Newbies Nest

[LavenderBlue]

Hi all, and sorry to be short. Busy week and I'm already running on less sleep than I should have. >_> Gotta catch up on some of that tonight!

On the puppy though, thanks for the kind thoughts all! He's still pretty skittish, but I've been trying to sit with him for a bit each day. <3 I usually don't post pictures, but I'll make an exception this time, I think.

MWO puppy.jpg MWO puppy2.jpg

Off to bed, but good thoughts out to all, take care and have a great day!

[Quit wining]

Hi Nesters!

Hope everyone had a great AL free day.

Kensho, hope you enjoy the mountains! We can't even see ours because of smoke from forest fires in Washington State and British Columbia. It was really tough being outside at all today.

This is the end of day 6 for me. We have family here for the weekend and tonight I got to be the designated driver! Been a long time since that happened. Feels pretty good!

Congrats Kensho on day 6 too!

Goodnight all.

[KENSHO]

By some supreme luck, these friends remembered me not drinking in the past. I walked in and they said they had my favorite sparkling water for me and Dr. Pepper, also my indulgent fav.... "because I don't drink." Established at onset = helpful. Friend's mom actually asked me why I don't drink, and I wasn't expecting that. I stumbled a bit and just said "It doesn't agree with me." I looked longingly at the margaritas a bit, but tried to remember how in the past, I craved AL, had some and immediately regretted it, like it wasn't all I was imagining it to be. I was also thinking about all the things I did in the past, when I was at my worst, and it wasn't pretty. It's sinking in that I will never be able to drink normally - it will always be something I want to sneak and have in excess of what I should. That is unless I eliminate it. I remember that feeling if not really wanting any at all. Like LavBlue (?) recently posted, I would get that "I want a different feeling" feeling and consider AL, but then it would be an easy choice to have none because I wouldn't want to lose all the great things sobriety gave me.

I am still having those "Really?!? Is this sone bad dream that I shouldn't drink at all any more?" times. I alternate between ignoring it until I get some more AF time behind me, and actually working to accept that. No, my life IS not and WAS not in shambles due to alcohol. Why let it get there? I KNOW I respond to alcohol in a way that causes me to have more than I want, and that's just how I'm made.

The only other think I would share is that we celebrated 4 birthdays tonight. ALL the gifts for the two men were alcohol related and glamorized it. Every gift. Lots of $$ spent fir this industry.

Hope it's a good night for all. I know I Wong be tossing and turning from booze.

[Eloise]

Fhew, quite the week guys!
Just waking up and want to share that I too had several social gatherings to deal with and did Great!
It does get easier to ask for water. And once people know you are not interested in alcohol they even offer something else!
I am becoming more and more aware of how social gatherings make me terribly anxious.
My last visit to the doctor revealed I am dealing with several different kinds of headaches one is tension. Amazing how long it is taking to get to the bottom of all this, but I am pretty sure we will get there.
It has been almost 9 months of doing yoga and I think this is helping me to see more clearly how I am feeling. Sure does take a while. I might add once I started with longer sessions, 40 minutes or more, it seems to give me focus.
My focus is not on drinking these days, but more on how I am feeling.
I am also starting to realize I am fed up with the noise of city life. Anyway.
Looks like you are making progress too Kensho, every gathering gets a little easier huh?

[Pavati]

Hi, all:

Kensho - I really, really felt that way, too. REALLY? I can't? This is my life? What happened? Why am I weak? ETC, AD NASEUM! However, simultaneously I accepted the fact that YES. REALLY. This IS my life. I was vulnerable, not weak. That way I always had an answer for myself. As the days pass, and as you listen to the wisdom of people like Lav (about gratitude) and NS (about the biology of addiction) and everyone else here, you'll realize that really, you don't HAVE to drink. What a relief.

I had a long week. Ava - I'm with you. I have no idea how I got through all of this when I was drinking, although I suppose really it was like Lil says - I didn't get through this much because I didn't have as much energy and willingness to go do things.

I sound a bit scrambled - I need to hit the hay. No ticket to Boozeville here, Byrdie.

Pav

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters!

Happy Saturday to all
I am looking forward to having my grandson here to spend the day & night, fun times.
I am so grateful to be healthy & enjoying this time with him. He will be turning 7 in November & was my main motivation for taking back control of my life. I have never regretted my decision, not for a second.

Kicking AL out of your life by choice is awesome

Have a great AF weekend everyone!

Lav

[abcowboy]

Howdy everyone! A day off, well maybe a few days off, from farming. The malt barley is all done and nothing else is ready to combine so I guess you all will have to put up with me till harvest starts again haha.

El, I think you hit the nail on the head "My focus is not on drinking these days, but more on how I'm feeling." That one sentence pretty much sums it all up when we tell newcomers that it will get easier, it is worth it, one day at a time, etc. etc. It's sometimes hard for me to think of something inspiring to post, so I go a few days and just jot down all the stuff I think about, then assemble those thoughts in some sort of brilliant post. Well, El just showed me that one sentence can be very inspirational!

And that my friends is what days of sobriety give you, you no longer wake up thinking about your next drink, you wake up thinking about yourself, how your day is going to be, what your plans are, where you want to be...and for a change, you're thinking about those around you, those you love, not just about you! It is so nice not to waste your thoughts on alcohol when there are so many more things and people who deserve them. And that is what "one day at a time" will give you!

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters!
Great to hear from everyone!
So it's 10:30 am on a Sattidy morning. If this were 5 years ago, Id have already had my first 7 gulps of booze. :egad:
Instead, I have made preparations to make cookies with my neighbor's 7 year old step grandson. This is the neighbor who passed away on Aug 7. Maybe this will take his mind off of his troubles for a while, I know thats what it does for me!!
Hope everyone has an easy day, we are all right beside you here in the nest! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Starfish1]

Star can i ask why after 3+ years sobriety did you drink again? Sorry if you posted this before but i am intrigued as to why, its a road i dont want to travel down.

Ava, thanks for asking. I am pretty sure I have talked about this with some members before, but it may have just been through p.m. So here goes, on the big screen. Hope it helps someone.

It actually took me a long time to figure out why I drank again after such a long stretch and after having turned my life around so dramatically, but now I think I have the answer. It's a pretty long story, but in a nutshell, the answer is that I began to neglect my "sober routine" and bit by bit allowed myself to draw closer to that forbidden line and then it only took one drink to throw me back into hell.

NO kidding.

That particular 3 year stint of sobriety was during a period from July 2005- June 2008. It was before I had even heard of MWO, and I did NOT have a support community. Just me. July 9th, 2005, I quit "cold turkey" and developed a very strict, almost addictive routine for myself (not involving alcohol or drugs, but a lot of soul searching and isolation). I followed this routine day in and day out for almost three years. It worked for me and I was happy (sort of). At about the 21/2 year mark, several circumstances in my life began to change and I slowly gave up my "sober routine". New opportunities for me to drink arose and it was then that I started entertaining the idea of having "a" drink...I did not know it at the time, but, as they say, the relapse happens way before that first drink. It's true.
In early June of 2008, my husband and I were celebrating a big wedding anniversary. We were going out to eat dinner and he asked me if i wanted a drink. I said "I'd love one"..how 'bout that...that simple...
I don't remember how much I drank that night, but I didn't get drunk. I think a couple more weeks passed before I had another drink, but slowly, over the next month, I drank more and more frequently and by August, I was back at square one. I was devastated, but could not stop myself.

It took another few years (and finding MWO) before I was able to get a few more months of sobriety and i have had a few successful runs (of several months) over the past few years. But I am just now realizing the importance of community, accountability, developing hobbies and accepting the fact that I don't have an "off switch". I am only one drink away from never being sober again. I can never drink again.


"The relapse happens before the first drink is so true". I worry every time I see a member post that they are entertaining drinking thoughts. I worry when routines change. We have to stay vigilant. We have to protect our quits like gold. Not one, not ever! Hell No!! That's where I'm at now.

So there you have it, guys. My thoughts on relapse. Scares the hell out of me.

Lav B, that is the most ADORABLE puppy EVER!! I want him!! In fact, I dreamt of him that first day you posted about him. You are an angel to care for that sweet baby.

Great work, Kensho and QW!!

I am still feeling a little puny today, but have already walked my dogs and myself and have a long day of chores ahead.

Hope you all have a wonderful, sober, Saturday.

[KENSHO]

COWBOY, I love what you said about thinking about other things, other people, well said. Some of my past posts after 1-2 months AF stated similar things. I really thought I would be able to have one drink once I. Awhile and still enjoy the amazing way life was AF- but alas, it does not seem to work that way. It didn't take much to throw me into my previous mindset, full of my, myself and I (and AL). What a powerful substance.

STAR, thank you for sharing. I saw similarities in my behavior, with starting slow, and it progressing to a point that was unhealthy.

I do have another question, I'm sure it has been addressed here somewhere. Is there a good thread talking about genetics and alcoholism? In my family, my paternal grandfather was a self-proclaimed problem drinker, and stopped when my dad got Polio at 4 yrs old (he thought his drinking behavior was the cause and he was being punished by God). But my dad doesn't drink much... 1 beer a month. My mom drinks more frequently but 1-2 max. Just curious how and if genetics always play a roll.

[Starfish1]

Hey gang,

Been thinking some more about the relapses. I tried to sum up the relapse after the (almost) three years, but one of my other, more recent relapses occurred after I had been using MWO. I think it was a couple years ago, maybe when NS was a newbie. I had been doing very well and was nurturing other newbies along, but I was not feeling very good inside. It was the "flat" feeling that some get around 3-6 months. It was tough. I talked a good talk and tried not to say any discouraging words, on the site, for fear of causing discouragement amongst the newbies. At the time, I didn't understand what was going on. I had not felt this way in any of my previous quits. I didn't give myself credit enough to believe that this was something I could get over. It wasn't talked about that much, in the nest, as I recall, at that time. It seemed very unusual and I could not get out of my slump. After a while, I got tired of feelling that way and just "gave up the fight". That was a bad mistake. It took me months, maybe even years to get another run.

I am thinking about this and telling this because I am glad that Dutch is posting about his trials right now. It's important to stay in touch and work through the tough times. They WILL get better. They SURE won't get any better if you give up, like I did, AND it will get harder and harder (Matt osteroops to get going again.

Just my 2 cents, again.

[Starfish1]

Hi Kensho,

Guess we cross posted. I don't know about a thread on this site talking about a genetic link. I have just heard this my whole life and since both my mom and maternal grandmother were alcoholics, I didn't have any trouble seeing the link in my family.

Keep up the good work and enjoy your vacation!

[NoSugar]

http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/alcohol-use-disorders/genetics-alcohol-use-disorders

Genes are involved and while we cannot control our genetic make-up, our choices can affect which genes are expressed. A family history need not doom anyone to addiction.

[Starfish1]

our choices can affect which genes are expressed.

Thanks, NS! I looked at the information. I could not find the part where it tells us how "our choices can affect which genes are expressed"...can you please lead me to that section of the article? I am very interested.

[NoSugar]

Check out "epigenetics" (He refers to it briefly). There are scholarly articles and some in the popular press such as this one:

25 Years Sober: Overcoming the False Promises of Addiction

By Therese Borchard
Published Mar 26, 2014
I used to think that once you put down the drink, you were fixed; that once you conjured up the courage to quit your addiction, the hard work was over. But addicts are never really cured. Like cancer survivors, they simply stay in remission for the duration of their lives. There is always a person, place, or thing in their horizon promising them the way to the land of unicorns and fairies, a detour from the painful stuff of life.
“Is it still hard for you to not to drink?” a friend asked me last week, when I celebrated 25 years of sobriety.
“Sometimes,” I said, not sure how to explain what addiction looks like in someone’s brain, or how addicts think.
“Addiction is a process of buying into false and empty promises: the false promise of relief, the false promise of emotional security, the false promise of fulfillment, and the false sense of intimacy with the world,” writes Craig Nakken in his book “The Addictive Personality.” It’s less about the object of the addiction—vodka, pot, Marlboro Lights, Hershey bars, Starbucks, the married woman you need to sleep with—and more about the process of filling the hole in the soul, the chronic ache that all addicts have in common.
I have gotten used to a life without alcohol. Having quit before I graduated from high school, I have survived all social functions of my adult life without a glass of merlot in my hand—even the awkward business ones where I didn’t know a soul and was the only one in a cocktail dress. I have learned how to dress up sparkling water to resemble a martini or some other acceptable cocktail in order to avoid the “Why don’t you drink?” conversation.
As Nakken explained, my temptation is to use anything mood altering to get wasted, anything that has a shot of numbing the ache.
I talked with nutritional expert and physician Pam Peeke the other day about her latest book, “The Hunger Fix,” which lays out the science to prove that fatty, sugary, salty processed foods produce in a food addict’s brain the same chemical reaction as addictions to crack cocaine and alcoholism.
She explained that for those of us who have a genetic load toward addiction, it may be difficult to do anything in moderation. We are programmed to get to that overstimulation point, no matter the element; however, we have the power to change our gene expression. By making lifestyle decisions (exercise, meditation, yoga, good diet) that promote and protect our health, we can “write in the margins of our genome,” she said.
This isn’t to say that we’re no longer addicts. I think as long as there is a Godiva store somewhere in our world, I will always match the description of an addict. Most recovering alcoholics I know would concur that they have a “thinking” problem more than a drinking problem in that the thrill with which they hope to fill the empty pockets of the soul starts in the head.
However, with each decade I’m sober, I can more easily recognize the false promises whispered into my ears and spend less energy exploring their paths. Experience tells me there is no such thing as a pain-free life, even after you’ve put down the drink. Sobriety is about identifying the things in your life that are real and good and true, one day at a time, 25 years later.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/column...ses-addiction/
This can make a difference in all areas of our lives!