Newbies Nest

[Eloise]

I have been thinking a lot about our party last night & I think this was significant in my getting sober journey.
I was paid a big compliment before we left at what a healthy lifestyle I have and about my art program and how good it is for the children.
I always overlook my successes and focus on the problem areas. I have been told my entire life I must feel a certain way, behave a certain way etc.
now I actually think I need to recognize how I feel and decide if these feelings merit the situation?
I left that party feeling like a normal person and that is just so great.
Last night showed I am getting a handle on this and that I should trust myself more.
It is a pretty good feeling!

[Marylou123]

Hi Nesters and Happy Sunday,

Hot, hot, hot in central Florida today. Just a quick fly by for my own accountability.

El -- way to go! Keep on accentuating the positive.

Brydie -- I wouldn't be able to go back and ask for more moola either. I see cookies not half as beautiful as your at the bakery and they're at least $2 each.

Cowboy - you nailed it. And it does take time getting comfortable with sobriety, along with the hard work Jane was talking about, to develop that capacity. I am so grateful for every sober day I've had. To sorta quote a great lady here at MWO (not mentioning any names Byrdie!), "I haven't regretted a one!"

I'm stocked up on orange flavored and mango flavored (my new fav) sparkling so ready to conquer the heat.

Hugs - ML

[Quit wining]

Thanks Abcowboy, Pav and others for your welcome and words of advice.

Pav, you're right. While hope plays a part in what were doing, by far it isn't everything.

Last night was better than I expected. I won't say easier and it wasn't without some alcohol. At least it was a lot less. Friends dropped in and brought a bottle of wine!! But it was one bottle shared between four of us.

I did feel I accomplished something today though. I did some shopping and passed three liquor stores without stopping. At the grocery store I bought a few bottles of flavoured and sparkling water.

And with a clearer head this morning, walking the dog was a lot more enjoyable!

[Starfish1]

Hi friends :hug:

El, I am so glad you are realizing what an asset your sobriety is. Like so many of our friends have said, in the posts above, sobriety IS hard WORK, but it is something to be so proud of. And Bryrdie always says "Guard it like gold"...which is what you are doing. Great work!

AB cowboy, that's one of the best posts I've ever read. Thank you. You are full of great advice!

Dutch! You sound terrific! Keep drinking that coffee. Heck, I think I'll fix a cup myself! I need to research PAWS. Maybe that's what got me on my last couple relapses. Scary stuff. Hopefully, you are over the hurdle.

:hiya: Jane, Pav, Ava, Sam, Lav, Lav B, Byrdie, London, Mary Lou, QW, and all my other friends.

I have had a big morning and am excited about a big event this afternoon. I get to go meet my brand new grand dog! She is an eight week old "Golden Doodle"...a cross between a Golden Retrieve and Standard Poodle. Her name is Molly and the pictures I have seen of her are ADORABLE. We love animals in this household. I have a precious little Heinz 57 dog that we found on the street a few years back (Trixie) and we recently adopted an 8 year old former show Collie, who had been neglected and abandoned. She is doing very well now! Animals are precious gifts.

I am doing really well and enjoying my sobriety every day. I had a few moments of angst when i passed the booze isle at the grocery store this morning, but just kept right on walking.."Nothing to see there, just move along":horse: Right, Byrdie?

[Starfish1]

Hi QW,

Cross post. Glad to see you are feeling better and glad you passed those liquor stores. Just picture those liquor stores full of venomous snakes and get away from them as quickly as possible.

Sparkling water is much better.

[Pavati]

Night, Nest.

Another sober weekend down and dusted. I had such a much better time than I would have had I been drinking. Really.

xo
Pav

[Matt M.]

Hey all
Late Check in.
Busy getting everyone ready for school to start tomorrow.
So very grateful to be sober and present, able to be productive. All the last minute school shopping and errands. In the past that would have been a good excuse to hit a few of my watering holes, only to be home physically yet mentally disconnected.
Sober living is better than I ever imagined!

Stay Hard my friend's!

[Dutch1988]

El that's awesome, looking forward to reaching that point.

QW I hate going down the liquor isle, even at this point I avoid it, I head towards the freezers full of ice cream instead.

Star I have two big labs and we aren't friends, of course I sm in charge of their poop and they are on the large side, pretty sure one is part husky. Poop aside dogs are good company on the nights alone.

Tried to get my wife to do my yoga mindfulness meditation last night. About a minute in she was already asleep, the girl is amazing. She can't sleep at night without the tv on since the miscarriage but just hearing Jon Kabat Zinn say focus on your belly and its lights out. I wanted to share this with her because she always has headaches I think are postural related, along with the mental benefits. I think I will ask her again tonight after the goober is down.

Brother in law called me today with his two cents of my sisters affair, it was nice to be present and try and at least be an ear for him.

Backs feelings better so I am back at grappling tomorrow, I know is sounds crazy but nothing perks me up like a 45 minutes of rolling around with sweaty men. My wife always used to love watching me do standup fighting but she hates the grappling tournaments, she says it just looks wrong lol. I keep telling her it's only queer if we lock eyes and smile =P

Gnite all

[Eloise]

Adding to what I said yesterday about 'negative/critical rogue thoughts' I listened to another Bubble Hour last night and it was about exactly what I mentioned; where we focus our energy, thoughts and perfectionism.

I am so looking forward to getting back to work with the kids, but one thing I am going to work on is I HAVE to stop stressing before art re: how many children will come. If they do not come it is not because they do not like my class, or something I have said or done the previous class. The only thing I can do is my best and work on some sort of marketing plan to bring more children to the program. What I really want is always to have at least 6 kids at each session, so it feels like a real class. What is important is that I am building a quality art program one session at a time, this is not a hobby for me, more like a mission to give meaning and a routine to my day.

I sort of need to put this in writing to remind myself of what I am doing: first, bringing awareness to perfectionist thoughts and working on self-esteem.

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, fellow Nesters!
Eloise, you know what is weird? You seem to be one of the 'most together' people on these boards. Your posts are so positive and project an attitude that you are not being pulled thru life, you are leading the way! It is so odd to read that you worry like the rest of us!! I think EVERYBODY worries like that. Tom Cruise....Meryl Streep...Princess Diana for Pete's Sake! We all worry about our insecurities and worry that we are good enough. You know what? We ARE!! If there is one thing I'm confident about, it's my insecurity! I have found that the ones who bluster and blow about how great THEY are have worse cases than I do! They just handle it a different way!

I wish you could see yourself as I see you: An articulate artist with a successful business, with an awesome hobby of horseback riding, living in a European country with accordion music playing in the background at all times! You are someone who has displayed considerable strength and discipline in this battle with AL. Those are all traits to be proud of! You rock!!!

I hope everyone has a strong plan for the week ahead! Remember: Hope is NOT a strategy! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Quit wining]

Good morning all. Day 1 went better than I expected. Maybe it was because I knew I'd be tempted. And I was but the sparkling water was just fine.

Day 2 is off to a good start, just back from a 6km walk with my 4 legged buddy.

Hope everyone has a great day!

[Starfish1]

I wish you could see yourself as I see you: An articulate artist with a successful business, with an awesome hobby of horseback riding, living in a European country with accordion music playing in the background at all times! You are someone who has displayed considerable strength and discipline in this battle with AL. Those are all traits to be proud of! You rock!!!

That's the same way I see her, Byrdie, and I JUST met her! And on top of it all, she can ride a bike!!!!

Keep up the great work, El!

Dutch! :turd2: Haha! I've been wanting to use that emoticon! Keep taking care of those precious doggies and they will return the favor tenfold, I am sure! That's why they are called "Man's best friend". They are there for you through thick and thin! One of my daughters' has a husky. Those are AMAZING dogs too!

I got to meet my grand-dog yesterday and I am IN LOVE. She is the cutest, most cuddly thing EVER. And so smart! I wish I knew how to post pictures!

Gosh, if I don't quit going on about dogs so much, I may need to join a support group for dog addiction! I like my cats too, guys. I just love animals, in general.

This week, I will be house/dog sitting for a family member while she is away for a few days. (Gosh, there I go again!), but the point of this story is that I will be alone in her house (except for the dog) and this used to be a license for me to drink to my heart's content. Bad news. Not this time. I am planning healthy meals, have brought some good books and plan to enjoy a lot of time walking Lil' Darlin' (the dog) and playing lots of ball with her. That's her favorite sport.

Have a great day, all!

[Starfish1]

Cross Post, QW.

Congratulations on Day 2 :welldone:

I was just talking about 4 legged buddies (AGAIN). Six Km...that's awesome! We take short walks, because my Heinz 57 4 legged buddy is short and obese...we need to work up to longer distances. Sounds like fun!

[Eloise]

Good Morning, fellow Nesters!
Eloise, you know what is weird? You seem to be one of the 'most together' people on these boards. Your posts are so positive and project an attitude that you are not being pulled thru life, you are leading the way! It is so odd to read that you worry like the rest of us!! I think EVERYBODY worries like that. Tom Cruise....Meryl Streep...Princess Diana for Pete's Sake! We all worry about our insecurities and worry that we are good enough. You know what? We ARE!! If there is one thing I'm confident about, it's my insecurity! I have found that the ones who bluster and blow about how great THEY are have worse cases than I do! They just handle it a different way!

I wish you could see yourself as I see you: An articulate artist with a successful business, with an awesome hobby of horseback riding, living in a European country with accordion music playing in the background at all times! You are someone who has displayed considerable strength and discipline in this battle with AL. Those are all traits to be proud of! You rock!!!

I hope everyone has a strong plan for the week ahead! Remember: Hope is NOT a strategy! Hugs to all, Byrdie

Awh, THANKS Byrdie!!
It is very true about folks that toot their own horn from dawn til dusk too.
And thanks for offering your take on my journey, it means a lot as I respect your opinion. The only thing amiss is the accordion music, that is Italy. We listen to American music here :love:

Remember how I was freaking out about everything while I was drinking and/or in the midst of trying to stop? That one big step to decide to quit has change how I look at just about everything. Except for the dog peeing on the rug, that still sends me directly into a tail spin. And I do think it has saved my marriage too. I think I would have run away eventually and I did not want to do that. And, the realisation that I am not a social outcast because I decide to drink is a huge relief. And no one could have told me that, I had to experience it for myself. In fact, I think the general reaction is 'gee, that is healthy.'

I plan to continue to brainwash myself however I can to never drink again and work on my social anxiety, confidence and trusting myself and my husband. This is also a big one.
All of the things that a few glasses of wine would just wash away like magic only to be magnified ten fold when sober. Basically years of neglect and it is catch up time. :dancin:

[KENSHO]

I want to be honest and share what happened on Sat. night. I posted about drinking thoughts. I arrived at the restaurant, and ordered soda water. Halfway though the meal, I thought, what could be wrong with just one wine? And I had one wine. Once I had half of it, I wished I hadn't - as if it did nothing positive for me. I thought, how stupid - you “indulged” and don’t even like the result. Yet when I got home, right before bed nonetheless, I snuck into the freezer for a shot. What?!?

I know I sound like a confused broken record. The fact that I snuck more at home, right before bed, is not normal thinking. I have a lot of trouble stating I am an “alcoholic” - because of the lack of repercussions and lack of overall quantity I drink, but I can definitely admit I am addicted, and that my behavior related to AL is not healthy or normal. Likely, I’m at the beginning end of a very bad future if I keep alcohol in it.

I guess the only thing I can do is stop. There is no “just one” for me over time, and that is what I need to remember. I really believed my alcohol abuse was a thing of the past - but my brain needs none in order to not need more and more. I get that - just sucks to admit. Life will be full and functional without alcohol - there’s no reason to hang on to it now. I will have to deal with not feeling as connected with my husband and his family - without alcohol. That will be hard. And I shutter thinking about it now. I’m not sure my marriage can weather me not drinking. But I’ve always been brave - and now it is time to be brave.

I am not Superwoman, no matter how hard I try to be - I am an alcohol addict and that is one of the dark marks to my personality. And that’s OK, it would be helpful for me to recognize more of my limitations. The really bad thing would be to continue to ignore AL, and abuse it and struggle with it. I grew up in an environment that taught me that as a woman, “I could BE anything and DO anything if I set my mind to it and worked hard”. Unfortunately, I can’t seem be un-addicted to alcohol, so “working hard” to be so is getting me nowhere. I’ve viewed it as a challenge, like if I work hard enough at it, I can accomplish un-addiction. Isn’t that stupid?? And my first thought is to say that I should “admit defeat” against AL - but that is thinking as though I’ve failed. Perhaps I need to view alcohol as a part of me that I just shouldn't fight. Perhaps I need to fight less in general and be more kind to myself, ALL the parts of myself.