Newbies Nest

[okoren1]

I have been pondering: what is going on with the thought that “I” told “myself” that it was OK if I’d have a beer.

Who are the “I” and “myself”? Am I talking about two people here or just me?

[Starfish1]

I have been pondering: what is going on with the thought that “I” told “myself” that it was OK if I’d have a beer.

Who are the “I” and “myself”? Am I talking about two people here or just me?

Well, the way "I" (the real, sober "I") understand that situation, Oko, is that the dumbass "I" doing the talking is usually my idiot "AV" (addictive voice) and the naive "Myself" that thinks its a great idea is the poor addict.

Trouble is, all three of us (ME, MYSELF, and I) are the ones that get in trouble and suffer the consequences. Then the GSR (Guilt, Shame and Remorse) brothers always show up to say "WE TOLD YOU SO!"

So as they say, you aren't really crazy if you talk to yourself. Only if you listen to what you are saying. Hmm?

[LilBit]

I have been pondering: what is going on with the thought that “I” told “myself” that it was OK if I’d have a beer.

Who are the “I” and “myself”? Am I talking about two people here or just me?

That's a worthy line of questioning. This may be controversial but I believe that not every thought that comes into our heads is our own. Moreover, I believe that when we're passive about (doing nothing; not actively rejecting) such thoughts, we accept them and make them ours. 'Seems like that's where the trouble starts, at least for me anyway. What do you believe?

[KENSHO]

Interesting question Okoren - maybe our rational selves, and our irrational selves?

LilBit, I always love those little confirmations after not partaking...

For some reason this morning, I flashed back on my childhood, watching Indiana Jones - Raiders of the Lost Ark. I vividly remember watching the scene where "Marion" drank the men under the table. It was glamorized. She was visibly drunk, but "held her liquor", and I remember thinking, "She is so brave and wild and strong". I grew up thinking there was absolutely nothing wrong with alcohol, and the occasional hangover was a bummer but to be laughed off. Makes me realize how important it is to share with my kids what I am going through so they don't also believe alcohol is just a way of life. Up until a year ago, my husband and I visited craft breweries with kids in tow. We still go occasionally, but I don't drink. I make it more about the music and people - and I really hope they "get" that alcohol and alcohol abuse is NOT a way of life - no matter how many stinking glasses of wine French people have in a day (another thing I learned growing up).

I, and only I, am to blame for my alcohol abuse - but it doesn't help that the alcohol industry works hard at gaining a romantic reputation - and kids learn so quickly.

I was also thinking about how I relapsed. Here are some things I told myself to minimize my problem:
- No one else thinks I have a problem = I don't have a problem
- Some people drink more = I don't have a problem
- I don't even like the taste of it any more after 30 days AF = I don't have a problem
- No one in my immediate family is an alcoholic = I don't have a problem
- Plenty of friends in my life drink as much or more than me = I don't have a problem
- I can fight though moderation = I won't have a problem
- Some wine each night is healthy = I don't have a problem and more wine means more healthy right?

But none of these statements changed the fact that I HAD A PROBLEM. None of them. The fact is that I drank to excess every night, hated how I felt after, and couldn't stop. Period. And even though I tried to convince myself that that wasn't the case, it was and is the case. You might be able to moderate for a short time, but most people seem to go right back to their old behaviors - like Byrdie pointed out about Robin Williams - AND THAT WAS AFTER 20 YEARS of sobriety!

Anyway, just my thoughts for today.

[Guitarista]

Yo Nesters!

You're my hero Lilbit. Great stuff and thanks for sharing.

Vale Robin Williams. Terrible loss, as are all losses related to our mental health and booze/drug use. If we are still in some sort of pain, distress, unhappy when sober, for me I need to try to dig up where it's coming from and do my best to deal with it. Easier said than done. Robin's passing highlights to me that even brilliant, talented people like him/us can still be bamboozled by addiction and mental health issues.

Working to stay positive and grateful, throwing in a large dose of acceptance for who I am and how I got here today, is crucial for my wellbeing and happiness. There is no place for a chemical depressant like AL in my life if happiness and survival are my goals, and I'm chuffed to report they are.

[Byrdlady]

I was just looking for the interview with Robin Williams and darn it, I just can't post a link, but here is a copy and paste of the gist of it.

In the interview, Williams also opens up about his drinking relapse after 20 years of sobriety, which reportedly played a role in his second divorce.
“One day I walked into a store and saw a little bottle of Jack Daniel’s. And then that voice -- I call it the ‘lower power’ -- goes, ‘Hey. Just a taste. Just one.’ I drank it, and there was that brief moment of ‘Oh, I’m okay!’ But it escalated so quickly. Within a week I was buying so many bottles I sounded like a wind chime walking down the street," he said.

Byrdie

[Lavande]

Greetings Nesters,

Lil, what a week for you! I am so happy for you & feeling pretty proud that I may have helped you into grownup-hood, just a little, ha ha!!!

By the way, I totally agree that we should not own every BS thought that comes into our heads. I had to practice but now I'm pretty good at recognizing an oddball thought for what it is & dismissing it immediately. We all need this lifesaving skill

Wishing everyone a safe & omfy night in the nest.
We had record breaking heat in my end of the nest again today - getting seriously tiresome.

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

and telling the pals who had left me alone with the complainer that it wasn't cool to do so in the future (and then forgiving them and letting it go).

This is the key for me, Lil, and I have been so much better at it since I quit drinking. I had some family drama today with my father in law. Three years ago I would be in tears now, feeling misunderstood and angry. Now I am able just to hold my ground, forgive him (even though he doesn't know he needs forgiving), and then move on. That's the same point I hear Star, G and Lav making, too. Thoughts are not truths. Letting go is the way to move on. I would like to go on record that I wasn't worried - I KNOW you don't drink...

Kensho - I hope your loud and proud acceptance is contagious. You sound so determined.

I am in a nostalgic mood right now. Music is making me happy and wistful at the same time. I love how music can take me back to a certain time and place, and I am so glad I can enjoy it EVEN MORE when I am sober.

I have to hit the hay. Good night, all.

Pav

[Pie]

There is no place for a chemical depressant like AL in my life if happiness and survival are my goals

Thanks for this, G! Most helpful to me today.

[daisy45]

Hey, needing extra help to get a decent start. Gonna stick around here.......

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters!
Good stuff going on (as usual) in this safe place of recovery.
Wishing everyone MindPeace today! Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Happy Thursday!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Just had a brand new mattress set delivered & I hope my lower back appreciates it & stops aching, ha ha!!

Pie, I am a believer that we already have everything we need to be happy. No external substances needed

Daisy, good to see you! Please glue yourself to the nest & stick around, you knoow the routine.

Wishing everyone a great AF Thursday!

Lav

[Marylou123]

Good Morning Nesters,

Checking in - life is good. Hope the new bed helps the back Lav. Catching up on 24 hours of posts - very powerful LilB!

I spent most of yesterday thinking it was Thursday so, in addition to the holiday Monday, I'm not sure what day it is!! Doesn't really matter though cuz I know I'm not drinking today. :-)

Have a happy day.

[Starfish1]

Daisy! :hug: Please sit by me!!!! We can do this!