circumstances that led you here, but I can see the Al wheels turning in your head questioning whether or not complete Abstinence is really what you need. Follow that with reassurance from your wife that you " have not changed" This way of thinking is a guaranteed ticket to drink, IMO. I say this only from experience...
I hope you find your way

Stay Hard my friend