Newbies Nest

[maryjo]

Resonated with a lot here. Kensho (love your name - are you Buddhist?) made a good point. If anyone is on this site you already know what the problem is. People don't come here to browse or kill an hour or two like on Facebook. If you are here it's because you need to be here.

[NoSugar]

This thread is a good read for any of us and new contributions are welcome (although we are all sorry you've had the experience). Writing your story helps you deal with the relapse (and hopefully work out some of the bad thinking/emotions that Mr. G. described) and is a way to remember exactly what happened (humans excel at forgetting the bad stuff). And by telling your story, you may help someone else avoid making the same mistake: Relapse in Retrospect.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Hope everyone had a good day

NS, we (humans) probably would be a lot better off if we remembered the bad stuff more often. Then maybe we wouldn't be so quick to repeat the same mistakes, over & over.

Wishing everyone a safe & peaceful night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Quiet here tonight! Just checking in. I'm glad to be sans-AL. Hoping for a good sleep, but my little one is sick, which often means the opposite! Send us snooze thoughts!

Hi Maryjo! How are you doing? The word Kensho is Buddhist. I identify with a lot of Buddhist principles - though I wouldn't necessarily call myself one. I love the meaning of the word though, and found it pretty right on with what I was going through when I created a login here!

Off to snuggle the sickie...

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
I guess what we are doing here is much like what the Flying Wollenda's (sp?) do. We are walking a tight rope, too. The one word they try and push out of their mind is 'FALL'! The word we try and push out is 'RELAPSE'. That word is always looming over us. But I believe that knowledge is power, and more we know, the more we know! NS's thread, Relapse in Retrospect, gives us the thought processes of how it happened and the consequences that resulted.

As a Card-Carrying Alkie, I look for loop holes in this thing. We all look for people who have the same problem but are overcoming it with Miracle Cure _____ or a 'New Way' of thinking. Alk-ism has been around for centuries and I have to think that, like any other disease that is caused by X, avoiding X is the best treatment. I have learned there is NO outsmarting addiction (your brain knows where you've been). Robin Williams is the best example I can think of (wish I could find HIS relapse link) who, after 20 years of sobriety, picked it right back up as if no time had passed. Time really HELPS our disease, but it doesn't cure it. We go into remission. That's ok by me....I am no longer plagued by the obsessive thoughts and manic drive for my next drink. Time did that for me. Give time TIME. I wish there were a quick fix for us, but we didn't get here overnight, and it takes some effort to get out. At least that's what I found. Hang in there, everyone. Every day you put between you and AL is a WIN!!!

Hope everyone has a peaceful day, Byrdie

[Starfish1]

The one word they try and push out of their mind is 'FALL'! The word we try and push out is 'RELAPSE'. Alk-ism has been around for centuries and I have to think that, like any other disease that is caused by X, avoiding X is the best treatment. Byrdie

Hey friends,

Thanks so much for all of these great conversations over the past week, and, as usual, Byrdie, your last post had some golden nuggets I will always remember and take to heart.

I guess, because of all of this talk, I have been giving a lot of thought to my relapses and what led to them and last night, I had a very enlightening conversation with my (sober) self. And I think I realized something VERY important in my recovery...

As I have said before, I never fully understood my mentality when I would make the terrible decision to have a drink. I KNEW in my heart and in my feeble mind that I was and am an alcoholic and that alcoholics can't drink. I KNEW there was NO WAY that I could ever be a "social drinker"...Once a pickle, never again a cucumber", as they say...So I never told myself that I could moderate. The lie that got to me EVERY time was that I could just have this ONE drink. Just ONE (or 2) and then go straight back to abstinence. Period. Amen. No one would know, and I would be back on the wagon and happily on my sober way. That DID NOT WORK. Not even once.

So, my mentality now, like Byrdie says, avoiding X is the best treatment. For me, it's the ONLY treatment that will work. As tough as it sounds, the proof (no pun intended) is there, for me.

Thanks again, friends. Have a great day!

[LilBit]

Hello Nest. It's time for the tale of what happened to me last weekend. 'Not sure why, but I really haven't felt overwhelmed by cravings and triggers all that much since quitting AL 6 months ago...until last weekend, when it seemed that every known trigger in the Universe had lined up in a conspiracy to shut down my quit.

First, I was coming off of a long and emotional week in which (as many of you know and lent support -- thanks) I helped a friend and her husband through his last days on Earth. I was happy to do it, but it was very draining.

Second, I went camping/kayaking with "friends" who left me babysitting a woman who makes an art form out of complaining. She unloaded on me, a captive audience until I just couldn't stand it any more.

Third, everyone around me was drinking. It was incredibly hot outside and the cold drinks looked SO good.

Fourth, I was in a camping setting in which drinking used to be the major pastime for me, sitting around the campfire in wine country (!) after a hard day's yakking.

Fifth, I have some anxieties in my professional life which are weighing on me these days and kept popping up with unwelcome and random worried thoughts that I had to deal with.

Sixth, I had a bad fall skating last week and resulting in deep physical soreness all down my left side. I was in pain with every movement.

Finally, the cherry on top was that a local band played loudly near the campsite for hours -- and they were off key.

So, what kept me from drinking?

1. The memory of posts (Byrdie's, Pav's, NoSugar's, Matt's, Lav's and so many others) and all the wisdom that sunk in from reading and absorbing every single one of them over time.

2. My own accountability to you and the other people who read this forum.

3. Using the tools: craving surfing; visualizing the second, third, fourth drink and final outcome; getting enough food, water & sleep.

4. Dealing with the emotional stuff like a grownup: telling the whiner that we should enjoy the beautiful day and stop complaining; getting at the root of what was bugging me about work and making a mental plan of how to deal with it; and telling the pals who had left me alone with the complainer that it wasn't cool to do so in the future (and then forgiving them and letting it go).

5. Practical measures: putting on earphones, immersing myself in a good book, etc.

6. (I should have written this one first.) Simply and directly asking God for help getting through it.

So, I made it through, thanks to help from everywhere, including Joe-dog who just hung out and looked at me like "You're not really considering AL?" I'll never feel as though I'm immune to cravings & triggers, but at least I've tested a personal formula for getting through them and I know that it works.

[Dutch1988]

Good for you Lilbit! Just some perspective on drinking and losing people. My dad and mom lost a close friend Sunday and they dealt with it how I told you all my family does, they drank from 1pm-1am. I am glad you didn't fall back into that routine, I don't know how long they had been AF, but it was awhile probably two months for my dad. Good you for not using that as an excuse.

I have a business consultant who uses this metaphor of concrete and shit that I think applies to AL. As kids we had someone tel us some bullshit and then dumped concrete on if to stick it on our heads where we couldn't get rid of it. Then someone piled more shit and more concrete, like society telling you AL is the solution. I think MWO is like the dynamite, blowing all this shit away. You just hear time and time again how this stuff fucked up people's lives you have to get the message eventually.

[Quit wining]

Congrats LilBit on sticking to your quit amongst several challenges and temptations!

As a relative newbie, Day 18 today, I'm going to remember your post today.

Giving in to AL is never the solution!

QW

[Matt M.]

Hello Nest. It's time for the tale of what happened to me last weekend. 'Not sure why, but I really haven't felt overwhelmed by cravings and triggers all that much since quitting AL 6 months ago...until last weekend, when it seemed that every known trigger in the Universe had lined up in a conspiracy to shut down my quit.

First, I was coming off of a long and emotional week in which (as many of you know and lent support -- thanks) I helped a friend and her husband through his last days on Earth. I was happy to do it, but it was very draining.

Second, I went camping/kayaking with "friends" who left me babysitting a woman who makes an art form out of complaining. She unloaded on me, a captive audience until I just couldn't stand it any more.

Third, everyone around me was drinking. It was incredibly hot outside and the cold drinks looked SO good.

Fourth, I was in a camping setting in which drinking used to be the major pastime for me, sitting around the campfire in wine country (!) after a hard day's yakking.

Fifth, I have some anxieties in my professional life which are weighing on me these days and kept popping up with unwelcome and random worried thoughts that I had to deal with.

Sixth, I had a bad fall skating last week and resulting in deep physical soreness all down my left side. I was in pain with every movement.

Finally, the cherry on top was that a local band played loudly near the campsite for hours -- and they were off key.

So, what kept me from drinking?

1. The memory of posts (Byrdie's, Pav's, NoSugar's, Matt's, Lav's and so many others) and all the wisdom that sunk in from reading and absorbing every single one of them over time.

2. My own accountability to you and the other people who read this forum.

3. Using the tools: craving surfing; visualizing the second, third, fourth drink and final outcome; getting enough food, water & sleep.

4. Dealing with the emotional stuff like a grownup: telling the whiner that we should enjoy the beautiful day and stop complaining; getting at the root of what was bugging me about work and making a mental plan of how to deal with it; and telling the pals who had left me alone with the complainer that it wasn't cool to do so in the future (and then forgiving them and letting it go).

5. Practical measures: putting on earphones, immersing myself in a good book, etc.

6. (I should have written this one first.) Simply and directly asking God for help getting through it.

So, I made it through, thanks to help from everywhere, including Joe-dog who just hung out and looked at me like "You're not really considering AL?" I'll never feel as though I'm immune to cravings & triggers, but at least I've tested a personal formula for getting through them and I know that it works.

What a great post!, and not because my name was referenced, ok maybe a little...

But seriously,
This post could be the Prologue in a MWO Alcohol addiction book.
You simply "Get it" although I do appreciate your the shout out- Your optimism, and intellectual daily post are infectious, and often speak directly to me, and I'm sure others as well.

What you just described were a list of several things that are triggers for you that just happen to hit all at once. You then had the ability to reach out to your higher power, apply the advice and principles learned from people in here that you can relate too..
End Result you are still sober! Which is BadAss in my book.
Proud of you and I appreciate you. ..

You are definitely Born Again Hard!

[Byrdlady]

LilBit, I was SO SCARED that you were going to say that you caved. I was holding my breath reading the list of triggers. I am SO RELIEVED that you didn't give in! Wow! I am so proud of you!!
Like Matt said, thank you for the shout out. I feel like a broken record around here, but by golly, repetition is how I learn and not only that, repeating the same info helps a lot, too!
Everyone is doing a great job of fighting off the enemy (which is ourselves!!!)

WOOOO HOOOO! Byrdie

[Starfish1]

BadAss !

INDEED, Lil!!!!

You had me on the edge of my seat with all those triggers in one blow. I was SO afraid they got you!

But YOU got THEM!! :victorious::victorious::victorious:

:rockon:, Lil! And thanks for showing us all how to kick that creep to the curb, where he belongs!

[Starfish1]

Byrdie and I cross posted. You had us BOTH biting our nails, Lil ...:nailbiting::nailbiting::nailbiting:

But you WON!!! I am so happy!!!

[LilBit]

Thanks -- you guys are great, especially Matt (kidding -- 'just had to call him out in another post, heehee). Sorry to put you in suspense!

Epilogue: On the last night, a woman came to our campsite saying that her friend who had been drinking and dancing with the off-key band had too much to drink and was "in distress" and desperate for a glass of water. We watched as another man's keys were taken away by his father and he passed out in a field for 3-4 hours while his companions waited for him to sleep it off. We heard drunken arguments ring through the night and shuddered at the sight of people getting behind the wheels of boats and cars when they had trouble even walking to them. And I returned home even more grateful for you and for this second chance at a Good Life.

[Starfish1]

[QUOTE=LilBit;1632408

Epilogue: On the last night, a woman came to our campsite saying that her friend who had been drinking and dancing with the off-key band had too much to drink and was "in distress" and desperate for a glass of water. We watched as another man's keys were taken away by his father and he passed out in a field for 3-4 hours while his companions waited for him to sleep it off. We heard drunken arguments ring through the night and shuddered at the sight of people getting behind the wheels of boats and cars when they had trouble even walking to them. And I returned home even more grateful for you and for this second chance at a Good Life.[/QUOTE]

Yep, that's the way the story always ends, if you play it out to the end!!! Thanks again, Lil :hug: