Newbies Nest

[kherriot]

Wow, you make me strong. I have to come back every day. Off to work to tomorrow, starting our workout's Oct 1. Lots of drama, but we will get through it.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

I just re-read my post and saw all of typos and grammatical errors. Oh, well, the sentiment is the same...

Karen - Hold on this time. Just curious - why do you say you might not post? I thought that reading here was going to be enough for me, but it wasn't. Posting helps you get questions answered, rant, support someone else, etc - all important to sobriety.

Onya, G. I love hearing about your morning beach runs. I reckon with summer coming down there it will get easier for you. Keep those positive juices flowing.

Byrdie - quite a story. I can't imagine what would have happened if you had been half in the bag (or all the way in) when she called. I am so happy to be alert and awake while my two teenagers are spreading their wings. I can be ready for anything at any time without worrying what would happen if they call for a ride or whatever.

I'm off to a party - I don't want to go but I am sure I'll have fun once I am there. I can't say no to everything (or can I??). I do find that when I can overcome my urge to sit at home I usually DO have fun. Just so hard on a Thursday night.

Stay strong, Nest! We got this!

Pav

[kherriot]

Thanks, P, I guess I am just too embarrassed to admit my short comings. Thanks for response. I think I might just put it out there.

[Marylou123]

What a wonderful group you all are - reading today's posts helps me realize my gratitude to everyone here for the love, support, advice and even the hardships I've read about today.

Karen - I am so glad your here. And so sorry for the struggle you're dealing with right now. Sending love your way.

Gman - two weeks - very, very nice.

Peaceful wishes to all for a sober, safe night (and day).

[NoSugar]

Thanks, P, I guess I am just too embarrassed to admit my short comings. Thanks for response. I think I might just put it out there.

That might just be how an anonymous forum can work! You can put that embarrassment aside, where it belongs. I spent way too many years trying to appear as if everything was fine inside when it obviously wasn't. It is hard to give up the calm, cool, and in control role but boy, is it ever a relief to just be yourself! And this is a pretty safe place to do it.

[kherriot]

I need a lot of help right now. Hubby off work, feeling sorry for himself and I just started a new job so it is very stressful. I could probably deal with all this if I wasn't dealing with hubby's mood swings. I know it is hard but there is only so much I can do.

[abcowboy]

Karen, I'm glad my reaching out helped! No matter what the situation is, family or otherwise, isolating yourself and keeping things bottled up is the last thing anyone should do :hug: You know you have a "home" here, no one judges, no one criticizes, we're all on this journey together, some have just travelled a few more miles than others... you know where to find me if you need to...

[kherriot]

Thanks ABC you are the reason I came back. Trying again, took me a long time to quit smoking so just need a little support to get me through. Tanks Again.

[LavenderBlue]

The Nest has been hopping today, right on! Karen, FF, Gman good to see you. I know for a fact that some of your posts, G, have really helped me before.

I don't really like talking about my problems either, and I'm not going to say I'm perfect about it now. What helped me some, though, was to change my thinking. I didn't want to talk, because I wanted to maintain the idea that I was doing fine, and everything was right. BUT in the Nest, the old timers all told me that talking was one of the best things I could do. So I tried to take the energy of not-talking, and use it to push myself to talk instead. I'm not entirely sure that makes sense typed out, but if I was going to be hung up on my perfectionism, at least use it in a productive way? When my brain said, "You're not supposed to talk about this stuff," I told it, "actually, everyone keeps telling me I really should, at least in this space!"

[KENSHO]

Almost Friday here in the Rockies. Hoping for a solid nights sleep - haven't had that in awhile!

Hang in there Karen! Thinking about you tonight. Try to find something positive to dwell on... Like that you are moving in the right direction being here. Takes guts because it's hard, but one day at a time! You got this!

I craved AL tonight, a lot. Food, distraction and jelly beans got me through. The more I want it, the more I realize I shouldn't have it. I really un-did some good work; time to move forward and not look back. Sleep tight Nest!

[Eloise]

I need a lot of help right now. Hubby off work, feeling sorry for himself and I just started a new job so it is very stressful. I could probably deal with all this if I wasn't dealing with hubby's mood swings. I know it is hard but there is only so much I can do.

oh boy, do I feel your pain. Same here, mine started a mindfulness program which snapped him out of it so to speak. Once it ended though, he has slowly digressed.
For me I am getting sick of it. The only thing to do is remind yourself it is not you. You are not provoking him or causing the problem.
Last week we had a little time off and he sort of ruined it by getting angry for no reason. He was stressed to see his family after too long, so I get the brunt of it.
I wasn't the one hiding out for no reason. But I brought it on myself because it was my idea to make a family visit (which was nice for them, not me).

I am in self preservation mode. Not that things are terrible at home, I am just going to thinking of myself a bit more these days.
Maybe you should just worry about yourself and your new job for now? Believe me you cannot make your husband feel better, unfortunately. It is up to him.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Friday too

Karen & Eloise, you weren't around here years ago when I was going through a particularly hellish period with my chronically depressed husband. I was AF for more than a year when he suddenly lost the last of his sh*t! At that point all I wanted was to be happy & calm. He took off & spent the next 4 years on his own to brood. Not exactly what you expect after a 37 year marriage. I really had to emotionally disconnect myself from him for survival. I was not about to fall down in that hole of depression with him again. I used every tool in the book & probably invented a few but I held my own. Losing my quit was not an option! He's been back for over a year, his mood has improved with some counseling but our relationship has changed - it had to! I am happy by my own choosing & not dependent on his mood swings. I had to create new, non-negotiable boundaries. Just some stuff for you to think about

Hello to everyone & sending wishes for a great AF day!

Lav

[Fat fella]

Stick with it Karen. I have failed numerous times and was embarrassed to show my face on here again, but I am back and am determined I will one day succeed. You will too!

[LilBit]

Good morning (or whatever time it is for you) Nest! I just want to send out some positive vibes for you to have strength and joy as we head into the weekend, which is a holiday weekend for those of us in the US. Tear up that ticket to Boozeville! Your train is headed elsewhere, to a destination that's much more exciting than a dark room and an ongoing argument with yourself. No matter what other people around may you choose to say and do, you can make up your mind to keep your thoughts on good things. And where your thoughts go, your actions will follow. So, choose good things. You deserve them.

Karen, hang in there and post away! I'd bet you anything that there's nothing you could post that someone here hasn't done, said or felt at some point. We're not easily shocked or put off, and posting your true feelings to this non-judgmental group is the closest thing to Magic for an early recovery that I've ever seen.

Overit, how's it going? Thinking of you.

Dutch, quit twin, it's 6-month celebration time! :yay:

Byrdie, I hope you returned safely and got some rest. I slept so hard after being with my friend that I actually didn't move all night, even with a 100-lb. dog's paws all over me. BTW, thank you, Byrdie and everyone for your support during that intense time. My friend is doing OK, now, as much as anyone in grief can be. She's just doing a small memorial service and then spreading his ashes on the beach, so I think the coming ordeal will be minimal compared to what she just experienced.

Lav, I need to practice those healthy boundaries with Joe the Dog -- LOL! Unfortunately, he has different ideas about territory and I am part of his.

[Byrdlady]

Thanks, P, I guess I am just too embarrassed to admit my short comings. Thanks for response. I think I might just put it out there.

Hells Bells, Karen, I just admitted to drinking wine out of a hairspray bottle in a bathroom stall at a funeral! I don't think there is much you could say to THIS group that wouldn't have us nodding in agreement WITH you....'Yep, I did that, too....' More sympathetic, we could not be! You are on a forum with people who have the very same problems that you do. We are all much more alike than different....

Here is why POSTING (not just reading) is important. When I started trying to quit back in the Pleistocene Period I was very shy...I didn't want to commit, either. You never know, I might be cured of this thing and get to go back to drinking like I want to! If you look at that first year that I found MWO, I didn't post much. I didn't actually JOIN for months. I wasn't serious about posting...because I wasn't serious about quitting. I believe there is a correlation. Before you heat up the tar and feathers, let me say this isn't ALWAYS the case, but 92% (my opinion) of the time, those that don't post about it, don't achieve and MAINTAIN sobriety. Again, let me put emphasis on this being MY opinion. However, it is based on observation of people just like me over the course of about 6 years now. Why is the case?

*More than once, I have resisted temptation by thinking how it would affect others here. In this forum, I have accountability. I have skin in the game. Making friends here gives me someone to answer to about all this. My 3D friends do not know I have any sort of AL issue. I am a private person and this is intensely personal. I only want to be accountable to the ones having the same battle. Normal drinkers do not understand the difficulty of NOT having a drink. Accountability is key in quitting. There are people here who would hunt me down if I didn't post for a spell. I'm happy to know that! I will not let them down.

*I have a lot of things floating around in my head. That's why I keep a pad and pencil handy in case I get a great thought (not often enough!), I need to write it down so I can work on it. It also gets it out of my RAM and helps free up space for additional thoughts. My head is getting pretty full, so when I write things out and share them, I can deal with them and move on. Where else can you get so many good opinions about stuff than from 20 or so people around the world? It's a great soundboard for ideas! Getting feelings and thoughts out of my head and out onto paper is therapeutic. Talk (Type) Therapy. It's tried and true, only I'm not talking, I'm typing. In my case that works better. I don't like to talk about stuff.

*Whatever you are feeling and thinking, someone else is feeling and thinking but not saying anything. Getting it out there provides great discussion! Some people are just TOO SHY to put it out there, and that is a shame because doing so, helps! Do you notice that the more discussions we have the more discussions we have? It sparks thought and conversation. When I started, sometimes there would only be one post a day....not much to cling to. Whatever you are experiencing, put it out there, it will help someone. EVERY POST MATTERS.

*This is not a spectator sport. It requires participation (again...MY opinion). I look at the long termers on our forum and I see that the ones that have the longest terms are the ones that discuss it regularly. Helping others strengthens his/her own quits. All of us feed on the strength (and unfortunately, the weaknesses) of others. Don't be afraid to ask anyone here for help! If you have one day longer than the next person, you are a value to them! We are a support forum. We have heard it all (hell, we've DONE it all!) Do not be afraid to post!

Finally (yes, there is a conclusion in sight!!) Posting gives YOU documentation of your own progress! You can see where you were and what you were thinking when you were on Day 13, Day 30, and so forth....it gives YOU proof of how far you've come. It is possibly the only journal you have on this important (life changing) decision. When you get a thought that 'I wasn't THAT bad' just take a look back at your early posts and see what brought you to an online forum for AL abuse. You were that bad, but you are getting better! We all are! There is strength in numbers! As Matt M says, 'There's a 100% chance I can't do this alone'. Stick with your MotherShip and your support system! Stay connected to strength! Knowledge is power!

I hope everyone in the U.S. has a wonderful Labor Day weekend! I'm going to whip up some cookies! Stay strong! I have never regretted one day I spent SOBER! Byrdie