Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Congrats to Kensho & QW!
You are both doing great, just keep going. Something that helped me out quite a bit in the beginning was realizing that I really didn't care what other people thought about me or my quit. That included my husband!! I had to do what was right for ME, regardless. Thisvis where getting a little selfish is perfectly OK

Greetings to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Quick check in before I hit that road. Congrats on the strings of days, everyone!! Every day you put between you and AL is a win! Keep it going, no matter what and no matter WHO!!!
Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Howdy! Ok Lav... I will "just keep going". And not worry about what anyone thinks. Mostly I just need to tell my husband my intentions - completely. Once I do that, I will care less about what he thinks and says.

This audio book said something I remember.... "Being an alcoholic (or having an alcohol problem) is not your fault, but it is absolutely your responsibility."

Let's take care of this issue. We didn't ask for it, but we have it and it is a cop out not to deal with it.

[Lavande]

Howdy Nesters!

Grateful for another day of beautiful weather despite the hayfever symptoms

Kensho, that's so true. Ignoring a problem, denying that it even exists changes nothing. I imagine we all did that for a good period of time before finding MWO & taking responsibility. I never made any lasting progress quitting drinking or smoking until I adopted the zero tolerance policy. Once I did miracles seemed to just happen all around. By miracles I mean the struggling & self-abuse stopped. I honestly don't know of any other way to find success. It's a fairly simple philosophy that absolutely anyone can adopt.

Have a great AF Tuesday afternoon.
Travel safely Byrdie

Lav

[Dutch1988]

Well I am still here, happy everyone seems to be doing so well on here. It sure is hard to take alcohol off the table forever, I don't really know if I could do that. I like the philosophy of just setting a ridiculous number, like 100 years. That way if I make it, I probably wouldn't even remember to drink if I wanted to haha.

I am stressed about work today. I think I am having a change of heart about my profession. I am tired of teaching the style of martial art that I do. It caters great to kids, and has some good self defense aspects to it, but I just don't think it's as realistic as other styles I have learned. The reason there are so many mcdojos out there and belt factories where a six year old can earn a "black belt" is because there is a market for it. The more realistic and intense the training becomes, the less likely it is that you are going to have a successful business model. There are places that make this work, but they cater to a certain demographic, like an mma gym around here next to a army base and blue collar community. I am not saying that this is an all exclusive rule, but it does seem like that group of people is more into more intense training than a family of four who lives in an upper middle class neighborhood. Maybe I'm over generalizing, and I don't think I know exactly what I want, but I definitely know what I don't want. I don't want to be doing this for the rest of my life. At least not this kid heavy martial arts program I seem to be running.

Has anyone else had a similar experience like this, like after a few months of alcohol free time you feel like you have just settled for the position your in in life? Or maybe I am just too damn greedy and want too much out of life. I definitely would say if I had a deadly sin it would be greed. I want more security, more time to spend wit my family, more money to spend, you get the idea.

[Guitarista]

Hey Dutch. A few years ago when I had 6 months sobriety, I was driving a truck. I sure didn't want to be doing that forever, and with the clarity and self confidence that length of sobriety gave me, I changed jobs. I followed a passion which is working with people as a community worker. It was a rewarding leap to take. After that 6 months sober, I was ready and confident to try something new, and something I wanted to do. I find myself wanting to get to that stage again, a day at a time. Makes sense what you're saying. All the best with whatever you decide.

Day 26 and things are cruising along well.

Safe travels Byrdy. Have a bewdy Nesters.

[LilBit]

Dust off those dreams, Dutch! Life goes by quickly, and ever more so as you get older. I've dreamed of writing fiction all my life. Now, six months sober, after 20 years as a technical/marketing writer I'm making solid progress on a first sci-fi novel manuscript and hope to publish it by year-end. Anything can happen. Re: the greed, there's nothing wrong with wanting things; just don't let the desires become your master.

[Starfish1]

Hey guys,

Just checking in this evening. I am really tired and have had a very stressful day. Lots of major deadlines all at once at work. I am also pushing myself in other areas and feeling drained. I think I will just go rest now. Have a great evening everyone. Thanks for all your support. I definitely would have been drinking today if it weren't for you and this site.

:hug:

[Guitarista]

Wow Lilbit. That is real Cool!

Rest up Starfish and recharge them batteries friend. op:

[NoSugar]

We've probably all heard of PTSD and how awful that is but its opposite exists, too, and might even be more common - post traumatic GROWTH. From what I've read here and experienced myself, recovering from an addiction can be an opportunity to make to your life more of what you want it to be - consistent with your interests, goals, and values. I think the experience makes most of us more compassionate, empathetic, and non-judgmental than we would otherwise be or perhaps were before we developed and recovered from an addiction. There are all sorts of scholarly and mainstream articles on PTG but this is a good summary: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttraumatic_growth.

Take advantage of this sea-change! We sure don't want to go back so we might as well move forward in the best ways we can.

[NoSugar]

Just checking in this evening. I am really tired and have had a very stressful day. Lots of major deadlines all at once at work. I am also pushing myself in other areas and feeling drained. I think I will just go rest now. Have a great evening everyone. Thanks for all your support. I definitely would have been drinking today if it weren't for you and this site
:hug:

Tough days like this when you don't give in make you all the stronger, Star. No one wants bad days but we need them so we can show ourselves that we don't need to drink to make it through them. Then, when you have other days like this in the future, you can look back at this one and have confidence in yourself.

Its amazing how a commitment to the people here can help us through. Maybe we just got so used to letting ourselves down, those promises didn't mean much anymore. After some time AF and learning to like yourself again, you won't want to let that friend down, either :hug:.

[KENSHO]

That's cool that you are writing a book Lil! What is a "novel manuscript"? Is it a shortened outline for the book?

Guitarista, I love to read you made a leap to something you really wanted to do. I bet helping other people IS rewarding (and challenging!). I remember the hardest year I had at school (studies wise), I also volunteered a lot with a charity organization, and that somehow made the semester bearable. My problems seemed so small, and helping others lessened my stress considerably!

NS, I love the idea of considering "what we want our lives to be". There is so much that can't be done while drinking - or done well at least.

I'm feeling a bit "flat" right now - a little bit of the season change maybe? Every year at this time I start to feel a little depressed. Maybe its why I've been craving drinking - far longer than I did during previous quit attempts. By day 30, I barely craved at all. Now, my brain is still going to it often - maybe as a way to raise dopamine and feel better. I think I'm going to research nutrition and dopamine - see if I can't get past this autumn bump. I always tell myself that I know it's coming - and just weather it out. I need to be more regular about exercise too.

Taking my son to karate (he goes to a "belt factory" Dutch, but it helps his stability a little - he's quite clumsy!). We're evaluating whether to keep him in it - because of the "factory" feel. If he doesn't do this, he will have to do something physical. Amazing that he is so against physical activity when my husband and I are really active and like sports and competition... but so be it.

Have a good night All!

[LilBit]

That's cool that you are writing a book Lil! What is a "novel manuscript"? Is it a shortened outline for the book?

Thanks, Kensho. In my usage, a "manuscript" is an unfinished work, which in this case is a novel. I hope and vow to change it to a completed work and put it out there, even if no one on Earth ever reads it.

Funny, I just saw a blurb on the Weather Channel about "Autumn Anxiety." Apparently, it's a "thing" and you're not the only one who experiences it. Good job on being in touch with your feelings and looking for ways to deal with them. I love, love, love Autumn -- it's always near-perfect weather here in San Fran, but I also start feeling a little edgy when November approaches. Good thing it's accompanied by outdoor skating, holidays and Dungeness Crab season to help offset the gloom.

Great article, NS. You find the best stuff.

[kherriot]

Just checking in tonight, not always able to but enjoying the rain, fire going, really full after a big meal. Hubby still not working but a lot of financial stuff sorted out this morning before I went to work and every little step helps him sleep better at night. Rest of payroll tomorrow, good, will keep me busy. Right now things are good, I always appreciate the good days, helps with emotions and "stupid decisions" My favorite time of year is Fall, I love all the colors, the crisp cool air, and no bugs. I do not mind winter at all. Driving in the country is totally different then trying to get around a city Things are good right now, I am afraid to "rock the boat". Hope everyone has a great AF night.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

It's true - we are all reinventing ourselves here, one day at a time!
We have this opportunity & should make the most of it, right?

Lil, writing a book is an awesome thing. Good for you

Dutch, my son-in-law just passed his test & can now teach Krav Maga. He said something about having to take a trip to Israel, ha ha. Whatever, he really enjoys all forms of martial arts. Think about it, you can do anything you like now that you got ridvof the monkey on you back

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav