Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good Sunday morning Nesters,

Daisy & Kensho, glad you both made it thru yesterday. Learning to ignore those thoughts is vital to our success! No, it's not OK to drink after a period of abstinence despite what the voices are telling us! I finally accepted that truth & the struggle ended. You both can do the same, it's your choice. I really hope both of you make the same decision.

Looks like a nice day ahead after yesterday's soaking rains. Think I'll go out & play in the mud
Have a wonderful AF day everyone!

Lav

[NoSugar]

You've got it, Lav. Thanks for sticking around and reminding us :hug:.

Glad you made it, Kensho. You probably don't let your kids argue with you about stuff you both know is just not going to happen. That strategy works here, too. That part of your brain acts like a whiney baby and you don't have to engage with it.

Daisy, you seem to be waiting for a "rock bottom" that takes the choice out of your hands. I agree with TJ - go back and read your own words about experiences you've had - convince yourself that you are "That bad". In the end, you're the only one who can do that.

Great post, TJ. Thanks.

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!

Believe it or not, it was Lav's tough love that finally helped me. I didnt want to listen to her no nonsense approach, but when I finally did, I got over the rough edges and moved forward....I got unstuck. She said it was only when she stopped bullshitting herself about Al that she was able to let go and start healing. That is what I was doing for all those years....bullshitting myself that I was ok. In the end, it was AL controlling me, not me controlling AL. If I were a normal drinker in any way, it wouldn't bother me to give it up.

Hope evryone has an easy day. Byrdie

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

I was away at a work thing - glad to be checking in again.

TJAF - That post was spot on. When I FINALLY admitted that there was no choice but to quit - I couldn't live the life I want and have alcohol into it - then the choice was automatically off the table. Even though the alcohol is there, drinking it isn't even an option. I might want to chuck it all and go to Italy for six months, I might even dream about it and crave it. But it isn't an option, so I'm not headed to Expedia to buy a ticket. I might want a cold beer after a day on the trail, but it isn't one of my choices. I can think about it and it is there, but it is not a viable option, so I won't be having one. I would also add that the willingness to let go and accept help from anyone and everyone also was key. When Lav told me to find gratitude, I didn't believe her that it would work, but I let go and was willing to listen to sober, successful people.

Kensho - you're with your kids at a fondue restaurant. What part of that says that alcohol is key to enjoyment? Really, if you think about it, it is just habit. You don't need alcohol to enjoy your kids and family, to taste delicious food, to laugh and let go - habit is telling you that scene was fun, always had alcohol in it, and therefore can't be as much fun. Think about what your being sober is ADDING to the evening. You can taste your food, you're present and engaged with your family, you can drive home without a second thought, and you'll wake up with no regrets.

My Friday afternoon reward has become a yoga class. It helps me let go of the week, gives me energy and is making my arms look great. That is a much better reward than a bunch of lazy-making high calorie drinks. I don't just tell myself that any more, I actually feel it. I WANT a yoga class on Fridays. I don't want a drink...

Sorry I missed your 30 day mark, Star - amazing stuff.

Byrdie - out of curiosity, what event is that bed cake for?

Ava - I'm with you.

Happy Sober Sunday,
Pav

[LavenderBlue]

Hi everyone! Sorry I've been gone; my laptop finally started seriously dying on me. The good news is my family wanted to replace it as a belated 1 year gift! <3 I was so blown away, since I'm so behind on loans I haven't been using my saved money for much "fun" stuff. So the last few days have been picking one up and getting it set up, plus work. [Edit: The new one is a desktop, actually.)

Star, congrats on your 30 days, woohoo!

On drinking to "fix" things - something I've learned (slowly!) is that not everything needs to be "fixed!" Things like stress or bad days, it's ok to feel those emotions until they smooth out naturally. It's ok to be a little nervous, or angry, or any other emotion.

In my case, after a year sober, I did need to get back on medication for depression/anxiety so I don't want to sound like a hypocrite here, but that was a decision I could only make after a good chunk of time sober. My doctor and I couldn't know what was just the drinking before that, plus drinking interferes with them anyway. And they aren't the instant "fix" we all thought AL could be, but rather fixing my brain chemicals. I still feel nervous or sad or happy or angry, it's just in a "normal" amount now.

The thing is, even before that. JUST with time sober things got a lot better. Not right away of course, but the more times I handle my emotions sober, the less scary that is and the better I get at it.

Taking AL off the table, and making myself wait through a craving have both also definitely helped me. If I think about how quitting is better for me, sometimes in the moment my craving can still argue that...but if I hold on to that "NO!" I can ignore the rationalizing.

Good luck all, stay close and have a great day!

[KENSHO]

Morning! I am so glad I didn't drink. I noticed multiple times this morning that I was able to be very present and patient with my kids. And I just feel stronger having weathered that storm. Perhaps one of the hardest cravings I've had. Thank you all for being here and for your words. SO helpful

I've finally made some decisions about my own house - excited to make some decor changes. I do this for a living for other people, but have lived with our original "leftover" furniture for 13 years here. Glad to have some updates in my own environment.

LavB, you sound very strong. Thanks for being an inspiration. Pavati, you are right, need to think of these situations as making NEW habits of fun WITOUT the booze. Just not a necessary part of fun.

I appreciate you all!

[Byrdlady]

Byrdie - out of curiosity, what event is that bed cake for?

Happy Sober Sunday,
Pav

Pav, my hubs asked me if I'd ever heard of making a bed, so I did this for him. :haha:

[Starfish1]

Hey nesters!

It has really been a full, action packed weekend for me. I am about to catch my breath, I think.

Kensho, I am so proud of you for sticking with it last night. I KNOW it is not easy.

I was in an uncomfortable spot, myself, last night. My hubs wanted to go out to eat. I have avoided "date night" all month, because I feared temptation. We actually have an unused gift certificate to the best Mexican Restaurant in town, but that was the LAST place I wanted to go. I'm following a low carb diet right now and so chips and salsa were out of the question, as were Margaritas. (That would have been pure torture to have to avoid BOTH of those in one night, so I didn't mention that). I asked him where he wanted to go and he mentioned Outback steakhouse. I agreed, knowing that I could at least get some good steak or grilled salmon and be okay. I do know that they serve alcohol there and of course I was feeling sorry for myself that I would have to drink water. (Too late for caffeinated beverages for me). I was still struggling with temptation, I’ll have to be honest, but, I thought of y’all, and played it all out in my head. The place was very crowded, it was late, service was slow and I was getting more annoyed by the minute, but, once we sat down, I remembered that I had once ordered a nonalcoholic beer there. I decided that I would do that and felt better. It was a special treat. It was really good and I really enjoyed it. Problem solved. I am surely glad I didn’t drink!

Daisy, I really and truly feel for you. This is NOT easy. All the old-timers are telling us over and over again. Take the option off the table. That’s the only way to beat this, Daisy. We ARE that bad. Our “off switches are broken”. The only way out is through, Daisy. We are here for you and will help you in any way we can, but you have to decide that you want to quit and do the hard work. You will not regret it. I promise.

[Guitarista]

Good job Kensho and Starfish!

Powering up here. Kryptonite has left the building. Have a safe sober and magical week all.

[daisy45]

Thanks everybody.....another day done. Out to dinner at my sisters. There was wine but I felt good and enjoyed playing board games with everyone. I am ready to fight for this.
Knitted more tonight....definitely a good thing to take my mind off drinking. I have to concentate on every line of the pattern.

[Starfish1]

Thanks, Gman. You are awesome!

Great attitude, Daisy!

[Marylou123]

Star, Daisy, Kensho -- I am so lucky to be in the nest with you all. Each one of you derseves kudos for making it through trying times this weekend. Way to go!

Star - you, and Pav, and LilB, and all the others that have said "take the option off the table" are absolutely right. Once I admitted to myself that drinking was not an option, that I would never have the joy I so desperately wanted as long as AL was part of my life -- once I took that option off the table -- I felt a burden lift. The cravings became easier to handle - and are almost gone entirely now. I am now a non-drinker, a very happy one too. I can deal with real emotions (including the tough ones like anger, grief, pain) with thoughtfullness. I can respond rather than simply react, rationally. And I have self-respect. Something that was sorely lacking for way too long.

Brydie - clearly you can "make a bed" - that reply made me LOL.

Have a great week everyone.

Hugs - ML

[abcowboy]

Well, since I don't think of alcohol as an option, I don't worry about it being on the table. And I think that's what we all have to keep in mind, and find a better, healthier option...

Had a fantastic weekend and hoping everyone else did the best they could as well!

[Lavande]

Flying in to wish everyone a safe night in the nest!

Congrats to everyone getting thru the weekend AF

Lav

[Pavati]

An old friend posted this on Facebook and it made me think of you Nesties.

"Trying to remember that resisting the pain actually makes it more painful. Slowing down as I turn into something I have been afraid of most of my life ."

I don't know what is going on with her, but I think it can apply to us, too. Stay strong, everyone.