Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

I mean that I needed to try moderation out (and I failed), and that I have needed to try different strategies to dealing with and understanding this issue my life - and I wasn't sure it was welcome discussion here. Thanks to everyone's recent posts, I get it now. I am no different than anyone here. My use is not different, and neither is my abuse, and neither is my addiction. I hope I can work alongside you all to quit struggling and move on without alcohol.

[Starfish1]

I hope I can work alongside you all to quit struggling and move on without alcohol.

:hug: You can sit right beside me!

:star:

[bran new day]

Thanks Pie , This one is going on the wall ..

Hi Kensho, On the "never" question, maybe you could table it for now, with the idea that "never" can be a place you get to, but doesn't need to be the place you start from. I think that's how it's working for me.

[Starfish1]

What an evening. Lots of chores to do when I got back home, but they all got done and were done well. Time for a well deserved cup of hot tea and some rest.

Have a good night everyone.

[TJAF]

Kensho. Nothing that you've asked or said is breaking new ground. In one way or another all of us who have struggled or continue to struggle with alcohol have asked ourselves what you have articulated over the last few days. I'm glad you're being honest. Far better to tell it like it is then to pretend on what is for all practical purpose an anonymous web site. I am an alcoholic. I loved to drink when I did so, I loved the feeling of being high but I also know that if I were to start the on off switch is broken. That's what makes us different than a social drinker. Denying this only makes the likelihood of relapse that much more likely. I stopped and started so many times over a lifetime of drinking. It was only when I could honestly face the fact that I am an alcoholic did sobriety begin for me. After 2 years the only thing that has changed for certain regarding my condition is total acceptance that I am an alcoholic and the dogged reality that I can't drink. You will find your path. It does get easier and you will be happier and healthier as a result.

[LavenderBlue]

Kensho, for what it's worth, I think Matt nailed it and I can see what he was trying to get across. I know you mentioned I said a lot of hard truths - he was also very honest there. Not as a slam, but describing the circles you seem to be running in. Being stuck running in circles sucks, sometimes recognizing it can help you find a new path and I know we're all rooting for you to find one that works. Many of us maybe just don't know what to say other than, "The only thing that worked for me was quitting." I think that's part of what makes it hard when you ask if "never" is the answer...it's clearly the only one that's worked for all of us, or we wouldn't have made that decision! I'm guessing everyone here has tried to mod, too, even if they didn't call it that at the time - you don't jump on a quit drinking website for help until you really start running out of options! We all wanted to solve this by ourselves, and eventually wanted off that ride. Anyway, I'm glad if anything I or anyone else has said helped at all, it can be a tough thing to give two cents on since it's obviously a pretty important/emotional topic for everyone here.

Great going Starfish and QW! You're doing some of the hardest work right now, and it's going to pay off more the longer you keep at it!

Not much else to say on my end, I had a two second craving earlier today...and when I took even one second to look at it, it was obviously because I was hot and hungry and wanted a cool drink. Finished my grocery shopping and had cold sparkling water and a sandwich when I got home, THAT was what my body actually wanted. I don't say that to imply it's always easy, just it's pretty impressive the lengths that addicted brain will go to make you think it's what you want or "need." I am 900% positive my body wanted food and some water, not AL.

Unrelated, I'm having the most amazing time at work. We have this 11 month old lab puppy, black with white on his chest and feet. He came in the other day, just shaking he was so scared of everything. I've been spending time with him, and as long as I'm slow, and gentle, and get down on his level, he'll come up to me and let me pet him. The poor thing is scared even when he does that, but he's trying, and he trusts me, and I think my heart might just explode. I really honestly can't have another dog, and it's not even so much that I want to bring him home. It just feels so amazing to be doing this super important thing for the poor little guy. <3 Never ever would I have been in tune enough with my intuition to do that while I was drinking; even if I wasn't drunk right at the time I had a wall up around me.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Kensho - I was confused and intrigued about all of the recent moderation information in the news - maybe total abstinence isn't the only answer? What I found after reading was that mostly they are talking about serial relapsers who are serious drinkers, and medications can help where AA and other methods have failed. In those cases, a drink or five is better than a three week binge, I guess. Another thing they talk about is the drinker who finds herself drinking three drinks every day out of habit, and through behavioral control and changing habits, she can consciously reduce that amount. I am afraid that once we got to the point of finding an online forum, we were beyond that point, however. Drinking shots out of the freezer (I'm there with you!) is not on the list...

Another good Bubble Hour: Understanding the High Functioning Alcoholic.

No Sugar recommended the Bubble Hour for a while before I finally listened - I was so happy I did. What a great podcast! You can download the Podcast app to your phone, stick your earphones in, and listen while you do the dishes (at least that is one of my places).

Ok, I'm off to bed. Thanks for a great discussion.

Pav

[Quit wining]

Day 4 just about over. It seems to be getting easier each day but I'm expecting the beast will try to break my resolve. I'm ready!

The discussion has been good the last few days - honest & open with people not afraid to voice their opinion. That's great! I think we all benefit from dialogue like this.

Hope everyone has a safe night in the nest!

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
QW, great job on Day 4, the nest is warming up our Keesters for your big moon! (butt are you ready for us???)

There have been some good discussions here. LavB, I totally agree with you that every single one of us wanted to be able to drink moderately....to put that Jeannie back in the Bottle, but alas. Speaking for myself, quitting forever was the LAST thing I wanted to do. I wanted to break the habit and give myself some time to heal. Here's the thing: If you look at the science behind all this (that NS has provided over the years) that's just not how addiction works. I certainly tried the weekends only approach, or the special occasions motto! The deprivation of it all made me grab onto AL like a drowning person on a floatee. Not getting enough is worse than not getting any. TIME AND DISTANCE are going to be your best friend on this path.

My Way Out is a wonderful place of support. It's a wealth of knowledge if you take the time to use it. There are 7-8 years of information here. I had to find MY way out the hard way. What a shame. My pride and ego held me back. ME? An ALCOHOLIC? Are you KIDDING ME? No way! Yes, way. It can happen to the best of us!

Over the years, I've seen folks fly in, admit a problem with AL, hear what we had to say, and storm off in a huff. They just didn't want to hear the hard reality of this disease. That's fine, I understand that, like me, it takes a while to absorb. What I hope for others is to not have to find the bottom of that hole. It is a dark place of despair and there is so little hope left to cling to. If you think quitting is hard when you don't REALLY have problems, wait til your plate is FULL OF THEM and try quitting! We are providing information and it's everyone's choice how to use it. Between the folks who have posted in the last 24 hours, I would dare to say that is about 100 years of AL abuse between us. That's a lot of experience. I have learned one thing here....I know longer have to find out everything the hard way. If 99 people walk off a cliff and die and my name tag says #100, you can now call me TAIL LIGHTS.

We provide information and experience, the way out is every person's choice.

Hope everyone has a happy day! Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Good morning. I hear you all. Thank you. Feeling tired today, and looking forward to no AL.

[Marylou123]

Good Morning Friends,

Just catching up after two days on the road (but not away from MWO!). Good discussion here over the past 48 hours.

I have a close, long time friend that is killing herself with AL. She knows it but the grip has a stronghold on her. How I wish she would spend a little time here, but she hasn't yet. Byrdie - your post the other day about the FEAR AL brings upon us could have been directed specifically to her. She is physically ill, isolated, refusing to seek any help (I've told her about MWO, recommended books, videos, Bubble Hour podcasts, offered to drive the 100 miles to her to go with her to AA which isn't my thing but..., had many heart2hearts) and, I guess, she just hasn't found the bottom of that hole yet. It is breaking my heart. I've had to tell her I won't speak to her when she's drinking - she gets abusive with me and I won't take that crap anymore. It's hard but our relationship was built on drinking together - I used to buy a case of wine for weekend visits!! We'd talk almost every night - telling the same stories over and over like drunks do. I still love her and care deeply but it is a different relationship now - no more codependency. I am a changed life and I never, ever, ever want to go back.

Hmm...guess I had to vent that. So, yesterday I interviewed for a new job. Eight interviews over the course of 6.5 hours followed by an 80-mile drive home in the pouring rain. I was brain dead! DH took me out for a nice dinner and when we got home I crashed and was so grateful to be home, sober and in my own bed!! If I had gone through those interviews during my drinking days, I would have been filled with self doubt and worry. Instead, I KNOW I did my best and dealt with all the questions and case studies/what if situations honestly and confidently. If I'm not the "right" candidate for the job, then the person that is, truly IS! Plus, I'm not entirely sure it's the "right" job for me. Still thinking on that. It would also mean relocating - not sure I want to do that either. Hubs is totally supportive of whatever I want to do. The great thing is - Today I'll live in the present. I will not drink today. I am grateful for the life I have. And, our new kayak is supposed to come today so we'll finally have two and be able to go out on the lake together.

Heading to mom's tomorrow and, apparently so is Hurricane Erika!! I might just have to bundle her up (mom, not Erika) in my car and bring her back inland until the storm passes. Whatever!

Well...off to do some squats. Got a moon party to get ready for. You're rockin' it QW!!

[Starfish1]

If you think quitting is hard when you don't REALLY have problems, wait til your plate is FULL OF THEM and try quitting!

That's MY mantra, Byrdie :thumbsup: I think about that A LOT!!

So proud of you QW! Keep up the great work. It gets easier!

Good luck on the job front, Mary Lou! You sound great! Be careful in that storm!

[Starfish1]

Lav B,

I am so happy you are helping that sweet, scared puppy. You are a special person@ Keep up the great work!

[LilBit]

Quiet nest today. Thought I'd pop in for a quick hello. 'Hopefully, everyone is busy with fun things.

Starfish, you're doing great with your 15 days. You seem to be growing new arms, none of which wants to reach for a drink.

Lav, I've been reading the "You know you're an alcoholic when..." thread that Byrdie recently bumped. One story told about a person being drunk while chasing after chickens and it made me think of Stella. 'Ever tried it, yourself?

[Lavande]

Lil, I have to admit that I probably did but that was a L O N G time ago now
I had to round up some loose birds this evening & got them inside their coop in record time, ha ha!

Good luck on the job(s) Marylou!