Newbies Nest

[LilBit]

Hells Bells, Karen, I just admitted to drinking wine out of a hairspray bottle in a bathroom stall at a funeral!

Byrdie, you made me snort coffee out of my nose again. :happy2:

[KENSHO]

Byrdie, every time you tell the hairspray bottle story, I imagine the bottle in your purse. And proof positive that my thinking is not of the normal variety, I always wonder if that bottle was it the small kind - 3" high? - because that doesn't seem like enough... I would definitely have had the larger size...

And THAT is an example of how sharing helps others have revelations. MY thinking is not how people who don't have alcohol problems think.

Hoping everyone has/had a great Friday! We're camping for the last time of the season. I must be getting old because the packing for a family of four is feeling like an exhausting endeavor!

And on a silly note, I actually just said to myself, "Ah, Shuck!". Anyone read the Maze Runner?

[Byrdlady]

Kensho, here is the hairspray bottle of choice. Unscented worked best, no amount of washing will get the scent out, it is sad to know that!!! I should have put my phone by it for scale. Its 7 oz.

[Byrdlady]

Here we go.

[All done drinking]

Byrdie,

This most recent post of yours was a great post. I do agree with you that it is probably true about the fact that those who post seem to stay abstinent better as posting here does make us more accountable. The area that makes me most accountable is the newbie nest roll call. Even though I may miss posting on a daily basis due to traveling, when I finally post, I am where I should be - 10 days ahead of NoraC who by the way, is doing awesome!

I really liked your comment too how posting here can help us track our own progress better.
I certainly have come a lot farther than that sad and pathetic post on July 16, 2015.

Have to run as I'm on vacay and need to get sightseeing. Hello to all and looking forward to chalking up another day on the roll call.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!) :love:

[Starfish1]

Byrdie, I was never as sly as you were. I just kept the whole blame bottle in MY purse and took swigs straight from that. You were classy!!!

[Dutch1988]

Byrdie I agree with you 100% about posting. I read off and on here for awhile, I joined almost a year before this quit, and although I did have a few stretches of sobriety, it didn't work like the accountability system on here. That, and I found that just participating forced me to pit my AL brain against the forum. And unfortunately it was pretty much a KO every time he came into the ring. Fortunately, I meant fortunately haha

So I am at 6 months as of tomorrow(I'd say thanks for the reminder Lilbit, but I have been striving for this for at least a month haha), I am going to go ahead and just post some of the changes in my thinking that have taken place over the past few months. The MAJOR thing that happened is I think my dopamine balanced out, I can't remember who posted the bubble hour about it but it really spoke to me. I realized immediately my pink cloud effect took place up until my wife miscarried, then that, combined with my dopamine receptors taking a break since I didn't have AL juicing them up really took it out of me. About two weeks ago, I was watching a new show with my wife, and I just could not stop watching. She hated it and so I actually started watching it with headphones while massaging her feet at night as a trade. When I finished the series I read the book, till 2, sometimes 3 in the morning. It isn't about what the show was, it was that I actually cared enough and felt interested enough in something to pursue it. Since then, I have wanted to eat dinner, enjoy a glass of tea of coffee, playing at the park with my daughter. If I don't have another drop off I am in, I am never going back to drinking without a second thought. Here's a list of things that are different on a regular basis.

I am sick, first time since I quit. I used to worry about taking cold medicine because at heart I am a health nut, and I knew I was drinking too much. How I did see that as a sign of being dependent and addicted I don't know. And even still, like most of my everyday health problems, my cold is a sore throat and I feel a bit tired. I know if I was drinking I would feel like crap, right now I just barely made the adult decision to not go infect others at BJJ.

There is another stark contrast, not being able to go do my stress relief activity would have been another problem, I would have wanted to drink because I was falling behind on my goals. What kind of arbitrary reason is that to drink? So let's cut a few years off the end of my life because I am not getting to something fast enough like a fitness goal. Contradictions abound.

My wife told me we are watching an extra two year old tomorrow and a 6 month for a friend, I was mad. I thought she said they would pick them up before I was done working but instead they will be here all day. I used to be mad because I thought that would get in the way of my drinking, I didn't even realize that until now. Instead I was mad because that's one of the few days my wife and I have energy to actually enjoy being with each other.

Yesterday I was starting to feel the sickness, I took my daughter to the park, worked out in my garage for an hour, worked on my personal training course, I couldn't have done that with a hangover, let alone if I wasn't feeling well.

My brother and I got into a fight yesterday and I was pretty ticked off. He was yelling at me because I scheduled a lesson that was inconvenient for him, and he didn't want to have to teach it with another girl of different level/age. That used to be an excuse to drink, 10 minutes after it happened, thanks to the yoga and meditating, I don't think I even remembered I was mad at him, it was so much easier to respond to what he was saying instead of reacting and feeling like I was being attacked.

I'm eating a hot pocket, not the best meal, but I am sick and wanted something now. I used to eat eggs for breakfast, about 600 calories for lunch(unless I went to Mcdonalds because I felt like crap from working out/hangover), and that was it till dinner, I probably burn 3500-4000 calories a day, so you can only imagine how hungry I was all day long. Also had to keep the calories down near the end because god forbid I be too full to not feel anything on that first one you know. Now I feel hungry and I can eat a piece of processed garbage with minor guilt and regret.

Most importantly, I don't care as much about "getting there." These financial/fitness goals that have driven me since I stopped drinking just ain't that important. There is a silver lining in damn near everything. Yes I don't make six figures like my best friends do, but I did spend all day yesterday playing with my daughter, and 90% of the other kids there were with nannies. I could sit here and worry about when she goes to school since I work afternoon/evenings, but I worried about my wife's job situation and that resolved itself a few days before she would of officially been part time. Before I would use all these excuses to drink, and now I think if I can own a home in a nice community with a happy family, I don't need to stress about it all so much. It's nice to just enjoy life.

[Starfish1]

You are sounding great, Dutch. I can see a major improvement in the way you are feeling just since I started back, a little over 3 weeks ago. Thanks so much for sharing. You are helping me and others to see what's ahead of us. Appreciate you so much. Huge congrats on 6 months!!!

[jane27]

6 months tomorrow Dutch?! That is epic!:hug:

[Mr Vervill]

Byrdie,
You're cracking me up! Yup, we've all been there, in one form or another. Don't believe me? Just go find the "You know you're an alcoholic when" thread!
That said, I know I'm much more accountable when posting on a regular basis, it's too easy to get the f' its, when I'm not tied in, even if I'm reading. I'm often too tired from work, too busy, blah. blah, blah, to post, and have a beer instead. Wrong!

Way to go on 6 months, Dutch and Lil'bit, Congrats.

And yes, Dutch, It's nice to just enjoy life!

[kherriot]

Checking in again. Lots of crap happening at work, don't know if I made the right decision to go back. Oh well time will tell. End of summer celebration tomorrow, taking non alcoholic wine and a warm top. It is getting cold around here. Happy long weekend everyone, trying to stay AF.

[Byrdlady]

Glad to see you checking in, Karen! Keep up a positive attitude, you WILL stay AF! Dont let anything derail you! We are right by your side! Byrdie

[paulywogg]

Karen, I have a small chalkboard that I like to write small motivating quotes on,this week I wrote"don't rely on hope or luck,make your own outcome" you can do this

[kherriot]

Thank you so much. I know that it does not help to beat myself up for making a wrong decision. At least this time it is a lot better than the last. I know that doesn't mean a lot but it does to me.

[KENSHO]

Hi Karen. KEEP yourself away from alcohol! You won't regret it! I have been craving a drink tonight. Had a headache all day and feeling so tired. It's that "cure" scenario - the thinking that AL will cure any ailment. I know it will NOT cure a thing. Amazing to me that I was at a point of not craving it at all, and I went back to it. What a mistake!