Newbies Nest

[Starfish1]

Hey friends!

Byrdie, what the heck is a bed cake, if I may ask? And how might one get neck deep in such a thing? Sounds interesting, to say the least.

Daisy, I'm with Byrdie. Please, seriously let me know how to help you. You can do this, Daisy! We all know you really want to, because you keep trying (and that's great!). We love you and want you to feel good about yourself. You are a wonderful lady and deserve to have a happy life. Please let us help you.

Karen, I am so sorry your husband has lost his job. I, too, have a family member who is jobless right now. It is tough on everyone. Please take care of YOU. Stay strong through this. I LOVE ABC's advice about taking it 7 minutes at a time. I had never heard that one. I'm gonna try it too.

Well, I will have to apologize that I haven't posted much in the last day or so. It certainly was not because I wasn't thinking about each and every one of you and continuing to work hard on my sobriety.

I may have mentioned (can't remember) that I had an outrageous deadline (task) thrown at me at work yesterday morning. It was really a ridiculous situation, but it turned out okay, in the end. Poor management at the place I work. Very stressful situation, for sure, but THANK GOD, I know better than to drink AT it these days, right? What good would that have done? Honestly, the thought did cross my mind (on my 30 day anniversary, no less), but the thought was only fleeting. I did not allow myself to dwell on it. That option is off the table, as NS says. I really believe those thoughts creep in as sort of a reflex reaction. Old habits die hard, as they say. That habit NEEDED to die. It was a bad one. Good riddance is what I say.

When I got home yesterday afternoon (complete with a migraine headache), we had a power outage, due to an electrical storm and the mobile MWO site (on my phone) was also acting weird. So…I read all the really nice congratulatory posts, served leftovers for dinner, fixed my hot chamomile tea, and headed to bed. Now, how was that for a celebration? I liked it.

Eloise, thanks for asking for my 30 day speech. I am working on it, I promise! I will post it soon. Right now, please know that I am feeling great! I am full of gratitude and hope. I have much more energy and interest in life and in taking better care of myself and others. I am allowing myself to be proud of my accomplishment (30 days). I am also thinking a lot about some potential pitfalls or areas where I need to be careful. The biggest one I see is still being too hard on myself. I am not allowing myself to dwell (too much) on past mistakes, but the biggest fault I have is not being nice to me, still. I guess that will come, with time. As Ava says, Rome was built in a day.

Apologizing for the long post. Love you all!

[Matt M.]

Hey all!
Enjoying some nice fall weather today. 2 of my boys have double header baseball games, so it's already been wheels off.

Daisy if I could make a suggestion, and it's not to ridicule or mock you.
Get a pen and notepad, do a search on mwo for every post you've made. Write down dates that you posted in sequential order, and beside each date write down some of the things you posted then, like feelings you were having at the time or what caused you to relapse. Keep a tally of how many "day 1's" you've had.
I find writing things out and having to relive them, and having it on paper can really be helpful. Yes it's going to be uncomfortable but maybe it will put in perspective the insanity you continue to live....
Just my opinion and I wish you well!

[Guitarista]

Yo Nesters near and not so far.

I think it was a former nester Allan K who used a '15 minute rule'. i.e. when a craving hits, I will not take action/drink for 15 minutes. If I still want a drink after that, then i'll choose either way, but I will sit with the craving for 15 minutes before I drink. Abc mentions waiting 7 minutes, some say 30 minutes before a craving passes.

I am an impulsive person, so in the past when a craving hit, I could easily get tunnel vision and make a B line to booze. I suspect many of us are fairly compulsive/impulsive people, and this is where I know I need to be mindful, and careful. What I have learned to do is PAUSE. Stop and take a step back from a craving/trigger thought, acknowledge it is there, and let it flow by like a cloud. Easy to say I know, but something I'm practicing. Playing the mp4 forward often helps.

My thoughts are especially with you Daisy, Karen, Pauly along with y'all this weekend.

[Byrdlady]

G-man, I have a sticky inside my office drawer with good advice!
S top
O bserve
B reathe
E xperience
R espond

[Byrdlady]

Today's project. People have asked me where I find the time to do this....I find it by not drinking myself stooopid every day!

[available]

Morning nesters

I still remember the night i told my children i had had enough and i was not going to drink anymore, drunk of course, i still remember the next day at 3pm my daughter arrived with a bottle of wine and i still remember how hard it was to say "no". Those two words changed my life. God i looked at that bottle, i thought to myself "why not i can always stop tomorrow" but tomorrow never comes if we let it. Nearly 2 years later my daughter and i laugh about it but it was one of the hardest "no's" i ever had to say. I just wanted to do 7 days which i had not done in over ten years, i wanted my life back and i knew it was only ME that could do that, just like now it is only ME that can decide to drink again. I had my calendar on the wall and marked off each day, each week i dragged my kids to that damn calendar to show them my progress, each page i turned gave me strength to carry on. I wish i kept that calendar! Some days a minute, an hour, a few hours, 1/2 a day was hell to get through but it was always only ME that could do this. I had to switch my al brain to an af brain which i did not know anything about, i had to relearn all my thoughts and actions. I had to take it day by day, if i wanted to live and be af. I came on here like a lunatic, like many others who start out and to me that is a sign of pure dedication to be af. We need accountability, we need reassurance, we need to be told we are doing ok when we feel so very lost and alone in this battle. I look back now and i wonder still how i have lived this long without al, sometimes yes i do miss it, it blocked out so much pain for me but now i try and work through my thoughts, feelings and emotions the best i can. I am a different person to Linda of nearly 2 years ago and it is a good feeling, i am proud of my achievement, i am an alcoholic, always will be and its a part of who i am. It doesnt mean it rules my life anymore, i wont let it.

Star a belated congratulations on 30 days, a whole month without al, a whole new life waiting for you.

Lil, i meant to also say my thoughts have been with you with the loss of your friends husband. Stay strong lovely.

Happy 21 days Mr G. Some beautiful weather for us today, my happiness level goes up 110% when the sun is shining. How sad is it that i am looking forward to washing and cleaning with the music pumping and a smile on my dial.

Have a great day. Life is way too short to drink it away.

[KENSHO]

Struggling a bit here. Checking in to say that I will not drink. At a fancy restaurant and it sounds too good. Darn! Ordered a sprite and on the second already. Only one night in my life, and I promised myself I would make it to birthday with none. It's hard when husband and I did this together. Missing it but staying strong so far. So annoying.

[NoSugar]

Don't let it waste any more of your time, Kensho. Enjoy your food, the nice surroundings, the conversation, and the knowledge that you're doing the right thing and will be so grateful when you awake tomorrow.

Great post, Ava. I hope that all the people who need to really hear what you're saying actually do. xx

[Lizann]

Today's project. People have asked me where I find the time to do this....I find it by not drinking myself stooopid every day!

Byrdie, that is beautiful! You are so talented. I couldn't do that even sober!

[daisy45]

I can't say what I need.....I know I want to get started and succeed. When I get sober my biggest problem is relapsing due to thoughts that I am not that bad. I will feel fit and well and every time convince myself that this time will be different. If there is a tough love or any way of finally getting that message, I am all ears! Give it to me....I can't stick this way of life!
I got through today....went to the wool shop and bought wool and needles to knit myself a poncho.....going to knit my drinking time away......my sober poncho.....took up 5 hours tonight and I smoked less.....

[KENSHO]

Thanks NS. That was hard. I was feeling really anxious during dinner. Supposed to be a fun fondue place with kids. I didn't bring in my wallet. When my 41 yr old, balding husband got carded, I knew I wouldn't - couldn't - order. I consider that divine intervention. I was dangerously close to caving. I am feeling like its hard to remember the things I hate about drinking... At those instances it's tunnel vision; a rosy picture in my mind of how much of a relief it would be to just have some. But 1) I told myself I wouldn't, 2) I told you all I wouldn't, and 3) I would be right back to that place of fighting in my head. I want to stop drinking because I'm tired of wanting, wanting, wanting it... Yet I'm still wanting. I can't believe I threw away my previous quit when I got to a point of very few cravings. BAH!! Tired of this!!!

[TJAF]

Daisy. You've been a member since 2010. Posted over 2000 thoughts. What do you suppose anyone here will write you that hasn't been already said. Tough love isn't the answer, that's just someone else's opinion. Easy to be offended and even easier to ignore. Sobriety comes from within. It requires that we humble ourselves. Admit our worst nightmares. That we are addicted. That we are alcoholics and that we are vulnurable. I have been sober now for over two years and that start began with my complete and total submission to the truth that I was an alcoholic and I just could not drink

[daisy45]

I hear you TJAF.....I was responding to a question asked. I know it has to come from me...I see where I go wrong.....at those times when I cave I actually believe my own thoughts that I can drink; I want to knock that on the head.
Coming back to Newbies I know I am getting it real...others have got it, even after 5 years. I would not keep coming back if I did not believe it was possible. Today I feel ready but want to keep this feeling.

[roxane]

are they your own thoughts daisy?

[daisy45]

Roxanne, not sure what you mean.....at that time, yes, but I assume you are saying they are not, that it is drinking thinking.....in which case, you mean denial?
Then, as I sit now, I can see that is true and I have to get a real acceptance that it will never change unless I change my thinking. I have felt like I got it right so many times only to go back again. I wouldn't call these cravings, but in my case, really convincing myself it will be ok. I am not sure how to put this but I know I want to get it right.
Thanks for that short but thought-provoking reply.....you made me sit up and take notice