Newbies Nest

[Starfish1]

Thanks, Turn!

We cross posted, but I just wanted to say....

I love to read everything you write on this site. You are SO knowledgeable!

I had to look up the word "anhedonia", but I have experienced that for years and years...drunk or sober. I just thought it was depression. It is very disconcerting, whatever it's called when you don't get pleasure from ANYTHING.

We all deserve better than that!

Just the fact that I got butterflies in my tummy, thinking about drawing again, was a really good sign for me. Now, I just need to make myself DO it and not worry about how it looks or that I need to be doing something "more productive".... The most productive thing I can do right now is to work on my sobriety and if that means taking time out for a hobby, then so be it!

Dutch...this sounds fun!

[Eloise]

What the riding has also done is get me out of the house but in a controled environment where I know what to expect more or less.
Because I am still not completely comfortable in my new land and do not speak Dutch well yet lots of things regularly go amiss when I head out on my own (mostly because there is so much margin for misunderstanding). Getting out = good for our relationship and less feeling trapped.

[LilBit]

Dutch. as your quit twin and someone who's in the 5-6 month AF timeframe, I second wholeheartedly what the others have said. I also think a huge part of navigating this critical period is simply rethinking our leisure activities. Someone invited me to a roller derby bout last weekend, and I almost said "yes," until I thought it through and realized the only reason I liked the last one was because I was hammered. And I'm guessing you could stand me in a corner and throw little pickles at me, and I would still think it's fun if I were that drunk. So, I'm learning, as I think you are (meditating in the garage) to do a little check before any activity to see if it fits with our exciting 09999 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 new life.

Editorial note: The numbers in the previous paragraph are compliments of Crazy Ivan (cat), who sat on my keyboard and stared at me as it the 9's and 0's were dingging away. 'Thought I'd leave them there, since Ivan generally only says something if it's important.

[Starfish1]

Ivan wanted to make sure we all know that he has (at least) 9 lives!!!
Too cute, lil bit!!!

I've had a good day and a good supper.

Day 5 done and dusted. Sweet dreams, all!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Looks like the nest had a busy day ~ great!

Lil, that Ivan is one smart cat

Dutch, hang in there & think about a new activity that may help fire up some interest. Doing things with kids or around kids generally means AF activity time. Do you take your daughter out on your own? Take her to the zoo or playground, something like that. Keep yourself in the gratitude zone for the awesome work you have already done.

Wishing everyone a safe & peaceful night.

Lav

[abcowboy]

Dutch, I’ve been following your posts, both here in the Nest and on Your Journal, and I have to agree with the others, you are headed in the wrong direction. Letting your mind head in that direction will definitely lead you there. There is a big difference between being “dry” and being “sober” I don’t want to sound harsh, I’m just worried you’re even contemplating throwing away the sober time that all your hard work has gotten you.

If you are confused and frustrated, that's OK. Don't let that frustration make you drink. Remember, no one has all the answers. And anyone, who thinks he does, is misleading himself. If you are unsure of whether or not you are an alcoholic, don't automatically deny that you are. Rather, give recovery a chance and see if your life is easier (with less bad consequences) when you are not drinking or thinking of drinking. If you think you know how to stay sober on your own, you probably have a lot to learn, particularly if you have tried to stop drinking on your own before. If you think you are going to make the perfect decision with results that will work out exactly as planned, you have a lot to learn.

We alcoholics are obsessed with our booze. When drinking, our work, relationships, and other fun activities tend to merely become an interference for our drinking. If you pick up the first drink, you will be off and running again. It is unlikely that if you were a normal drinker, you would even be reading this. And don't compare yourself with others because you weren't a daily drinker or because you didn't drink as much as someone else. It's not how much you drank, it's what it did to you that counts. Since this disease cannot be cured, we still need some sort of recovery program so that we don't relapse. Try to accept your disease more deeply and without shame. Remember where that first drink took you. Even if you don't think you drank that much, list the consequences you had when you were drinking. Wasn’t alcohol somehow involved with most of the trouble you had?

You need to take a look at your excuses, rationalizations, minimizations, and blindness regarding your alcohol use. Excuses range from, "I just had a tough day so I decided to get bombed to I just had a good day so I decided to get bombed." Rationalizations range from, "But I was at a party and everyone was drinking" or "My getting drunk was your fault." Minimizations include "I wasn't that awful" or "I only drink every now and then." Blindness means that you think "booze is the solution to your problems." Interestingly, denial doesn't only mean that someone knows they have a problem but refuses to deal with it. Denial also means that the person honestly is failing to see that he or she has a problem. If you are in denial, you are one step away from drinking again. My counsellor gave me a sheet on the “The 9 Rungs of the Ladder to Relapse” I’ll sort through my stuff and see if I can find it for you.

Don’t take the first drink or climb that first rung. Don’t throw away all you’ve gained. Don’t give up on yourself.

[Dutch1988]

Evening folks,

As always, everyone gives me plenty of feedback to sit back in my chair and rethink what's going on with me.

Star, I think you are dead on that I am too focused on my sobriety right now, it seems like I have been for about a month or more. I am going to try and focus less on it and just check in here once a day at the end of the day. I think it has become a viscous cycle checking in here, because I wake up feeling like drinking so I head to the forum to try and pick myself up, but then I keep cruising through and it stays on the top of my mind more and more. So at least for this week I am going to try and take a step back.

Eloise sugar free went to hell last Thursday, and I pretty much just gave up about 11 days in. I need to jump back on the sugar free train but think I need to focus on not drinking for a while longer. i know sometimes you have to start a fire to put another one out, but this ain't gonna happen anytime soon. Right now I am barely hanging on to being AF.

Turn thanks for the info, I will look into anhedonia, i could eat healthier, but am doing pretty good(aside from ice cream at the end of the day). I eat a lot of fruits and veggies and stay away from processed foods.

I know everyone's talking about finding a new activity to focus on, but guys, I have too many activities I do! I'm doing 4 different physical activities during the week when I am not injured/fighting a fungus/virus(grappling, kajukenbo, parkour, weight training). I haven't been getting cardio in the past few weeks, and I know the endorphins I get from that make a big difference in my urge to drink. I thank everyone for talking about picking up a new hobby because what I really think I need to do is sit in the garage and get back to mindfulness meditating everyday. That's the only thing I have dropped off the past 5 months that I was doing I can think changed my thinking. ABC, I think i wouldn't have to work so hard to catch my rationalizing, minimizing, denial, or blindness if i would just get back into this daily habit.

Have a good night all!

[All done drinking]

Dutch,

What I read in your post is pain about things you can't control and a subtle excuse (don't know if you are aware of it even but it appears that way to me) to drink your problems and bad memories away. I've been quoting a lot of 1 liners on the "Dedicated to the quit I love" thread and want to share this one for you. "There is no problem so bad that alcohol can't make it worse." Hang in there Dutch. We're rooting for you.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

[Pavati]

Hi, Folks:

Great discussion. Dutch - Turnagain doesn't post much, and when she does, I listen! I am so glad that you come here to post those feelings BEFORE you drink rather than after, and that you read the advice and take what is relevant to you. That is the sign of working on your sobriety.

Lil - You have a marvelous turn of phrase - pickles! Glad you left Ivan's handiwork.

It is late and I just got home - off to bed.

Pav

[Lavande]

Good morning Abbers,

Looks like a foggy start to the day here in the east! Don't know where that came from but it's better than the blistering heat of the past four days. I think it's still going to warm up to 90+ later.

I'm sure you will find your way Dutch. Adopting a zero tolerance policy towards AL was a great tool for me in the beginning & it still applies after all this time

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Tuesday!

Lav

[Starfish1]

Star, I think you are dead on that I am too focused on my sobriety right now, it seems like I have been for about a month or more. I am going to try and focus less on it and just check in here once a day at the end of the day. I think it has become a viscous cycle checking in here, because I wake up feeling like drinking so I head to the forum to try and pick myself up, but then I keep cruising through and it stays on the top of my mind more and more. So at least for this week I am going to try and take a step back.

Okay, Dutch... well, I didn't really mean that the site was keeping you so focused on the drink problems, but I do understand what you are talking about. It's hard to think about something else when we are spending so much time on the site, but hopefully when we are checking in here, it is to get advice or encouragement, not to dwell on our turmoil.

You say you are going to try to focus less on your sobriety? I hope that means you are going to focus less on any drawbacks or negative thoughts you have on where you are now and more on how far you've come and what a bright future you have ahead of you. Day by Day, Dutch!

BTW- I think meditation is a great idea! I am planning to start trying that again too. Two mantras have been repeated here ever since I joined the site years ago, and those are gratitude and meditation. I think they are key.

Also, I know we have all been talking about hobbies and such, but what I was really thinking would be helpful for both you and me is a hobby in which we are able to look forward to a tangible goal. That's why I mentioned getting your license (or whatever it is) to be a personal trainer. That would be something you could see, feel and touch and be proud of, Dutch. It's sometimes difficult to see the seemingly small improvements that our sobriety gains for us each and every day, but if we can set a goal (say 6 weeks) and work so very hard to reach that goal...so hard that we are thinking only of reaching that goal, then we are actually concentrating more on reaching that goal and our “all consuming” thoughts of sobriety sort of fade into the background. You just have to remember that the sobriety is a major component of that background and a huge tool in allowing you to attain your new, tangible goal. After all that, you will not only have your tangible goal, but you'll have 6 more weeks of sobriety!

Does this make sense? I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t led you astray.

We are here for you!:hug:

[Byrdlady]

Must. Make. Cookies.

[jane27]

Must. Make. Cookies.

Looking good Byrdie! How do you package these bad boys? Kills me to picture them all stacked up in a tin. Is there another way?

[Byrdlady]

Looking good Byrdie! How do you package these bad boys? Kills me to picture them all stacked up in a tin. Is there another way?

I am individually bagging them. They are going to be wedding party gifts and party favors for the bride's shower.

[LilBit]

Amazing cookies, Byrdie. You really have a flair for this thing!