Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Starting a brand new week, looks like fall is in the air! I have to hit the road tomorrow so, so it will be a busy one here. I used to make sure I had a good supply of booze before hitting the road so I wouldn't have to be bothered with finding it once I got to my destination. I would do my evening check in with home early so I would be free to drink myself silly the rest of the evening. Those weren't the days! What a slave I was.

I hope everyone has his/her PLAN in place for the week! I know I do! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[LilBit]

Good Morning, Nesters!
I have to hit the road tomorrow so, so it will be a busy one here. I used to make sure I had a good supply of booze before hitting the road so I wouldn't have to be bothered with finding it once I got to my destination. I would do my evening check in with home early so I would be free to drink myself silly the rest of the evening. Those weren't the days! What a slave I was.

Byrdie, have a great trip. I remember flying to Asia once for a week-long business trip in a remote city. Walking through Duty-Free, it wasn't the nicely packaged perfumes or jewelry that drew my attention. Oh, no, no, no! I made a beeline straight for the vodka aisle. After landing, as I taxied to the remote location, I remembered feeling relieved that I had purchased a bottle large enough to last the week. Unfortunately, upon arrival I discovered that the vodka was infused with pomegranate -- yuk! I abhor pomegranate. But, you'd never have known that from the way I sucked it down as soon as I reached my hotel room every night. 'Tried mixing it with every known substance but nothing made a dent in that flavor. To this day, the smell makes me woozy.

How sweet it is to go through life free of those clumsy crutches! Have a wonderful week, everyone.

[Starfish1]

I always tried my best to have a good supply of booze for my trips too, but it never worked out that way. You see, it seemed I always have to leave on a Sunday, and since no booze was sold on Sunday, I would have to purchase it on Saturday. Well, you know how that went. No matter how much I stocked up, I drank most of it before I left. What a mess! Unbelievable!!:thatswhack:
So glad that's over!

[KENSHO]

Checking in at 21 days. Feelin' good.

[Starfish1]

:bravo: WAY TO GO, Kensho!!! Keep it up, it just keeps getting better!

[KENSHO]

I just had a conversation with a good friend. We don't talk as often as we should, but we are very close. We went to college together, both started business near the same time, in the same field. I have shared a bit here and there with her regarding my drinking issues. We are spending time with them this weekend to celebrate my 40th birthday - (without kids!). Dinner and then spa - maybe some golf. I told her that I wasn't going to drink. Last she knew, I was trying to have "just one glass of wine" with a nice dinner, etc. I told her this spiraled out of control, and that I'm just tired of "wanting it". I asked her if she "wants" or "craves" alcohol ever. We have done our fair share of concerts, camping, work events with booze - and I drank with here in college. She said, "oh no, it would be no problem for me to not drink for 30 days." She said that sometimes after a stressful week, she might say she wants a glass of wine, but that it's not something she longs for or thinks about early in the day.

This was amazing to me. To hear how "normal" drinkers think and feel. She said she was surprised when I had previously mentioned how I couldn't wait to get home at night with that bottle of wine so I could have some. She said she had never felt that way about alcohol. But she drinks. She gets drunk occasionally. But she is not an alcoholic. It was validating.

She was 100% supportive of me not drinking. I just wish I felt like my husband was also on that page. Though he has never been UN-supportive of me not drinking, he wishes I could drink with him. And that makes it hard. I also need to be committed to being AF enough to tell him that I'm done for good. Once that is clear, I think I will be on the road to my future, with full support. I admit that it is hard watching him go to breweries on a Sunday afternoon. I have never sensed that he sneaks alcohol or takes shots before bed or "longs" for it, and he drinks less than I used to. But he definitely likes it - and I need it to be less glamorized in my home.

Anyway, topics for discussion with him this Wednesday. We have that couples therapy scheduled. I'm nervous for that - we have more issues than just my alcohol use to cover, and I suspect it will get more difficult before it gets better. But better to DEAL with it than drink the challenges away. I don't want to do that any more.

[Starfish1]

This is a tough situation, Kensho. I struggle with my husband's lack of understanding too. I don't believe he will ever understand. He still want's me to be able to drink like a normal person. Although he seems supportive of me and is proud that I am not drinking, he does not understand that I can NEVER drink again. I guess he "romanticizes" the thought of having drinks with his wife? I guess he's entitled to that nice thought, but it doesn't work that way, unfortunately. I can never trust that he won't suggest, or invite me to drink with him again. I just have to make the commitment myself. No matter what, no matter who. I hope, one day, he will eventually get the picture. Does anyone else have suggestions?
You are doing great, Kensho!

[Byrdlady]

My hubs still drinks. I never expected him to give it up for me. (altho that WOULD have been nicer/easier for me!) This problem is mine, not his. Even tho he is the one that demanded that I quit abusing AL, I was flabbergasted the time or two he offered me a glass at night! They really DON'T 'get it'. No one who hasn't walked in our shoes will.

After some time (months) I told him that if I ever came to him and told him that I was now capable of moderating, NOT to believe me. I have told him that under no circumstances would it be ok for me to drink! In doing this, I have closed that loophole. I would imagine if I told him there was new stuff going on and that I thought I could try it out and be successful, he would contact one of many folks I communicate with on MWO to check out my story. I'm sure he would be told that there IS NO SUCH miracle cure. I have set myself up to succeed. He IS on board, and while he doesn't understand it, he does accept it (as I do). It hasn't changed any activity we do together and our relationship is stronger than ever. On the occasional nights that he does meet a friend and have a couple beers, I get busy with the 1000's of OTHER things that I CAN do!

Kensho, I'm glad you let your friend know that you wouldn't be drinking this weekend. You may also find that your hubs doesn't think it is as important as you think it is to drink with him. It was amazing at how much truth I found once I got out from behind the veil of AL. Keep up the good work! Sobriety will be the best birthday gift you have ever gotten!

Byrdie

[Quit wining]

Congrats on 21 days Kensho!

I hope your therapy session goes well on Wednesday. So nice to be AL free. And enjoy your upcoming weekend away to celebrate your 40th birthday. What a great gift you're giving yourself, family and friends by not drinking.

Today is day 23 for me Kensho and, as you pointed out, it feels better every day!!

Byrdie, LOL, I used to do the same thing when travelling - check in early with the family so as not to interrupt drinking time! I sure don't miss those days!

Hope everyone has a great AF free day!

QW

[LavenderBlue]

Kensho, I'm glad you let your friend know that you wouldn't be drinking this weekend. You may also find that your hubs doesn't think it is as important as you think it is to drink with him. It was amazing at how much truth I found once I got out from behind the veil of AL. Keep up the good work! Sobriety will be the best birthday gift you have ever gotten!

Another thought, if it helps. I'm sure I wasn't super fun to be around while I was quitting, and was probably still hard to be around while I was finding my sober feet. BUT that didn't last forever - I can hang out, and be fun, and be social without the AL now. Maybe it would help to remember that you won't be stuck viewing sober socializing the same way forever, that with time you can adapt and be every bit as fun as you ever were?

[Starfish1]

Byrdie, Thanks so much!

I HAVE told my husband that I can NEVER drink again. On more than one occasion, I have told him that.

The thing is, besides the fact that he doesn't understand alcoholism, he seems to have a selective memory. He can remember things his mother taught him, as a child, but he sometimes doesn't remember things I told him yesterday.

You have just made me realize that I NEED to take the responsibility upon myself to close the loophole.

I just bet, that in the past, my sneaky AV has kept that loophole open, just in case. NOW, I know the remedy and will fix it. (My AV did NOT want to hear that!) Well, it must be done. No matter what, no matter who. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Byrdie.... And AV GET LOST!

Lav B. Thank you, too. I was not too much fun on our date night Saturday, lamenting the fact that I wasn't going to be able (erm' I mean didn't HAVE) to drink, but, as you say, things will change.

Congrats, QW. Great Stuff. Keep up the great work!

[Eloise]

This is a tough situation, Kensho. I struggle with my husband's lack of understanding too. I don't believe he will ever understand. He still want's me to be able to drink like a normal person. Although he seems supportive of me and is proud that I am not drinking, he does not understand that I can NEVER drink again. I guess he "romanticizes" the thought of having drinks with his wife? I guess he's entitled to that nice thought, but it doesn't work that way, unfortunately. I can never trust that he won't suggest, or invite me to drink with him again. I just have to make the commitment myself. No matter what, no matter who. I hope, one day, he will eventually get the picture. Does anyone else have suggestions?
You are doing great, Kensho!

Well not a suggestion, just an observation.
My husband was like yours in the beginning. Now, almost 16 months later he wouldn't dream of offering me a drink. As a matter of fact, we had lunch at a wine bar yesterday.
I ordered a special soda w/San Pelligrino, mint & lime. He was all enthusiastic about it. I didn't end up drinking it though as it had sugar in it. Now sugar makes me a little sick. Not literally, I just find it gross.
He had 1 beer, was offered a second and refused. Also kind of sickening. I would have had at least 2 wine and would have wanted more.
However, because I do not drink any more he hardly ever drinks anything at home. He has not stopped drinking but cut down a lot. Actually, he was even eating tons of sweets a while back, now he is doing better.

So, patience is my suggestion Star.
With time he might get used to the new you, no he probably will, it is an adjustment for him too.
Try and have a little faith, it will come!

[Guitarista]

Checking in at 21 days. Feelin' good.

Yeaah! :dancin:

[KENSHO]

Happy evening Nesties. I started listening to a book about alcoholism in the car. Very interesting. (I like his British accent!) But I have to say that listening to it at 3 in the afternoon made me want a drink. It was the beginning of the book when he talked about the romanticism - and I, well, romanticized. But then I picked up my kids from school (always makes me smile HUGE), and came home and drank apple juice and ate dinner. No major craving now. This time stopping is harder than the last, I will say that for sure. But I feel like I belong here (thanks NS), and that I have friends here (thanks all of you) and we are all doing this together. Have a good night everyone!

[LilBit]

Great job, Kensho. Three weeks is some serious time under your belt and you fo-sho don't want to mess that up.

Daisy, where'd you go? Still with us?